Calvin was sitting in his room with Hobbes and reading comic books.

"Have you ever noticed that superheroes usually only do the same thing each time they appear?" Calvin asked. "All they ever do is stop some power mad supervillain from taking over the world! They need to do something different. I mean, it must get boring."

"Yeah!" Hobbes agreed. "The heroes could write to the editor and request new plots. If they refuse, the editors get fried and killed."

"Hmm, I think I see the problem."

They heard Dad walk in the front door. "I did it!" he said excitedly.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other and ran downstairs. They nearly bumped into Dad.

"You finally got us a Big Screen TV with surround sound and a DVD Player?" Calvin asked excitedly.

"Of course not," Dad said. "I signed up to be in the triathlon!"

Calvin's face fell. "What's so great about that?"

"Calvin, this is no ordinary triathlon," Dad said. "This is the Mona Kona Ironman Triathlon in Hawaii!"

Calvin's eyes swelled up with excitement once again. "Hawaii?" he cried. "That's even better than a big screen! The hotels have them! When do we leave?"

"Your mother and I are going," Dad said. "You're staying here with Rosalyn for the week."

Calvin paused until he burst out yelling, "AAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHH!"

"Actually, dear," Mom said, "Calvin's going to have to come. Rosalyn said she'd rather watch after a rabid wolverine than baby-sit Calvin again."

Dad leaned over and whispered to her, "Dear, this is supposed to be our alone time. Can't we triple pay her?"

"Then we won't be able to pay for the plane tickets. Besides, I'll keep Calvin in the hotel room. It won't be so bad."

Calvin grinned at the stuffed tiger sitting next to him. "Look out, Hawaii! Here come Calvin and Hobbes!" he yelled. He ran upstairs to pack.

"Somehow, I think we should send Hawaii a notice," Dad sighed.

Up in their room, Calvin had packed everything they'd need into his bag. "Lucky for you, don't have to ride it this time. I'm gonna let you see the sights on this plane trip."

Hobbes jumped up from the bed and hugged him. "Bless you!"

"Okay, you're hugging me while I'm packing my Captain Maim comic books," he said. Hobbes released him. "Besides, we need to prepare the triathlon."

"What do you mean?"

Calvin put his fingers in his ears as he said, "I signed up for the triathlon."

"WHHHHAAAATTT?" Hobbes hollered. "Why would you enter something like that? You hate sports! This is going to involve running, swimming, and, worst of all, bike riding."

Calvin cringed. "I know." He hated riding a bike. "But it won't be a killer bike. My bike is the only one on the planet who'll do that, thank goodness. Besides, do you know what the prize is? A symbolic key to the islands."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that for a whole week the winner could go anywhere and do anything on the islands—for free! It's almost as good as getting a wish from a genie, except then I could wish all girls to Siberia. Still, this is the next best thing—and I know just what I'll do when I win!"

"How do you plan to train?" Hobbes asked.

"Who said anything about training?" Calvin scoffed. "How tough can a triathlon be? If my dad can do it, anyone with half a muscle can do it."

Hobbes looked at Calvin's scrawny body. "Yeah, you must have half a muscle in there somewhere."

"Shut up," Calvin grunted.

As the week before the trip progressed, Dad trained and worked hard, while Calvin simply watched television and read comics. Of course, he was wise to not tell his parents that he had entered.

Soon, they were off the plane in Hawaii and in the hotel around eight at night.

"Thank goodness!" Calvin said. He jumped onto the bed. "For a minute there, I was afraid we were going to camp out on the beach."

"I hate hotels," Dad grumped. "They're too—"

"Oh, come off it," Calvin said. "We have unlimited room service because you're in the triathlon, we have cable TV, we have a beautiful view of the beach and we're in perfectly soft beds. What could be bad about this place?"

Dad, defeated, collapsed on the bed.

"See you in the morning, dear," Mom said, and she went to the bathroom.

Calvin turned to Hobbes. "What say we get a good night's sleep for the triathlon tomorrow?" he said.

"Agreed," Hobbes said.

They got into bed and turned out the light. A few minutes later, after Mom and Dad were asleep, they got up again.

"I'm bored. Wanna go to the pool?" Calvin asked.

"Sure, why not?" Hobbes said.

They put on their swimsuits, put some extra pillows and suitcases under their sheets and went swimming for about an hour. It was lucky for them that they didn't need adult supervision, and they had to leave when the pool closed. Luckily, they fell right to sleep when they got back in bed.

The next morning, everyone in the state was at the starting line for the triathlon. Dad was wearing his uniform with his number penciled on his leg. Calvin had on his own outfit and had his number, but made sure no one noticed it.

"Good luck, dear," Mom said, kissing him.

