Okay, okay, I've been lazy on my other fic, I know. I'll try to get to it as soon as I can, but right now, I'm not inspired for it. Anyway, I decided to write a more humorous fic while I'm waiting for my inspiration. This is first season, of course. Usagi doesn't know Mamoru's Tuxedo Kamen, and he doesn't know she's Sailor Moon, they haven't found the princess yet, blah, blah, blah… You get the drift.

Review, people! I heart reviews. Enjoy!

Today was not turning out to be a good day. First, I was late to school (big surprise). Then, Miss Haruna was in one of her ultra-cranky moods so of course I got an hour detention after school. Probably some issue with this week's boyfriend. Why, oh why, does she have to take her anger out on poor little old me? What did I do? Okay… so I'll admit, maybe I'm late every single day of the week and get consecutive D's and F's, but still, I swear she lives to torture me.

You know what I did throughout that entire detention? Nothing! I just sat there and stared blankly at the white board and thought about how much fun it would be if I got a hold on some pretty colored markers and drew across the entire surface. Mind you, I'm not one to complain about doing nothing, but at least give me some entertainment! Normally I'd have something to do—most of my comic books were tucked underneath my books at the bottom of my backpack—but if I got near my backpack, she'd yell at me with another lecture on the impurities of lower-level learning. Really, how is anyone supposed to understand what that meant?

"Usagi-chan, do you understand yet?" Ami was attempting to explain to me. We all met up at the temple for another one of our weekly study sessions, which I was also late for and got yelled at (the second time today so far) by the fire-breathing dragon herself. I squinted my eyes, seeing the way too complicated problems scribbled across the paper. The numbers contrasted against the whiteness of the sheet. I let out a sigh.

"No," I said in defeat.

"All right, we'll go over it again."

This was the third time I had heard that statement in the past twenty minutes. I'll never understand who gave math such a huge importance to life. I mean, honestly, when will I use something like the quadratic formula? Oh no, I'd be saying, I can't find my backpack. I know; I'll use the quadratic formula to find it!

"Usagi-chan? Are you even paying attention to me?" Ami's question caught my attention finally and I snapped out of it. I tried my best to become attentive, instantly sitting upright, but I probably looked as awake as I did every day in class… and half the time I was asleep on my desk.

"Uhhh, sure."

"What was I explaining, then?"

"Uhhhh…" Make something up, something good. "You were explaining… Math!"

That was incredibly lame. Note: Study up on better lies, then learn the quadratic formula. Well, eventually, anyway.

I could hear Rei snort from across the table.

"What are you laughing at, pyro?" I snarled at her.

"You. Odango, you really do fit the stereotypical dumb blonde. You're mind's about as useful as a rock!"

I winced at the name I hated. If anyone knew how to press my buttons in the exact right places, it was Rei.

"I resent that," Minako snapped, turning her attention away from the television, but almost immediately her eyes went back to the screen. It showed some overly dressed pretty boy cry over his girlfriend's death. Of course, Minako's daily soap opera. Yeah, way to defend my honor. Some friend.

"Oooo, that was really mean, Rei! And a bad anole… anolo…"

"Analogy," Ami corrected me quickly. That didn't exactly help my point…

"You know what I meant," I defended myself.

Rei began her annoying laughter-filled tone again and said, "Ha, you can't even pronounce words correctly! Maybe you should go into the Special Ed program. I'm sure you'd fit right in!"

WHAT? That's it, she is so off my Christmas list.

"Will you two calm down already and study? That's what we're here for," Makoto, always the helpful mediator, told us. I had a feeling she was only half involved in our work though, considering her eyes always conveniently strayed away to the soap opera that Minako was watching.

"Fine," Rei huffed, burying herself in a huge book that I would never dare to pick up myself. It looked about a hundred years old and probably without any pictures. What kind of book was that?

"Work on this problem and show me your answer after you've finished," Ami cut in after the room had been quiet for a moment. I sighed and went to work.

Okay… So that number goes in here and that other number… No, wait, that's the wrong one. Or is it? Ugh, WHAT DO THESE DAMN SYMBOLS MEAN? How can you have a plus AND a minus together? … Maybe it's a typo. Yeah, that's it. I can't believe it; even those supposedly all-knowing math people can't do it right.

Ami leaned over my shoulder after a couple minutes and asked, "Finished?"

"Uhh… Sure, right." I handed the paper casually over to her. It had tons of brown eraser marks streaking across the page. At least I tried. Sort of.

