Title: Just a Little Crush
Author: Celeste
Universe: Bleach
Feedback:
Theme: Fluff
Rating: PG-13 (crack + shounen-ai + yaoi, wow.)
Pairing: Kaien+Shuuhei crack fluff and some ShuuheixAyasekawa thrown in cuz I can't help myself.
Spoilers: Uh, I'm just going to say yes. So you know, don't read unless you're in the 170s somewhere. Or something.
Word Count: 3,319 (why yes, this was originally supposed to be a drabble thank you very much)
Time: OMG Way too long considering the test I have tomorrow. O.o And if someone wants to point out the TON of errors that are obviously in there for me, it would be much appreciated, because my brain isn't made for editing like, ever.
Summary: First love and Shuuhei's academy days.
Dedication: haganeready, cuz this was her request. Hope I did okay.
A/N: Okay, I'm not afraid to say that this isn't really very good, but I haven't been really good lately any way so it's kind of to be expected. --;; Just sort of silly, maybe OOC randomness that I wrote as it came to my head. Midterms obviously suck out all my strength. But anyway, sort of a continuation of the little series that began with "How in the Hell Did I Lose to You" but you don't necessarily need to read that if you're good at suspending disbelief beyond the usual suspension required when anyone reads any of my stories. ;; As for Shuuhei's classmates… uh, I know two of them exist. The fact that I threw Nanao in there was just for kicks because he needs someone else familiar in his class to us, right? Plus I was too lazy to make up new characters. Meh.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.

"Waaah, today we get to learn from Shiba-san!"

"He's always everyone's favorite, ne? He's so funny!"

"Un! And he treats us so nicely, even though we're all just students!"

Hisagi Shuuhei, first-year student, clenched his teeth and strode purposefully past the class's chattering girls, not believing half the praise they were hearing for that…that…

Ugh.

Shiba Kaien was nothing like they were saying, and if they would just take the time to get past the vice-captain's looks, they'd know he was actually a crass, bad-tempered, loose-cannon who was stepping all over The Court of Pure Souls' reputation by being allowed to influence the shinigami of tomorrow.

Shuuhei sighed and clutched his zanpakutou as they waited for Shiba's arrival. The 13th division vice-captain was already ten minutes late.

Really, it was deplorable that they would allow such an irresponsible idiot to teach.

"Yo, kiddies! Did you miss me?"

"Shiba-sensei! Good afternoon!"

Shuuhei looked up upon the entrance of his least favorite temporary instructor and frowned at the completely unrepentant expression on his face.

At least apologize for being late, moron.

"Looks like you're stuck with me again for this week, 'cuz Jyuu-chan, er, I mean Ukitake-taichou isn't feeling well. Let's have fun, ne?"

The class cheered like they were five years old again or something, making Shuuhei wince at the indignity of it all.

"Oi, oi, it's the brat with the unpleasant face again, what's with the frown this time, ne?"

Shuuhei blinked when an arm was draped companionably over his shoulders. He turned to see a grinning Shiba next to him.

"Something not sit well with you at breakfast, kid?"

Shuuhei's eyes narrowed. He was not a kid. "No sir," he responded respectfully, if tightly. "Perhaps we should just go, seeing as to how we're already late for the day's lessons," he suggested, shrugging out from under Kaien's arm.

Kaien quirked an amused smile at the kid's pluck, resolving to crack Hisagi's tightly controlled shell sometime during the course of week. There had to be something fun under that cute (albeit constantly scowling) face, after all.

Five days later and the entire class was even more enamored of Shiba Kaien than they'd been the day they started, the cheerful 13th squad vice-captain making an easy sort of friendship with most everyone, garnering their admiration, adoration, and awe all in one fell swoop of that roguishly cheerful smile.

Shuuhei was the last remaining bastion of sanity amongst his classmates. Couldn't those fools see that this was a complete waste of their important training time?

They'd already spent five days in the human world and all they'd done thus far was play games where they learned inane things like each other's favorite colors or hobbies as well as a couple of random, unimportant facts about the mortal realm.

Even under the tutelage of someone as undisciplined as Kyouraku Shunsui, at least they'd learned a few useful shielding techniques.

With Kaien as their instructor in the field, all Shuuhei currently knew was that three of his classmates liked to play Go and that humans had a game on earth called football that the vice-captain liked to watch if they so happened to pass a television that was broadcasting a game. He went on long, lively tangents about the rules and the strategies and the strength required of humans to play the sport.

Most of the class was so completely enamored they failed to see the uselessness of what Shiba-fukutaichou was spouting.

Shuuhei didn't understand how such a man could be as highly ranked as vice-captain of one of the Gotei-13.

"Oi, frowning-brat, your turn," Kaien prompted, stirring Shuuhei from his annoyed musings.

"Excuse me?"

