Crash and Burn – Omake Epilogue #10
By: Sly Omi and Clever Audrey
Disclaimer: Kishimoto-sama owns Naruto. I am not Kishimoto-sama. Therefore, I do not own Naruto. Easy, ne?
Warnings: OOCness. Itachi-bashing. Randomness.
In which Sasuke accomplishes his life goal
Itachi was sitting on his bed in the inn, lazily tossing shuriken in an effort to pin as many turnips to the wall as possible. He didn't know where the turnips came from, or why, he just amused himself by pinning them to the wall.
He had just completed another perfect throw when Sasuke appeared in the doorway, pointing dramatically at him.
Itachi stopped and blinked. How the hell did his foolish little brother know where he was?
"YOU!" Sasuke growled at him.
Itachi blinked again.
"I have decided!" his brother went on.
Itachi blinked a third time. "And…?"
Sasuke began to pace in the doorway. "I am not coming after you anymore! I do not care! I am going to quit listening to you, and you can't make me!" He stormed out.
Itachi blinked yet again before turning back to his shuriken and turnips.
Sasuke reappeared in the doorway. "And another thing!"
Itachi turned slowly to look at Sasuke.
"They've canceled the color of nail polish that you wear!" He left.
Itachi thought about that for a minute, then picked up his shuriken.
Sasuke stormed in again. "And I've thrown all your spare clothes in the laundry with bleach and neon yellow dye." He left once more.
Itachi's eye twitched slightly.
Sasuke poofed back in. "And I know you're gay. And I gave your naked baby pictures to Kakashi." He strutted out.
Itachi's eye twitched a bit more.
Sasuke waltzed back in, took all the turnips and left.
Itachi blinked again, and fought off disappointment.
Sasuke sashayed in. "Oh, and just so you know, I'm gay too." He turned to go, but paused and smirked. "And I won the drag show."
Itachi glared.
He popped back in. "And I'm dating Naruto."
Itachi was confused.
Sasuke left. Came back. "And lastly: Naruto is prettier than you."
The younger Uchiha skipped out of the room.
Itachi sat, his eyes very wide, staring at the door where his brother had been.
"Naruto's…prettier…than…me?"
His twitching increased slowly to the level of epileptic fits, before his heart decided it had had enough and quit.
From down the hall, Sasuke heard a thud. Curious, he turned back and poked his head into his brother's room once more.
Uchiha Itachi had keeled over, very dead.
Sasuke gaped. "Wait…THAT was all I had to do? Damn…." Then he smirked and walked away, dusting off his hands.
Three weeks later, word reached Konoha that Uchiha Itachi had died suddenly of a heart attack.
"He WHAT?" Naruto yelled as he and Sasuke walked out of Tsunade's office. "Super-evil bad guys don't do that! Do they?"
Sasuke smirked. "Sometimes…."
Naruto eyed him warily. "What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing."
And with that, Sasuke actually grinned, caught up his lover's hand and dragged him back to their apartment.
And they lived happily ever after.
Owarimasu!
AN: Well, that's it. Last epilogue. O.o Really, almost all credit for this one goes to Sly Omi - it was all her idea. I just typed what she said and tweaked it a bit. I hope you've enjoyed these, and thank you all for the reviews! I really do appreciate them. :D Ja maata!