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Chapter Seven

Issues

Jono and Tobias

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Jono

We made our way through the forest without any signs of perusal and eventually ended up back at the shack, which I supposed was going to be home for a while. I flopped down onto the floor and tossed my bag a few feet away, resolutely looking away as Blondie changed back. I'd like to think I don't have a weak stomach or anything like that, but it was really one of the most disgusting things in the world, and some other worlds I'm sure, to watch.

For a moment there was nothing but silence between us, as if it had a psychical presence. It unnerved me and I racked my brain for something to break it. I almost smiled then, realizing what I needed to do so urgently. I'd once loved silence, a chance to think without other people intruding, but now…now I wanted something to fill the gaps, desperately. It scrapped away at me, pushing against the edges of my brain and I hated it with so much passion it was almost amusing.

Then again, my sense of humor is a little abnormal, I suppose.

"I'm still hungry."

'I don't think I care' Tobias said, a note of long-suffering sarcasm in his voice.

"Aww, c'mon, it's not my fault I'm wanted for murder. Where's you compassion?" I tried my best 'pity me' look but for some off reason I doubt it had the effect I was going for. It was probably the harsh bark of laughter than rang in my head. I sighed and leaned back on my elbows.

"You can't let me starve. It's…not nice." He seemed to ignore me, preening his feathers instead of replying. Not that he couldn't do both at the same time, what with not needing his mouth for the telepathy thing he had going on so…yeah, he was ignoring me. I sighed and let my gaze fall to the dirt floor and began to draw stick figures.

I amused myself for a good five minutes with a rather elaborate beheading scene, or at least as elaborate as stick figures could be, followed by a truly brilliant series of drawings depicting someone being drawn and quartered.

I smiled crookedly, an image of Hayes being stretched in four directions until he was ripping apart dancing through my mind. I scrapped my nail over the dirt, making a trail of intestine falling from the torn figure, and considered the blood splatter such an incident would have. It'd probably be big and quick, spraying everything all at once and-

'You have no idea how disturbing you look when you smile like that do you? I don't even want to know what you're drawing, for the record.'

I frowned, fantasy fading somewhat. What a killjoy. I glanced up at him and found those golden-brown eyes staring at me emotionlessly. Then again, he was a bird. Did birds have emotions…no, that wasn't the right question. The (carefully suppressed) hippie in me insisted that animals felt things, along with some shouting about me being a murderer. My mother and Marisa would have been pleased to know that their crazy Vegan ways would haunt me forever.

Ah, and there was that hurt again. Fuck.

Anyway. The correct question for Tobias would be 'can birds show their emotions'? I, obviously, had not a fucking clue but it'd be something interesting to find out about.

I let my eyes drift up to the roof of the shack, which was more hole than wood at this point. I could see the sky, pale cloudless blue turning a stormy gray with each passing moment and knew without question that it was about to rain.

Of course.

"What do you eat normally? When guys aren't offering free food for the pleasure of your company I mean."

There was a moment of silence punctuated by that intense gaze. I think anyone with two working brain cells would have started to squirm, because it's even more unnerving to have an animal, be it an animal with a person's mind, stare at you than it is to have a person stare. I just stared back, wondering if he was even going to answer me. It didn't seem like he was.

'Whatever's running around when I'm flying past usually. Squirrels, rats, mice, snakes…whatever. Can't really afford to be picky.' There was something about his tone that seemed to imply I should have been disturbed by that.

"Huh." I looked back down at my sketch, frowning. "I ate snake once."

There was a moment of silence, as if he was silently debating the wisdom of his next words and whether or not he wanted to know. I know he did, they always did. It was part of the human condition, no matter how gross something was you always wanted to know.

'Why?'

"My grandparents were total Native Americans turned hippies, which may have something to do with my mother being named Sunshine, and were big on never killing more than was needed so they never shopped like normal people. Raised animals on the farm and stuff." I missed my grandparents. When my mother married my jackass stepfather we'd moved from the farm to the city and I hadn't seen them since. "In the spring usually, while the animals were breeding, we'd go for other stuff. My grandmother made a mean chipmunk stew. Anyway. I ate snake. Once. I was like five."

It's funny. Sometimes you can literally hear the wheels turning in someone's mind. This was one of those times. I can only imagine he was having a fun time processing the utterly random and barely connected bits on information I'd given him. I couldn't wait to see what he took from it.

'You have other family?'

"Dead." I shrugged slightly.

If we wanted to get technical I had a hoard of family somewhere in South Dakota that I was not at all inclined to go seeking out and my father and his family but…again, not at all inclined to go seeking out. They weren't really family so much as people who shared some alleles with me and there was more to family than that.

My family was dead. The ones that mattered anyway; dead and never coming back. My grandparents had died when I was sixteen and now there was no one left that mattered to me.

I reached up, raking a hand through my hair then rubbed the toe of my shoe over my drawing, destroying it.

Thunder boomed somewhere off in the distance and I chuckled ruefully. It was going to rain and I was sitting in a shack that had almost no roof. I was god only knew how far from home, wanted for murder, being chased by aliens, betrayed by the only halfway decent teacher I ever had, with no family or friends. I was hungry, had a headache, had only a bird for company and now, just to make things perfect, I was going to get rained on.

