Chapter 4 A Different Sort of Word
Harry Potter has never been a patient person, and he couldn't have been asked to be in a situation such as this one. Not that anyone knew what was going to happen, giving Harry the profound feeling that he was a part of a secret joy.
He did not seek out Remus again after the library, preferring to stay in the room he shared with Ron to think. He had been just looking out the window for hours, enjoying the light breeze that came through. For the first time in weeks, he noticed that it was a beautiful day.
Harry wasn't sure himself about all the things he said in the library, and what he was expecting to happen because it seemed as if all those feelings were coming from a part of him he didn't recognize. He tried to sort it out, making the best of it that he could as he looked out the window.
He knew that when Sirius died, his life seemed much less than it had been. He knew that part had left him forever. He knew he wanted nothing more than to feel whole again, to know again the love that he had previously thought was lost forever.
And when the world seemed bleaker than it ever had, he discovered that life never really takes anything away. That's when he discovered Remus and Tonks, and that's when he discovered he wasn't the only one who needed something to believe in.
It made a sense to him that he didn't think he could explain to anyone else. Something is lost only to be found again. Everything changes, yet more than ever it stays the same. And he finds that love is everywhere you look, and more than ever, everyone needs to look. Then he finds them, and he finds something to believe in again.
Nothing had ever been simpler in Harry Potter's life.
As he began to smile brazenly to himself, he heard a call from downstairs.
"Dinner!" Molly's unmistakable voice called from downstairs. Harry stood, walking toward the door. This was also the first time in weeks that he didn't dread a meal.
Leaping through the door out of his room (the energy in him seemed limitless now), he accidentally crashed into the passerby outside his bedroom.
"Harry, Harry, I'm so sorry!" he heard from his painful position on the floor. He slowly opened his eyes to find Tonks shaking his limbs. He groaned as Tonks gave his right leg a particularly hard yank.
She let go. "Sorry! I didn't mean for it to hurt, I just wanted to make sure everything was in working order..." Harry would've rather she hadn't, but he just shook his head (and trying not to wince at the pain) and gave her his most convincing smile.
"I'm fine really," he said, starting to get up. "And that was my fault, I wasn't looking--"
She didn't seem to be listening though, but looking at the things scattered on the floor and gave a heavy sigh. Among the things, Harry spotted a toothbrush, a set of robes and some slippers.
"Tonks?"
She turned to him, and seemed to have just discovered he was there. "Oh, sorry, Harry," she said, turning away from him again, "I'm just such a mess."
Harry rigorously shook his head, No, and started to pick up her things. "What are all these things for, Tonks?" She gave him an appreciative smile and slowly stood up.
"I'll have to stay over at Grimmauld for a few nights because of an assignment. Just thought I'd bring a few things from home and get comfy."
Harry handed her an armful of her belongings, which she took gratefully. "You sure you're okay?" He was about to respond, but she continued talking. "Things have just been so... hectic lately, and my grace has really suffered. More than before, if you'd believe it," she finished, giving him a sour smile.
Harry didn't know what to say, and just nodded a bit.
"Thanks, Harry," she said, starting to walk away. "You're a lifesaver!"
She was almost to the stairs to the upper landing when he called out to her, his voice croaking a bit, to his embarrassment.
She turned, looking at him expectantly, and shifting the weight of her load.
He wasn't sure what he wanted to tell her, but finally said, "Things will get better."
She smiled, "Never knew you to be such an optimist."
He smiled back, genuinely. "Actually, I have it on good authority."
She stared at him as if trying to figure out what he was getting at. After a moment, she just laughed and nodded to herself, calling out "Thanks" again as her footsteps faded up the stairs.
To his disappointment, Remus seemed to be acting as he normally did during dinner. It didn't seem that he had confronted Tonks yet. Harry grew worried, as he laid in the dark thinking about dinner. He could hear Ron snoring from his bed.
He truly hoped Remus hadn't lost the courage to talk to Tonks. Throughout dinner, Harry had almost wanted to kick Remus in the shin for holding back. Tonks, oblivious as always, didn't notice the urging glares that Harry was sending Remus. The two continued their light conversations and clandestine smiles, Remus mostly ignoring Harry.
However, as Harry grumpily left from dinner, Remus had muttered to him, "It's worth the wait," and winked. Harry, who had been surprised, looked at him, but Remus had already gone back to clearing the table.
Harry speculated it must've been two in the morning, yet he was still wide-awake and restless. The whole room seemed to vibrate, from the stark moonlight, from Ron's snores. Sighing, he got up slowly, putting his glasses on. He decided to go for a glass of water in the kitchen because he certainly wasn't accomplishing anything in bed.
