Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

I know you will probably all hate me for this chapter. I was planning on doing something else when some of my reviewers, one in particular, who mentioned that Kaoru should have an accident...though I may take this a little different from what they might have thought.

Keep in mind that I may just do another chapter-- I will not say for why. Just know the idea is floating around in my head.

Memories of the Day
S.J. Kidd

He often wondered into the cemetery, lost, needing to reaffirm that it was true, that she was actually gone without even a goodbye. How many years had it been now?--five, six, twenty?

God he missed her so much, missed her since he saw her walk out of the church. She never said a word, but neither did he. November, fall, was just rounding the corner, the green leaves slowly changing into vibrant yellows, reds, and oranges.

Kaoru once said that autumn reminded her of him...did she ever think of him, the thought caught him by surprise. Did she ever regret? Megumi once told him that, before the accident, Kaoru smiled on every occasion. Smile like she had something to hide; a secret of the cover.

Running his fingers through his crimson hair, Kenshin sighed heavily opening his eyes only to see her gray stone tablet. The marker held her picture on it, and he smiled remebering what her exact words had been after the flash.

"Kenshin, I hate pictures! I always come out looking drunk or something worst than evil."

How was it that her voice still came in perfect tone to his ears? And to what she almost screamed at him, she had always looked beautiful to him--no matter what stage of the day it had been.

In his dreams he could imagine Kaoru sitting next to him, could feel his lips move telling her repeatedly that he loved her, an expression which she always smiled to but commented on.

Did she ever love him like he did her?

Guilt, more than once, settled onto his still beating heart in regard to his wife, Tomoe. He loved her, he truly did, but Kaoru was in a different sphere all together, and that's why he had to let his wife go, she deserved better than to be second.

Just the mere thought of Kaoru's laughing blue eyes threw him into submission, forgetting about Tomoe even if she was touching him. Never had the notion come to mind that he, of all people, could love a woman like her.

To most people, Kaoru was not the super-model perfection society had come to value. Instead, she had been modest, natural, and held a laughing posture. Kaoru was not his type of girl, but she had come to prove him wrong on so many levels, in so many ways.

God he missed her, more than she would ever know.

Kaoru once told him everyone knew about all things once they were in Heaven. Did she now know of his own feelings, of his thoughts, of the things he never had the chance to say?

Why had he not fought harder for her? He should have continued telling Kaoru, that little girl-fool, that he loved her especially since he knew of her own low self-esteem. But...why had she not seen how much he loved her?

There were so many questions unanswered, so many regretful times.

Kenshin slowly kneeled one limb to the ground, and stared at the grave stone with cold eyes. He did not care that his black slacks were getting soaked by the early morning dew; his only desire was to trace his finger around her name--it was a ritual that he told himself he had to do to verify that she was beneath him, beneath six feet on sinister Earth.

Why did she have to go?

Yes it was selfish of him to think that, but even if they did not end up together he wanted the best for her. Maybe that was it, was he not good enough for her?

He could see her laughing in his memories, her raven hair falling, framing, around her face, and how her blue eyes use to light up with an ardent passion for life.

Kenshin's throat constricted.

He could hear her as if it were yesterday, her laugh was the same; silly, vibrant, strange. The sound was haunting almost, a ghostly presence it was to hear the sound of a dear one's lost voice.

Kenshin placed jasmine and yellow roses on her grave. She smelled like jasmine, he knew that because once she fell asleep in his arms during a thunderstorm too scared to be by herself.

He never dared to laugh in front of her about it nor mention it again, but at times when he thought of it a smile would come to his face. That night was when he knew he loved her...a love that was eventually given up on by one, maybe two, parties.

Misao had told him before the wedding that Kaoru loved him.

"She loves you, you know." Misao said looking up into her friend's eyes seeing his sudden hesitancy. "It's not fair to Tomoe."

Kenshin did not turn to look at the petite woman. Kaoru was a lost cause, and it hurt to finally acknowledge that. "I love Tomoe, Misao, I do."

