Author Notes:
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and encouraged me. This chapter was rather difficult because I wanted to give a lot of exposition without making it mind-numbingly boring. I hope I succeeded at least a little bit.
Fanfictiondotnet does strange things to my files, and I've found places were random words are missing, even though they're in the original file. I've tried to fix all of the problems, butif you see anything wrong, please point it out to me.
ALSO, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to beta-read chapters for me, as that might make me write faster and would certainly improve the quality of the story. Thanks!
CHAPTER NOTES:
- Numabuchi was the escaped criminal who was originally slated to be a test subject for APTX-4869.
- 'the ability to bend the laws of probability' is what KID does in this story
- 'the ability to summon demons' is based off of Akako, who in one chapter of the KID manga starts to summon a demon
- 'Inventor' and 'Discoverer' are both three kanji words that share the same first and last kanji
- Ai received tapes from her mother in volume 42. Conan listens to the first few, realizes that they're birthday messages, and gives them to Ai without listening to them all. Ai listens to the tapes, and when she gets to the 18th one, her expression changes…
- on New Years, it is customary to send postcards to friends and family. If you live close by, it is also acceptable to hand deliver them (which Conan does do in a chapter in the manga).
Miyano
Chapter Three: Bind (mix two)by Kaitou Magician
So, her ability to sense other people's emotions was not a fluke, but a strange, emerging "power."
Ai's face, as she closed the rice paper door, was emotionless, but her mind buzzed with thoughts and questions.
Truthfully, she didn't know what to think. It wasn't that it was unscientific. After all, project 4869's roots had been similarly fantastic, the stuff of science fiction more than science. But even then there had been data. Vermouth's and the other upper echelons' unaging appearance had been carefully documented and observed. And while the source of project 4815 was gone, they still had the trace amounts to work with. That, ultimately, was how project 4869 came about.
There's always data, Ai reminded herself bitterly. It's just that this time you're the test specimen rather then scientist standing behind the one-way glass.
Moreover, Ai was no stranger to unexplainable abilities. She had, after all, spent most of her childhood flinching away from the poisonous feelings members of the organization gave off. The miniature scientist frowned in remembrance. Despite Tochi's claims of this 'power' being a gift, Ai wasn't so sure.
Her ability to sense members of the organization had always been a strange but useful talent, once she got past the pain. When she realized that she could not sense Numabuchi, she had immediately panicked. But, after Tsuburaya was safely recovered and the desperate forest search was over, Ai had reconsidered her fear.
Even though the loss should have increased her paranoia--since now she had no way of telling when one the Them was near--Ai found herself, strangely enough, relaxing a bit. And while seeing Vermouth again had been one of the most terrifying experiences in her life, at least she had been able to think in the other woman's presence, something her ability had always prevented her from being able to do before.
Still, if it had just been her ability to sense Them that had returned, Ai would have accepted it. To feel everyone, though, was a horrible thought. Ai didn't want to deal with the emotions of others. She didn't even want to deal with her own.
Projecting an appearance of utter calm, Ai folded the futon and blankets, trying to fill up the wait. As soon as she had finished, the rice paper doors on the right were flung open and Professor Agasa rushed in.
"Ai-kun," he cried, kneeling at her side, hands fluttering in the air. "Are you alright?"
Ai blinked, surprised at the force of the professor's anxiety. "I'm fine," she answered. The professor sighed in relief, but his anxiety did not abate.
"You have no idea how frightening it was when you collapsed like that. Why didn't you tell me what was going on? You shouldn't try to deal with these things on your own, Ai-kun. I could have helped you, well, I guess, I'm not sure how I could have helped you, but I would have tried," he babbled.
Ai ducked her head, feeling contrite. In truth, she hadn't even thought of telling anyone else what was happening. "I'm sorry for making you worry, Professor," she murmured.
Professor Agasa sighed again. "It's not that, Ai-kun," he explained, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm just relieved that you're all right."
