My Reasons
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA
A/N: The title's just for fun people…there really isn't any sex in this chapter…you should all know that I don't usually write lemons ;) . Here's another fun tidbit about the author: I absolutely hate the written word "I love you" I just feel like it's so…insincere—even in a story. I know it's strange, but for some reason I just can't stand it, it always feels forced to me. Oh well, now you all know why I very rarely type "I love you" in my stories. ...I hope Roy isn't too out of character.
Chapter 8 – Make-up Sex
"Damn you." She said simply. In her pathetic attempts to throw her pillow, the pillow had loosened from beneath her head and it fell to the floor. 'Great.' She thought sarcastically, 'Not only do I get to spend who knows how long in a room with the man I just confessed my feelings to, but now I don't even have a pillow to rest my head on. Today couldn't get any worse.'
"Look, I know we're not on the best of terms right now but I've got a few things to say to you and I expect you to listen for once." Roy replied. His tone wasn't angry exactly…it was more of a stern tone, almost like he was trying to instruct a class. Riza couldn't help but cock an eyebrow at him. He sat up on one elbow to look at her…she looked so annoyed without the pillow to prop her up. He sighed quietly and moved his legs over to the side of the bed. He winced in pain as he stood up, and Hawkeye took notice. Out of habit she tried to help him…but she didn't get very far because she still couldn't sit up. "Colonel…what—"
"I'm getting your pillow—do you really want to lie like that until the nurse gets back?" He said as he bent down and picked up her pillow. His side ached horribly…but it paled in comparison to the pain in his heart. Those things she'd said to him…they were straight from her heart…and it hurt to realize how horribly she'd misinterpreted his actions. He tried to lift her head up and put the pillow under her head without getting too close, but he couldn't because being too far away was making him off balance. He inched a little closer and lifted her head up as if it were porcelain. His scent drifted into her nose involuntarily. She couldn't help but notice a slightly medicinal smell mixed with his usual cologne. "There you go." He said—he was panting. It hadn't been much of an exertion, but after lying in a bed for a few weeks he didn't have much energy. He was tired and couldn't make it back to his bed in time so he settled for sitting on the edge of her bed. It was a little more than too close for comfort, but he was just too tired to walk back to his own bed. Roy looked at his subordinate…her face was flushed and small beads of sweat had appeared close to her hairline…oh how he wished that he could wipe it away and hold her until all this horrible nonsense went away. A few days ago Roy would have welcomed any change with his relationship with Riza…but now he all he wanted was to go back to the way things were. There was nothing that would erase these past few hours…but he was sure there were a few things he could say to make them less painful later.
"Lieu-Haw-R-Riza" he started…'Great I'm screwing it up already.' "I'm sorry…when you came back in earlier; I just wanted to say I was sorry. I didn't realize that those memories would be so painful for you…"
"Of course they were painful…when Hughes died—you weren't the only one that was hurting…" she responded.
"Please don't interrupt me…I've been thinking about this for the past few hours while you were unconscious and if I don't say this now I may never say it." He waited a moment to make sure she wouldn't try to interrupt him again, and when it seemed safe, he continued, "You said you hated the way I always called you 'Lieutenant'…I'm sorry about that too. I…It-it just hurt too much to try to talk to you on a first name bases…it was just an easier way to keep you at arms length, I'm sorry. You said you hated the way I never noticed when you walked in the room…well to tell you the truth, you couldn't have been more wrong. I noticed, not only when you walked in the room, but every time you blinked…most of the time I was trying not to stare—I figured if you caught me ogling you, you'd come after me with a rifle." he forced himself to chuckled at a bit at his last comment, in hopes of lightening the mood…his tactic failed miserably, the room was just as tense as before. Nervously he cleared his throat, "You also said you hated the way I went out with other women…" this topic was one that made him the most nervous. "Can you blame me? I tried to use them to get my mind off you…its just too bad it never worked. I-I guess I just thought if I found the right one, I would just be able to forget about you…I'm sorry…" his last remark didn't come out quite the way he'd planned…'Damn it, why do I always screw up when I'm around her? She's the only one I can't think straight around.' The silence grew louder around him, 'Why did I have to tell her not to interrupt me? This silence is killing me…' he continued "You said you hated the way I look at you…I'm sorry about that too…" he finished as he looked into her copper colored eyes. Silence enclosed the room for several minutes. "Well?" he asked tentatively. "Aren't you going to say something?"
Riza's eyebrows jumped, "Oh, I didn't realize you were done…" This entire ordeal was completely awkward.
