Chapter Thirty-Five: In Which Theodore Nott Applies For a Job

Theo stared at the thing in front of him in paralyzed terror.

"Ted," Jenny Allen said, "it's not going to bite you."

"You sure?" Theo asked, not looking away.

"It's a computer," Kitty Williams laughed, "It doesn't exactly have a mouth."

"You've used one before, come on," Jenny said encouragingly, "just put your hand on the mouse."

"Why is it called that again?" Theo stalled desperately. They were handy things, he hadn't lied to Granger when he said he liked them, but they didn't scare him any less.

"No idea," Jenny shrugged, "just put your hand on it."

Theo did gingerly.

"Have you started your art history paper yet Ted?" Kitty asked as he clicked a few times, looking as if he expected the gray object in front of him to explode.

"Yeah," Theo said, "I've got a good—aha!" he smiled triumphantly when he got on the internet successfully, and next to him, Kitty and Jenny looked at each other and smiled.

He wasn't sure how it happened that all of his current close friends seemed to be girls, and mostly Muggle girls at that, but they all seemed to find his occasional weird behavior and gaps in his knowledge adorable. It didn't occur to him that perhaps they liked hanging around him because he was tall and carried himself like a rich boy, and was oddly, old fashionedly polite and rather handsome. He just assumed it was weird Muggle charity. He really couldn't explain how he'd gotten a few Muggle girls to sleep with him. He supposed that was weird Muggle charity as well.

"I've got a few good books to pull from Kitty," he said after a moment, clicking on what he knew was his email link even more triumphantly, "I can lend them to you."

"Thanks Ted," Kitty said gratefully, "You're a life saver."

"Yes, that's Nott," said a new female voice, rather sarcastically, "he's a real hero."

Theo felt the color leave his face, he saw Kitty and Jenny spin around, but he stared blankly at his email. Which appeared to contain spam, which Jenny had assured him was both Muggle mail not to be touched, and also a weird canned meat product that tasted disgusting and was also not to be touched.

"Who are you?" Kitty demanded.

"Hello, Granger," Theo said to his screen, not turning around still.

"Hello, Ted," she said, putting a heavy, rude emphasis on 'Ted' that his Muggle classmates couldn't possibly miss.

"Is there a problem here?" Jenny asked.

"Oh no, of course not," Granger said, while Theo's heart went wild beating faster and faster, "not when Ted is involved."

"It seems like you have a problem," Jenny said, and still, Theo couldn't bring himself to look at her. There was no way this was happening, and as soon as he turned around and saw her, he would wake up.

"I'm not going to go away if you close your eyes and wish really hard, Nott," Granger snapped. "Coward."

When he heard Jenny give a snarling sort of noise and Kitty gasp in outrage, he knew something had to be done, even in this bizarre dream land.

He turned around and there she stood like an avenging goddess, her arms tightly crossed, her hair pulled back fruitlessly in a braid, pieces sticking out here and there. She was wearing a little white dress and black and white trainers, and Theo's throat went dry.

"Are you feeling better then?" he asked stupidly.

He had been so concerned when he'd read the three pages of detailed articles about her shocking fainting episode after she had raised millions of galleons for charity that he'd almost gone to see her again, before he remembered how he'd made her cry and she'd thrown a scalding potion on him and told him she never wanted to see him again.

Granger's eyes narrowed.

"Meaning what?" She snapped.

"God you're really something, aren't you luv?" Jenny asked, looking annoyed.

"Nott, tell your little friends to go away," Granger said imperiously, "and then answer my question."

"Who do you think you are?" Kitty gasped, standing up, "Ted, tell her to mind her mouth. She can't talk to you like that."

Theo stood up, not able to take his eyes off of her. He'd had a girl that was probably prettier by most guys standards ask him out on a date just three days ago, but to him she'd had nothing on Granger, who looked so good in that dress he almost wanted to cry.

"So who ended up wining?" he asked, not registering the astonished look Kitty was sending him, the way Jenny looked between him and Granger like she was understanding a difficult math equation.

