Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Toei, Bandai, Kodansha, and others. This fanfic is the property of every die-hard and obsessed Haruka & Michiru fan, gay or straight... Unless no one wants anything to do with it, in which case, I will just have to take it back and return it to my brain.
Warning: Borderline R-rated content. Minor violence, implicit sex, some angst. In other words, this is my first attempt at being serious, which is not my usual cup of tea.
Some promises are meant to be broken; some wounds are better left unhealed.
Broken Promise
She piloted the helicopter in silence, unwilling to look at me or to simply even acknowledge my presence. Behind us, the Marine Cathedral faded into the starry background. Our nightmarish ordeal was over, the Talismans had all been recovered without a single sacrifice. We were closer to finding the Messiah. Tonight marked a crucial milestone in our Holy Mission, a Mission that had consumed us for the past two years.
I never felt worse in my life.
"Uranus?" I finally mustered enough courage. "You haven't said anything since we said goodbye to the girls."
Silence.
I sighed and gazed at the sea underneath us; the turbulent wind carried the violent waves, crashing against the shore. I blinked back my tears and looked up at the sky outside; the moon shone eerily, overcast by threatening thunderclouds. The day's events - Eudial, Marine Cathedral, the Talismans - drained us in our entirety, both physically and mentally. The only thing to do now is to return to Tokyo, detransform, and rest our battered bodies. Uranus was probably just as tired as I was...
"Michiru," just when I thought that Uranus was too tired to talk, my name escaped from her clenched jaw in the form of a whisper. I was surprised that she addressed me by my name even though we were still clad in our Sailor fuku's.
"You broke your promise."
Her emotionless comment caught me off guard. I held my breath, waiting to hear the rest of her verdict. But Uranus was silent again. She only continued to stare forward, her blonde bangs failing to mask the tears that threatened to fall from the determined green eyes.
I broke my promise. I thought bitterly to myself. Which one?
The promise I made to myself not to fall in love with Haruka this quickly.
She made that one so difficult to keep.
The promise I made to her that the Mission was most important.
I failed miserably at that one too.
The promise we made to each other that we needed to save the world at any cost.
A world without Haruka is not worth saving.
Once the helicopter landed on the rooftop of her condominium, we both quickly detransformed. We rode the elevator down Haruka's complex, fifty floors without a single word, painfully uninterrupted.
When we reached ground, the previously unnoticeable tingling sensation on my back gradually grew to an unbearable burn without the defense of my Senshi powers. I realized that the thin material of my cotton blouse was not enough protection for the fresh wounds against the rough wool of the Mugen Gakuen sweater.
"We need to take a look at your back right away." Haruka must have noticed my stiffness as she walked me out, stopping me by the entrance.
"No, I can take care of my own wounds, they will probably be nothing by tomorrow morning." I turned to walk towards the building across the street.
"You're coming up." Her grip on my arm was firm.
"Take off your clothes." The order came once we stepped into her condominium.
I froze. Of course, she couldn't mean that.
Haruka seemed to have realized the rashness in her speech and recovered herself, "I mean, just your sweater and blouse. I need to see how badly you're hurt. I'll be back with the first-aid."
I snapped back to reality as she closed the door behind her. Though reluctant, I did not have the any residual energy to fight her stubbornness. I choked back my tears as I peeled the sweater off my back.
"Itai!" I felt the blouse clinging onto my back.
Sweat? Blood?
Both.
"Michiru?" There was a knock at the door. "... Do you need help?"
"No! I'm okay," In the midst of my panic, I gasped in spite of myself as I tore the cotton blouse from the open gashes.
Haruka must have heard it. "I'm coming in."
I turned around, instinctively covering my chest with my arms even though I was still in my bra. Why was it all of a sudden uncomfortable between us? We are both girls and I never had problems changing in front of her before. She was never secretive about her admiration for my body either. But those were just all a part of this twisted flirting game that we played with each other out of boredom and choicelessness in our pre-determined paths, our pre-destined lives. They were never meant to be taken seriously...
I wasn't so sure anymore.
I felt Haruka's intense gaze on my body, her eyes piercing through the little bit of clothing that I still had on. She walked over, first-aid kit in hand and instructed for me to sit on the bed and turn around. Obediently, I lifted my hair up for her to inspect my back. She unclasped my bra.
My breathing stopped.
"Those arrows were really something," Haruka was applying the antiseptic cream to my back. "Eudial was a lot smarter than she looked."
Cupid's arrows... shot by cupid's arrows... crossing a forbidden bridge, punishable by god... I recalled Eudial's words. What have I done that's punishable by god?
She blew on my back, trying to relieve the stinging from the alcohol as I sat perfectly still. Her cool breath setting my back on flame.
"You know, it's really not necessary for you to do this," I heard myself saying when I found my voice. I wasn't trying to be ungrateful, really. "My Senshi powers will heal them by the morning."
