Tots
Summary: Napoleon is out of tater tots. Gosh.
Authors' Freakin' Note: Hi. This is written by the infamous me and my sister MLynnBloom… well, not really. This doesn't really have any timeframe in accordance with the movie, just some simple, random day. If you read and review, we'll give you a delicious bass. So sit back, relax, and go find those tots!
It was a cold day. An exceptionally cold day… and Napoleon Dynamite forgot his sweater.The bus reached his stop and he climbed out. The bus driver waited a second before closing the sliding doors and called out sluggishly, "There's no school tomorrow, kid, or for the next two weeks, so don't forget."
"You think I would forget winter break? Gosh!" Napoleon called back. Some people are complete idiots… he thought, and ran all the way home.
-
"Napoleon, I'm going out for the night. Make dinner- and don't forget to feed Tina," Uncle Rico said tying his shoes. Napoleon looked up from his total awesome drawing.
"Why can't you feed Tina? You're going outside anyway," Napoleon said.
"'Cause I said so. Don't forget about dinner by spending all your time on stupid drawings," Uncle Rico retorted and went for the door.
"If they're so stupid, then why do you keep trying to look at them and steal my ideas? Have some freakin' sense."
"When would I ever need to draw a half-eagle-half-crab? You need to get a job," Uncle Rico called and closed the door.
"You need to get a life. Gosh!" Napoleon yelled.
Napoleon got up and stashed his drawing away. The dryer was open in the other room and he pulled out his favorite sweater. He pulled it over his head but it was two times smaller than it was before. He tried pulling it down but it still remained about three inches above his waistline. Doesn't anybody read the labels anymore to check for 'dry-cleaning only'!
His stomach growled and his set out a single plate and fork out on the table. At least he was home alone for the night. Sweet.
He opened the freezer and he scanned all of the boxes. Might as well make dinner… at least for himself anyway. He rummaged around the icebox. No tater tots? That must be a mistake. He checked everywhere, from his pockets to the breadbox… even though he didn't think he put them there anytime before. So he picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, is Pedro there?"
"Yes, this is Pedro."
"This is Napoleon. I need you do something really important for me, okay? And you've got to do it fast before I get too hungry and my stomach starts eating itself."
"Can that really happen?"
"Oh course it can! I read it in a book my super-rich cousin wrote. Now go see if you have any tots."
"Ok………No. We don't have any tater tots… but we do have some hash browns."
"Hash browns are total amateurs up to tots! They're like, distant cousins in the food chain, but they taste like decroded crap!"
"Oh. Well… what are you going to do now?"
"I dunno, get some tots I guess."
"Ok. See you."
"Bye."
Napoleon hung up and got his bike. He counted his change in his left pocket, not his right where his usual supply of tots usually was, and counted about three dollars. That was enough to buy some tater tots he hoped. He wouldn't want to resort to hash browns. Gross.
-
There was no one in the frozen food aisle, probably because it was the middle of winter. He pulled the short sleeves of his sweater down but it was no use. It was permanently shrunken.
He found bags of frozen fries and onion rings but no tots. He looked under the fries and onion rings. Still no tots. He walked to the front of the store.
"I'd like to speak to the manager."
A courtesy clerk girl with pigtails eyed his sweater and smacked her gum, "Why?"
"Just because, gosh."
The girl rolled her eyes and left. Napoleon ran his tongue over his lips. They hurt. Bad. He had left his chapstick at home so he looked around before sliding his hand over to a box of Chapsticks. Quickly, he ran some over his lips and set it back.
The girl came back with the manager. He looked even younger than Kip.
"Can I help you?"
"You seem to be out of tots and as a customer, I'd like to purchase some."
"Tots?"
"Tater tots."
"Oh. Sorry, kid."
"Can't you check in back? I need to buy them."
The manager gave Napoleon a long stare before heading back. A few seconds later, he was back.
"Nope. We're out. Here's a coupon and have a nice day." He held out a small yellow coupon with50 cents off any Dalesfarm Tater Tots written in bold letters.
Napoleon stood there. "When will you get some more?"
"I don't know. Sometime other than today." The manager was tapping his foot as the girl with the pigtails twirled her gum around her finger.
"Then how can I use the coupon if you don't have any?"
"Listen. We don't have any right now. Now are you gonna buy something or what?"
Napoleon threw back the coupon, "Gosh, what kind of store doesn't have tots? Besides, this coupon expired last week."
He ran out of the store and peddled away through the parking lot. He'd never go back there again now. He'd have to ask Pedro to go back there and buy him some chapstick sometime.
-
Exhausted and starving, Napoleon peddled back home. He figured he'd starve to death and then have a worldwide funeral where ligers would be created under his name to stop evil. Then again, there was always more food in the house. Still, he had a major craving for tots.
He looked down at his watch. It was nearly six. He imagined Uncle Rico out somewhere eating dinner. His stomach gurgled louder. Even Pedro was having dinner, whatever people from Mexico eat. Probably some spicy, taco version of tots. Grumble. Even Tina was eating…
Wait a minute… he didn't feed Tina…
"Tina, give me back those freakin' tots, you fat sheep!" Napoleon ran after her as she continued to stand there blankly and chew. In her mouth was a frozen box of the last tater tots in the house. Uncle Rico must have thrown it out to her. Idiot!
He jumped over the fence and Tina bolted into a run. "That's not yours, Tina! Let-go-now!" Napoleon jumped and grabbed onto her backside and she dragged him in circles around the yard. She bucked and left him clutching his stomach in the middle of the field. She stopped and stared at him with big brown eyes.
"Freakin' crap, Tina, I'd so attack you with a liger right now if I had one!"
She continued to chew at the box under she made a clean hole through it. Napoleon staggered up, defeated, and Tina ran off with the box with tater tots trailing behind her.
At holy crappin' last- TOTS!
Napoleon ran over to them (considering the five-second rule) and picked them up. Frozen, yes, but tots are tots.
FIN
"Ok, it's over now… you can go.
"Come on, go. GO.
"Aren't you going to go? …You're reviewing? Does that mean I have to give up a bass for every review you submit? I'm not made out of freakin' bass, you know! GOSH!"