"Oh," Granger said, somehow managing to cross her arms even tighter, "you're talking about that. Yes, I'm fine." For some reason her cheeks went pink.

"So who ended up wining?" Theo asked again. He'd found it beyond irritating that the paper had done a blow by blow account of the entire incident and neglected to mention who had secured a date with Granger in the end.

Jenny, if he'd cared to notice, had nudged Kitty, and covered her mouth, and Kitty's hand flew to her mouth as well.

"Oh, now you care?" Granger snapped.

A normal boy in this situation would've asked what on Earth he'd done to make Granger so angry, but it wasn't like she had a shortage of things to be angry with him about, was it?

"You know I've always cared," vomited out of Theo's mouth against his will, and this time he finally noticed the wide eyed looks Kitty and Jenny were giving him. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, have I?" Granger said, tapping her foot impatiently, "have I always known that, Ted?"

"Was it Malfoy?" Theo bleated, aware that he was reverting horribly in front of his new Muggle friends. "It was Malfoy, wasn't it?"

"Malfoy and Baddock," Granger said heatedly, "apparently Kingsley couldn't get them to stop bidding, even when I'd passed out, so they pooled their money and are taking me out together."

"What?" Theo, Kitty, and Jenny said in one voice.

"How much?" Theo demanded.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Jenny asked.

"Ten million," Granger said furiously, glaring at Theo like it was somehow his fault that she was going on a bizarre three-way date with a teenage Hogwarts student and Malfoy. "And Malfoy's grown his hair long."

"Like Lucius?" Theo croaked, imagining it and shuddering with revulsion.

"Exactly like Lucius," Granger said, looking like she was seconds away from slapping him.

"Oh, why don't you two just kiss?" Kitty interrupted, apparently not able to handle the bizarre tension in silence anymore.

"No thank you," Granger said while Theo said "What?"

"This is the girl, isn't it?" Kitty said, and she bit her lip, clearly holding in a laugh.

Jenny nodded, "Must be."

"What girl?" Granger and Theo said together, and then she looked at him with disgust.

"The girl you're obsessed with," Kitty said, biting her lip harder, but it didn't help, and she grinned. "You told Tiffany that you were in love with someone else, didn't you?"

Theo turned the color of a burnt sienna crayon, which he'd recently been introduced to in his art class and promptly was bitter at being denied throughout his childhood.

"Who is Tiffany?" Granger demanded, which seemed to amuse Kitty and Jenny for some unknown reason.

The honest answer was a Muggle girl from his Asian literature class last semester that he'd attempted to date to forget Granger, who every time he'd slept with her it had been nice, but he'd caught himself closing his eyes and pretending it was Granger, until he'd admitted to her the truth and she'd slapped him, which had only made him think of Granger more.

"Um," Theo said, his face so hot it was practically an inferno.

"It is you," Jenny said, looking genuinely delighted, "you're a bit meaner than we expected, and your hair…"

Granger, it seemed, was chewing over something else.

"He's not in love with me," she said coldly to Kitty.

Kitty snorted and Theo was reminded, horribly, that he'd surrounded himself with girls with personalities that were quite similar to Granger's and Tracey's.

"Sure," she said, looking conspiritally at Jenny, who was grinning at Granger with apparent delight. "He's only told half the girls in this school that and devoted his life to celibacy for you."

"I haven't," Theo said, in a hoarse voice.

"You have," Kitty corrected, grinning too.

"I'm not celibate!" Theo protested, voice still hoarse. It wouldn't do for Granger to think he'd only had sex once with her and never again, learning nothing more about how to please girls. That wouldn't do at all.

Granger's cheeks were still a fluorescent pink.

"You haven't denied being in love with her," Kitty pounced gleefully, and Theo turned white as a sheet, then back to burnt sienna in rapid succession.

"He's not," Granger said again, glaring at him.

"So, why are you here?" Jenny asked, "Are you finally going to put him out of his misery and go out with him again?"

"We never went out!" Granger protested venomously.

"You'll sure be disappointing a lot of girls if you do," Jenny continued.

"Impossible," Granger snapped, and Theo knew well enough what she was going to say next, so much so that he mouthed it along with her, "no one wants to date Nott."