"I know," she pulled my bra back for me. "I just have to make sure they don't scar."
No, let them...
The stinging sensation subsided before I finally dared to stir again. I grabbed my blouse and hastily buttoned up with my back towards her.
"Thanks for cleaning up the wounds," trying my best to sound normal, I moved toward the exit. "It's really late, we both should rest. There's more work ahead of us now that we've found the Talismans. So, goodnight."
Her hand stopped mine over the doorknob, her expression unreadable. "You still owe me an explanation."
"An explanation?"
"You broke your promise," she repeated her earlier statement. My wrist ached from her tight grasp. I tried to twist myself free, but she did not yield. "I hate being lied to," her suppressed anger was now apparent.
"We can talk about this tomorrow. I really have to go-"
Without warning, Haruka gripped my shoulders tightly, inadvertently slamming me into the wall. We stared at each other wildly for a split second, just long enough for me to catch the desperate longing and painful memories in her eyes before she fiercely covered my lips with hers and forced her tongue into my mouth. The light switch flipped off and dug into my newly-opened wounds. I cried out in pain into her mouth and struggled to push her away. She pulled her head back, slightly surprised and regretful, but held me tighter.
"Kuso! Why did you do that?" Haruka put a dent in the wall, just inches away from my head. Her eyes reflected her inner rage in the dark... yet they couldn't mask the fear and injury that I saw past them. I always saw past what she displayed on the surface.
"Why did you push me out of the away? Why did you run across the bridge when I told you not to move? Why did you take the hit that was meant to be mine?" She shook me until the tears fell freely. "Answer me, Michiru!"
"I..." Did I really have an excuse for myself?
"You were the one who made me promise that no matter what happens, one of us must complete the Mission with absolute disregard for the other," Haruka was so close now, trapping me with both of her forearms, her chest practically heaving onto mine. "You even reminded me again before we walked in the Marine Cathedral. You forced me, whether I was willing or not, to uphold your damn promise, right before you went back on your own words."
I closed my eyes, feeling the hot tears streaming down my cheeks as I recalled every sin that I committed against Haruka today. Yes, I was guilty of all her accusations. I had made her promised me that she needed to forsake me if the Mission required so. Yet I had conveniently forgotten to tell her that I would never be able to do the same.
"Look at me!" she demanded. "Did you think it was entirely selfless to sacrifice yourself? Did you even stop to think about my feelings while I watched you foolishly throw your life away for me? Did you even think about what I would do after losing you? You made me watch the arrows hit you time after time after time. 'Haruka, I won't let you die' you said it so determinedly and made yourself the heroine while I became the helpless witness, left at Fate's mercy."
"Gomen," I collapsed to the floor, covering my face. "I don't expect you to forgive me... or even to understand."
How can I expect her to? If it were the other way around, I would be equally angry. True, I had honored the Holy Mission and died bravely in my line of duty as a Sailor Senshi. But I betrayed her unfaltering trust in me as a comrade, a friend, and a...
There was a long and pained sigh.
"Michiru," she bent down and guided my hands away from my face before she swept me into her arms, her tone softened. "I do understand."
I pulled away from her, stunned. We may have flirted shamelessly while we were Michiru and Haruka, but that was just for fun... at least on her part even though I had meant every innuendo. But Neptune and Uranus were always just about battles and the Mission, weren't they? I made sure of that. How could she have known? I had tried so hard to hide it from her... until today.
"I know why you did it," Haruka reconfirmed.
"Why?" It was ironic that I was asking her this question.
"For the very same reason I brought Eudial's gun to my own heart."
"To retrieve the Talisman?" I asked, confused. Certainly, she couldn't mean...
"That was only part of it," Haruka tenderly brushed my bangs away from my tear-streaked cheeks, almost as if she wanted to see my eyes more clearly. "But more importantly, I couldn't allow you to go off in a world of your own... a world without me." At that, she held me to her. "Isn't it unfair? Leaving me to go off in a world of your own... I can't chase after you."
It was the third time she had said it today, I realized.
Haruka buried her face at my neck. While I absorbed the aftershock from her words, I felt a small droplet of water travel from my nape down my collar. At the first contact it made with my cuts, my back muscles tightened in aching complaint.
"Haruka?" I combed her hair with my fingers. "Are you crying?"
"No," came the stubborn reply followed by another droplet.
"Itai, Haruka," I couldn't help but giggle despite the heavy feeling in my chest. "You need to stop that, be it crying or drooling."
Her soft shaking indicated that she was chuckling to my joke as well, and when she faced me, her eyes sparkled.
"Should we see how I can make you cry or drool?" Her eyes were mischievous right before she closed them, sealing my laughter with her lips, this time with the utmost tenderness.
