Disclaimer/Author's Note – See Chapter One.

Chapter Twelve – Down Sides & Upshots

The following night, Sara sat in the break room staring blankly into her cup of tea. In her mind, she replayed the previous night's drama out, pointlessly trying to figure out what she could have done differently.

Rationally, she knew that there was nothing she could have done. Lana had been set on her path of destruction long before Sara had even heard her name.

Was it nurture or nature that determined Lana's destiny? Would she have grown up to be a law-abiding, useful member of society had she been raised by two loving parents rather than a father who molested her and a mother who had stood by and let him? What made one product of a violent home become a murderer, while another became a member of law enforcement?

Sara had always claimed to be a believer in the somewhat comfortable notion that some people were just born evil, that ordinary people could not possibly commit such heinous crimes. At the same time, she knew she was just lying to herself. She knew all too well what 'normal' people could be driven to.

Still, Sara sought to convince herself that she could never take the life of another human being, no matter the situation. She remembered her outrage at the killing of a man on an aeroplane, the year she moved to Vegas. More to the point, her outrage at the conversation that had followed the case. Both Warrick and Catherine had claimed, if their lives were in danger (or in Catherine's case, the life of her daughter) they would be prepared to kill. Nick had been unable to answer the question. Sara had been disgusted at the time, insisting 'I don't care what you say. I could never take a life.'

It wasn't until later, when she had gotten home, that she questioned why she had argued so passionately. It was as if she were attempting to dissuade her mind from the other possibility that lurked in the darkness. The so-called 'murder gene'. If genetics determined everything, then maybe the choice had already been taken out of her hands.

She was pondering this again when the sound of a throat clearing drew her attention. She looked up to see Greg standing in the doorway.

'Hey,' he said with a small smile that was an unsuccessful attempt to disguise his concern for her.

'Hey.'

'So, uh… you okay?' he asked.

Sara opened her mouth to say 'fine' and promptly swallowed the falsehood. She wasn't 'fine'. Resolute, she forced her mouth into a smile. 'I'll be okay.'

'Uh… Catherine wants to talk to you,' Greg surprised her by saying. 'She's in Grissom's office.'

Catherine and Grissom were in the midst of an intense conversation when Sara arrived outside the office. Grissom looked worried and unhappy at whatever they were discussing. He also looked tired and by the look of the dark circles beneath his eyes, he hadn't slept a wink since she had saw him last.

Sara felt a pang of guilt. He'd probably been up worrying about her. She had refused his offer of company after last night's events. When he had driven her home, she'd barely looked at him when saying 'goodbye'. She had been afraid of what he might see in her eyes.

They still hadn't noticed her standing by the door so she took a deep breath and stepped into Grissom's inner sanctum. Two pairs of eyes were on her immediately.

'You wanted to see me?'

Catherine granted her a small smile, but Sara noticed that Grissom looked…nervous. That didn't bode well.

'Sara. Have a seat,' Catherine invited her as if it were her own office.

Sitting down, Sara looked back and forth between the two, her own nervousness building.

'Uh… What's this about?'

Catherine, never one to duck out of a confrontation, seemed to start by doing just that. 'Darren and Lucy are doing just fine. Darren's been released from hospital and Lucy should be out tomorrow. The cuts to her neck were shallow.'

Sara knew this wasn't what she'd been called into this meeting to discuss, but she decided to play along for the moment. 'That's good. What about Matt and Karen?' she asked, recalling the couple that had been kidnapped just before Darren and Lucy and who had also escaped.

'They're out of the woods. Karen's injuries are still pretty serious. She'll be in hospital a little while yet. But they're alive.'

Sara had nothing to say to that. Sure. They were alive. But a hell of a lot of other teenagers weren't after crossing paths with Lana and J.D.

'J.D. has pleaded guilty. The DA has decided to try for the death penalty, but he thinks it may end up going to 'life without parole'.'

'Catherine? Why am I really here? You could have told me all this with the others at tonight's briefing.' Sara's nerves were frayed to breaking point and she was no longer willing to play this game.

Catherine looked at Grissom for help. Taking a deep breath, he looked Sara right in the eyes. 'Sara, you did really good work on this case. If it weren't for you, we may not have broken it as soon as we did.'

'We didn't break it soon enough,' Sara replied.

'I'm worried about you Sara. You got in too deep to this case. Took it too… personally,' he went on. 'And I feel…' He stopped, trying to distance himself. Be 'Grissom the boss' rather than whatever he and Sara currently were. He couldn't do it.