He looked at himself in the mirror, Misao reaching over to fix his tie. She closed her eyes.

"Besides, Misao, you do not know that for sure. I know, Kaoru, and she would never admit that secret to anyone."

Misao did not say anything to rebuke him; it was true. No one knew if Kaoru loved Kenshin or not, but still Misao believed that those looks in Kaoru's blue eyes was something beyond friendship.

The day was cloudless, endless blue skies stretch for an eternity making the air even cooler and crisper to the taste. A soft breeze blew through the trees and with it a whistling noise of wind racing through treed canals. The cemetery was beautiful and simple; it was the type of place Kaoru would have wanted to be in death. Kenshin smiled bitterly to himself. Kaoru choose this place almost if she knew she would die.

His trench coat floated around him, the air tickling his face promoting Kenshin to redo his hair. Kaoru always told him long hair suited him, and every time she laughed explaining he was one of the only guys who could pull it off.

A golden leaf floated like a butterfly past his face and settled next to his bent knee. He cracked then banging a fisted hand against the dirt above Kaoru's body. The pain flooded over him, the dams breaking. So much regret, so much waste time, so much doubt.

Love is patient. Patience is love.

He was not patient with her. He had been too fast, to wanting and scared her off. He needed her, as selfish as it was, he need her still. Did she know how hard it was to breathe now just because she was gone. Did she feel this pain when he was married? She had to love him, he saw her at the wedding. Why did he not run after her...why, there were too many of those questions.

Hot tears formed in his eyes and then slowly started to run down his face. His heart ached, and his guilt built until it turned into rage. A frustrated, savage cry broke from his lips, all the pain over the years started to swell in his throat and mind. For so long he held back and now he no longer could.

Nails digging into the grassy Earth Kenshin remember the day he received the call from Sanouske, that day was when Kenji, his son, was born.

"Hey, Kenshin, I know your busy..."

Kenshin stood against the outside of the hospital, pressing one finger to his ear to keep out other sounds' of the city while inwardly urging Sano to hurry up with whatever he was going to say. He had a son, a beautiful baby boy to call his own, and Tomoe had come out of it just fine. Nothing could go wrong, he was a father.

There was a silence on the other line, and slowly an idea dawned on Kenshin..."Sanouske, is everything alright?"

He kept his voice smooth and calm, never was he one to lose his head. Kenshin Himura prided himself on remaining aloof for such occasions.

"Kenshin," Sano's voice broke a little, "Kaoru died three hours ago. There was an accident on the subway...someone had a gun..."

The phone dropped from Kenshin's hands, and on the fourth floor of the hospital a new born infant boy cried.

"Kaoru..." Kenshin whispered brokenly, his voice floating into the wind. "Kaoru," He repeated again. In some unconscious way he was calling for her, his lost love, his true love, a woman who was now gone taking with her the answers to all his why's, and taking half of his soul.

Closing his eyes, Kenshin recalled the funeral. Yellow and white flowers were everywhere, while the guest wore black. Megumi had a red dress saying to everyone that looked at her with disapproving eyes that Kaoru would have been ashamed to she her wear black on a day like this. That female doctor told everyone who would listen that Kaoru thought death as a grand journey that everyone should celebrate, and that she, personally, was going to follow those exact directions.

He did not listen though already hearing it from the woman who laid in the confine, her skin a was not pale, but still beautiful and clear, her hair in a simple style, as were her cloths. She looked like she was sleeping, like she was suddenly going to blink once, twice, three times and open her eyes and stretch and then smile sleepily.

He was numb, the word dead keep flashing through his mind as he held Kenji form close for comfort. Tomoe was there as well, keeping her distance. That day, despite Tomoe efforts, their marriage slowly started to break.

Aoshi once said to him that all people make mistakes, its human nature. Kenshin could not accept that. He ruined four lives: Kaoru's, Tomoe's, Kenji's, and his own, all because of his doubt, her doubt...his mistake.