"Shows as much as you know," Kitty snickered, and Theo went from burnt sienna to eggplant.

Dimly, he was aware that Granger and his two friends were sniping at each other, but he couldn't focus on anything other than that Granger was here in front of him, looking beautiful and fierce, with her uncontrollable hair and flamingo pink cheeks.

But why is she here? The long dormant internal Slytherin pureblood voice, the one he now mentally called Thaddeus whispered, disturbing his gaping.

"You seem rather dressed up to see someone you hate," Kitty was giggling, penetrating Theo's fog.

"I'm not dressed up!" Granger said hotly, but Theo knew suddenly that Kitty was right.

He'd seen the pictures of Granger in the paper announcing the auction, and she'd looked so pretty with her little blue dress and sunflower that he'd bought five more copies of the paper, covertly ripped out the pictures of her and saved them inside some of his books. And then he'd seen the ugly orange blanket she'd wrapped herself in for the auction. (He couldn't be blamed if he had ripped those pictures out and saved them as well.)

"And why are you here, anyway?" Jenny asked, echoing Thaddeus's voice. "Do you go to school here?"

"I…no," Granger said, the flush spreading down her neck and chest, and wasn't that odd as well?

"So how do you know Ted, anyway?" Kitty asked.

"We went to the same er…prep school," Theo said.

"Yes, that's right," Granger said, "and that's all."

Well. Theo supposed it would be awkward to tell a bunch of Muggle girls that he had been a bigoted supremacist who was a wizard who actually had killed people like them, hated witches like Granger, and had spent over six months of his life committing murders and holding Granger captive against her will.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, and had to stop himself forcefully from slouching over.

"Listen," he said, "can I get a moment alone with Granger, please?"

"What is your first name, anyway?" Kitty asked curiously, "I've never heard Ted refer to somewhere by their last name in my life."

"Hermione," Jenny said promptly, and when Granger and Theo looked at her agape, she smiled wickedly and continued, "Tiffany said he used to say it in his sleep."

It was a tough call which one of them turned redder or more uncomfortable looking, but Theo assumed he was winning by a hair.

The girls gathered their belongings and hugged him one after another, and when Kitty was saying goodbye to Granger in a very knowing tone of voice, Jenny whispered in Theo's ear. "You better kiss her before this day is over, Ted."

The two girls left grinning at the two of them the whole way out of the library, Granger looking more and more furious that they clearly had deduced she had slept with Theo.

Theo gazed at the side of Granger's face, admiring her neck, and promptly realized he still was a fool for her if he was attracted to her neck, of all things. Granger turned back to him with a frown.

"D'you want to get a coffee?" Theo blurted, "There's a good shop nearby."

Granger's eyebrows narrowed more.

"Or tea, they have tea there," he prattled.

Her lips pursed.

"And cupcakes, their cupcakes are excellent," Theo said weakly.

The silence spiraled horribly.

"You're buying," Granger said.

They had spent an awkward ten minutes walking in silence to the coffee shop, Theo's heart racing out of control. He'd seen a few people he knew who waved and called him Ted, which made Granger snort every time, and who had gazed curiously at Granger. It looked perhaps, like they were on a date. Granger was wearing such a pretty little dress, and he was always dressed fancier than most Muggle boys. It was the pureblood way. And Theo felt only a little guilty for reveling in that feeling, just a little. It was probably the only chance to pretend Granger was his girlfriend he was ever going to get.

"Hello, Ted!" a group of boys shouted to him, waving, and Jack Taylor shouted, "You coming to Cassie's party tomorrow?"

"I…er…I'm not sure," Theo said after a half glance at Granger.

"You can bring your girl!" Jack said, winking at Granger.

"I'm not—" Granger started to say furiously, but the boys had already moved on.

"You could've corrected him, Nott," she hissed at him, and then they were at the coffee shop, and Granger ordered five different things, almost as if she were taunting Theo, who gladly paid for her and then smiled at her.