Calvin rolled his eyes and carefully snuck through the crowd with Hobbes. He stood at the starting line. No one noticed them.

"Well, good luck," Hobbes said, shaking his friend's hand. "And it's been nice knowing you." He started to leave.

Calvin grabbed his tail. "You're coming, Hobbes."

"What do you mean, 'I'm coming'?"

"I mean that you're going to run and swim and bike ride and get sweaty. Here's your sweatband."

Hobbes took it, but not willingly. "You expect me to run? I'm roasting as it is already in this fur coat."

"Well, that'll teach you that tigers aren't flawless in Hawaii. Come on, Hobbes! I need your help on this one!"

"Fine, fine," Hobbes said. "But if I even break a sweat, you're buying me tuna."

"We'll have all the tuna you want after we win the key to the islands, buddy."

Soon, everyone was in line.

"Calvin, where are you?" Mom called out.

"On your marks, get set, go!" a man shouted.

Everyone poured out of the starting line and down the road.

About an hour of running, Dad was fighting to stay in the race. His lungs and legs ached. His feet slammed down on the ground as if they were bricks against the roadway. Still, he managed a smile as a short runner with someone orange right next to him rumbled past him, leaving a trail of sweat.

"That little fireplug seems to have sprung a lead," Dad joked to himself. Then he looked again. "Hey!" he cried. "That's no fireplug. That was my kid! Calvin, what are you doing in the race?"

"Trying to survive it, what else?" Calvin called as he and Hobbes ran off down the road and disappeared.

"I haven't just broken a sweat," Hobbes gasped. "I've shattered it and broken to a million pieces."

"Well, get ready to regain some moisture," Calvin observed. "We're coming to the swimming part."

"You can't swim!" Hobbes gasped.

They dashed to the dock and stopped. Calvin grinned as he pulled out his duffle bag. "I never like this thing and there's nothing else in here, so we'll just leave it here."

"What's in it?"

Calvin pulled out an inner tube and quickly inflated it. Then he pulled out an outboard motor.

"How on earth…?" Hobbes started.

"I don't have to explain anything I don't know the answer to," Calvin said.

They attached the motor to the inner tube in about a minute and were soon bobbing lazily up and down in the water while everyone else plowed through. The motor was fast enough to keep them ahead, plus they were wary of the blade, so no one went near them.

"Brains beat brawn every time, I suppose," Hobbes sighed.

"This is my grueling competition," Calvin said. "A little sun…cool water…my best friend…a monster shark…a scared sea gull… Wait a minute. A MONSTER SHARK!" he shouted.

The two friends shot up in the tube and flipped into the water as the inner tube exploded between the shark's giant jaws.

Hobbes, scared out of his mind, was speeding away like a speedboat. Calvin hung onto his tail like a water skier! "Wahoo!" he cheered.

To everyone else, they saw a kid holding onto a stuffed tiger and he was swimming in fear. He practically bounced on top of the water like a skipping stone for 2.4 miles across the bay.

They collided with the beach.

"Fearless beast my buttocks," Calvin teased.

"Laugh if you want," Hobbes sneered. "Fear is a great motivator." He stood up slowly and knocked the sand out of his ears.

Calvin stood up with him and brushed himself off as he pulled a slightly soggy piece of paper out of his pocket. "Okay, we survived the first two parts of the triathlon. Now all we need to do is get on our bicycle and pedal for…112 miles! Are they crazy? I can't do it! My posterior will be paralyzed for life."

"So we're giving up?" Hobbes asked hopefully.

"No way, Hobbes," Calvin said. "I desperately need to win the key to the islands, and my greed is even stronger than my will to whine."

"Well, you didn't need to tell me that," Hobbes snorted.

Grumbling, Calvin hopped onto the handlebars while Hobbes got on the seat and pedaled. Calvin couldn't reach the pedals.

The first part of the bike race followed a steep and winding course up the slope of Mt. Mona Kona, an ancient, but active, volcano. Calvin and Hobbes were soon in trouble.

"I can't go on," Hobbes gasped. "My legs fell mushier than your brain."

"Shut up and keep trying," Calvin sighed. He was sweating like crazy.

But then Calvin noticed Dad riding just ahead of them. They got an idea. They switched sides. Calvin sat on the seat while Hobbes reached out and slipped a claw through Dad's shirttail. Unaware that he was now towing a heavy trailer, Dad strained against the pedals of his bike.

"If only I can get to the top of the mountain," Dad grunted.

"I'd help," Calvin sighed, "but I didn't bring my whip." Dad didn't hear.

With tremendous effort, Dad reached the summit at last. There the trail took a sharp turn. Dad's shirttail ripped away.

