Awareness
Standard Disclaimers Apply
For Aoshi, Kaoru was always just 'Battousai's woman' but then his curiosity is piqued by her defeat of Kamatari and the former Okashira finds himself studying the female kendo instructor…the more he finds out, the more curios he becomes. One-Shot Aoshi/Kaoru.
A/N: This fic is for all those Aoshi/Kaoru lovers out there. There simply isn't enough fics with this pairing around and I thought I should contribute. This is intended as a one-shot, a bit off fluff but not too much. Set in Cannon Universe.
Awareness
He only knew her as Battousai's woman. From time to time he would refer to her as 'Kamiya' because Misao seemed fond of her and he really didn't want to be rude. He always wondered though, what Battousai could see in a girl who seemed quite violent and was, more often than not, a weakness?
At least Misao never got kidnapped and he was never forced to go off and rescue her.
Kamiya was a weakness and she was weak and yet she had managed to beat Kamatari, a member of the Juppon Gatana. That fact in itself managed to present a paradox interesting enough to merit Aoshi Shinomori's consideration.
He began to pay attention and soon found himself thinking of one female kendo instructor who had already gone back to Tokyo with her friends.
It was rather difficult to focus on his meditation when whenever he closed his eyes he would see another pair of blue eyes staring at him, blue eyes that were a darker shade than his ice-blue ones.
Finally, he relented when Misao approached him about going to Tokyo to visit with her friends. It would give him time to study the Kamiya girl and assuage his curiosity as well as give him the opportunity to talk with Himura. Aoshi was aware that he had slipped slightly into madness and it was Himura's words (as well as his sakabatou) that had brought him back to the land of the sane.
It was still a struggle to balance his emotions but at least now, Aoshi had a firmer hold on them and was not in danger of succumbing to the darker thoughts of revenge and power that was still churning around inside his mind.
The war was over, this was Meiji, it was a time of peace.
.
The dojo was slightly shabby but it was obvious that a brave effort was put in keeping it pristine. He was able to hear shouts coming from the building and Misao informed him that it was the usual bickering between Kaoru and Yahiko.
Well, she was violent then? It was unusual for a female, but then again there was Misao who never failed to inflict bodily harm on Okina whenever the old man was getting up to his lecherous ways and terrorizing the young, single women of Kyoto.
Perhaps violence in a woman was not so unusual after all, he mused.
They were herded inside like friends of old duration who had been sorely missed. Aoshi watched as Kaoru bustled over Himura and the others, scolding Yahiko for calling her 'Busu' and for referring to Misao as 'Itachi Musume' and hitting him over the head with her bokken while Misao did her best to inflict the boy with bodily harm using her bare hands.
Aoshi noted that both Kamiya and Misao were giving the boy much pain but holding back as not to damage him permanently.
He heard Himura invite him to a tea ceremony and he agreed. Aoshi could think of no better way to spend the day relaxing. The image of a certain kendo instructor fleeted through his mind and he frowned mentally at the frequency of such an occurrence.
He would have to make sure to find out as many things as he could about Kamiya, perhaps then he would be able to exorcize her image from his mind.
The inquisitive nature of a ninja really was a pain sometimes.
.
"Okaeri nasai Kenshin," Kaoru said with a sweet smile as she extended her hand and welcomed him home.
"Tadaima," Himura had answered, a soft light in his eyes as he gently placed his sword calloused hands in hers.
Aoshi frowned as he looked down at the image of his face reflected by the tea in his cup. Around him they were discussing nonsensical things and he found neither the need nor the desire to participate in their conversation. Instead, he focused internally and mulled over his thoughts.
Himura had talked to him about his relationship with Misao. Misao had grown and perhaps he should think of her more as a woman than the child he had helped to raise at one point. Surreptitiously, Aoshi looked up in time to catch Misao's smile. She had grown and he knew that she would grow up to be a beautiful woman. The paper balloon she had given him as a souvenir from her trip to town was in his room placed reverently among his things.
It was something he would treasure just because Misao had given it to him. She was important to him, he loved her, but he didn't love her in the way she so clearly wanted him to.
Until the day she learned to move on and focus her romantic attentions on someone else, Aoshi planned to continue to act as distant with her as possible without hurting her feelings.
Misao was his daughter, his ward. Just the thought of bedding her…he couldn't even think about such things without blanching. He was not Okina who preferred young girls.
Aoshi had no such pedophilic inclinations.
Granted, Misao was not so much younger than he but still, his mind balked at the thought. If they did somehow managed to force him to marry Misao, Aoshi could just imagine how disastrous the wedding night would be. He would most likely kill himself first before he touched his Misao-chan that way.
It was a good thing he had a naturally pale complexion and his sudden lack of coloring was not so easily noticed.