Another five minutes of awkward silence passed, as Granger rapidly ate two pastries in succession, not looking him in the eye no matter how hard he tried to catch her gaze.

What is she doing? Thaddeus's voice hissed again, and this time, Theo listened more closely. What was Granger doing here?

He steeled himself for some time, his heart beating faster and faster, as he opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, made a weird noise, closed it, opened it and said, "So, Granger—"

"Why didn't you bid on me at the date auction?" Granger cut him off, looking directly at him.

It wasn't the last thing he'd expected her to say, there were a few phrases that could've come out of her mouth that were even stranger, such as "I've decided to elope with Hagrid," or "Malfoy's hair is so manly and attractive," or "I'm adopting Malcolm Baddock" but it was really, really close.

"Well?" Granger demanded.

"You…what?"

"Have you gone mad?" Granger said impatiently, "or are you Nott's long lost twin, Ted, who stands up straight and isn't a huge arse?"

"I'm still a huge arse," Theo assured her, and Granger's lips twitched for a second like she was fighting laughter or a smile.

"I was sure you were going to be there," Granger said, stirring her tea. "But no, you weren't, and now I'm going on a date with—"

"I heard Pucey and Krum were there," Theo said faux casually, not quite understanding what Granger was getting at, "and Potter and George Weasley bid too." He'd thought that last one very odd indeed, but he didn't question it as suspicious until Granger flushed again and looked away when he said George's name.

"They were," she said stiffly, "and they did."

"So, are you getting back with Puce—?"

"But you weren't," Granger said, glaring at him again, "and you didn't."

Theo was at a loss. He stirred his own tea and looked around the coffee shop for helpful inspiration on what the hell Granger was on about. In the corner was Helen Morgan, a girl who had gotten Theo incredibly drunk at a party, tried to sleep with him, and then demanded he marry her the next day. He looked away hastily.

"I didn't think you would want me there," he said honestly.

Granger's lips pressed into a McGonagall thin line. "Since when have you cared about my feelings, Nott?"

"Since…since fifth year," Theo said, "when I heard you were the one responsible for that hex on Marietta Edgecombe for snitching."

Granger looked surprised. "Why that?"

"It was an impressive bit of magic," Theo shrugged, "and I realized you were less of an uptight swot than we all thought."

He braced himself for impact, realizing his honesty had been a bit too blunt, but instead Granger looked rather mollified.

"Harry and Ron thought it was a good idea too," she said finally.

"Snitches get stitches," Theo said, and Granger's lips twitched, and then she couldn't hold it in and burst out laughing. Theo felt his own smile explode unexpectedly, not letting the glare of Helen Morgan effect him, and Granger flushed oddly again when he smiled at her.

"Do you even know what that means, Nott?"

"Sure," Theo said, still smiling, "squeal and get your arse beat. I really like some of these Muggle sayings."

Granger looked away from him, still red, and it hit Theo like a bolt of lighting that she wasn't flushed with rage for once, and that she was in fact, blushing.

"It's not that I didn't want to come," he said after a stunned, hopeful moment, and then he channeled a Gryffindor and barreled on, "it's that I didn't want you to feel like I owned you again." Granger's eyes snapped back to him, he mouth falling open a little. "I wanted to win a date with you, and rub it in Malfoy's face, and take you somewhere nice, and make you happy, but I figured it would remind you of…of unpleasant things. And I didn't want you to feel like I had any sort of power over you, ever again."

Granger's eyes were wide, and they stared at each other for a bit, Theo's heart beating as fast as a sprinting hippogriff. It couldn't be what he was thinking. It was just a weird coincidence that Granger had shown up to his university, wearing a very pretty dress, and agreed to go with him for tea. A strange coincidence that meant nothing that she had laughed at something he said, and blushed when he smiled at her. She hated him. It meant nothing.

"I didn't ever want you to feel like that in the first place," Theo said tentatively when Granger finally looked away, down at her tea. The table they were sitting at was tiny and round and his knees brushed hers before she jerked away.

Granger looked up again, and she seemed to be angry once more. Theo flinched. Right. Coincidence.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, moving his knees further away, "I didn't mean to—"

"Did Ron lend you that manual?" Granger demanded, leaning forward, "he did, didn't he? Maybe said something about exercising when he gave it to you?"