"Pay attention, huh? This is important. The most important thing I'm gonna ask you all week, kiddo."

Shuuhei glowered at the moniker. "Yessir."

"So…what's your ultimate goal for being in the Gotei-13?"

Hisagi blinked. That was the most important thing?

"Well?"

"I'd like to become a division captain, sir."

Kaien burst out laughing. "Well, I guess that's a pretty good goal, but why?"

Shuuhei could feel the whole class staring expectantly at him, some of the more malicious members hoping it was a stupid reason so that Shiba-san would put the constantly growling Hisagi in his place.

"Because I want to become strong enough to lead others."

It was a rather boring answer, and the previously anticipatory members of the class deflated slightly.

"Oh? Well keep working hard then, Hisagi-chan," Shiba told him with a grin. "Honestly, with that face, I thought you wanted to become a captain so you could use it to scare your subordinates!" he joked, punching Shuuhei companionably in the arm. The class laughed with him.

Shuuhei's expression darkened, but he said nothing out of respect for Kaien's rank.

Kaien sighed, shaking his head. "Your face would be so much cuter if you'd smile, kid."

"Noted, sir," Hisagi bit in response, fighting back the flush that threatened his cheeks on the inappropriate comment.

Shiba Kaien was an insufferable idiot.

It was towards the end of the sixth day, as they were once again, learning more about each other while performing rather routine konsoh, that the Hollow attacked.

There was general panic amongst the academy students, zanpakutou drawn without the slightest inkling of what to do with them. Shuuhei remembered a nervous fear paralyzing his body the moment he saw that horrific white mask barreling across the field towards them, a huge monstrosity that had enough spiritual energy to momentarily freeze him and the others in their tracks.

Shiba-fukutaichou had remained calm as he'd rested his elbow on the hilt of his weapon and looked at his gaggle of students expectantly. "Woah there, kiddies!" he shouted as the Hollow drew closer and closer. "What's with the faces, you wet yourselves or something? You're shinigami now!" he barked, all good nature suddenly gone from him.

It was as if, in the blink of an eye, he had become a true vice-captain.

"It's time to put to use what we all learned over the past few days, yeah?" he urged again, standing off to the side and watching the students' every move with sharp, confident eyes. "We spent all that time learning about each other's talents, ne?" he prompted when no one moved. "Like those football players! Teamwork!"

Shuuhei blinked, the incredulousness he felt at Kaien's idiotic proclamations at such a dire moment stirring him from his fear-induced immobility. How could that sorry excuse for a death god stand there and preach to them more about his ridiculous sports when there was a real life Hollow bearing down on them, they, barely in their second term as students!

What had they possibly learned in the past five and a half days that could be of any use?

What did they do besides fool around all week and play games and chat and…

"I think, out of all our subjects, I'm best at binding kidoh…"

Hisagi turned immediately to his left, matching the voices of his memories over the week's lessons to the person beside him. "Ise!"

The bookish looking girl next to him snapped at the sound of her name. "What!" she demanded, eyes still trained on the Hollow.

"Binding spell #1!" he shouted, clutching his soul cutter.

"W-what!" she stammered, disbelieving.

"Just do it!" he ordered, stepping forward.

"Out of all the kids my age, I always won the footraces we had in Rukongai! And uh… I guess I'm okay at kidoh too, heh."

"Let's see…well, I could always out-arm wrestle anyone that challenged me even if they were much bigger! I'll defeat anyone that opposes me!"

"Kanisawa, Aoga, follow me!"

Maybe it was the conviction behind his voice as he ordered them from their fear-stricken paralysis, but without thinking, he took charge and the others began to follow his instructions, the time they had spent together as classmates over the past few days solidifying at this moment in time, just after they were forced to share their most intimate strengths and weaknesses with each other under the cheerful eye of the 13th division vice-captain.

The creature made to take a final leap at them, intent on closing the distance and snapping up one or two unlucky students as it did.

"Now, Ise!"

"Ahhh… hai! Er…letsee…letsee," she mumbled nervously, fumbling with her glasses.

"NOW Ise!"

"Hai! Bakudou no ichi…SAI!"

The creature's two back legs locked together upon the release of her spell, sending the Hollow stumbling to the ground before it could jump, giving the other students time to scatter as Shuuhei, Kanisawa, and Aoga charged, Kanesawa managing to dart speedily around its massive, flailing arms.

"Kanisawa, reinforce the kidoh!"

"Hai!" Small but fast, she managed to squeeze past its claws and wrap her arms around its spellbound legs, chanting the incantation again and reinforcing Ise's binding kidoh with her own spirit power.

"Aoga, subdue the arms!"

"Right!"

The larger shinigami plowed fearlessly through, catching the clawed forepaws of the Hollow in either hand, its nails digging into his flesh and drawing blood. Holding his ground he grasped them both and flung his body sideways, taking the monster's arms with him in a flying tackle and clearing the path to the creature's face for Shuuhei.

