Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters.

Dear Bosco,

Dear Bosco,

There are a million things that I want to tell you. A million things that I want to ask.

Have you ever felt like your sinking? Like everyone is smothering you and you can't breathe?

I have Bosco, I do. Theres times when I think. Do I really want this life? All I do is push people away. Watch them disappear, sometimes die. I feel like I'm everyone's winter. A cold icy breeze that stays around for a while.You put up with it because you have too. Then it goes away.

I got some news today Bosco. I think I'm going to be doing everyone a favour soon. I'm not afraid if your worried about that. I'm not I swear. I can be brave Bosco. I can be strong. I don't need anyone.

Bosco I treated you like shit. I know that now. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I really cared for you and I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise. It was a terrible time Bosco, you were the only one there. Maybe I was using you Bosco. I don't know. You were the only shoulder to cry on.

I can't help what I do Bosco. I'm strong and I won't change for anyone, not even you. But it doesn't make me feel like a better person.

Am I a good person Bosco? Am I really. I don't think I am Bosco. Whenever I get close to someone they disappear. That's why I try to stay away. I should of visted you Bosco. I'm sorry I didn't. I know that you hate me. I would hate me too if I were you. I just didn't know what to say. I suppose sorry wouldn't of really done anything.

I would give anything for it to all change. I would, I swear. You want to know something Bos? I think I may of loved you once. As cheap as it sounds I think I may of loved you. Question is, did you love me? I suppose I don't want an answer for that one. Just forget I ever wrote that.

Lettie was a good person Bosco. She was probably better then me. She didn't deserve to die. She was falling into a black hole. A neverending black hole and I couldn't pull her out. What am I saying? I hardly even tried. It's all my fault Bosco. If I had only helped her. If I had only saved her. But you can't save everyone right?

I'm sorry about Mikey. You were right, I didn't deserve to cry. I'm sorry. It was my fault. I was stupid. I didn't listen. I'm sorry.

I saw you go down for Faith. I watched you. But I wonder Bosco. If I was standing where Faith was standing. Would you have gone down for me? You don't need to answer that one either. You should of seen her Bosco. It was horrible. She was screaming. Crying. I didn't cry. I just watched. For the first time in my life I just watched. I thought you were dead. Everyone thought you were dead. The blood. There was too much blood. And now, I can't help but think that it's on my hands. But your okay now. I don't know what I would of done if you weren't. I think my heart stopped. Just for a moment. The minute Faith pulled back your hand I think it stopped beating. You should of seen her face.

Alot has happened Bosco. Did you hear, I got a new boss. Then I got sent to prison. That bitch Monroe. She actually stood by me when I got. Well, you know. I thought she was being nice but being my usual self I pushed her away. I should of seen it coming. Then the blood test. God Bosco, I don't know what's happening to me. You know how I said I was strong before. That was a lie. I'm afraid Bosco. I'm afraid and I have no one. Well, there's Santiago. He's great. Someone I can talk to. But he's not you. I know your going to throw this in the bin Bos. I don't blame you.

If you ever gave me a second chance Bosco. If. I would try being honest. I swear I would. But do we all get second chances Bosco? I need to find my way back. I used to get away with so much Bosco. Now all I want to do is just get away.

It's just, I just want you to know that I did love you. No matter what it seemed or seems like. I still do.

Maritza Cruz.