It was three-thirty in the morning and Lois couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and tried to make herself comfortable but nothing worked. It took her while to realize that what was bothering her wasn't physical. Something deep in her subconscious kept her awake, telling her to get her butt out of bed and go downstairs. She followed her gut, hoping that once she got whatever it was that she had out of her system she could get a good nights' sleep.
Lois was careful not to make any noise when walking downstairs. She tried to be extra careful when passing the living room, desperately hoping Clark wouldn't wake up, but there was no need for hope. Clark was wide awake, looking at a half-empty (or half-full) cup of orange juice, in the kitchen.
You should've stayed upstairs, Lo.
The only light in the entire first floor of the Kent house came from the moon, entering through the windows, putting shadows where needed. Lois was able to see Clark's head turn her way, he was completely aware that she was there, too late to turn back.
Clark turned on the kitchen light. "Lois?"
"No," Lois said. It was routine now, whenever Clark asked a question with an obvious answer she had to make him feel stupid for asking it. Clark nodded, expecting such an answer. Lois took the necessary steps to enter the kitchen. "It's three o-clock in the morning, what are you doing up?"
"I can't sleep," he answered truthfully. "I've had a lot on my mind lately and all of it just came crashing down tonight. What about you? Can't sleep either?"
As if on cue, Lois yawned. "Actually no," she said. "I'm beat. To tell you the truth I have no idea why I'm down here, I just had a hunch." Lois gently pulled out a chair and sat down. "Guess it's rubbing off on me, Smallville."
"What is?"
"Your world famous hunches; which happen to be right, by the way," Lois said adding another yawn to the mix. She looked up at Clark and wondered how he did it. It was so late, or so early, depending on how you looked at it, and he didn't even have one bag under his eye. After a brief yet surprisingly comfortable silence, Lois couldn't mind her own business. "What the hell is bothering you, Smallville?"
Clark chuckled, as if he was going to tell her, really tell her. "You know, Lois, I think you need your sleep. The lack of it is making you nosier than usual."
"Hey," she said defensively. "I obviously came down here for a reason, and that seems to be you; this might sound crazy, but considering that we're in Freak-ville, USA, it might not. I think that my lack of sleep is due in part to your blinded sorry-for-yourself, I-hate-my-life-and-the-way-it's-going, thing. Now, I'm here to play Dr. Phil, you're here to play my guest, so just push aside the whole we-hate-each-other thing and suck it up." Lois managed to say this fast, in a voice a little louder than a whisper and with authority, making Clark wince and grin at the same time.
Clark pulled out a chair and sat across from Lois. He was reluctant and decided that he would tell her what was bothering him without telling her anything at all. After a short thirty seconds he took a deep breath and started, "For a long time now it seems that I've been living for everyone else. I try to be what everyone else wants me to be while trying to be myself, but its difficult being both because I never live up to what everyone else wants me to be, and I can't be myself, my full self, without there being a million questions that I don't have the answers to." Clark took another deep breath, he wasn't sure if that made sense but Lois's silence assured him that it did, so he continued. "Some things have sprung up lately that might answer all of these questions, and the more I try to figure it all out the more people get hurt, and the more people seem to want more from me. I don't want to disappoint anyone, or hurt anyone, or lie, but that's all they get when they ask for more. I'm tired of being…"
Lois knew what Clark was doing, and it was working. Obviously Clark had some deep dark secret that made everyone he loved hate him. Although she was curious as to what the secret was, she wasn't going to put herself in the position of Chloe or Lana. First of all she wasn't in love with him and second of all she didn't find him as mysterious as they claimed him to be. If there was one thing Lois knew, it was that everyone kept secrets for a reason, and Clark's secret was big enough for him to risk his relationships with friends. Clark managed to tell her what was bothering him, something he had wanted off his shoulders for a long time, meaning that in some odd way he trusted her.
"Wow," Lois retorted. "That's a lot to say in less than thirty seconds."
Clark kept his eyes on Lois; it was a look of mild desperation. Whether he wanted to or not, Clark was going to hear what Lois had to say. But he knew that she wasn't going to ask him what his secret has.
"First of all, you shouldn't burden yourself with this big load of heroism. You can be yourself without being your full self; if there are some things you have to hide then hide them, if it's for the greater good. If the people you love won't accept that then they don't deserve your love. Second of all, I know this might sound crazy, but it's ok to hurt the people you love, not physically, of course. All those tears shed, all that blood loss, metaphorically, hopefully, won't be for nothing, just as long as you hurt and lose tears and blood yourself; because in the end there'll be a very good reason as to why. Third of all, you aren't obligated to anything or anyone, Clark. You're not obligated to help anyone; to hide anything; to reveal anything; it's all about choice. And it seems to me that you're choosing to feel guilty. You shouldn't feel guilty, Clark. You know in your heart that you don't want to hurt anyone. You've helped so many people that now it's ok to be a little selfish. You can find the answers to all of those questions, as long as you know that in the end, in the long run, it'll make you a better person."
Clark was stunned. He hadn't expected anything like that to come out of Lois' mouth. While it all made sense to him he had many restrictions. He didn't want to hurt anyone, especially not Chloe and especially not Lana. But she was right, Lois was right.
"I'm right, Clark," Lois said, again as if on cue. "You know I'm right."
The short but informative monologue rid Lois of her weary and fatigue, but her eyelids didn't concur with the rest of her body. They were heavy and ready to close for the night. Despite this Lois kept a completely aware expression, trying to match it to Clark's perfectly concocted state of mind. Then, after a short silence, Lois decided that her "Dr. Phil" persona was no longer needed. She got up and walked towards the stairs to go to bed.
"Lois?"
Lois turned around. "Oh, right, goodnight, Smallville." She turned back and continued until Clark quietly called her again. "What is it, Clark, I'm night of the living dead over here."
Clark took a few steps to break the gap that separated them. "Why do we do this?" he asked, knowing that she would understand what he meant, but he continued anyway, just in case she didn't. "Why is it that we can't stand each other when we're with other people but—"
Lois took it from there, "—but finish each other's sentences and know exactly what to say when we're alone?"
Clark nodded. The irony of it all, the fact that she was able to finish his question while proving just how easy it was for them to connect when alone.
Lois shrugged. "I guess it's our gimmick, Clark. I don't hate you, and I know you don't hate me; I'm the hard knocks city girl you needed in your life, and you're the sensitive and secretive, but totally readable, flannel-wearing farm boy I needed in mine. In some odd and science-fiction sort of unromantic way we…," Lois didn't want to use those word but she sucked it up, each other."
Clark almost laughed at how embarrassed and uncomfortable Lois looked when she said what was obviously true. "Goodnight, Lois. And thanks."
Lois nodded and gave Clark her only form of a "you're welcome." "This is strictly between you in me. If we act all goody-goody, we're-the-best-of-friends tomorrow then the whole bantering thing we've had going, you know, good sarcastic and sometimes unbearable humor, since September, will have been for absolutely nothing."
Clark agreed. "Sure thing, Lois. Tomorrow morning I'll continue hating your guts."
"And I'll continue hating yours."
The End
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