At times, he prayed to God that this was all but a dream. That one day he would wake up in college again and go meet Kaoru and the others at the local hang out where they would talk about anything from God, grades, to sports. Times when he could just say I love you to the woman with a strange laugh, and blue eyes who never answered back. If only he had a second chance never would he have given up on her like a fool, he would have forced it gently out of her to admit that she loved him.

But the past could not be done over again. His choices were meant to be lived with, and he could do it--Kaoru did, did she not?

She had always been so strong, fiercely independent, and foolish; a little girl in a grown-up world, but she managed just fine. The last time he ever spoke to her was a few months before the wedding, and if it counted, a single letter addressed to him a couple of weeks later stating congratulations from her. She lied in the letter though saying that she was not there when if fact she was.

So many little things had stood in their way, and they had lost.

Love was supposed to be strong, yet in theirs doubt rained supreme.

Was it better that they did not end up together, or is it what should have been. Maybe, despite his love, their relationship would have never worked out. Their doubts had been a powerful force, but it was not an impossible feature to overcome, they just never tried.

Tires against the road's gravel surface brought Kenshin back into the autumn day. Tomoe was here, dropping of Kenji--it was his week to have him.

Dusting off his pants, remebering that he told Tomoe to drop of Kenji here, he walked to the green car smiling as Tomoe got out of the car, and bending down laughing out loud when a little red-haired boy plummeted out of the car into his father's strong arms. The cemetery never fazed the boy.

"Daddy, daddy guess what Ralph did!" Kenji said referring to his new dog bought as a present from both Tomoe and Kenshin. Kenshin allowed Kenji to tell him, in animated motions what happened and when and where, before he looked at Tomoe.

She was not staring back at him, but was rather inspecting the cemetery; she had always thought it lovely.

"Kenshin," She gave a sad smile, "I know she is watching you, a woman in love never forgets."

Kenshin kept his face calm, but his innards twisted in despair. Tomoe was hurt, but understood, she too had lost someone before he came. With quiet eyes and gate, Tomoe kissed both Kenshin and Kenji on the cheek, giving her son an extra hug, before going back to the car.

"Don't forget to feed him his vegetables, Kenshin, or I'll have to maim you." Was the last thing she said before driving out the of cemetery. Kenshin allowed himself to smile at her comment. The woman deserved the best in life, a life he was never able to give her, and the same went with Kaoru, but at the same time Kaoru he could not live without, or so he thought so at times.

Other times, such as this, when his little son was in his arms a whole new meaning to life was restored.

"Daddy, why do you come here?"

Kenji said tugging on his father's slacks. Kenshin smiled down at his son, kneeling to his eye level. "One day, son, you will know. But look at the grave stone over there," Kenshin pointed towards Kaoru's. The white stone was tall and pure, a single picture on it with her name and date of birth and death.

Kenji walked over to the gravestone and touched it, cocking his head to the side a little. "Who is she, daddy?"

Kenshin was silent for a moment before saying the one thing his heart told him to say.

"A woman who lived her life to the fullest she could, Kenji. Why don't I tell you stories about what she, Aunt Misao and the others did, they are quiet hilarious, she was such a character. One time, her and Uncle Sanouske..."

And like that his voice trailed off leaving only the wind to carry his voice to her peaceful grave.

A/N: Whew, that was hard, and I really do not think this was as good as the first one, but at least I tried. This chapter might not be as emotional or as good as the last, but I had a good time writing it. :P

And yes, I know, the relationships in this story are a little weird, but not everything can be perfect, ne? Please don't hate me for this ending, as I said I might make an alternative ending, but the idea is still floating around in my mind. If I do it would ruin the angst poignancy of this story though.

Oh well, please read and review. Tell me what you think of KK confusing, strange relationship.

And let me explain something: Kenshin talking about Kaoru (while it may seem wrong to others) is just like him talking about his old friends. Kenji will not know until he is way older what she really was to his father.

-S.J. Kidd