Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my computer (which I must share with my brother groan) the clothes on my person and my sanity. Sometimes not even that... Square owns all characters, places, objects y'da y'da y'da...
Warning: Shounen-ai. Cloud x Zack.
Summary: Songfic. "Blurry" by "Puddle of Mudd". Cloud remembers Zack...
Notes: Thanx to every1 who helped on this one. I can't remember but you guys know who you are:-)
Another
year has passed, and I still can't get over you. It's not the same,
you used to laugh and smile - things I don't do now - not without
affecting them - and that always used to cheer me up.
Probably
because, that smile was mostly for me.
Everything's so
blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And
everybody is so messed up.
I wish I could just forget you - believe me, I've tried - it would make things so much easier, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm holding that picture of you - the one I used to think was me - and I've got Cid's lighter in the other hand, but... burning that would be like... destroying your memory - which is the whole point of burning the damn thing - and I don't think I could do that.
Preoccupied without you
I
cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then
I crawl
And it was all my fault, wasn't it? I mean, you didn't have to save me, did you? You could have just left me and escaped yourself, the Jenova experiments didn't work on you, so if you left me, you would have been fine.
You could be my
someone
You could be my sieve
You know that I'll protect
you
From all of the obscene
But that's the thing about you though, isn't it? You can't leave something broken; you have to fix it, don't you? Was that all I was to you? A broken doll that needs fixing?
I wonder what you're doing
Imagine where
you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very
far
No... I'm sure I was more than that to you, I mean,
why would you have taken me in if you didn't care?
But you left
me, and it hurts, and I know it's the damned Shin-Ra's fault - or
mine - and not yours, but when has blame ever made anything
easier.
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all
away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to
me
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well
you shoved it in my face
It doesn't. Blame doesn't change
a thing. Which hurts even more.
I could blame myself I supposed,
but wouldn't that be like, blaming you? I did think I was you for
long enough.
Everyone is changing
There's no one left
that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how
you feel
And I wish I could be you. I mean, I'm not me, not anymore, I'm twenty-three now, aren't I? No, I can't be, I still feel sixteen. I'm not me, and I can't be me anymore, so I'd rather be you.
I'm so messed up. I'm even talking as if you were here, and you are. Aren't you? I've got you locked up tight, safe inside my skin.
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at
all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
See? This whole thing shows how messed up I am. How can I have you safe inside of me? You're dead, gone, never to laugh or cry - not that you ever cried - or get mad or... anything.
You were always there,
every good memory I have you're in it. You're even in the bad ones;
you were there to comfort me when something went wrong. So I guess
they were good memories too, if I was getting your comfort.
Shit,
they were good because you were there.
You could be my
someone
You could be my sieve
You know that I will save
you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
Imagine
where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very
far
And you always know just what to say, everything you said meant something, even if it was just, "Two sugars in my coffee Cloud!" Everything was just... right, I loved to hear your voice.
And you cared. The first person to care about me - besides my mother - was you. Nobody else bothered.
They never treated me very well, those other guys in Shin-Ra. They hurt me in... All sorts of ways. But, with you, it was something that was okay to do. Sure, it hurt a bit, but nowhere near as mush. And you always held me afterwards, they always just left me - and the showers, they left them on - on my own to cry. You can't cry in front of them, never, then they make it hurt even more.
Can you take it
all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my
face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away?
Can
you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
And you always knew what I was thinking, you always asked, if everything was okay, if something was wrong, if I wanted to stop. And, would you laugh if you knew? That those little things meant the world to me? That you cared enough to ask? Would you laugh if you knew?
Yeah, you would laugh.
But that's okay.
I like to hear you laugh too.
Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told
me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you
where to run away
But... you never told me about you. I wanted to know how you felt. If you wanted to share something with me, if someone had ever upset you and you wanted me to comfort you for a change. If you ever wanted to relinquish your hold and be the cherished one.
Just... to know how you feel.
Nobody
told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone
showed you where to turn
Showed you when to run away
I wish you were here now.
Can you take it all away?
The others always worry about me because I think too much.
Can you take it all away?
Thinking about what I've done...
Well you shoved it in my face
It's my fault you died.
This pain you gave to me
And Aeris, she died because of me. But you'll be looking after her.
Can you take it all away?
And... I killed Sephiroth.
Can you take it all away?
I miss you so much.
Well you shoved it in my face
I'm so sorry.
This pain you gave to me
Forgive me...
Zack.