"And lucky," a new voice added.
Ai turned to the doorway to find another monk entering the room. He was far older than Tochi, with a weathered face lined with wrinkles, and much larger, his broad shoulders and barrel chest filling up the doorway. "I am Gouki Fusano, the abbot of Chokoku Temple. I am pleased to make your acquaintance," he greeted in a deep voice.
"Pleased to meet you," Ai echoed. "Why am I lucky?"
"You almost lost your mind last night," Abbot Fusano informed her seriously. "It was lucky that Tochi was able to sense what was happening and we were able to stop your reaction. Otherwise…well, you might not have ever woken up again."
"Then, this power is dangerous?" Ai asked; mind already jumping ahead, forming and discarding implications and consequences.
The abbot nodded. "Without training, it could be disastrous. Luckily, your ability is just awakening and should still be quite weak. Tochi guessed that you only started to sense others about two weeks ago."
"Two weeks ago on Tuesday," Ai confirmed. "We were leaving the grocery store when it flared up for the first time."
"I remember that," Professor Agasa interrupted. "You froze on the sidewalk and wouldn't respond to either Ku--Conan-kun or myself." He gave the young girl a disapproving look. "You told us you were just working through a, err, thought." The lilliputian scientist had told Professor Agasa and Kudo that she had been struck by an inspiration about APTX-4869 and hadn't wanted to lose her train of thought. Unable to stand the professor's now hurt gaze, Ai looked away.
"Well," Abbot Fusano said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "how often have you felt others' emotions?"
Ai shrugged. "Just a few times," she said. "Sometimes, when someone would touch me or feel something very strongly, I'd be able to sense what they were feeling for a moment. But it was never anything like last night." Ai's mind shuddered away from the thought. Last night was not something she wanted to experience ever again.
"That's good news," the abbot assured her, "because that probably means that last night was a fluke. You'll soon learn that outside influences can affect your ability. You could have been reacting to the natural power of the temple or the crowd's strong emotions." He smiled. "Though, you can count yourself lucky that you don't have to worry about astrology or the balance of the five elements."
Professor Asaga started. "Then?"
Abbot Fusano nodded indulgently. "Who do you think created the bracelet that is currently blocking Haibara's powers?" he asked rhetorically. "Magic, abilities, powers are all just words created over the years to define things that cannot be explained, things that most people cannot comprehend. They are imprecise and often overlap. I have seen all kinds of 'magic' or 'spiritual powers' in my life: the ability to bend the laws of probability, the ability to summon demons, the ability to copy others' abilities." The abbot smiled gently. "And that is the real reason you're lucky. Chokoku is probably the only temple in Tokyo that would be able to help you learn how to control your ability, because we have another spontaneous case of what seems to be the same power."
"Tochi?" Ai guessed.
Abbot Fusano nodded. "He has already volunteered to help you master your ability."
"What do you mean by 'spontaneous case'?" Ai questioned.
"Most of what we call 'spiritual powers' or 'mental abilities' are hereditary. If you traced the lineage of someone with such abilities, you would usually find similar cases throughout their family tree. Spontaneous cases are what we label people who develop powers without such an ancestry. They are very rare. You and Tochi are the only two I have ever met. It is a very fortunate coincidence that Tochi is here to help you."
"Who helped Tochi then?" Ai queried.
"No one," Abbot Fusano replied sadly. "By the time Tochi wound up here, his power had taken a terrible toll on him. It was only through dedicated meditation that he was able to bring it under control. Afterwards, he decided to stay at the temple and take vows."
"You said that most of the time these abilities are passed down through families. Then, shouldn't there be families with this ability that would already know everything about it and easily be able to teach how to control it?" Ai asked.