It kind of made me wonder whom exactly I had pissed off so badly in my last life. It was just…so much. Too much. Why did it have to be me? I wanted to scream or sob or just…crush something so badly that it made my chest hurt and fingers itch.

I shoved it down though, shoved it down and clenched my hand into a fist until the nails dug into my skin and little half-moons of blood welled up. I commanded it to go away, demanded that there be nothing. Nothing, forever nothing.

'Are you okay?'

"I'm fine." My voice cracked and I closed my eyes. "Fine."

'Mmm.' I don't think he believed me, but he didn't press it. 'I'm going to see about getting you something that doesn't need to be killed to eat, okay? On the off chance you try to run away Ax is nearby and he'll do more than knock you out this time.'

I nodded and bowed my head at the sound of rustling wings. He was gone and I was alone.

There was silence.

I wanted to curl up and die. I reached for the bag, grabbing the edge of it and dragging it towards me, and then withdrew a heavy pair of shears. I eyed them, watching the gray clouds overhead in the cool metal.

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Tobias

You know how sometimes you just walk into a room of people and know, instantly, that you're not only the center of attention but that you don't want to be the center of attention?

Yeah, that's exactly what happened when I flew into Cassie's barn. I'd seen Rachel's bike outside and had spotted Marco through the skylight from the air. They were all there save Ax, of that I had no doubt. I could feel the tension as I landed and knew that they knew about our little failed field trip.

I supposed I could tell them Jonathan threatened me with severe and potentially lingering bodily harm but I doubt they'd really care that much. Rachel and Jake are both too serious for such things, Cassie was likely to be too busy being my mother to actually hear me, and Marco…well, the whole thing would probably amuse Marco, which was probably the best I could hope for considering the situation.

Most people would never suspect it but I was actually really fond of Marco. Other than Rachel and Ax he was probably the one I related to best. I can understand standing in the middle of something utterly screwed up and ridiculous, realizing it was your life, and wanting to laugh. In fact I have that impulse a lot.

I think it's one of the first phases of stress-induced madness.

'Hi. Watch any good TV lately?' I asked, keeping my tone emotionless. It wasn't hard to do; it was much harder in fact to inflect emotion into my tone, thoughtspeak and otherwise, than it was to keep up a deadpan.

I was too tired to try it now. Morphing, demorphing, flying and then more of the same. I needed some sleep once this was all done and over with.

Marco choked, loudly, and nothing was said for a long moment as he made an attempt to not die right there in the barn. As I suspected no one else looked at all amused. Oh well, I'd tried.

"Are you okay?" Cassie of course.

She was standing next to Jake, one hand on his arm and eyes brimming with concern. If I could have smiled at her I would have, if for no other reason than to put her at ease. I hate having people worried about, Cassie most of all because I know she worries the most and about the things no one can do anything about. The others worry about things like if I'm eating and if I'm cold or lonely or alive or…whatever. You know, the little things.

Cassie worries about my sanity, my soul…my humanity. The sort of things I can't even bring myself to care so much about anymore. Things too deep for a bird to be concerned about.

'Fine. Jonathan is kind of starving to death though.'

"Who?" Rachel had her arms crossed over her chest and her head tilted to the side, beautiful blue eyes narrowed dangerously.

I could have sighed but instead just responded. 'The guy we kidnapped and tied up out in the woods for three days with no food.'

Cassie was, of course, the first to react. Her hand fell away from Jake and she chewed on her bottom lip. If I know her half as well as I suspect I do she was beating herself up for forgetting something as important as feeding someone. I could see the angry resolve in Jake's eyes waver somewhat, obviously having realized what brought out little trek into civilization on.

"You should have gotten one of us." He said finally. "At least to watch your back, just in case."

'I'll remember that next time.' I can't say for sure but I thought I saw Jake shudder at the mention of 'next time' before rubbing at the bridge of his nose. 'I didn't really expect for the manager of Subway to be a Controller.'

"They've even taken over Subway?" Marco asked, looking outraged"Where will the carnage end? First they try to ruin hamburgers and now this; is no fast food establishment safe? I ask you-"

"Shut up Marco. It sounds like a set-up to me." Rachel said, finally letting her arms drop to her side. "You two just happen to wander into a place run by a slug."

"You're positive he's not a Controller?" Jake looked up at me and I couldn't help but be a little unnerved by it. Not because it was harsh or angry, but because of what was behind it. Trust: Jake trusted me to not have fucked this up by falling into a trap and letting someone who knew everything about us get away without even realizing it.

'I've never met a Controller quite as annoying as he is, so I'm going for no.' Which may or may not have been saying a lot, since I've encountered some fairly annoying and borderline insane Controllers. And some not so borderline ones as well.

Jake smiled for a fleeting moment then sat down onto a bale of hay with a sigh. "That just leaves what to do with him. I talked to Erik and the Chee are willing to put him into hiding and try to make the story fade away from the news as best they can."