She blinked. "… There's nothing on here."

Well, I tried, it doesn't mean I have to actually leave an answer there! Do they expect me to be a genius overnight? I don't. I'd rather be sleeping. In fact, a nice nap sounded amazing right about now…

Luna, who had been curled up in a tight ball in the corner of the room, jumped onto the table with ease. She glanced over at my sad excuse of a homework paper for a second and elongated her high-and-mighty stride across the tabletop.

"Honestly, Usagi-chan, algebra? How could you possibly have trouble with such a thing? It's the easiest course out of all the math subjects," Luna lectured me.

Why is everyone picking on me today? Did I miss some Usagi-hating memo?

"Hmph! I'd like to see you do it, furball!" I yelled back. That should teach her. Cats don't know how to do math.

She once again glanced over at my paper, then said smoothly, "Positive and negative eighty-two, of course."

Ami nodded. "Correct."

"WHAT? How did you do that!" I grabbed the paper and frantically looked the problem over and over, scanning across each number until my brain began to throb. Too many numbers and letters… It should be a crime to put letters in a math problem. I mean, math is math, not English.

She curled up into another one of her nap-ready balls on Ami's lap, shutting her eyes. "It's quite simple, really."

Oh sure, she's allowed to sleep. You'd think there'd be some benefit to having a talking cat, but I'd much rather have one that crawled around the house, ate its meals in absolute silence, and let me pet it every once in awhile. I guess a talking cat in my life is the least of my worries, though, and probably one of the most normal parts out of everything else.

"Well… Whatever. Eighty-two is a dumb answer. I mean, come on, why can't the answer be two? Or three? It has to be a big number like eighty-two. If I weren't the peace-loving, caring Sailor Moon we all know and love, I'd rebel against these horrible math problems."

"Shut up already, Odango! Nobody cares!" Rei shouted from behind her book. Can't she keep her trap shut for two seconds?

"Shut up, baka!" I retorted.

"Make me!"

"I can think of three good ways, and one of them has to do with my foot!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"I would, but your ass is so tight, my foot would probably get stuck!"

Wow, that was a good one. My comebacks are getting better and better by the day. I need to write that one down sometime.

She slammed her hands onto the table, looking completely furious. Her dark eyebrows scrunched together, looking almost like a bent caterpillar.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me!" I said, grinning.

"One of these days, Tsukino, one of these days…" she trailed off, shaking her closed fist at me with her best intimidating face.

"Oooh, now I'm scared. What are you gonna do, throw a piece of paper at me?" I gasped in mock horror. "Oh no, I might get a paper cut!"

I could tell her nerves were getting beyond short by my words, but I couldn't help but push her to the edge. It was too much fun watching her face puff up like an inflating blimp and turn tomato red.

"All right, enough already," Makoto said with a sigh. "It looks like we've all had more than our share of this studying thing for today. What do you say we head for the arcade?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" I squealed at the thought of video games and warm food awaiting me at the arcade.

"Whoever's out last is a fire-breathing idiot!" and I bolted out the door.

"I HEARD THAT!" Rei yelled angrily as she and the rest soon followed.

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Hmm… Nine."

"I'd say four."

"FOUR? Are you blind, woman?"

"The bleached blonde hair lowered my score," Makoto commented casually as she sipped on her vanilla milkshake. She and Minako had been using their own personal Rate-A-Guy game to cure their boredom. I had to admit I'd get sucked into it too.

"Aww, come on, blondes are great. I should know," Minako said, flipping her hair over her shoulder, the strands seeming to sparkle in the mid-day sun. I felt a creeping jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Why did she have to look like that when I could be compared to a dumpling dessert? You are what you eat, I guess.

"I still say four."

"Well, then you're still blind."

We all shared a laugh. Makoto's eyes trailed over to the main counter of the arcade, jutting outward in the corner in one huge bulk, and she questioned casually, "What about Motoki?"

"Motoki?" I repeated. "Hmm, just from looks?"

"Sure, I guess. We've never talked about him before."

Minako put her finger on her chin. "... I'd say seven. He's cute."

"Nine," Makoto stated almost dreamily as her eyes wandered over to Motoki. He wiped his rag steadily across the arcade's slick counter. I took a quick glance in his direction, and he lifted his hand slightly, his gentle smile curving almost unnoticeable dimples in his cheeks. I smiled back, remembering how I used to hang on his every word like a five-year-old girl. Truth is, we're meant to be friends. I'm glad I realized that early.