Catherine rescued him by taking over. 'We feel that you've been under a tremendous stress lately. I don't think you gave yourself enough time to get over what happened with Jill and it's now taking a toll on your work.'

Sara looked at her, incredulous. 'Grissom just got finished telling me what good work I did, and now you're telling me my work's suffering?'

'You could have gotten yourself killed last night, Sara!' Catherine told her, her emotions breaking through the calm exterior she was presenting. 'You pushed yourself into a situation you weren't trained to handle and it could have blown up in your face. I'm with Grissom on this. I'm worried about you.'

'You needn't be…' Sara started, but Catherine cut her off.

'Sorry, Sara, but it's my job to worry about you now. I'm now directly in charge of your supervision and I think you need to take some time off to get over everything that's happened.'

Sara couldn't believe her ears. 'You're forcing me to take leave.'

'Holiday time,' Catherine corrected her. 'You've got a ridiculous amount of time built up on the books. Use it. Please. Take a week. Preferable two, and wind down. Okay?'

'Catherine, I don't want to take a holiday. I want to work.'

'Well, I'm sorry Sara, but you don't really have a choice in the matter.' At Sara's mutinous expression, Catherine decided to elaborate. 'Cavallo and Ecklie caught wind of last night's events. We managed to convince Cavallo that it was stress related and he agreed that if you took some time off, the matter wouldn't be taken any further. But Ecklie…'

'What about Ecklie?' Sara asked Catherine, her distaste for the soon to be director of the lab ill-concealed.

It was Grissom, however, that replied. 'Ecklie made it clear that, had this happened next week after his promotion had taken effect, you'd be looking at a suspension at the very least.'

'Oh,' was the only word Sara could form.

She had gone home, not even staying for that one shift. She had what was her third shower of the day and lay on the couch, at a complete loss as to what to do now. She was unaccustomed to free time, preferring to fill her life with work and keep busy. Always busy. Leaving no time to think.

Thinking was left to the hours she would spend in bed, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to take her to oblivion. It was rare that she would ever get any more than four hours sleep. She kept her mind buzzing with thoughts of work, attempting to evade the other memories that lurked in the deep recesses of her mind. So, instead of waking up in a cold sweat, shaking and shivering under her blankets at the memory of her fractured childhood, she woke up that same way with the memory of the Kay Sheltons and the Pamela Adlers of this world. It wasn't any better. Not really. But it was how she coped.

She woke up hours later, having not even realised that she had fallen asleep; her dreams merely a continuation of her waking thoughts. At first she wasn't sure what had wakened her, but then someone wrapped gently on her door for a second time.

She opened it just as Grissom was turning to go. He turned back to face her with a warm smile, two steaming take-out cups and a bag of bagels.

'Hey. I was starting to think you were sleeping.'

She smiled at him. 'Me? Sleeping? Nah.'

He held up the bag. 'I brought breakfast. If you're interested?'

She smiled again and nodded. 'I can see that.' Stepping back from the doorway, she allowed him to step past her into the apartment.

He paused as he drew level with her, and dropped a kiss on her forehead. 'How are you doing?'

Sara sighed. 'I'd be better if people would stop treating me like I was dying or something. I'm fine.'

Grissom sat the bag of bagels and the drinks down on the breakfast bar and turned to face her once more. 'Sara, we're just worried about you. I'm worried about you. You took around 15 years off my life last night.'

Despite herself, Sara grinned. 'That's not good. Not at your age.'

Grissom arched an eyebrow at her. 'Good to see you got your sense of humour back. And nice try at changing the subject.'

Sara went to him then and put her arms around his neck. 'I'm sorry I made you worried. And I promise to help put some years back on you again.' She grinned, her implication clear.

Grissom placed a kiss on the tip of her nose and smiled back. 'Okay, I take it back. That wasn't just a nice try. It's an excellent and pretty persuasive attempt at subject changing.' He stooped a little and captured her mouth with his, keeping the kiss light and tender.

Pulling away after a moment, his face had lost all its mirth. 'But I'm afraid we need to stay on topic for the moment.'

With a frustrated sigh, Sara pulled away and moved to the couch, sitting down and giving him a petulant look. 'Gris, I told you. I'm fine.'

Picking up their drinks, he sat on the couch next to her, offering a cup. 'Come on. Drink your tea and talk to me.'

They sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Sara was struggling to put her feelings into words that wouldn't make her sound like a crazy person. Grissom was afraid to push her further, so he simple sat and waited.

