Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling, and I don't write Mary-Sues. Basically, I own nothing found here.
It was yet another ordinary Monday morning at Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were having breakfast in the Great Hall when suddenly, an extremely beautiful girl with long, shining blonde hair and eyes that were continually changing color walked in. She spotted Harry and made straight for the Gryffindor table. Ron zoned out staring at her.
"Like, hi, Harry!" she said in a scarily Valley-Girl-ish voice. She smiled, showing blindingly white teeth, and tossed her hair. "My name is, like, Phoenix Alagdhewen Destynia Dumbledore, but you can call me Phoenix for short! I'm, like, Dumbledore's granddaughter and I'm a, like, transfer student from America, and I just got placed in 6th year Gryffindor classes because I'm, like, soooo smart, you know? Professor McGonagall said that I'm even smarter than, like, Hermione!" The girl looked witheringly at poor Hermione. "And I'm the heir of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, AND Ravenclaw, but not Slytherin, because he's, like, icky," Phoenix finished.
Harry stared at her uncomprehendingly. It was WAY too early in the morning for him to digest anything she was saying. Meanwhile, Ron was still staring at Phoenix, making a low gurgling noise.
Phoenix blathered on for a bit more about how perfect she was, getting death glares from Hermione the entire time. When she used the words "colour" or "realise", you could almost hear the gratuitous English spelling.
"Well, I'll, like, see you in Divination, Harry!" chirped Phoenix. She hadn't eaten anything no big surprise, seeing as she had carelessly let the Size 1 tag outside the tank top she wore under her robes. She left the Great Hall, much to the chagrin of most of the boys.
"Harry," Ron said eventually, "do you remember her mentioning if she had veela blood?"
"Oh, no," moaned Ron as he and Harry entered the Potions dungeon. He pointed to the list of ingredients already on the board. Indignant comments and muttered swears were heard from the students around them. "He's making us review our old skills! Look, we've got to do that stupid Draught Of Peace again."
"Why?"
Blink. Blink. Blank stare. "Because he's evil?"
"Meh...Seems about right."
At that moment, Professor Snape entered the dungeon, the class becoming quiet instantly. He sneered at them all in general for a few seconds, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. He opened it, and suddenly all the malice was gone from his expression. Smiling genially, he turned to the class. "Class, this is Miss Dumbledore, our new student. She is extremely intelligent " he broke off, now grinning evilly and rubbing his palms together "and will make me famed across the world for producing such a brilliant student...heh heh heh..."
Phoenix smiled, showing her perfectly straight, blindingly white teeth, and shoved herself into a space next to Harry of course.
"Oh, didn't you know, Harry?" she asked, noting his surprise. "I'm in, like, all of your classes! Isn't that, like, totally awesome?" Flutter eyelashes. Giggle.
Harry groaned. It was going to be a long day...
By Wednesday, Harry's life had become a living hell. Phoenix was continually flirting with Harry and hanging on his arm. Well, he did rather like being admired and all for once, but it had gotten really old, really fast. Additionally, the girl's incredibly annoying, incessant chatter in an American accent, even worse was giving Harry a huge headache. This was particularly bad, because Harry found it hard to concentrate on his ever-increasing load of homework. Setting his job goal of being an Auror meant that Harry had to suffer through two more years of Snape's classes. Of course, Phoenix had offered to help him with her amazing knowledge, but that was the last thing he wanted.
In fact, Harry found sympathy in the most unexpected of places - from his worst enemy. That morning, while passing in the halls, Malfoy beckoned to Harry just as he'd managed to lose Phoenix in the crowd. Just great, Harry thought. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
"Right, Potter," snapped Malfoy with the usual amount of malice in his voice. "Is that scary girl gone yet?' He glanced around nervously, but Phoenix was nowhere to be seen.
"Out with it, Malfoy, what do you want?" Harry replied wearily.
"Well..." Malfoy fidgeted. "Look, you and I are hardly great pals" Harry snorted "but, well, her…you know who I mean…she's more ill luck than anyone could deserve. I pity you...almost."
Harry stared at him in shock at this display of any emotion other than sneering scorn. He hadn't thought it physically possible for his nemesis to feel sympathy. Malfoy, red-faced, took this opportunity to slip off to his next class.
"Oh, and this doesn't mean I like you, Potter!" Malfoy spat over his shoulder. Harry nodded. Things, in one aspect at least, were somewhat normal.
Hogwarts' bells chimed half past midnight. A dark figure slipped into the library, keeping to the shadows. It went straight for a small bookshelf that had certainly not been there that morning. The shade pulled a book off the shelf and leafed through, finally stopping and reading intently.
As the figure turned to leave, it knocked over a chair with a loud bang. Filch, having been prowling outside, appeared in a matter of seconds, screaming, "YOU THERE, STOP! STUDENT OUT OF BED! STUDENT..."
However, neither the bookshelf nor the person was anywhere to be seen.
A/N: All right, I can't be arrogant enough to say I did this without help. Millikov came up with the name "Alagdhewen" according to the Barrow-Downs generator, Elvish for "Mary-Sue". I've probably stolen countless more ideas from people, but I'll try to credit you. I promise; this will not just be a repeated "I Wanna Be A Mary-Sue" set in a different fandom. As I plan it, there will be only two or three chapters. I've learned that I have absolutely no patience for writing long stories mostly in the continuity struggles as my writing style changes.
Please no flames. If you just write, "u suk go 2 hel", then a) I won't value your opinion too much, because your own writing skills are pretty much crap, and b) I can't really improve on my writing with that as an example, now can I? I need all the help I can get, so feel free to tell me when I'm doing stuff badly.
Some semblance of a plot will be revealed in the next chapter. Joy. Please review!