He realized he had been staring at Misao for a prolonged amount of time and he blinked, averting his eyes quickly before anyone got the wrong idea. Blue eyes collided on blue and Aoshi found himself looking straight into Kamiya's face. She was studying him, although trying not to be too obvious about it. He was used to women looking at him, despite popular opinion he was not oblivious to the fairer sex and the attention he received from them.
It had been rather useful in his days as a ninja, it was easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar after all and women had a lot of information to offer a pretty young man who seemed content to give them his complete attention and listen to them complain about their husbands discussing political matters with their guests instead of paying more attention to them.
The look in Kamiya's eyes was different from the ones he was used to receiving.
There was no coy shyness, no adoration; there was not even the slightest hint of attraction.
No, Kamiya was studying him as if he was a fly that had dived into her teacup and met its demise by drowning.
The thought disturbed him and Aoshi frowned, looking down once again to brood and study his reflection upon the murky depths of his cup of tea.
It seemed all she saw was Himura and she was blind to everything and everyone else.
In that aspect, she was not unlike Misao.
Not that he cared of course.
It was just an observation.
.
She did not know how to cook.
She was rather violent.
She had no wifely skills whatsoever and abhorred doing things around the house.
She had reduced the Hitokiri Battousai into doing laundry.
That last observation, Aoshi didn't really mind. His pride was still a little bruised as to have been beaten by a redhead wearing pink who co-incidentally happened to also be shorter than himself. Never mind that he was the legendary Battousai, Himura looked like a girl in certain lights and although Aoshi would never admit it, his pride was stung more at having been beaten by such a girly-man.
As a salve to his wounded dignity, Aoshi constantly reminded himself that said girly-man was also the Hitokiri Battousai of legends.
Himura would probably forgo his non-killing vow and most likely skewer him, were his thoughts known.
A small smirk twisted Aoshi's lips as he imagined the ferocious Battousai parading around in a white kimono embroidered with Sakura petals at the hem.
The smirk blossomed into a smile as mentally tweaked the image, braiding the red hair and using a peach ribbon to keep it in place. He placed Sanosuke Sagara beside the redhead and grinned at the thought.
"You seem happy."
Aoshi's spin straightened and all traces of humor vanished from his face and eyes as he turned slightly and inclined his head upwards to meet Kamiya's eyes. She smiled at him and sat down a little beside him.
They sat on the porch looking out at the dojo grounds and listening to the silence that filled the night air, like a softly humming melody of peace.
"Thank you."
"What for?" Aoshi asked, without glancing at her. He felt that he wanted to and that was the reason that he didn't. He had no business wanting to look at Kamiya's face.
"For helping to bring Kenshin back home…"
"He's important to you, Himura?"
"Yes," a small rustle of fabric as she moved. "As much as you are important to Misao…"
He didn't answer, he didn't want to. The urge to look at her vanished and Aoshi found himself wanting to stand up and leave. He forced himself to turn and look at her instead. "Misao and I…we will never be as she wants us to be."
Aoshi was startled at his words. He had no idea why he was telling Kamiya things he had kept to himself, things he had not even shared with Okina. His mouth didn't seem to want to listen to his command to shut up and stop talking because it opened and the next thing he knew, he said, "I love her, but not in the way she wants and needs. What of Himura? What will you do if his love for you is the same as mine is for Misao?"
Aoshi wanted to bang his forehead against the wooden floor until he lost consciousness but he refrained from such an undignified act and instead waited it out. From his study, there were two possible outcomes for his unwarranted slip.
First, she would yell at him, magically produce her bokken seemingly out of thin air and bludgeon his head.
Second, she would yell at him, magically produce her bokken seemingly out of thin air and bludgeon his head.
He waited, his eyes watching her for any sign of movement. He had made the decision not to move and to accept his supposed 'punishment'. He had no business asking such a question.
They were not friends.
They were hardly even acquaintances.
Just because he somehow felt that he knew her a little better now didn't mean that Kamiya felt the same way.
He was the one who had spent months obsessing about unraveling the paradox she presented. He doubted if Kamiya had even spared ten seconds thinking about him except along the lines of 'I hope he doesn't kill, maim, hurt…Kenshin…'
"I don't know."
He blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
Kaoru lifted her head and met his eyes. Her own were sad but there were no tears. "I don't know what I'll do…but it's best not to cross that particular bridge until I absolutely have to…"
Evasion, Denial, Avoidance, Elusion…just because she chose to avoid the subject didn't mean the problem would not eventually present itself. It was not a wise choice in dealing with that particular circumstance and Aoshi opened his mouth to inform her…but somehow, no words were forthcoming.
How can he condemn her choice when he himself was avoiding something that was becoming so painfully clear?