Finally, she spoke. 'I over identified,' she told him, looking straight out in front of her. Relieved that she was finally talking, Grissom sat back and let her continue. 'I'm used to identifying with the victims. Kay Shelton. Pamela Adler. Suzanna Kirkwood. They're all still with me. When I close my eyes to sleep… But, Lana. The pain she inflicted. The terror. But I still… I still saw something I could identify with.'

Slowly, Grissom moved his hand to her shoulder and began to rub gently. Sara leaned back into him and he snaked his arm around her, pulling her close.

'Reading what she wrote in her journal, and hearing her mom talk about the abuse and the foster care, it just... brought up issues from my own past, I guess.'

Grissom tipped his head forward and kissed her hair, squeezing her a little tighter. When she said no more, he took a chance. 'Why didn't you tell me you were in foster care?'

Sara said nothing, but Grissom felt her stiffen in his arms. Not wanting to force her into a conversation she wasn't ready for, he waited for a moment. Still she said nothing.

'Sara…?'

'Not now, Grissom,' she said softly.

Grissom sighed. 'It just makes me feel… guilty. Like I've paid so little attention. I know so very little about your past.'

'I don't know that much about you past either,' she replied in the same quiet tone. 'It's something we can work at. Some other time.' Her tone made it clear that there would be no delving into the past this day.

'In your own time, honey,' Grissom told her, laying his cheek against her soft, dark hair. 'I just want you to know that I'm here for you. When ever you want to talk.'

She turned her head slightly and kissed his check, relishing the rough feel of his beard against her lips. This was all still so new, the feel of being so close to him. She half expected to wake up at any moment and discover it was all a dream. But the newness was also filled with possibilities, and Sara decided that now might be the perfect time to re-evaluate her priorities.

'So, I've been thinking,' she told him lightly. 'Taking time off won't be that bad. I can catch up on some reading. Redecorate, maybe. And if a certain someone had time, we might manage to spend some time together…'

Grissom grinned into her hair. 'Well, what if I told you that a certain someone had taken a few days off next week.'

Sara turned her head quickly to look at him, disbelief and awe mixed equally in her eyes. 'You're kidding? You, Gil Grissom, have taken time off?'

'Uh huh.'

'Who are you and what have you done with my workaholic entomologist?'

Grissom laughed. 'I've actually been very pro-active today. After Catherine and I had our meeting with Cavallo, I had one with him in private.'

The hairs on the back of Sara's neck stood on end as she sensed where this was going.

'I told him that Catherine was now your direct supervisor because you and I were, quote romantically involved, end quote.'

Sara suppressed a giggle. 'You didn't.'

'He has a letter to that effect, as do human resources,' Grissom went on, grinning like the cat that got the cream at his own personal development. Six weeks ago, the thought of doing such a thing would have had him running for the nearest bug catalogue to hide behind. 'Cavallo asks that you write a similar letter, relieving the Sheriff's Department of any liability with regards potential sexual harassment litigation. Oh, those were Cavallo's exact words, by the way.'

'You really were pro-active today.'

'I figured I'd better do it before Ecklie takes over the lab next week and makes our lives a living hell,' Grissom admitted. 'So…? Is it okay with you?'

Sara turned around to look at him. 'I think I'm a little more than okay with it.'

She swung her long legs around and straddled him. Wrapping both arms round his neck, she sent butterfly kisses along his throat, making him shiver with anticipation. He groaned appreciatively.

She locked eyes with him for the briefest of moments, before touching her lips to his. Light, almost non-existent kisses tormented him before her pulled her tighter, intensifying the kiss. Her soft lips were a pleasure he had long denied himself and could not - would not do so any longer. With something akin to reverence, his tongue explored the outer reaches of her mouth, before delving further. When their tongues met, Grissom experience a feeling in the pit of his stomach he had not had in a long time.

Excitement. Exhilaration. Completion.

When Grissom's hands ran up her spine and into her hair, Sara felt like she was freefalling without a parachute. And yet, she couldn't remember the last time she felt this safe. Lightening her kisses once more, she worked her way around to Grissom's ear, loving each and every involuntary groan and shiver she caused in him.

'Sara Sidle,' he whispered huskily into her hair. 'Are you trying to seduce me?'

She leaned back and smiled wantonly at him. 'That all depends. Is it working?'

Looking deep into her chocolate eyes, he smiled. 'Most definitely.'

THE END

A/N – Many, many thanks to all the wonderful people who took the time to read and review this and the previous two stories in the series. Words cannot express my gratitude for your support. Much love to you all.