"Er," Theo said eloquently, "what?"

"Or Harry?" Granger said, "Maybe he leant it to you instead? Perhaps he made a copy of Ron's," she muttered, last sentence under her breath, while she looked away thoughtfully.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Theo said truthfully.

"Or was it Tracey? Maybe Ginny? One of them told you to say that?"

"I…what? No! I haven't even seen Potter or Weasley or She-Weasley in years."

"What about Tracey?" Granger asked forcefully, "It was Tracey, wasn't it? She's surprisingly meddlesome for a Slytherin."

"No!" Theo said, bewildered, "I last saw her before your date auction was announced."

"So you came up with that yourself?" Granger questioned him, "you meant that?"

"Of course I meant that," Theo said, incredulous, and there was half a heartbeat before Granger lunged across the tiny table and he had a fraction of a second to think oh, not a coincidence, before she was kissing him.

"Take it outside!" Helen Morgan bellowed from across the tiny shop, but Theo didn't pay her any mind, and wound his hand into Granger's hair as he pulled her closer.

"Way to go, Ted!" a guy from one of his classes called across to them, and Theo's tongue was in Granger's mouth as they kissed for a good long while.

She finally pulled back, her lips puffy and wet, and licked them, and he watched her tongue, a stab of uncontrollable lust rising in his chest.

"Why does everyone here call you Ted?" Granger asked, taking a sip of her tea like they had not just been snogging wildly seconds before.

Theo licked his lips as well, watching Granger swallow her tea with an unhealthy amount of admiration.

"My first semester I introduced myself as Theodore. I…I wanted a fresh start. People started calling me Ted, but I didn't particularly mind. So it just stuck."

"Oh," Granger said thoughtfully, "well I prefer Theo, personally."

His heart leapt.

"Me too," he said breathlessly, "say, Granger, is there a reason you were just snogging me?'

"I felt like it," she said matter of factly, as if she were answering a question in Herbology.

"Did you?" Theo asked, not even caring how desperate he sounded, "Will you feel like it again do you think?"

Granger met his eyes again.

"Look Nott," she said brusquely, "I'm pretty sure I loathe you. But I've tried everything and I still want to sleep with you. So I'm going to sleep with you again. Is that a problem?"

"No," Theo said, and his smile burst onto his face again, and Granger looked annoyed.

"It's your fault for smiling like that," she hissed, and she stood up, throwing her napkin on the table, and his heart dropped to his shoes.

"I…I'll stop smiling at you, if you want, Grang-"

"You're not staying in a dorm, are you?" Granger asked, turning back to him, her hands on her hips again.

"I…no?"

"Good," she said, "well, take me back to your place already, Nott. And don't you dare stop smiling like that."

Theo was never quite sure afterwards how he'd managed to stay upright on his feet long enough to lead Granger to his flat, but when he closed the door behind them, he had to lean against it or risk falling over. His hands shook, his breath coming out fast, as he watched Granger look around his small but cheerfully bright flat, her eyebrows rising at the television in the corner, the blender on his counter.

"It would look really weird to not have Muggle stuff," Theo said without being asked, his eyes fixated on the visible skin on Granger's back as she looked around still. He was getting increasingly worried that he was about to wake up, or that he'd not be able to please her or—a terrible suspicion flashed across his mind.

"Who taught Hermione Granger Occlumency?" Theo demanded suddenly, and she turned back to him, her eyebrows raised. "Well?"

"Professor Snape," she said smoothly, and his stomach dropped. Oh Merlin. He'd been right. But who was this, in front of him?

"Professor Snape, in preparation for me getting captured. But then you got me and I pretended it was you who taught me," she said, "or else that would've made you suspicious, and I didn't trust you."

"I…what?"

"We made a deal, that you would help me escape, and I would maybe have sex with you in return," Granger went on, "but we didn't, not until the day before graduation. It's me, Nott. Who else would it be?"