"Unfortunately, it is not so simple," Abbot Fusano said. "Most of the time, families with such abilities are shrine families—families that have tended a shrine for many generations. That is why many such abilities have been labeled 'spiritual powers'. However, in this day and age, such things are not openly discussed, and while I have heard rumors of two families with the ability to read others' emotions, I am afraid that knowledge will not help us much. One of the families was wiped out in a horrible fire sixteen years ago."
"And the other one?" Ai pressed, curious.
The abbot sighed. "That would be the Kyogyuu family. Tochi visited their shrine in Hokkaido this summer and was turned away. Apparently, they are very secretive about their ability and will not teach their techniques to outsiders."
"That's awful," Professor Agasa protested.
"It is not as bad as it could be," Abbot Fusano reasoned. "Tochi has learned how to control the ability on his own and is confident that he can teach you to do the same."
"So," Ai began, still synthesizing everything she had been told, "what you're telling me is that you don't have any information about this ability?"
"We do know a little bit," Abbot Fusano corrected. "Do you remember the first family I mentioned? The one horribly killed in a fire? I was visiting a nearby temple when the tragedy occurred. It was absolutely terrible. The fire spread so quickly no one was able to escape." The abbot shook his head in remembrance. "Afterwards, what survived the fire--which wasn't much--was donated to the surrounding temples. The abbot at the temple I was visiting was an old friend of mine. He gave me a recovered scroll of poetry that had been penned by a member of the family centuries ago. It was in between two poems that I found something interesting."
"What--" Ai stopped herself. There was no point in asking. It wouldn't change anything. She didn't want it to change anything.
"What is it?" Abbot Fusano asked when the silence had stretched too long. At her side, Professor Agasa was giving her a worried look as well.
"What did it say?" Ai finished, not voicing her original question.
The abbot reached into his robes and pulled out a slim roll of parchment. Even though it had been meticulously maintained, it was obvious the scroll was old. The edges of the paper were beginning to curl, and the scroll crackled bitterly when Abbot Fusano gently unrolled it. Both Ai and the professor leaned closer to look at the scroll as the abbot spread it across the tatami mat floor, but the script was in old calligraphy, and Ai could not read it upside down.
"It is a family tree," Abbot Fusano explained. "Paper was scarce in those days and easily damaged. Most likely, something happened to the original family tree, and it had to be transcribed quickly. It lists each family member's name, date of birth, and date of death, if applicable. When I first read the scroll, I noticed something interesting. After many of the early entries, it says 'can read the hearts of others.' In the later entries, this seems to have been shortened to one word: reverberations."
"Reverberations," Ai echoed. "Then, that's the name for this ability?"
The abbot nodded. "It is what we are calling it."
"What is this part?" Professor Agasa asked, pointing to a specific name. "It looks like the kanji for inventor."
"Ah, that says 'discoverer of the infinity of life.' It is a meditation pose," the abbot explained, and Ai forced her unease away. "Tochi has found it the most helpful in learning to control his ability."
"He created the meditation technique?" Professor Agasa questioned.
"Oh, no," Abbot Fusano hastened to assure him, "that technique has been practiced since Shintoism came to Japan. I suppose he was the one to discover how effective the technique was in helping them control their power."
Ai sat back when it became clear that was all the abbot knew about the reverberation ability. There was so little real information, yet, at the same time, almost too many implications for her muddled mind to compute. Ai knew she was beginning to tire again, vestiges of weariness from her earlier collapse creeping back over her. And, in the back of her mind, there was a niggling voice wondering about her mother's tapes…
"Is this all overwhelming for you?" Abbot Fusano asked sympathetically.
"It's just a lot to consider," Ai softly replied.
At that precise moment, the doors to the room slid open again and Tochi came in, bearing a tray of food.
"It's just rice and tea," he apologized, setting the tray down in front of Ai. "I'm afraid that's all the temple has."
"It's fine," Ai assured him, picking up the chopsticks. The abbot noticed her hesitance to eat.