Without any hesitation, without any of the immobilizing fear he'd felt moments ago, Shuuhei charged forward instinctively and cleaved the grotesque white mask straight down the middle, splitting it cleanly in half with his soul cutter in one adrenaline-driven slice.

The monster bellowed once more before dissolving into the air, Aogi and Kanisawa falling to the ground as it dematerialized around them.

His zanpakutou suddenly feeling heavy in his hands, Shuuhei, shaking slightly from the rush, clutched the sword tightly, looking in amazement at its blade and wondering if it had just spoken out loud to him.

With the exception of Aogi and Kanisawa, who were both stretched out on their backs gazing wearily at the sky as they caught their breaths, Hisagi's other classmates, in similar states of dazed confusion, all seemed to be staring at him

The sound of amused clapping stirred them all from their disbelieving relief, Shiba Kaien's voice ringing out loud and clear across the cemetery. "Good job, kiddies, I'm impressed."

Incredulous, all eyes turned to him.

The vice-captain, all composure and smiles, saluted the group. "And this is the final lesson I'm gonna leave with you this time, ladies and gentlemen. We spent almost six days talking with each other, asking questions about each other's hopes and dreams, your fears, your weaknesses. It was a pretty easy-going few days compared to what you're used to from other captains, right? Well… easy as it was, it proved invaluable today, don't you think?"

The question was greeted with silence.

Undaunted, Shiba continued. "The Gotei-13 means that there're 13 teams of shinigami. From your captain all the way to your last chair, they're all your comrades. Know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Work as a unit, even down to your weakest member. You all have a duty to one another that's more important than where you rank on the ladder. Got me?"

A series of murmurs broke out, some accusatory, some just plain relieved.

Shiba laughed, rubbing the back of his neck at the din. "Oi, oi… you all made it out all right, thanks to some quick thinking on Hisagi's part, ne? Relax and take this as a very important lesson from both Ukitake-taichou and myself, huh?" The vice-captain grinned, large and unapologetic. "And you all thought the days spent with me were gonna be a pointless cakewalk, huh?" he asked, crossing his arms. "Well, I guess for the most part it was. But anyway, take a breather, clean yourselves up, and we'll head back to Soul Society in a little bit, 'cuz I think you brats deserve the last day off, yeah?"

It was welcome news to everyone's ears.

Especially Shuuhei's, whose heart was still pounding so strongly he thought it would punch a hole in his chest. Weak in the knees, he settled shakily to the ground in an attempt to regain his bearings.

"Nah, looks like you've got some potential after all, Hisagi-chan," Kaien revealed, winking at the breathless student as he approached him. Leaning down, the older man reached out and very unceremoniously ruffled Shuuhei's hair. "Smile more and I'm sure you'll make a good captain one day, ne? You're much cuter if you smile," he teased, causing Shuuhei to blush. "A good captain has to be liked too, don'tcha think?" Shiba chuckled ruefully to himself and pinched Hisagi's cheek before strolling off to congratulate the rest of the class on a job well done and see to Aoga's small injuries.

Minutes later, "All right brats, good work today! Now let's head back to Soul Society and tell those old fogey sensei of yours how well you did, huh? Congratulations on your first successful Hollow defeat!"

The class cheered, following after Shiba-sensei with renewed energy at his words even in the face of the scare they'd all just had.

At the back of the group, Shuuhei pushed himself to his feet, cheeks slightly pink as the procession waited for Shiba to open the gates back to Soul Society. Rubbing self-consciously at his abused cheek, even he had to grudgingly admit that even though the guy was a bit of an ass, Shiba-fukutaichou was at least, an admirable shinigami who taught important lessons.

And… maybe he was a little bit handsome too.

Shuuhei snorted to himself at the thought as he followed the class back through the gates to Soul Society.

Maybe just a tiny, tiny bit handsome…

…if you squinted.

"So that's the story of my first love." Captain Hisagi Shuuhei of the 9th division chuckled to himself ruefully as he finished his tale, glad that the general darkness of the room was doing well to conceal his embarrassed flush.

"That's it?"

Shuuhei frowned at his vice-captain's question. "What do you mean, 'that's it'?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

Ayasekawa Yumichika smiled back up at him, laughing quietly as he digested his captain's story. "I was expecting something less well…cute," the shorter man revealed, eyes sparkling with humor in the moonlit glow from the open window. "It's so like you to spend hours on the action and the fighting and next to nothing on the actual romance, Shuuhei," he complained teasingly, pouting.

Hisagi snorted, looking down at his subordinate with the patient sort of confusion he had learned to master over their time together. "Are you complaining?" he asked mildly, fighting back the hint of a smile he felt tugging at his lips as he took in the temptingly playful expression in Yumichika's eyes.

