Disclaimer: Dum… dada dum… dada I own nothing dada dum.

Author's Note: I found this story on a shelf buried inside a book. I wrote it ages ago and forgot about it.

ZZZZ

Snape for THIS class

ZZZZ

"Quiet!" Snape shouted as he entered the classroom. The students went silent as they watched the professor walk to the front of the room.

"Oh great, we have Snape for THIS class," a student whispered.

Snape heard. "I said silence. As you should have realised, you will be taught as one large group. All 6th and 7th years fro all houses. No excuses, you must attend and I must teach you. Not by choice, mind you. We are all being forced to do this by the Headmaster. Now, I'm sure you all know the in's and out's of sex."

The students sniggered.

Snape rolled his eye's. "But I am here to teach you about the actual act of sex. NOT the reproductive system."

"Sir? Is this really appropriate for us?"

"Miss Granger, you don't honestly this your fellow sixth years, let alone the seventh years, are as celibate as you?" Snape smirked.

"I… well…None of us go around jumping into people's bed's, I'm sure." Hermione looked at her friends. Harry and Ron both looked away. So did Seamus, Lavender, Partravi and even Neville.

"It appears you were mistaken, Miss Granger. Now may we continue? Good. The point of this class is for you to learn the dangers and pleasures of sex." He paused.

"I am also obliged to inform you than Headmaster Dumbledore has placed a charm so that nobody can lie if asked a question in class, once it is related to the topic we are discussing."

Neville raised his hand. "What dangers are there, Sir?"

"Well, Mr Longbottom, one danger is an unwanted pregnancy."

The boys grimaced.

"That, however, is the least of your worries. STD is the main problem. It-"

"What's an STD?" a seventh year asked.

"An STD is a sexually transmitted disease," Snape answered.

Some students gasped.

"There is a spell to see if your partner has a disease before you fuck each other." Snape smirked at the stunned faces. "By the way nobody will be reprimanded for what they say during this time, but nobody is to mock or make fun or anyone else."

Snape took off his heavy robes and hung it over the chair. "The spell was actually created in France. Repeat after me, 'sauf-conduit'. "

"Sauf-conduit," they repeated.

"Good. If you should happen to get an STD, there isn't much hop for you. Your immunity will fall and you will eventually die.

"And boys, some of you are filthy bastards and don't bother to properly clean themselves. And as for 'fingering' girls, it is dangerous. You could easily give them warts or sores from dirt under your nails. There is no need to do it anyway."

"What's fingering?"

Ron looked shocked. "Hermione? You don't know what that is?"

"No I don't. why else would I be asking," she scowled.

Snape spoke up. "Fingering, Miss Granger, is when a finger is inserted into a woman… need I say more?"

Hermione blushed deeply.

"Now we will go to the more… pleasurable side of sex – the kinky stuff!"

What do you think? Please review!