"Five," Ami added in, which surprised me. She used to call our games shallow, childish even. "I prefer a leaner form."

Minako prodded Ami's side with her elbow and said, "Leaner, huh? You got someone in mind?"

A blush formed on Ami's cheeks. She almost never blushes. Hmm, maybe Minako's right. Then again, she usually is about those things. She is the senshi of love, after all.

"Not particularly."

"I give him a six, only because he's become like a brother to me, and thinking about him like that is really weird," I spoke, quickly taking the pressure off Ami. I know how nosy Minako can be with that stuff, and Ami's not one to share like that.

"Not into incest, eh?" Rei asked, annoying as ever.

"Eww, no! That's gross!" I wrinkled my nose at the thought.

"Nice attitude."

"… Why, are you into it?"

She nearly choked on her drink. Serves her right. "Are you joking? I don't even have any siblings!"

"That has nothing to do with it! I asked if you were into it or not."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but no," she told me, promptly (and rudely, might I add) stealing a fry off my glorious plate of food.

"Oi, that's miiine!" I whined, displaying the cutest pout I could manage. She just rolled her eyes at me. Hum, that usually works. Maybe she has some kind of immunity. Like an anti-cuteness repellent. You never know these days.

"Well," she began, licking the salt from the edges of my once-beautiful french fry. "Want it now?"

"Humph," I grumbled, shoving a part of my hamburger down my throat. Mmm, lovely, lovely food… It always makes me feel better no matter what mood I'm in. I should write it an ode someday.

"Hmm… What about Mamoru?" Minako brought up after thinking for a moment.

I spat out some of my hamburger at the mention of his name, which landed on the table and spattered onto Rei's brand new, fifty-dollar silk dress. "EWWW! You've got to be kidding me! That creep doesn't deserve taking up space in my brain to think about it."

"I never thought I'd say this, but at least try to keep that food in your mouth, baka," Rei commented unhappily, wiping some stray chewn food off herself. I tried my best not to laugh at her.

"He's not that bad, Usagi-chan," Minako said. "In fact, I'd give him a ten. He's a model, you know! You can't honestly tell me you don't find him attractive in the least little bit."

"I find him to be about as attractive as the creature of the Black Lagoon."

"Weren't you dating him?" Rei added.

"Shut up!"

"She's got a point, Usa. He is really hot," Makoto said, supporting Minako's completely untrue statement.

"Yeah, this ditz here is just too idiotic to see that," Rei once again opened her big trap. They're all against me! Can't they see what a major jerk that guy is? Sure, I guess he's good looking, but that's as far as I'm going.

"I am not!" I yelled back at Rei. "I just happen to hate his guts after endless teasing about my hair. He's so mean to me! Can't you guys see that?"

"Actually, I think it's funny," Rei said, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Of course you think it's funny," I grumbled under my breath, and got myself back to the matter at hand. "I don't get how you guys can sit here and tell me that creep is actually a ten!"

"Give us a break, Usagi-chan. The only reason you're saying that is because he teases you sometimes and you take it way too seriously," Rei told me, obviously never having any sympathy for my situation. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they conspired behind my back, formulating Odango-ridden jokes.

I let out a sigh. "Okay… So maybe he's good looking. Big deal. He's a model, he has to be, right?"

I waited for their response. Surprisingly, not one said a word. Before I could ask what was wrong, I noticed their eyes get wider as they looked past me.

"Good looking, huh?" was what I next heard in my ear, a deep voice that I knew all too well by now. My cheeks must've become a million different shades of red at the vibrating sound. Oh God, did he just hear that whole conversation? AND he heard that I called him attractive? Ugh, this is definitely turning out to be a really bad day.

"What's your problem, Mamoru-baka? Don't have a life of your own so you need to eavesdrop on teenage girls and their conversations?" I asked him as a half-turned to look him square in the face. He displayed that infectious, wide grin that he always seemed to have in my presence, the one that would make me faint if he were another person, on a different planet, in an alternate universe.

"If it pertains to me, yes," he said smoothly, looking amused. His dark blue eyes seemed to dance under the fluorescent lights. Don't give in, Usagi, he may be good to look at, but remember the jerk comments. I refuse to let him distract me.

"Since I don't know what that means, I'm just going to say this: Go away now unless you want to be walking funny tomorrow."

He leaned over slightly, bringing the edges of our faces closer together. I could feel his warm breath fanning my skin… What does he think he's doing? I'll just glare at him until he goes away. Work, damnit, WORK!