"Go ahead," he urged. "Last night drained you physically as well as mentally. You must eat to build up your strength again." Ai ducked her head, still feeling rude, and took a few self-conscious bites as everyone watched her. "I just finished telling them all we know about the reverberation ability," Abbot Fusano told Tochi.
"It's frustrating, isn't it, knowing so little?" Tochi commiserated. "But I'm confident we'll be able to get your power under control anyway, so you shouldn't worry about it too much."
Ai stopped eating, slowly setting her chopsticks down. There was still one point she wanted to be clear on. "You said that the bracelet is blocking my ability, right?" Ai asked, fiddling with the bracelet and not meeting their eyes.
"Yes," Abbot Fusano confirmed.
"The…spell on the bracelet," Ai called it, for lack of a better term. "How long will it last?"
"Until you take it off," Abbot Fusano answered. "The bracelet acts as anchor for the spell, and as long as it stays whole and on your wrist, the shielding spell cannot be broken."
"I see," Ai said noncommittally.
"Well," Tochi interjected, "last night, we devised a schedule for you. It is vitally important that you learn to control your ability now before your power grows stronger and is harder to control. Excluding last night, have you been experiencing a gradual increase in your ability to read others' emotions since your power was awakened?" Ai nodded, and Tochi looked pleased. "That's actually good news, because it indicates that your ability is still somewhat latent and you have the potential of becoming very powerful. From what I have been able to gather from my experience as well as from the experience of others with different special abilities, powers such as ours stay dormant until there is a catalyst which awakens them, at which point the ability slowly begins to grow in strength."
Ai thought that made sense. Her ability to sense Them had probably been triggered by her involvement in the organization. Knowing when members of the syndicate were around and how dark their souls were had been an extremely helpful survival technique. And, if Ai remembered correctly, her power had increased as she aged, especially after she joined Cell Six and became more active in the organization's activities.
'Active in the organization's activities', Ai thought bitterly. There's a clever euphemism.
Still, it did make sense. And it also explained why her ability to sense them had faded in the past few months. As in a scientific experiment, once the catalyst is removed, the reaction will eventually fade.
"Still," Tochi continued, "it's imperative that last night's disaster never happens again. We've talked with Professor Agasa, and we've decided that's probably best for you to come in for a few hours after school two or three days a week. In between sessions, Master Fusano will give you another bracelet so that you aren't overwhelmed before you gain control of your power. What do you think?" he finished, smiling at her.
Everyone was so hopeful, but…Ai wasn't interested in having strange powers, and she definitely didn't want to do anything related to those two families, because--
No, Ai thought. Don't think about it. Don't even consider it.
But she would have to, if she started these lessons.
You already have far too much going on, she rationalized. Between trying to hide from Them and creating the antidote, you barely have enough time to sleep as it is. You do not need to add magical training to the mix.
"Ai-kun?" Professor Agasa asked, startling Ai out of her reverie.
"Thank you," she said slowly, carefully picking her words, "for your help and your willingness to teach me, but I would rather not."
"Ai-kun--"
"Young lady," Abbot Fusano rumbled, "I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."
"I do," Ai replied quickly, not caring for the moment if she sounded like a child or not. "I'll never take the bracelet off, so there's no need, and…" I don't want mother's tapes to be true.
"Professor Agasa," Tochi appealed, turning towards her guardian. But Professor Agasa was looking at her. Ai could feel the weight of his concerned gaze on her shoulders.
"If Ai-kun has made a decision, I will respect it," Professor Agasa said firmly. "I thank you for all your help. Hopefully, we will meet again in the future." …which was the professor's way of telling her he didn't really approve of her decision, even if he was going to uphold it. And why should he, when it was based off of purely selfish and cowardly reasons?
Running away. Always running away.
Tochi opened his mouth to protest, but the abbot held out a restraining hand. "If that is your decision," Abbot Fusano said, "then I also hope we will meet again. Tochi, lead them to the other visitors." Tochi frowned for a moment before nodding and standing up.
