Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

For DeadUchiha
From Smurf

Merry Christmas! I have butchered and bastardized something wonderful yet again. I took the liberty of adding some verses, and truly massacring a Christmas classic. Hope you enjoy it!

Deadypoo's Christmas Gift

T'was the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was living,
Not even a mouse…

Alright, so perhaps that isn't quite true.
There were a few living creatures in the house of Dead Uchiha,
One in particular;
Hagane Kotetsu,

A living Chunin of Konohagakure-
Though his living status is up to debate,
As he had been drugged to death,
By Smurf-chan as of late,

Then there was Kamizuki Izumo,
His favorite bedmate,
Whose status as living,
Is also up for debate,

And Kankuro, and Smurf-chan,
Whose Magical Mushroom House,
Had recently been eaten,
By something much larger than a mouse,

Shisui was practicing his pickup lines with care,
While hoping desperately that a certain Mary-Sue soon would be there.

Sasori was snuggled away in his bed,
While visions of puppet sex,
Ran rampant through his head,

Dead and S.E.A.E. in their hoodies, and both Yondies wearing a Santa Claus cap,
Had just settled themselves down for a long winters nap,

When from the living room there arose such a clatter,
they sprang from their bed to see just what was the matter.

Down to the living room they flew in a Yellow Flash,
Tripping over Obito,
Causing their very own crash,

The Christmas tree lights, giving off a gentle glow,
Gave the sparkle of YOUTH to the objects below,

And what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But their three apples high roommate in the doorway,
Dressed as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,
Kankuro, beside her, with reins and a whipping stick.
They knew in an instant he was playing the part of St. Nick.

More rapid than bunnies the two continued their game,
They whispered, and moved things,
And Smurf-chan even cursed his name;

"Kankuro no Baka! Be quiet! You'll wake everyone up!
Kuso! Come on! Move it over there! Just like that, yup!
To the right! No the left! No, back to the right!
Now hurry up! Hurry! Let's get this done tonight!"

And like ninja who sneak in order to avoid a fight,
The duo crept further into the house that night.
Then into the living room Smurf-chan flew,
Wearing faux antlers, and jingle bells too.

And then, in a twinkling, they spotted right there,
Kankuro following Smurf-chan,
Face set in a glare.

The quartet, feeling like voyeurs, thought of turning to leave,
But Kankuro as St. Nicholas was a sight too strange to believe.

He was dressed all in fur, from his toes to his hood,
The Quartet couldn't look away, though they knew they probably should;
A giant red bag he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a hawker opening his sack.

His eyes -- how they sparkled!
Smurf-chan's dimples -- how cute!
His cheeks were like roses; her nose matched his suit!

Then from his pack he pulled something wrapped up in a bow,
With a beard on it's chin, and a voice deep and low;

The stump of a cigarette was held tight in it's teeth,
The smoke from it encircling their heads like a wreath;

It had a broad face and it's body, though dead, was quite strong,
S.E.A.E. muttered something about wanting to see it in a thong.

It was rugged and handsome,
And too big to be found on department store shelves,
The four laughed when they saw their gift, in spite of themselves;

A wink of Smurf-chan's eye and a twist of Kankuro's head,
Soon gave them to know that they had nothing to dread;

The pair spoke barely a word, but went straight back to their work,
Of which they supposed Smurf-chan's groping Kankuro was a perk,

Then laying her lips aside of his ears,
She gave him a giggle,
Kankuro gaped at the false reindeer;
He sprang to his feet, to their audience gave a whistle,
And away the duo flew down the hall, to Shisui's closet, like a missile.

But the four heard Kankuro exclaim, ere he dragged Smurf-chan out of sight;
"Happy Christmas Asuma, and don't let them abuse you all night!"

Okay, I promise, no more updates or edits done on this particular fic.

And, yes, I'm quite aware that this bastardization makes little to no sense.

Hugs and Oreos; Smurf