"I'm sorry," he blurted, "I'm sorry that I said it was your fault that those people got killed. It wasn't. You had nothing to do with it."

"I did," Granger corrected, "a bit, anyway."

"Less than I did," Theo said, ashamed.

Granger didn't answer, but walked slowly away from him, down the small hallway toward the open door of his bedroom. She turned and looked back at him.

"Are you coming, Nott?"

"Not yet," spewed out of his mouth against his will, and his body screamed you fucking idiot she won't ever sleep with us again if you don't shut up!

"Not for awhile," Granger said ominously, "not if you know what's good for you." And she pushed the door to his room fully open and walked inside, not looking back at him again to where he was still half propped up on the door.

Move, you fool! His body screamed, she apparently didn't hear you properly! Move, before she changes her mind! Theo moved, his legs wobbling like a giraffe. It was only Hermione Granger who could reduce him to a horny seventeen year old boy again.

Somehow, he stumbled the length of his flat to his room, and when he went aside, he saw Granger sitting cross legged in the middle of his bed, which he was profoundly grateful he'd actually made that morning. When he looked at her in her little white dress, which he'd dearly love to peel off of her, he was reminded forcefully that he had not, actually, ever seen Granger fully naked. That was enough to lend strength to his baby giraffe legs until he made it over to the bed as well, and half fell onto it.

It was a bizarro version of the past, when they'd been in that hellish castle. Granger was watching him from the middle of his bed with dark eyes, and he was half crazed with lustful confusion. It felt like a test, like Granger was not going to tell him what exactly what she wanted him to do, or how, but this time, Theo was determined that it was going to work out properly. He said half a thankful prayer to Sarah Kim, the second girl he'd ever slept with, who'd spent many hours patiently teaching him every way to please a girl, before he leaned forward, gently touching his hands to the sides of Granger's face, and kissed her slowly, deepening the kiss after Granger squirmed.

He kissed Granger how she'd taught him, how he knew she liked it, unless he'd sadistically taught him to kiss her a way in which she hated, which he briefly worried about before her hands came up and gripped Theo on his shoulders, before she gasped after he sucked on her tongue and wrapped her arms around him. Very carefully, his hands moved around Granger as well, and he pushed her backwards until she was lying on his pillows. He wasn't sure what she would prefer, if she'd want it to be violent, her in control and slapping Theo around, or if she'd want him to be gentle and sweet, worshipping her. He liked both thoughts rather too much.

Theo followed her down shortly afterwards, pressing his lips into hers softly, kissing her like he'd always wanted to but wasn't quite sure how, like he adored her. His left hands trailed down her body to reach the hem of the cute little dress that she wore to impress you, Theo's brain screamed at him before laughing like a madman. To impress you!

She was in his flat, in his bed; underneath him and kissing him yet it seemed like a lie all the same. Hermione Granger had never tried to impress Theo and she never would. It was clearly all a game, a sadistic game that ended with Tracey popping out from under his bed with one of those Viddy O'Cameras poised to record forevermore Theo's unrequited hard on while Granger sat up and laughed and pointed.

This seemed such a likely explanation that Theo, when Granger finally broke the kiss, almost looked around the bed to see if Tracey was there cackling. Granger bit his lip before he could, harder, than harder, until Theo moaned helplessly, past caring about his dignity, and pulled her little dress up with one hard yank, fumbling around until he felt lace. His brain screamed triumphantly, lace!

Sarah had told him once that there were only two reasons a girl would wear lace: to impress the object of their desire, or to feel pretty, and okay, maybe that second one was all it was, but still, he had a solid fifty percent chance—Granger turned his head and bit his neck, and Theo ground his hips against hers, whimpering, looking down and seeing the lace knickers were black, black, and Sarah whispered in his head again that black knickers only meant impressing the object of one's desire or feeling like a "bad arse" an expression that had to be explained to him more than once while she giggled.