"Yeah…I'm done…" he said, looking at the food the nurse had brought in for her. 'Dead is more like it…'
"I'm sorry…for the things I said." Riza replied. The comment confused Roy…in his opinion she'd been clearly within her rights… "I-I guess I was just being a bit delusional from the dehydration…"
"About that," he said, as he picked up her knife and fork and began cutting her food. A wave of guilt washing over him. "I'm sorry—it's my fault you're here…if it hadn't been for me—"
"No! Colonel, it wasn't your fault…if I'd never suggested that we split up in the 3rd laboratory none of us would be here…and Havoc would still be able to walk…"
Roy was stunned…'she feels guilty about that?' "Riza…that stuff that happened in the 3rd Laboratory…you don't really blame yourself do you? I mean, you know that none of it could have been avoided…"
"It could have been," she insisted. "My purpose is to protect you, and I let my guard down. If I'd went with you instead then—" he interrupted her but forcing a piece of food in her mouth.
"Then what Riza? Then you could have possibly been killed…you know just as well as I do that bullets wouldn't have done anything…you can't possibly blame yourself. Is that what's been bothering you these past few weeks?" he asked amazed. Riza could only nod because she was still chewing. Roy smiled slightly, "Well at least I'm not the only one that felt guilty for their actions that day." Riza looked at him questionably. He started to explain, "I really shouldn't have yelled you like that…its just the thought that you would have just let yourself die—it-it scared me. I realized that I might have lost you if I hadn't shown up…"
'He really does care for me…' Riza's mind concluded as she swallowed. The thought was a strange one. On one hand she felt her heart leap toward her throat in happiness, only to be ripped apart moments later by the realization that no matter what, they'd never be able to be together.
"Roy…why are we doing this to each other?"
He pushed another piece of food in her mouth and this time she didn't fight him as much. "Do what?"
She chewed for a moment and swallowed hard. "Telling each other this?"
He shrugged, "I guess we both had a little that we needed to get off our chests." He fed her again. They continued the cycle of feeding and chewing for a few more minutes until she felt like she couldn't eat anymore. She waved his hand away when he tried to feed her again. "No more. This hospital food all tastes like paste."
"You need to eat. That's the reason you got in this mess to start with."
"No, Barry was the reason I got into this to start with. If it hadn't been for him we would have never ended up in the 3rd laboratory at all." She said stubbornly.
"Fine, no more food." He said giving in to her. He sighed and decided to head over to his bed. He glanced at his bed from where he sat, "Who knew five feet could seem like such a long walk?" He looked back to Riza, silently pleading in his mind. He'd spent so much time keeping her at arms length…all he wanted now was to be near her…his entire body ached to hold her.
She looked over at his bed as well. After a moment she looked back at her commanding officer. There were lines beneath his eyes and this entire day seemed to have used more out of both of them than they'd realized at first. She looked at him a moment longer…her arms ached to hold him…to tell him that things would get better for them. She gave into her urges—'He's too tired to make it back anyway…besides, if he collapses I'll never be able to lift him off the floor'. "You're right, it is a long walk." She said as she pulled her covers down a bit. Luckily he took the subtle hint. He moved the food tray off the bed and slowly climbed in next to his subordinate. He wrapped his arms around her and she laid her head against his chest. His heart beat rang out strong and clear. With every beat it reassured her that he would be there, day after day, beat after beat. His heart synchronized with her thoughts, 'He's my purpose, my reason, my everything.' His arms embraced her, warm and inviting. She finally wrapped her arms around him and they laid there. 'This will never last' she thought solemnly, 'The military will never allow us to be together…at least not until he gets to power.'
'Usually this is the part in the story that the two characters tell each other that they'll love each other forever…' Roy thought randomly. There would be time for that later…right now, all he wanted to do was hold her.
After a little while Roy spoke up, "What do you think the nurse is going to think if she comes in and finds us in the same bed?"
Riza looked up at him, "She's going to think exactly what you made her think—that we had make-up sex."
"Oh, you're right…in that case, solely for the sake of appearances, maybe we should be naked." A gun cocked next to his head.
"Don't push your luck, Colonel."
I couldn't help but add in the last part...yeah it's not quite as mushy as the rest of this chapter, but I figured I could pop Roy and Riza back in character with it, and let everyone leave with a little smile. I hope you enjoyed this fic...I know I did. Yes, this is the final chapter and I won't be updating it anymore. It will now be filed under 'completed' in my book. Please comment and/or flame, I'm not really particular...it makes my day. :)