Opening the creaky door slowly, he made his way soundlessly downstairs. As he approached it, he was surprised to hear voices and see light coming from the kitchen. He almost jumped from surprise when he heard a loud clanging coming from it.
Quietly, he peeked into the lit room. He held his breath when he saw that Remus and Tonks standing by the stove. An old teakettle lay on the floor, steaming water pooling around it. Tonks was crouched on the ground, trying desperately to mop up the water with a kitchen towel, all the while apologizing profusely. Remus, who was crouched too, telling her it was okay and begging her to stop cleaning finally took hold of her hands.
"Tonks," he said gently, "It's okay." Tonks back was to Harry, so he couldn't see her expression, but could see that she eventually nodded, and slowly got up and seated herself at the kitchen table.
"Sorry," she whispered again at Remus. He smiled, and muttered a drying charm, as he picked up the fallen kettle. "I've pulverized any chance of tea," she continued glumly, looking at Remus.
Remus brought the kettle over the table, taking a seat opposite Tonks. "Actually," he said with a grin, "I believe there's still enough here for two cups." He poured it into their waiting cups and set the kettle to the side.
Remus said something that Harry didn't quite catch, and Tonks laughed, her entire body shaking, as it did when she laughed. She quieted and a silence fell over the room. They sipped their respective teas distractedly. Each waited for the other to say something, not to fill the silence, but to fill their hearts. This was the silence that accompanied their every encounter, every exchange, and every look.
It was clear to Harry that they had been here for a while, and this wasn't the first time they had been here like this. Their easy laughter and lingering glances enlivened the morbidity of Number 12. They filled the kitchen with a different warmth than the offending teakettle had.
He felt that sense of embarrassment again, the sense he was seeing something he wasn't supposed to be seeing. He started to turn away and head back to his room, but he couldn't bring himself too. He found that he was uncontrollably drawn to the two figures in the kitchen. So he stayed, quietly by the doorway, hoping for a glimpse of Merlin-knows-what.
The silence lasted a few more minutes. Harry felt the desire to tap his foot impatiently when Remus cleared his throat.
Remus was playing nervously with the handle of his teacup and Harry had never seen his former professor display such uncertainty.
"Tonks," he started, "I…"
"Yes?" she said softly, leaning forward eagerly.
"Well, I…" Remus swallowed hard. "You see, this past year has been… difficult."
Tonks nodded, her full attention on Remus.
"I mean… with everything going on," he continued, with a sort of bolstered confidence, "It's enough to destroy a man's spirit. The War… Sirius… sometimes, it feels that there's nothing left for me."
"Oh, Remus," Tonks exclaimed, quickly covering his hands with hers, "That's not true."
Remus smiled, and squeezed her hands. "Well… getting to that." He absentmindedly started rubbing his thumbs over Tonks' hands, and Harry could tell Tonks noticed because she began blushing furiously.
"This past year… I don't know how I could've survived without… you." Tonks stared at him, unblinking. "Not in the sense of survival," he continued, "But in being able to get out of bed every morning just knowing… you're there."
"Remus, I—" she started to say, breathlessly, but Remus stopped her.
"Just a second—I need to tell you before you say anything." A sort of urgency that wasn't present before came into Remus' voice. "I don't even know when it started. When everything became different. And you… you're like a dream I never allowed myself to have. I know you probably don't feel the same way, and I don't want you to if you don't," Remus reached the point of babbling, "But I need you to know. Tonks, I—"
Spastically, Tonks moved her elbow and her teacup crashed loudly on the floor. She jumped in surprise, retracting her hands from Remus'.
"Oh, shit," she shouted. "Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry if I ruined the moment if there was a moment, but please, please, finish what you were say—"
And unexpectedly, to the surprise of the other occupant of the room, and the non-occupant, Remus walked over to Tonks and pressed his lips against hers. Tonks, whose eyes were wide open in shock, slowly closed them, and brought her hands to Remus' face.
Harry's hand was clasped over his mouth as he turned away from the kissing couple. Behind his hand, he was grinning wildly.
The two finally separated. Remus looked sheepish, and Tonks dazed.
A moment of silence followed, before Tonks, tremblingly, said, "What… you were saying?"
Remus brought his forehead down to touch Tonks lightly. "I love you," he said softly.
"Oh," she responded, "Yeah, that's what I thought you were saying." She broke out into a huge grin. "If it had taken you any longer, Lupin, I think I would've killed someone."
Harry, still grinning, hurried back up the stairs and could still hear the fading laughter from the kitchen. He quickly opened his bedroom door, and got into bed. Laughing quietly, Harry turned to his side and closed his eyes.
Things were going to be okay.
FIN
AN: I considered doing the Harry/Tonks part when I first wrote this chapter, but for some reason, deviated from it. It's been bothering me for a month now how it doesn't exist, so I revised the chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it :)