Two out of two! Theo thought triumphantly, not even questioning the lunacy of him still being unable to believe that this wasn't some elaborate long term torture of Granger's, but she was ripping off his expensive button up shirt that Kitty had told him made him look like a stuck up posh boy, (whatever that meant) undoing his belt, unzipping his fly, while he rubbed between her legs, kissing in between torn items of clothing. And when Theo reached down and pushed the little straps of Granger's dress down and saw that there was nothing underneath, he stared for a moment at what before he'd never been allowed to see, the perky perfection before Granger said, "why don't you just take a picture, Nott," with no small amount of amusement.

He lifted his eyes up to her face. "Three out of three," he said, exhilarated, voice shaking a little, "no bra either indicates a plan to have sex, or a protest against the patriarchy."

"Wrong," Granger said, "there's a third reason. I had sex with Draco Malfoy earlier in the day and left my bra at his overcompensating mansion, under the gold framed mirror and pile of peacock feathers."

This was such an accurate description of Malfoy's bedroom that Theo recoiled, before Granger burst into a fit of giggles, a carefree sound he'd heard from her but never directed at him.

"Your face," she choked, and the laughter was doing wonderful things to her breasts.

"How do you even know what Malfoy's bedroom looks like?" he asked weakly, only a pair of underwear covering him.

"You've caught me," Granger said dryly, "I shagged Malfoy last night, laying in his gilded serpent bed, watching his squinty rodent face twist as he grunted for fourteen seconds, admiring his mane of hair and pretending he was Lucius."

"Ugh," Theo said, admiring the disgusting imaginative visual she had just painted, "that's beyond foul, Granger. Anyway, you've got one detail wrong."

"Oh?" Granger said, arching an eyebrow, looking like a debauched goddess in his bed, mostly naked and pink cheeked.

"His bed is a gold dragon, not a serpent," Theo told her, smiling.

Granger blinked at his smile, looking thrown for a moment.

"My mistake," she shrugged, looking amused again, "I suppose the hair ribbon distracted me. But how did you know about his bed, Nott?" she teased.

With some effort, Theo summoned up his famous lack of facial expression.

Oh, you know how," he said, deadpan, "all those threesomes with Malfoy and Crabbe."

"They didn't seem to have taught you very much," Granger said, as Theo sat up on his heels, plucking at her knickers.

"Oh no?" he asked, trailing fingertips up and down her lacy knickers.

The flush grew from her cheeks and neck down her gorgeous, perfect chest.

"No," Granger said, rather breathily as she curved her back and thrust her hips into his hand, "didn't teach you a thing, clearly."

"Clearly," Theo mumbled as he grabbed the sides of her knickers and dragged them down her legs slowly.

Granger bit her lip, seemingly stopping a whimper when his hand returned to its previous spot.

"Mmmmhmmm," Granger said, sounding suspiciously like a moan, "you're just terrible after all that practice, poor dear."

Theo nodded, leaning forward, kissing the inside of one of Granger's thighs than the other. He was rewarded with the tiniest shaking motion.

"So awful," Theo said, "you even had to fake an orgasm last time. Pathetic on my part, really."

"Pathetic," Grange choked, her thighs closing around Theo's head when he bent forward again. Theo groaned. Of course she tasted good. Of course.

"How generous of you to assuage my ego like that," he said when he lifted his head a bit, then gave her a close mouthed kiss.

"The Gryffindor sprit," Granger said, before turning her high pitched whine into more words, "to nobly encourage those less sexually gifted souls in their quests to—oh god, Nott!"

When he awoke the next morning, birds gently chirping outside, a beam of sunlight blinding him directly in the eye, he was not even surprised to find that Granger had disappeared. It was so unsurprising, in act, that he would've been more surprised if she had still been there.

Theo rolled onto his back, still naked, and winced when the deep gouges Granger had raked on his back stuck to the sheets. They had spent roughly half a day and night or so on and off rolling around in his bed doing things he'd been fantasizing about for years, and some things he hadn't even thought to fantasize about. But almost more importantly, he now knew that Hermione Granger did not, and perhaps had never hated him. He would gladly kill his father ten more times just to know that.