"I feel a crash coming on," Calvin whimpered, as they bounced off the road and over the lip of the volcano.

They bounced, bumped and skidded down the inside of the crater, finally approaching the mouth of the volcano. Calvin bounced next to it, but Hobbes got stuck like a cork.

"Help! Get me out!" Hobbes cried. "I don't look good in lava!"

Calvin quickly tried to pull him out, but with Hobbes blocking the volcano's mouth, there was no way for the hot air to escape. Pressure began to build inside the mountain. The crater started to tremble. Then, with a great roar, Mt. Mona Kona belched Hobbes out of the volcano. Calvin, still holding onto him, flew with him.

Several miles and a thousand screams later, they landed in a palm tree…just across the finish line of the bike race.

"We did it!" Calvin said excitedly. "We survived the third leg. All we have to now is..." He pulled out the piece of paper. "Run 26 miles! No way! This violates all the rules of laziness! I demand an investigation! I demand a lawyer! I demand directions to the latest luau!"

"Come on, Calvin," Hobbes groaned. "We've gotten this far. Let's not quit now!"

Calvin was so desperate to get the key to the islands that he got back into the race.

It was torture for both of them. Calvin's sweat poured from him like Hobbes' drool whenever you mentioned tuna. His heart was exploding like the turkey Mom cooked last Thanksgiving. Hobbes' tail was dragging like a day in Miss Wormwood's class. And that was just the first mile!

"I wanna lie down, I wanna lie down," Calvin whined. "I want first prize, but I mostly wanna lie down."

Calvin and Hobbes struggled a few more miles, only to collapse.

"That's it," Calvin wheezed. "I'm wiped out. I'm through. The sweat stops here.'

"Touché," Hobbes groaned.

As they sprawled on the pavement, several runners passed them, including a 102-year-old sailor with a peg leg, a sweaty sumo wrestler—and Dad, who was now on all fours.

"Something tells me I'm not in the lead," Calvin sighed.

Calvin's chances of winning the race were about the same as Hobbes getting a job. But just when all looked lost, the exhausted boy heard a noise behind him. He turned around and saw a boy riding toward him on a skateboard. Though Calvin's body was stalled, his brain immediately shifted into overdrive.

"It's fate, Hobbes," Calvin said, helping his friend to his feet. "Here come our ticket to victory!"

As they boy passed by, Calvin made his move.

"Excuse us, young man," Calvin said as he bumped the boy from the skateboard. "We're borrowing this for a good cause—'cause we need it!"

"Calvin, this thing doesn't work like the wagon," Hobbes said.

"Yeah, so you might want to keep your tail safe," Calvin said.

They sat on the skateboard on the slope, pushed hard and raced away.

"Let the good times roll!" Calvin cried.

"Next stop…the finish line!" Hobbes added.

They rolled downward. Within moments, Calvin and Hobbes started to go faster and faster…and faster…and faster!

"Yee-ha!" Calvin yelled. "I'm built for speed!" And indeed, their great weight was causing them to accelerate down the hill. The two friends were soon red and orange blurs, streaking past—and through—the runners ahead of them. They nearly ran into Dad!

"Outta my way, slowpokes!" they cried. "We're 'Lords of the Board' and we rule the road!"

On they zoomed, mile after mile, passing runner after runner, till at last he spied the finish line far in the distance. Unfortunately, a few runners were already nearing the line.

"It's hopeless," said Calvin. "We'll never catch them. It's impossib—"

CLONK! Suddenly, Calvin's skateboard smacked into a tortoise crossing the road! The impact instantly sent Calvin and Hobbes rocketing through the air.

Seconds later, they landed behind the runners and, like a bowling ball, bashed into them, toppling them like bowling pins. Calvin rolled across the finish line and finally came to a stop at the judge's feet.

"I won!" Calvin cried. "I won! Hobbes, get up! We won!"

"Sorry, kid," the judge said, "but you're going to have to be in the race to actually win."

"But I am! See?" He pointed at the number on his leg. "I'm number 1½!"

The judge smiled. "Ladies and gentlemen," announced the judge, "we have our winner." The judge helped Calvin and his stuffed tiger up, then presented them with the grand prize, the key to the islands. The crowd cheered as Calvin hoisted the plastic key over his head.

"Do you have anything to say?" the judge asked.

"Yeah, alert all the food outlets and gift shops on the islands," Calvin replied. "Hurricane Calvin and Hobbes are on the way!"

For the week that followed, Calvin and Hobbes had the time of their lives eating free pizza and ice cream and getting all the souvenirs they wanted.

Mom and Dad were mad. Not because Calvin had joined the triathlon to begin with, but because they had to drive Calvin around the islands to all these places for a week.