He was…interested in her.
He frowned. "Kamiya…"
"Hai?"
"Go to sleep."
This was her house and he had no place ordering her around, Aoshi who was a stickler for decorum knew this and was surprised that he had said such a thing. It was too late now though, the words were already out of his mouth.
She automatically stood up and did as he told her instead of telling him that it was not his right. He was neither her husband nor her lover or guardian or even a friend. To say that he was amazed that she so easily followed his instruction when she was so stubborn when it came to everyone else was a surprise.
Then he noticed that just before she entered the house, she realized what she was doing. He waited for her to flay him alive but instead, she turned back to him and met his gaze. To describe them, they would have looked alike; black hair, blue eyes, pale skin.
But Aoshi's eyes were ice blue and her own blue eyes were sapphire. Aoshi's hair was tinted with cobalt and Kaoru's had a lavender sheen when the lighting hit it just at the right angle.
They stared at each other.
Kaoru opened her mouth and closed it again.
She blinked and sighed.
"Oyasumi nasai Aoshi."
"Oyasumi, Kaoru."
.
Many people saw him and thought different things. The most prominent of these was he was the Okashira of the Oniwabanshu, the former Okashira since Misao seemed to have appointed herself as the new leader. Aoshi didn't mind, it was much easier not to have such a responsibility. He would always move and act with the welfare of the whole group at the forefront of his mind, but the title of leader was just another added weight he did not care to have.
Everyone saw him as the leader even though no one voiced it. None wanted to hurt Misao, although they knew she would gladly accept and actually already thought of Aoshi as the leader once more. Okina had approached him about this but Aoshi had chosen to decline.
Let Misao wear the badge and let our strength support her as she finds herself.
This is the Meiji; she is a child of peace and will lead our ground into the new era.
There were times when Aoshi felt like an ancient relic.
Hanya wore a mask to hide his face so in essence, he was a ghost, a shadow: the perfect spy. There were times when Aoshi wanted to wear a mask to hide his face as well. Hide who he was. Just because he carried responsibility well did not mean that he did not find them to be a burden.
People saw his face and formed their own conclusions…they judged him on his looks, his position, his skill.
Who is Aoshi Shinomori?
He is the former Okashira of the Oniwabanshu.
Who is Aoshi Shinomori?
He is the genius boy, the protégée of Okina who managed to lead the Oniwabanshu even at the tender age of fifteen.
Who is Aoshi Shinomori?
He is the insane traitor who had turned his back on his past all in the name of revenge and the title of the strongest.
Who is Aoshi Shinomori?
He is the ungrateful bastard who wounded and almost killed Okina, the man he owed so much to.
Who is Aoshi Shinomori?
He is the wounded swordsman whose sanity was finally returned.
.
Aoshi stared blankly ahead. He was supposed to be meditating and yet he found his thoughts wandering…all the way back to Tokyo. He was back in Kyoto and it was several weeks since he and Misao had visited but Kaoru was still on his mind.
The last conversation he had with her had plagued him all through the long train ride back to Kyoto and invaded his thoughts even as he tried vainly to reach that plane of consciousness where he was at one with the world.
Instead of assuaging his curiosity, Aoshi found himself eager to know more about Kaoru. Perhaps if she hadn't joined him outside that night…perhaps if she hadn't sought him out before they had left the next morning…
Everyone had been inside sharing breakfast but he had already had his fill and had opted to take a small walk around the perimeter of the compound to try and stretch his legs. His brief conversation with Kaoru last night had unsettled him enough that he hadn't managed to get any restful sleep and he felt rather irritable. He had spent the night plagued with questions he wanted answered and images he wanted explained.
"Aoshi…"
He fought back an irritated sigh. She was exactly the person he did not want to see and yet he also felt strangely glad that she had called out to him.
He turned and waited for her to approach.
He was always impeccable and his eyes, deliberately critical, noted all the flaws in her appearance. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were wrinkled and for goodness sake she was wearing something only a man should.
Intellectually, he knew this and yet he did not really seem to mind.
He glowered mentally and was surprised at the look in her eyes.
"What did I do?" she asked.
Aoshi realized his mental glower had been translated in his face and he was careful to blank out his features until his face had that familiar Noh likeness that was comforting. "Gomen nasai, I was thinking of…other things…"
"I sure hope you weren't thinking of me while you were looking like that!" she said with a grin.
No such luck, Kamiya.
Kaoru sighed and fiddled with the long strands of hair that had managed to escape her ponytail. "Anou…about last night…"
"I should not have said anything."
"Maybe…I'm not sure…I've always thought about it you know, but it's better to cling on to something that just exist in a void."