"This way please," he said abruptly, leading them through the door, down the hallway, and into another room.
Ai wanted to say something, knew what it was like to feel as if you were the only one only to find someone who could possibly understand you. She knew how much it hurt when you realized that they never would.
"Haibara," Kudo greeted, the first to notice their entrance. At his salutation, Ayumi, Tsuburaya, and Kojima spun around.
"Ai-chan!" Ayumi shouted, which was all the warning Ai had before she was surrounded by three, worried children demanding to know if she was alright.
"I'm fine, I'm fine" she reassured.
"Staying up late isn't worth collapsing," Kojima declared, and Ai stared at him for a moment before realizing that must be the cover story for her collapse.
"Ah, I think you're right," Ai murmured.
"If Ai-chan was tired, we shouldn't have gone to the temple," Ayumi worried. Ai offered the girl one of her rare, gentle smiles.
"It's not your fault, Ayumi-chan," Ai assured the other girl. "I didn't realize I was so tired, and I wanted to go to the temple with you. If anything, it was my fault for ruining the night." That, of course, only set off a round of denials and another round of queries about her health.
Eventually, Professor Agasa and Mouri were able to herd the children out of the temple and down to the subway station, where the three children subsided into a strained silence which soon consumed the whole group.
Ai, though upset that she had ruined her young friends' New Years, couldn't help taking advantage of it, choosing to look out the window at the darkness rushing past rather than face Kudo's suspicious gaze.
"Um, Haibara-kun?" Tsuburaya hesitantly stammered, breaking the silence as the subway came closer to Beika Station. Ai turned back to find the three children leaning forward, looking fairly serious. "Are you going to come to the Mouri's New Years party tonight?"
Ai opened her mouth to say yes, but hesitated, unsure if she really wanted to. The children had been anticipating the event for weeks, ever since they were invited by Mouri, and had even managed to convince the elder Mouri (with Mouri's help) to let them sleep over afterwards. Ai didn't want to disappoint them, but she wasn't sure if she was up to a party, a situation she found tedious even in the best of times.
Before Ai could decide, Mouri came to her rescue. "Why don't we wait and see?" she suggested kindly. "If Ai feels up it, she should come, but she shouldn't push herself after collapsing like that. Okay?" The three children instantly agreed, and Ai quirked her lips up in a tired smile of thanks.
Soon, the subway pulled into Beika Station, and Ai and Professor Agasa departed, waving good-bye to the others as they continued on to the stop closer to the Mouri Detective Agency.
Ai and Professor Agasa made their way home in silence. The streets on New Years morning were almost empty, bereft of the people at home celebrating with their families. Even though the sun had risen, the morning air was chilly. Ai breathed out, watching her breath condense and melt away in the pale light. At her side, Professor Agasa kept throwing her worried looks, but it wasn't until after they had gotten home and taken off their shoes that he finally spoke.
"Ai-kun," the professor began, and after all this time, Ai still found the strange mix of paternal love and worry in his voice disconcerting. "If you don't want to learn how to use your ability because you simply don't want to, that's fine. But if you refused for any other reason, you should think about it more."
"I already made my choice," Ai protested.
"Ai-kun, you are an adult. I won't try to change your mind," Professor Agasa assured her. "I'd just like it if you thought about why you made your choice."
"It's what I want," Ai asserted firmly. The professor sighed slightly before smiling at her fondly.
"You should get some rest," he suggested. "The party isn't for a few hours; you can decide what you want to do after a nap."
"You could go without me," Ai offered.
"Ai-kun, whether I go to the party or I spend New Years with you, I will be equally happy. Now, I'll go work on those blue lenses. The tint still isn't matching up correctly with the chemicals." With one last smile, the professor headed down to the lab.