This sounded as good an idea as any to me, it got Jonathan out of the fight he obviously wanted no part of, had him being defended by a race of more than capable androids (even if they were nonviolent), and meant he was no longer our responsibility. Everyone won…in a relative sort of way, since Jonathan's family was still dead and he was still wanted by the American government and everything.

Cassie frowned and looked over at Jake, fingers tugging on the end of her t-shirt almost nervously. "But?"

"But? Why are there buts?" Marco asked, looking between the two of them.

"I hate to agree with him," Rachel inclined her head towards Marco slightly. "But what's the problem? Sounds like a good plan to me. Tobias?"

'Yeah.' It occurred to me, as I sat perched there in the rafters, that I've easily done more speaking since being stuck in morph than I did when I was just human. I think there's some kind of irony in that.

"Jake?" Cassie's tone was soft, the same one I saw her use when talking to wounded animals. Jake was silent a moment longer, suddenly very interested in a bit of loose hay on the floor. Cassie touched his shoulder and I saw Jake almost shudder under the touch. I doubt Cassie even felt it but I saw it easily.

"This is our screw up. We put him in this position and it's…really fucked up to just pawn him off on the Chee, or anyone, and try to shuffle our responsibility off onto them. It's…we should be looking out for him."

Rachel shook her head, hair gleaming as it fell back into place. "No way Jake. We can't spend our time watching some helpless kid."

"I know that."

"Then what?" Rachel demanded, the small wrinkle in her forehead an obvious indication that she was getting frustrated. Her temper just got shorter and shorter as time went on, unfortunately for those around her.

To Marco's credit no matter how much we tease him he's one of the more intelligent people I know. His eyes widened just slightly then he laughed almost ruefully.

"You can't be saying what I think you're saying. Not after what happened with the Rat." Cassie's hand tightened on Jake's shoulder as he looked at the ground again. The silence spoke for him. "No. Just…no. It should be an obvious no; we didn't know He was psychotic but this one is obviously a few cards short of a deck."

"Are you insane?" Rachel was almost shouting, but seemed to be just barely restraining herself. "He nearly killed all of us."

"I was there." Jake muttered.

"Then how can you even think that? No new Animorphs, we can't trust anyone else!" Rachel raked a hand through her hair then licked her lower lip. "Jake…you feel bad, I get it. We all do, but that doesn't mean we put ourselves at risk my giving every poor kid we meet the ability to hurt us. It's bad enough he knows."

Jake looked at her for a moment then up at me. "Tobias?"

It took me a moment to realize he was asking me my opinion, calling a vote. Jake's only way of shifting power off of his shoulders for a few moments. Everyone else turned their gaze to me, waiting for what I would say.

I could see Jake's position easily; I kind of felt the same. Even more than that I couldn't help but think that just sending Jonathan away without asking his say in the matter was wrong. But, of course, we aren't fighting a moral war so it doesn't matter.

I also saw, and felt, Rachel and Marco. David was a mistake, a big one that can never actually be fixed. As long as we live we have to deal with the fact we made an Animorph who turned out to be insane and put us in more danger than Visser Three ever did. He'd come some close to killing all of us all on his own and doing what Visser Three still hadn't managed even with an army at his disposal.

It wasn't the sort of thing you could just move past.

Still… Jonathan wasn't David. He wasn't angry and desperate; he was…alone. It was already determined with him; there would be no saving his family and living a normal life somewhere. It was what it was and now it was just a matter of whether or not we put him into hiding or let him fight.

"Tobias?" Rachel was looking at me, blue eyes showing confusion. She didn't understand why I was hesitating, what I had to think about.

He wasn't David. Not that I knew anything about him, it was just…a gut feeling. Instinct. You learned to trust instinct to survive after a while. 'I…yes. I'm with Jake.'

The look Rachel gave me was as if I'd just stabbed her in the back or handed her over to Visser Three or worse. I couldn't look at her and instead turned by gaze to Cassie who was once again biting her lower lip. Finally, after a long moment, she shook her head.

"No. I couldn't…not again."

"Well Ax is going to do whatever Jake says so we have a tie." Marco announced, looking grim. I almost corrected him, it wasn't like Ax didn't have a mind of his own, but decided against it. "How do we break ties?"

"Fights to the death?" Jake suggested with forced cheerfulness. Marco tilted his head, almost as if he was considering it.

'We could, you know, ask Jonathan what he wants.'

Once again I found myself the center of attention. I had to stop doing that.

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Dragon: Uh…I'd like to update regularly, honest, but I can only go when it wants to be written. The story has a mind of its own and I am but it's interpreter. I didn't make it sound sarcastic, it just…is. The story I mean.

Mars: The Martian Armada? I suppose that's as good a reason as any to update.

Mechante: The hawk doesn't have that long a lifespan, it's one of his (many) issues in the book and the not aging thing…it kind of just popped up when I was writing and then I went 'yeah…that makes sense.' I wouldn't want to be 14 (the age I chose) forever either…it wasn't so hot the first time around, you know? And he is tired. More than any other word I could use to describe the 'voice' I'm going for with him 'Tired' sums it up.