The other man wrinkled his nose sweetly, reaching up to touch the numbers tattooed on the side of Shuuhei's face. "Well you know, when I asked you about your past love affairs I expected something at least a little bit exciting…maybe even naughty," he revealed, fingertips playing lightly on his captain's cheek and jaw.

Shuuhei caught the wandering hand with his own, eyes narrowing marginally. "Wouldn't that just give you a reason to work yourself into a fine snit then?" he accused, turning his face to brush his lips against the captured fingers. "You can be ridiculously jealous sometimes."

Yumichika sighed in mock vexation, having been sorely disappointed if he'd wanted to hear of any sort of illicit affairs his well-disciplined captain had been a part of in the past. "Mou… you're no fun sometimes," he complained in a little whisper, lifting his head off the pillow and bopping the underside of Shuuhei's jaw with it. "That's really all? Just a little crush on Shiba-fukutaichou years and years and years ago?"

Shuuhei turned to bury his nose in his vice-captain's hair, taking a deep breath before letting out an exasperated little snort. "That's it," he swore. On Yumichika's answering giggles, the 9th division captain moved to nip at the laughing throat in front of him. "Don't laugh at me," he warned carefully. "I was devastated when I found out he was married, you know."

Yumichika let himself laugh out loud at this, the sweet sound mixing harmoniously with his gentle sighs as his captain's fingers ran lightly down his sides, threatening unmerciful tickling should he overstep his bounds.

"Mmm, I bet you never even told him, did you?" the vice-captain intoned instead, squirming on his back when Shuuhei poked him between the ribs.

"Nope," Shuuhei responded mechanically, mind already on other things when he felt his bedmate's breaths begin to quicken. "I bore the weight of my crush like any other duty."

Ayasekawa sighed, blowing petulantly into Hisagi's ear. "Well that definitely wasn't an exciting story at all, taichou."

"Oh? What would you want me to tell you, fukutaichou? You're being very naughty tonight," he chastised, touching his forehead to Yumichika's. "You're not concentrating at all, are you, idiot?"

Ayasekawa giggled again, gently kissing Shuuhei's nose. "I wanted to hear something a little dirty, if you must know," he revealed, doing his best to sound very bored. "But I suppose someone like taichou doesn't do those sorts of things, ne?"

Shuuhei growled and wrapped his arms around his insubordinate lover, rolling onto his back and taking the other man with him so that Yumichika was seated comfortably on top of Hisagi's stomach. "Well then, Ayasekawa-fukutaichou why don't you tell me about your past affairs?" he asked, arching a brow and looking up at the other man expectantly. "Dazzle me with the sordid little details."

Never one to forsake an opportunity (especially one as rare as this), Yumichika crossed his arms imperiously. "Well, if you must know," he began, sounding for all the world like he could give Kuchiki Byakuya a run for his money with the high-and-mighty talk, "I've had quite a run of flings. And just a few nights ago I even had a deviously dirty little dream about Abarai-fukutaichou…"

"What?" Shuuhei gaped, forgetting his cool composure momentarily at the revelation. "What in the hell could you possibly see in that unrefined, loud-mouthed idiot?"

Yumichika silenced him by pushing a finger against his lips. "If you're going to ask me to tell you things, Hisagi-taichou, it would be terribly ugly of you not to let me finish them, don't you think?" he intoned sweetly, though simultaneously, he squeezed his thighs warningly around Shuuhei's middle for emphasis.

Shuuhei glared back, but signaled with his eyes that he was going to let Yumichika continue even though he definitely didn't like it.

"As I was saying," Yumichika began again; starting all over just because he knew it would irk Shuuhei all the more, "just a few nights ago, I had a particularly dirty little dream about Abarai-fukutaichou…" he paused to see if Shuuhei would interrupt him again. When he didn't, Ayasekawa, giving a smug little smile, continued. "And he was doing quite the number…on you, Shuuhei."

Hisagi blinked.

Yumichika smiled brilliantly back at him.

"Wait… you what?"

"You heard me," Yumichika responded impertinently, sticking his tongue out at the 9th division leader.

Shuuhei looked back at the other man incredulously, feeling the blood rushing to his cheeks as the mental image of he and Renji raced unbidden through his mind.

On his look, Yumichika dissolved into a fit of delighted laughter.

Flushed bright pink, Shuuhei growled and flipped them over again, pinning his laughing vice-captain's wrists above his head. "Sometimes I don't know what to do with you," he muttered, embarrassed as Yumichika writhed and laughed heartily beneath him, eyes alight with mischief.

"Don't know what to do hmmm? Mmm, I think it's best if you make me completely forget about Abarai-fukutaichou right now, if you're looking for suggestions, Hisagi-taichou."

Shuuhei groaned and closed his eyes, resting his head on his vice-captain's giggling chest.

It seemed it was just his bad luck to always be falling in love with idiots.

END