Title: Sight of Souls
Author: Angel Leviathan
Spoilers: Anything, everything.
Disclaimer: PGSM, characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.
Notes: Set toward the end of PGSM.
They're the same and they're different.
Aino Minako has known this, watched them since before they awakened, but she has known it with the memories of a lifetime they have only been told about. She has re-lived it, she has dreamt it, she has woken screaming with the nightmares from it. Her kingdom falling around her, her Princess entangling herself in a web she knows she cannot free herself from, and, in most respects, knows she shouldn't. She knows she is truly Venus, yet somehow she is now Aino Minako as well. The girl and the senshi are one, though she is more Venus than she ever was Minako.
She knows that Usagi remembers the past. But when she thinks of it, she will forever see Endymion, dead at her feet. Usagi will remember the scream that ripped from her throat, the blazing pain in her heart as mind numbing grief flooded her senses.
Her Princess won't remember the battle and the sheer helplessness that Minako does.
She sees more and more of Serenity in Usagi as the days go on. At first, she thought her a mere child, a baby lost in a world she couldn't comprehend. Her Princess was brave, beautiful and of a noble spirit, forever the lady. The clumsy girl Usagi could never be her. But she was. And she could be. Minako would have said that Usagi was beautiful, without question, but she may have spoken more of her soul than anything else. Appearance was now of no real consequence, as her years as an idol had taught her. But as Usagi learns to control the crystal in her heart, she sees her bravery, her desperation to protect those around her, even if it is only from herself. She knows she wishes to be the Serenity she was known as, yet fears the same fate. Usagi doesn't want to disappoint. But she'll die trying to achieve whatever she throws her heart into. And she still loves Endymion, even if he is no longer the prince she remembers.
Minako supposes that Ami is the one that has changed the most since her rebirth. Mercury was always shy, always the brightest of them all, but she was never so self depreciating. She sometimes wishes she could reassure her, tell of her past bravery and that she could be so much more if she could let herself be loved by everybody, not just by those who have to force their way into her heart to stop her from running away. Then again, that would mean she too would have to step into their lives more, and knowing her time is short, she doesn't wish to inflict herself on them. She thinks of Mercury and self deprecation when she should realise she is more often guilty of the trait than Ami. Minako knows Ami treasures the memories and times with her friends, if only because she is still afraid they will melt into nothing and she will be alone again. The Mercury of the past never looked back, was still ultimately the shy one of the group, but she was devoted and knew that, were their roles reversed, Serenity, and her senshi team, would be just as devoted to her.
Jupiter, Minako muses, is still somewhat of an enigma. Before her awakening, she knew she was a rather angry young woman, alone in the world, abandoned and trying to make her own way. She doesn't remember her own parents, but knows that Makoto remembers the pain of her parent's deaths. The Jupiter of the Silver Millennium had no such fear of being alone to hold her back. She loved without question, perhaps took her duty a little too seriously, but always had a ready smile and quick wit. Even then, dressed in ball gowns and senshi uniform, she was always the tomboy. She was scorned for it back then, now it is considered nothing out of the ordinary. If it wasn't for her strength, of body and of mind. Minako knows that, even in her senshi form, she wouldn't win a fight against an enraged Makoto. It saddens her to think that this Jupiter will let the past life rule her life, but then, isn't that what she herself is doing? Escaping into the past to find excuses for the future. Makoto deserves to be loved and not be constantly expecting to have it ripped from her. Minako ignores that thought in regard to herself.
Mars. Mars is more herself than any of the others, yet it is she who refuses to acknowledge her past self. Rei is as Mars always was, fiercely loyal, heart closely guarded, all too passionate about everything and nothing. Perhaps that is what irks Minako most of all. The Mars she remembers loved her with the same passion and devotion. This Mars can barely stand to have a conversation with her. She has shed tears over it, silently, when she has known nobody could see her, not even Artemis. She has despaired and raged over the fact that the love of her life is, by all standards, somebody else, yet she is entirely the same. The Mars of the past was her partner in more than just leading the guardians of Serenity. They would have screaming arguments, heated rows that left them both fuming and hating the other, but they would always return to each other. She wonders if this Mars would care if she just dropped dead. Minako knows full well that she would care, otherwise she wouldn't insist on her having the operation so much. But she has more reason to think that Rei hates her and yes, more reason to suspect that Rei believes she hates her too. She knows she would never dare have the conversations, say such demeaning things, lie about herself so much to any of the other senshi. Even her Princess. Sometimes she wishes Rei remembered all that she does, other times she is glad she doesn't. At least this way she doesn't know all that she has lost.
She suspects that Rei knows more than she lets on, remembers more than the others, but will never tell. And she will never ask, so she is no closer to the truth than before.
Minako supposes they have studied her as she has studied them. But she knows who they were and more of who they are now than they will ever know of her. They might have vague recollections of Venus, of battles, of smiles and laughter, but they will never know the full story.
And she is thankful for that much, for it would mean she would have some explaining to do.
She would have to love them as much as she did in the past and show them that she does just as much now.
But she can't and she won't.
Because she isn't afraid of death.
She's afraid of saying goodbye.
Fin