Haruka's fingers worked my blouse buttons expertly, casting the article of clothing to the floor. Her hands moved to my waist and with a smooth unzipping sound, my skirt fell at my ankles. She gently lowered me onto the bed. When I winced in pain at the first contact my back made with the sheets, she realized her mistake and pulled me on top of her instead.
Timidly, I tried to reciprocate the favor, my violinist fingers all of a sudden clumsy and rigid over her dress shirt. Her hand guided mine, assisting me button by button down her shirt until we reached her pants.
The Approaching Silence..., I hesitated.
"Do you want me to stop?" she paused and looked at me intently.
No..., yet I nodded. We couldn't go there. We just couldn't.
Her eyes darkened as she brought her lips next to my ear and whispered huskily, "Liar."
She kissed me. I kissed back. She embraced me. I welcomed her. A bloodstained bra and a sweaty bandeau were tossed to the floor, followed by a thong and a pair of boyshorts. Through her feathering kisses, my flesh burned, my soul revived.
"Here, you charged out courageously." Haruka traced a wound on my shoulder with her tongue.
"Here, you fell and got up." As if naming each gash, she moved down my back.
"Here, you told me you wouldn't let me die." I wanted her to suck on the wounds. So that they will scar and never fade. So that I will always remember this night...
She came to the front and went lower. "Right here, you belong to me."
We couldn't go back anymore. In the midst of our desperate passion, I got angry with Haruka for initiating all of this, angrier with myself for responding so naturally. This was a mistake, a selfish act. We deserved to be punished. We deserved to be damned. We deserved to be cursed with our destiny...
Then why does it feel so good, so right, so complete?
"Are you alright?" she asked me, her eyes concerned as I shivered in her arms, overwhelmed by both pain and pleasure. At loss of words, my tears fell onto her cheeks. She cupped my face in her hands, catching every tear that fell with her lips.
"Fate will punish us," I finally confessed my deepest fear, though I had no regrets.
"Are you scared?" Haruka asked as her hands traveled down my body.
I had never felt safer being in the arms of someone so strong, so gentle. "Not as long as I'm with you, but..." Onegai, Messiah, execute me alone... don't touch Haruka.
"Then no more broken promises. Fate will have to punish us together," she silenced my worries with a consuming kiss.
Then another.
And another.
With every kiss, a part of my barrier destroyed. Every caress, I offered more of myself to her. There was not a part of my body, not a part of my soul that I would deny this person of.
Onegai, Messiah, never separate us... may it be Heaven or Hell.
As dawn crept through the window, I laid exhausted on top of Haruka, my senses still winding down. It was quite unbelievable, how one night can change nothing and everything all at once. The sun still shone through the window, but its rays were warmer, gentler. I still breathed in the same air, yet it tasted sweeter. Haruka was still Haruka, now she will always be a part of me.
I felt her hands on my back, soothing over the wounds. From the tingling sensations, I realized, with almost regret, that my Senshi powers had already healed me, destroying my evidence of devotion toward the one whom I would risk anything and everything for.
"Shimatta," I suddenly heard Haruka swore as her hands rested on my lower back, "I think I was a little too rough."
"That is quite the understatement," I countered. "I think I'll be sleeping all day."
"I was talking about your wounds..." Haruka sounded truly worried. "Gomen, I wasn't careful, there may be a couple scars."
"Honto?" I entwined my fingers with hers, feeling nothing but content. "Oh well, nobody is perfect."
"You're too perfect for scars."
"That's alright" I buried my face into her shoulder, trying to hide my smile. "You're the only one that will ever see them."
"Michiru, ai..." she stopped.
"Hai?" Was she actually going to say it?
"I..." there was a frustrated sigh. "You know I suck at confessions."
"I guess I'll just have to spare you," I giggled, not at all disappointed. "You don't need to say it, Haruka. I know it."
"Aishiteru."
"Aishiteru. Zutto."
O-shimai
Ichigo's Notes: After some semi-silly fanfics, I thought I'd try a serious one. Hope it wasn't too disappointing for anyone who was looking for something "fun" to read. I found it interesting how drama comes more easily from Michiru's point of view and humor from Haruka's more or less. But I know Michiru can definitely be funny and Haruka can probably be a Drama, ahem, King if she wanted to. I still need practice at being flexible with both characters.
I originally didn't want to end with them saying "I love you" because I thought it should be wordlessly expressed (and because it's so cliché), but I couldn't help giving in to the Romantic in me. I also tend to overuse Japanese in my works because they just sound better to me. Zutto in the last line has double meanings: 1) from the beginning; 2) from now on. If anyone needs other translations, feel free to let me know.
Sorry that it wasn't a lemon. Strawberry-lemonade at best, perhaps?
Dedication: To all H&M Purists out there. Don't ever doubt. (Dammit, am I getting sentimental?)