"It depends on what you are clinging to. I existed for revenge…Himura showed me" in a rather painful way "that there are other things in life I should live for. Not only to avenge my fallen comrades, there were those still alive who needed me, who wanted me to come back."
"Kenshin's like that…I can't even begin to imagine all the things he's done. He's a wonderful person, I only hope he can someday realize just how wonderful he is."
"You love him then, Battousai."
"He is not Battousai. He is Kenshin. Himura Kenshin!"
The temper again, Aoshi clearly saw the spark light up within the depths of her eyes. "Yes, he is Himura Kenshin, but he is also Himura Battousai. The Rurouni, the Hitokiri are both aspects of himself. You cannot just accept the one and ignore the other."
"You don't understand." Kaoru whispered as she took Aoshi's hand. "The Rurouni, the Hitokiri…I don't care. To me, Kenshin is only Kenshin."
Kenshin is only Kenshin.
He should have pulled his hand away from hers. He should have stepped back and left it at that. He should have said 'Aa…' at the very least but he did none of those things. Aoshi was horrified to hear himself asking, "And me? Who am I?"
She looked up at him, as if in surprise.
"When you see me…am I the one who attacked Himura? Do you see me as Misao's crush? What do you see, when you look at me?" He didn't understand but he felt as if her answer to was tantamount to his existence.
She didn't answer for a long time.
He waited.
"I see…I see Aoshi."
Impossibly, he had smiled.
And she had smiled back at him.
.
Aoshiwas brought back from his musings when he heard the rapid footsteps of someone approaching. Judging from the pace and the cadence, it was Misao.
"Aoshi-sama!" she called out even from a distance.
A minute or so later, she was in front of him smiling her bright, sunny smile that always made him want to reach out and ruffle her hair. He refrained from doing so. "What is it Misao?"
He had given express instructions that he was to meditate for a few hours and required peace and silence.
"Aoshi-sama! Telegram for you from Tokyo!"
Aoshi unfolded his body from the Tatami and extended a hand to receive the letter.
"Who's it from?" Misao asked eagerly as she watched him open the envelop and scan the letter's contents.
"A friend."
Dear Aoshi,
Well, as of now, no new enemy has surfaced and we are all living peacefully. Sano still hasn't paid his bills and Tae swears one of these days she's going to turn him away from her restaurant but I know she won't. Sano is weird that way, just like a pesky dog. You really can't bear to kick it and hear it whine! Ha! Maybe I should tell Yahiko to call Sano a dog instead of a chicken? Saito calls Sano a chicken, did I already tell you that? I guess you probably know that already huh?
Kenshin is doing laundry right now and I sent Yahiko to practice his swings. Ayame and Suzume still keep trying to get us to make them those paper cranes you made but even after you sent me instructions, I can't seem to make them. I suppose I'm too clumsy but I'm still trying. You said all i really need is practice right? One of these days I'll get it right, in the meantime…
Aoshi looked up from the telegram when he felt Misao's eyes still on him. "What is it Misao?"
"You seem happy, does the letter bring good news?"
"I suppose," he said as he refolded it and tucked it back into its envelope. He would read it later when he was alone. He had started communicating regularly with Kaoru. It had started when she'd written him to ask how to make those paper cranes he had done for the children.He had sent her instructions and she had responded with a 'thank you' and little stories about what was going on in her life.
Aoshi had wanted to leave it at that and yet he'd found himself telling her about the time Okina had been chased by Misao when she had caught him propositioning a young woman who was a patron of the restaurant. He also told Kaoru about Misao and the young boy who seemed to make it a point to hang around the Aioya whenever she was there.
He told no one of this, preferring to keep this small aspect of his life a secret from the others. He was still curious about Kamiya and was looking forward to dissecting her personality. She was so full of contradictions that his mind constantly worked to explain her actions. There were times he thoughtthe puzzle she presented was just because he wasover-analyzing things.
Perhaps the answer was simple, that she was just too childish and didn't think about the consequences of her acts and the danger she was putting herself in whenever she opened her heart and her home to strangers…and yet whenever he would label her as naïve, she would turn around and say something so simple and yet so profound that he often wondered why he hadn't been the one to think of it.
He was learning more things about her and in the process he was also learning more things about himself.
Aoshi is Aoshi.
Because of her, he was getting to know who he was.
Aoshi followed Misao down the path back to their home. He found that his mind was drifting back to the letter he'd received. Just before he'd folded it, he'd glimpsed the end part where she signed her name.
It read…
Love,
Kaoru
.
A/N: Gomen nasai if it's cliché! To my defense, it's Valentines Day! This is my first fic set in the actual Cannon Universe, how do you like it? Aoshi's a bit OOC but since he's so silent most of the time…I took free reign of his thoughts! Do you like it? Hate it? Please REVIEW!