Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters they all belong to Jerry Bruckheimer and CBS…I do however, own Bill and Mary Sidle and her brother.

I wrote this story a while back and then life got crazy…I decided to go back and rewrite parts of it and make some changes.. I am doing this with no beta so if my grammar sucks sorry! I will be finishing it hopefully soon! Please review but be nice, please….If anyone is interested in being a beta please let me know…Hope you enjoy!

Sara Sidle cursed as she knocked all her books from the bookshelf. She has always been proud of her collection of books because every one of them linked with her work. But she felt angry today, she scolded, nothing changed then. She was tired, tired of life. It seemed everyone was watching her every movements and finding her weakness, especially Grissom.

But today was difficult, why did Grissom have to put her on this case. He knew that rape cases where hard on her, this one was no exception to the rule. Then there was the issue of Grissom turning her down when she asked him out for lunch. She winced, it was a big mistake, to think that Grissom actually liked her!

Slowly, she took her cell phone, badge and gun off her belt, laying most of it where it wouldn't easily be found. It would have seemed like any other day, come home from work and fall into bed and sleep a restless sleep. A sleep full of nightmares, but tonight was unlike any other.

Some of the anger faded as she heard a yap. It was her puppy Ben, the reason why she want to go home so quickly. The sweet puppy looked up to her with its big brown eyes. A smile tugged at her mouth, gosh, that dog can always cheer her up.

She sighed and picked up the silkily collie puppy.

"Ben." She whispered and she laughed as the puppy stick out his tongue and wags his tail furiously.

She pats the puppy as she gently put him down onto the floor.

She would ask Lindsey to raise the puppy, she knew Lindsey would love and care for it. She hoped Catherine won't mind, that way she will know that Ben will be happy. She wanted Ben to be happy because he was the only one who loved her.

She walk to her kitchen; grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels, she picked up some paper and a pen along the way. Spreading them out, she got herself comfortable as she began to write letters for her co-workers.

She sighed, taking a long swig of the liquor she started her letters. Grissom would be first. In her unique handwriting she began;

Dear Grissom,

I am sorry you never loved me the way I loved you. I had such hopes when I came to Vegas we could be together, but you would never let me in. Never let yourself love me, I tried to walk away but I just wasn't strong enough. Even though it hurt me, I kept the plant you sent. Those words; From Grissom cut me like a knife. All I asked was for you to have dinner with me. Maybe it would spark something in that cold heart of yours. Well I won't be a worry to you anymore, I hope you will find someone who will make you happy. Just remember I have and will always love you, Grissom. Sara.

Again she sighed as she quickly wrote five more letters.

Dear Lindsey,

I would be honored if you would look after Ben for me. He is a wonderful dog and you two will be great for each other. Be good for your mom Lindsey she is a smart woman who loves you a lot. Sara.

Dear Catherine,

I'm sorry that I could never live up to your standards. That I could not solve Eddie's case, I would have done anything to give you and Lindsey closure. I wish we could have gotten to be better friends. You are a hard act to follow, take care of yourself and Lindsey. Do me a favor look after Grissom; take care of him for me. Sara.

She took a drink of the Jack Daniels before she started her next three letters. She needed the alcohol to numb the pain.

Dear Nick,

Oh Nicky, you are a great person and I am so proud to know you. You always put a smile on my face, I will never forget you. You are a great CSI, a better one than I ever was. Take care my friend. Sara.

Dear Warrick,

We haven't got on a good start but I am glad that we became good friends. Be good for Grissom and be the best CSI. Be the one I never was. Take care of yourself. Sara.

One more to go she thought taking another drink of the Jack Daniels straight from the bottle.

Dear Greg,

My favorite lab rat, what can I say. I am sorry that I never gave you a chance. You have been a good friend to me and I am so sorry. Take care. Sara.

Sara cried as she placed the letters carefully by her bedside. She called Ben to her room, giving him a kiss and pushed him out of the room.

She finished off the bottle rest of the bottle of Jack Daniels. Her gun was lying in the middle of the bed; she knew what she had to do. She felt she had no other options, this was best for everyone. She didn't care that her friends would be the ones who had to clean up her mess; she lifted the gun and pulled the trigger. And everyone always worried she would eat her gun. Guess they were right, "Good-Bye Life, Good-Bye Hell!"