Cloud Nine DVD Release Bonus Features

Alternate Ending I

"Lifestream…" Cloud squinted at the gathering brightness. It began to take shape.

"Cloud, what is going on?" said Yuffie. "This isn't the materia at all."

"No, it would appear not," said Cloud.

The light went from a bright, shapeless jumble to a more concrete spheroid, and from there it elongated and began to look more and more humanoid.

"That's…" Cloud began, but he trailed off. He couldn't help but stare as the light's shape morphed into something more and more feminine. The rumbling sound subsided, replaced by what might have been some strings running up and down an arpeggio.

Then, the figure in front of Cloud turned color. The lime faded to dark green and then to black as the form hardened into what was most definitely a woman. She drifted up to the altar where Cloud stood, while Yuffie looked on in shock.

"Cloud, I thought you said this was supposed to be A.E.R.O.S.," she pleaded.

"It is," said Cloud as he took the woman in his arms and planted the world's wettest kiss on her lips.

"That doesn't look like any materia to me," said Yuffie.

"Shut up," said Cloud when he finally had to come up for air.

"But you're kissing someone," pouted Yuffie. "That's just not right."

"This girl just came back to life," said Cloud. "This is all I can do to welcome her back."

"I didn't realize you were into dating coworkers," said Yuffie.

"What?" Cloud pulled back for a glance at the face with which he had been getting up close and personal. "You're…"

"Hi, Cloud," the woman said. "Glad you remember me."

"Jesse?" Cloud cocked his head to one side. "Eh, close enough."

"Close enough? What do – hmmff!" Jesse's sentence ended as Cloud kissed her again, just as soundly as before.

"Geez, louise!" said Yuffie. "Someone get me a barf bag."

XXX

Alternate Ending II

"Lifestream…" said Cloud. "It is."

"Cloud, what's going on? Where is my materia?"

"Patience, Yuffie," said Cloud. "This is all very unexpected."

"True," said Yuffie. "I kinda thought you were a doofus right from the start for thinking this would work."

"Well, behold!" Cloud reached out his arms to the gathering light like a conductor managing his orchestra through a fortissimo passage. "We have Lifestream. That's something."

"It's not materia," said Yuffie. "Though I have to admit it's cooler than it could have been. I thought…"

Bang! Just as the rumbling stopped, someone kicked down the front door of the church. In stepped three people wearing suits and ties and carrying guns.

"I'm telling you, it's forbidden to enter here," said Reno. "If you get us in trouble again, we're just going to have to start leaving you behind."

"Do shut up," said Elena. "Look, we found them. It's Cloud and that ninja brat. Permission to fire at will?"

"No," said Reno. "No need to be hasty. Let's see what's going on with that Lifestream disturbance first."

"Oh, phooey," said Elena.

"Pretty colors," said Rude, whose i-Pod prevented him from hearing any of the conversation.

"Oh, gawd," said Yuffie. "It's the Turks."

"Yeah, I figured that out already," said Cloud. "What are they doing here, though?"

"We've come for revenge," said Elena. "You two, stand to one side and let us see what's going on here. We can't have any funny business, can we?"

Cloud threw his hands up nonchalantly. "It's a little too late for that, isn't it?"

"No matter," said Elena. "You're coming with us."

"How do you guys even still have jobs?" said Yuffie. "I meant to ask you that back at the Gold Saucer, but I forgot."

"Never mind that," said Elena. "Don't think too hard, or I'll shoot you here and now."

"Sorry I asked," said Yuffie.

"Look," said Rude, pointing to the figure forming in the middle of the room. "Am I going crazy here, or is that…"
Elena turned. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Tseng!" She dropped her gun and ran as quickly as she could over to the altar. "Tseng, oh Tseng! You're alive. I thought I'd lost you forever."

Tseng coughed. "Huh? Sephiroth?"

"No, silly," said Elena. "It's me, that cute new recruit."

"You know, the one who's had the hots for your for years now," added Reno.

Elena stuck her tongue out. "Leave me and Tseng alone. We have catching up to do."

With that, she jumped into Tseng's arms and threw her own arms around his neck. "Wanna start now?"

But as she leaned her head in to kiss Tseng's cheek, he dropped her. With a thud, Elena hit the floor.

"Tseng, darling? What was that for?"

"I just came back to life, and all you can think about is playing kissy face? Where is Sephiroth?"

"He's been dead for some time," said Cloud.

"You, shut up," said Elena. "Tseng, dearie, Sephiroth has been dead for some time. We're just mopping up these fellows, and then the two of us can go on a well deserved vacation. Think about it. Just me and you, on a tropical beach. I'll wear my special bikini, and I can serve you pina colada's from cute little glasses with umbrellas in them, and then we can snuggle up on a beach towel and watch the stars come out. Won't it be precious?"

"Urk," said Yuffie, who by this point was leaning over the edge of the hole in the floor.

XXX

Alternate Ending III

"Lifestream…" said Cloud. "It's working!"

"Working?" said Yuffie. "I don't see any materia anywhere. If no materia appears, then Cloud, you got some 'splainin' to do."

The rumbling noise had already nearly faded, and in its place, Cloud and Yuffie could hear some light, melodic chiming. The prettier the music got, the more solid the strands of Lifestream became. Within a couple of minutes, it solidified into something vaguely humanoid.

"Cloud, you weren't here to get A.E.R.O.S.," said Yuffie. "You were here to revive Aeris! Look!"

Cloud smiled devilishly as the outline of his favorite flower girl formed over the chasm and floated toward the altar. He then frowned when he saw something else. Something else, and it look like him.

"Cloud?" said Yuffie. "There are two of you."

"There can't be," said Cloud. "I'm not dead."

"Seriously," said Yuffie. "But don't be too bummed. You've still got me, remember?"

"Yeah, uh, wait," said Cloud. "That's not me. And what do you mean by that?"

"Look, the other you is kissing Aeris!"

This sight horrified Cloud. "That's… Zack!"

"Correct," said Zack. "How have you been? I see you escaped Shinra okay. Me, I hooked up with an old flame here in the afterlife."

"You two… were lovers?"

"Are lovers," said Aeris. "Aren't we, Zacky-poo?"

"Zacky-poo?" said Yuffie. "Cloud, if I ever catch you calling me anything like that, I will slit your throat in the night and throw your body to the jackals."

"Sheesh," said Cloud, "I wasn't planning on it."

"Well," said Aeris, "now that Zacky-poo and I are back from the dead, and you guys seem to be doing the same as always, why don't we catch a bit to eat?"

"Ooh, let's go to Burger Heaven!" said Yuffie. "I've got a craving for their Mega-Deluxe Materiaburger."

"Please," said Aeris and Zack in unison, "don't say heaven."