"Are you threatening me, Odango Atama?" he asked, playing into this whole thinking I'm not serious thing. His attitude really got old sometimes. At least, that's what I told myself, which makes me wonder why I was even bothering to argue.

"No, I'm telling you that I want your babies… Of course I'm threatening you! Baka," I grumbled, sinking into my seat. Maybe he'd take the hint and leave.

"Are you sure you're not already pregnant, Odango? You seem to have a lot more food on your plate than usual," he said, using one finger to prod the side of my waist. "… and you aren't exactly a sight for sore eyes with that extra bulk packing on."

I snapped upward instantly, knees on my seat, fully facing him. This made him hover back a little, surprised by my quick movements.

"EXCUSE ME?" I yelled so loud that the whole arcade could hear, but damnit, I didn't care! How dare he say that!

"I AM NOT FAT, YOU INSENSETIVE BAKA!"

"Calm down, Odango. I was just kidding," he held his hands up in defense, backing up a bit more. Gracefully, he sauntered to the other side of our table. What the hell is he doing?

"Excuse me, ladies, but I have some coffee to attend to. Have a pleasant evening," he stated in a stupid sugar coated way that made me sick to my stomach. Usually I like sugar, but not his kind. His kind made the knots in my stomach clench and made my palms itch to slap him across his poster-boy face.

With a few short strides, the jerk swiftly strolled away and sat at the long counter adjacent to our table, where Motoki was continually wiping down the already-clean surface. Of course my friends were in a daze from his charm. How come he's so nice to them and so mean to me? They didn't even notice what he said! I couldn't believe the nerve he had.

Well, I couldn't take something like that lying down, now could I? So I rose from my seat and stomped up to the counter, angrily plopping onto the seat beside him. He was reading his STUPID paper and sipping on his STUPID coffee and just being plain STUPID.

"You're such a jerk, you know that?" I burst out of nowhere, causing him to jump a bit, as if he hadn't noticed I sat down next to him. What, am I invisible or something?

"Whatever you say, Odango," he said passively, still thinking this was some sort of game.

"I'm serious!"

He turned away from the daily newspaper propped on the counter, his coffee cradled in both of his hands. He raised one of his eyebrows at me. Something tells me they've been waxed before; they looked too even. Stupid-ass pretty boy and his stupid waxed eyebrows…

"What are you talking about? You're never serious."

"Yes, I am!"

"Oh, really?" he asked, grinning. "When?"

"Well… I… err… There've been plenty of times! I just can't think of them right now!" I huffed, crossing my arms defensively.

He scoffed, taking a slow drink of his steaming coffee. Please, oh please let Motoki be a saint and tell me he somehow secretly strew drugs in the liquid. That way my wish of hitting him could be fulfilled and get away with it, no punishment needed. Maybe I might get away with dragging him to some stranded, blazing desert without any clothes on and just a tie in his hand, or a locked briefcase full of water or something. Yeah, the perfect plan…

"You're possibly the least serious person I've ever met in my life. Who truly spends all day whining, blowing off schoolwork, and playing video games at the arcade, then categorizes themselves as serious? I can almost guarantee those pigtails will still be in tact twenty years from now. I suppose you can't be taken too heavily though, you are still in high school."

"Why do you care, anyway?"

He shrugged and set his porcelain mug down. Damn, guess it didn't have any drugs in it. I would've loved Motoki forever if he actually did that.

"I don't, really," he waved me off easily with every intention of going back to his boring newspaper. "Just trying to give some helpful advice. Maybe you're too young to understand."

I clenched my fist. His words echoed my dad's, who never failed to lecture my clumsiness and inability to understand anything too "mature".

"Aww, is poor little Odango getting mad?" his lower lip poked out, forming into a mocking pout. Then it exploded.

"STOP CALLING ME ODANGO, YOU JERK!"

"Okay, Odango," he stated, still grinning. "Look, I'll tell you what, you stay in your own little world, and us grown-ups will go on with our lives in reality. Sound good?"

I gripped my hands so tight that I could almost feel the blood coming from the fingernails I was digging into my skin.

"I hate you," I whispered harshly, just loud enough for him (and no one else) to hear. My face was turned away, unable to express the anger I felt at that very moment with any words that would give the feeling justice.

All I know is, I got out of that damn place as quick as my feet would take me. I don't care if the girls were calling my name over and over as I sprinted out the door.

That's it… that idiot is gonna get his.