Title: Fighting Back

Author: Kirke

Ratings: R

This fic takes place after "Gunmen of the Apocalypse", series 6 and contains some spoilers.

It's Lister/Rimmer slash. Slash two men, in love, sometimes even hugging, kissing or… having sex shock, gasp, horror!

WARNING: This particular fic will include some VERY disturbing images. Violence, bad language and abuse is just for starters. I'm not exaggerating. If you like sappiness, fluffy white bunnies or think that Polymorph was an evil creature don't even start reading. I don't want to be flamed 'cos You thought You might handle something that You can't.

Notes: Since English is not my first (or even second) language I apologize for all the mistakes I might make. My beta is on vacation but I desperately wanted to post it. 

Chapter 1

The crew of Starbug (formerly Red Dwarf), consisting of The Last Human Alive, a hard-light hologram and a cat-creature know as Cat sat next to each other, forced to listen to the whole 'we are running out of fuel, out of food, out of ideas' speech once again. The truth it was, none of them really knew how having listen to Kryten repeating the same lines every day could help in their current situation. Briefing finished, random ideas swapped, everyone stood up and went to do their biddings. Everyone except for Lister. He decided that it might be a good moment to check on Rimmer, the normally talkative hologram had spent the last hour staring aimlessly at the wall, acting like the whole thing was none of his concern. While Lister could understand the lack of interest in anything that Kryten had to say, since they all had heard it all before, he knew it wasn't the first or even the second time he had noticed that there was something wrong with Rimmer. He could ignore it and be glad for the lack of constant bickering but, to be honest, he loved annoying Rimmer and what kind of pleasure could bring annoying someone that didn't even seem to notice?

He followed him for a minute and when there were just both of them, he called for Rimmer to stop, took a deep breath and smiled.

"Everything all right, man? For the last few days you've been less present than good taste at Star-Trek convention." His attempt to cheer his bunkmate up had been obviously rejected, as Rimmer just stared at him, his jaw twitching, eyes burning. Lister knew that look from the past, it was aimed at him every time he had done something that in Rimmer's opinion was either disgustingly horrible or horribly disgusting. Any other time he might have enjoy it but not now, he was one hundred percent sure that he hadn't done anything like that recently. If he did surly he would remember.

"Is everything all right? You burned my trunk! And to think of it, for a moment I actually admired you. I trusted you, you lying smeghead" Rimmer spat finally, then turned around rapidly and left, leaving Lister more confused than he was just a minute ago. He couldn't give it any more thoughts as just few seconds later Kryten called everyone into the cockpit announcing, that he had just discovered a moon with a breathable atmosphere. Lister sighed but knowing that at the moment finding water and food was more important that Rimmer's bad mood he strolled behind the hologram, praying that it wasn't just another false alarm.

'The moon with a breathable atmosphere' turned out to be a one gigantic swamp with mosquitoes the size of a small elephant and leaches that could swallow a whole human if they wanted. Bazookoids handy, they found some eatable fruits and vagetables, the always welcome variation from canned beans and powdered cheese. During the few days of exploring, selecting and stocking, Lister couldn't find a minute to speak with Rimmer alone, he did however observed him closely and with growing concern. The hologram, formerly always ready to throw an insulting remark every occasion he got, seemed to shut down completely. He ignored everyone, didn't speak almost at all and if he did he was as eloquent as a praying Amish, his vocabulary reduced to 'no', 'yes' and 'smeg off'. While Kryten and Cat didn't notice (or refused to notice) the difference in Rimmer's demeanor, Lister started to actually feel worried. A nuisance he was, Rimmer was a part of their crew, 'one in trouble all in trouble' and all the sappy rest.

It was a late night (Starbug time) when he and Kryten had finally finished all the work and set Starbug to set off. Lister was sure he could feel every joint and muscle in his body and considering the state of his trousers he had to loose at least few pounds during the last intense days.

He entered the sleeping quarters, stripped his jacket and threw it on the floor. As he was reaching for his shirt he heard a strange noise coming from Rimmer's bunk- something between a whimper and a soft cry followed by a more defiant 'no'. All the weariness forgotten, Lister practically jumped toward the hologram's bed and lean down to check on his crewmate. Rimmer had his eyes shut tight, his right fist clenching and twisting the sheet, while his left arm was frozen few inches above his face, like he was protecting himself from an invisible attacker.

"God, man, wake up!" he shouted, at the same time reaching forward to shake Rimmer. The next few actions took place almost immediately afterwards. Rimmer screamed, his eyes snapping open, sat up sharply and before Lister could react, he had been pushed away with much more force he might have expected from someone that had been asleep only a minute earlier. As Lister fought for balance, Rimmer springed from the bed and stood next to his bunk, breathing heavily.

"Do not ever touch me again, you hear me! Never again!" his voice had a trace of hysteria in it and for a moment Lister thought he's going to push him away again. It didn't happened though, so he considered it as a good sign.

"It's only been a bad dream, Rimmer." He tried to reason with an obviously shaken hologram. "You were dreaming and I woke you up." If he had thought it might calm his bunkmate down, he was proven wrong. The only response he got was a loud gasp, another 'don't touch me' and before he could do anything Rimmer sprinted from the room faster than as if he was being chased by a blood crazed Simulant. Lister blinked once, twice, wondering since when he was the star in a 'Twilight Zone' and after realizing that since six (and few hundreds) years ago, he decided that the best time to act is 'now'. He picked up his jacket, put it on, threw the last, longing look at his bed and followed Rimmer.

It didn't take Lister long to find him. He was sitting few feet from the door, back pressed to the metal wall, knees brought to his chest and propped under his chin. He seemed to be speaking to someone, his lips moving but no words coming out. Lister knelt next to him and gently called his name. He didn't want to startle or touch Rimmer again, the bruise at his arm a painful prove that when necessary, the hologram could be much more violent than anyone could suspect. When he got no response, he leaned closer trying to catch some of the things Rimmer was saying.

"Can you speak up, I can't hear you. What is it? Are you in pain?" Again, there was no response, so he touched Rimmer's shoulder gently. That got him a response he wanted but not the one he expected. Rimmer hadn't moved, hadn't even twitched but his lips froze and he sniveled, almost as if Lister's touch hurt him. Then his lips started to move again, his words still very silent but this time loud enough for Lister to hear them. Rimmer had been repeating 'go away' over and over again, like it was a mantra of some sort, like it made him feel better. Only that one look at the hologram was enough to know that he was as far from 'better' as it gets. His eyes were wide with fear his palms were shaking and if Lister didn't know it was impossible, he would swear that Rimmer's heart was beating so loud he could hear it.

"Listen, man, I'm gonna get Kryten, ok?" he asked, although didn't expect any response. "Just stay here. Be back in a sec." He stopped himself from giving Rimmer a reassuring pat on the shoulder and run towards the cargo room praying that Rimmer didn't decide to wander away in the meantime. The last thing they all needed, consider their wariness, was to chase Rimmer around Starbug, sick, insane or otherwise.

tbc...