Lately, they had been working to create a tagging agent which could be smeared invisibly on a person or object and only seen when viewed through a special pair of lenses. It worked on the same principles as industrial invisible marker chemicals, though their compound would be harmless to the touch. Ai had been trying to create the chemical agent while Professor Agasa was constructing the pair of special glasses.
Ai wandered out of the living room, but instead of heading upstairs, she went to the kitchen. On the kitchen countertop, the New Years' mail had piled up. The small girl climbed up onto one of the high stools and set about organizing it.
It had been a novel experience sending out the New Years postcards. They had sent ones to Ayumi, Tsuburaya, Kojima, and the Mouris as well as to Officer Takagi, Detective Satou, and Inspector Megure. Professor Agasa had insisted on sending one each to Kudo Shinichi and Edogawa Conan for reasons Ai couldn't fathom, in addition to the Kudos in Hawaii and some of the professor's scientist colleagues.
And while it had been a new experience sending the postcards, it had been an even stranger experience receiving them. The Detective Boys had each given her and Professor Agasa cards as had the Mouris. Ai had received one from her second grade teacher, and Professor Agasa had received a few from the Kudos and his colleagues. Ai sorted all of them into neat piles.
It was a strange custom, the blonde girl thought. Sending and receiving the postcards served as a reminder of all the people you had a connection with. Ai supposed that was the whole point of the ritual: renewing old ties. After all, Professor Agasa had received a postcard from a colleague he hadn't talked to in decades, and now they were going to visit the scientist at his home in three days.
Shiho Miyano had been a shadow, a ghost, tied and beholden to no one but her sister. Ai Haibara knew it wasn't a good idea to form bonds with the people around her. The organization was always a specter looming just beyond the horizon, an invisible threat that could appear at any moment. And when it did, paper trails would be followed and ties would be severed--permanently. Ai knew the organization's policy for eliminating targets. She smirked self-deprecatingly. Yes, she knew that particular policy intimately.
Pushing aside her depressing thoughts and the finished piles, Ai attacked Kudo's mail, which Professor Agasa collected every week. There was one from Mouri, one from his parents, one from Heiji Hattori, and a sickeningly large pile from admirers. Ai neatly stacked the first three and then threw the rest of them away. Kudo's ego was large enough as it was.
Just as she was finishing, Ai was struck by a wave of fatigue. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on the cool countertop. She hadn't realized how draining her collapse the night before would be. Right before they left, Tochi had pulled her aside and issued one, last warning, saying that if she ever took off the bracelet, her reaction would be far worse, which, considering how draining this time was, Ai didn't even want to imagine.
But you won't need to, she reminded herself, because you're never taking the bracelet off. You just need to sleep and then you can go back to normal, or at least pretending everything is normal.
Ai stood up and made her way back to the basement lab's door. She'd just tell Professor Agasa she was too tired, and then he could decide whether he wanted to go to the party or not. She opened the door, heavily leaning on the handle, and looked down. She couldn't see the professor--he was most likely behind the stairs at his favorite work bench--but she could hear him cheerfully humming New Years music off-key.
She opened her mouth and thought of all the postcards lying in the kitchen, all the connections and bonds they represented. Personal ties may have been a foreign concept to Ai, but she knew how precious they were. Professor Agasa spent so much of his time cooped up in the house or taking care of her and Kudo and the other children, Ai didn't want to deny him the chance to get together with the other adults.
"Professor," she called out, and the humming stopped. "Be sure to wake me up in four hours for the party." There was a pause.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and Ai could hear the hope in his voice. She smiled slightly.
"Yes," she assured him before closing the door and trudging up the stairs to her bed.
The kind of personal connections represented by the postcards truly were a foreign concept to Shiho Miyano. The closest she had ever come had been a sham.
Ai took off her kimono, folding it over a chair while making a mental note to iron it later. She pretended not to notice the way her hands shook.
This won't be like last time, Ai told herself, as she changed into her pajamas and slipped into bed. But, in her heart, she wondered.