With a great deal of effort, Theo pushed himself to a seated position, his stomach growling with starvation, and wondered what, exactly, he should do now. Granger hadn't been drunk or fulfilling a deal between them. He wasn't sure what she could claim was her reasoning behind her actions if she was still in denial, but he was sure that that was what was going to happen. She would go back to hissing at him how she hated him, how he was evil, and she had only done what she'd done as some twisted form of payment. He'd go back to university and Kitty and Jenny would grill him about Granger and he'd lie that she was just a friend that they would never see again, as they'd had a falling out, and he would continue to live in the Muggle world, still not closer to understanding what he could possibly do to right his wrongs aside from fling money at it. Then his eye caught on something on his nightstand, and he leaned over, frowning.

There was a scrap of lined paper that had been torn out of one of Theo's Muggle notebooks on top of a cardboard rectangle. Theo picked them both up, reading the cardboard rectangle with trepidation, and then glancing at the notebook paper. His eyes widened in disbelief, and then he read it again. And again. And yet again.

Then the goofiest, most Hufflepuff grin that had ever crossed Theodore Nott's face burst free, and he actually giggled aloud in happiness, like a thirteen year old meeting the Weird Sisters. He threw back the tangled sheets and leapt out of bed, ready to go, and his legs wobbled, collapsed and he fell over, realizing how many muscles he must've pulled the night before, his crazed Hufflepuff grin not leaving his face for one second. Slowly, he began gathering some fancy Muggle clothes and a nice robe, putting them on, alternately wincing and grinning at how badly Granger had worn him out. He grabbed the note and read it once more and laughed aloud again, exhilarated, and shoved it and the cardboard rectangle in a pocket of his robes. He had a witch to see.

"So, Granger," Tracey said, rather self-satisfied, you didn't come home last night, I believe?"

Hermione paused, her hand still resting on the cabinet from where she had been showing Anthony where they kept their spare cauldrons.

"I don't know what you're—" she made eye contact with Tracey, saw the criminal level of smug on her face and her waggling eyebrows and reconsidered.

"Tracey," Anthony rescued her unexpectedly, "Hermione's showing me around, it's my first day, shouldn't we keep this profession—?"

"Heard you didn't come home last night either, Goldstein," Tracey smirked, now bouncing up and down on her feet, and Anthony trailed off into horrified silence. He made eye contact with Hermione and a silent understanding passed between them. There was no point in attempting to lie to Tracey. Not when she clearly already knew.

"Heard you were at Fred's all night," Hermione tried to deflect instead.

"Oh come on, everyone knows I'm shagging Fred!" Tracey snorted, waving a hand dismissively. "Although last night was fun, I'll grant you, he'd learned how to do the most marvelous thing with his—"

"I don't want to know!" Anthony yelped. "Professional, we should keep this professional! We're at work!"

"You're joining the wrong company then Goldstein," Tracey said, "We don't do professional coworker interactions here. And if you're Granger, you occasionally throw boiling hot cauldrons at people."

"It wasn't boiling hot," Hermione muttered mutinously.

"So how was your Auror?" Tracey asked, sitting on their workbench and swinging her legs. "She seemed like a real go-er. Was she?"

"A gentleman doesn't reveal," Anthony said stiffly.

"What Auror?" Hermione asked with interest. She knew quite a few of them, at least by reputation because of Ron and Harry.

"Anna Nguyen," said Tracey promptly, before Anthony could stutter out another denial, "she's been flirting with him every time he goes to Azkaban to visit the she-demon."

"Oh, she is a go-er!" Hermione said enthusiastically, while Anthony looked like he was seriously regretting joining the company. "Ron and Harry said she's a lot of fun, I'm so glad Anthony that—"

"So who were you with last night Hermione?" he cut her off, clearly not forgiving her for throwing in her lot with Tracey.

"Oh, guess!" Tracey said happily.

"It wasn't your date with Baddock and Malfoy, was it?" Anthony asked.

"Baddock is a baby!" Hermione wailed. She was now strongly reminded that she needed to work immediately on finding or creating a spell to restrict Malfoy and Baddock from attempting to kiss her on their grotesque three-way date from Hades.

"That's not a no," Anthony said.

"I can still fire you, you know," Hermione snarled.

"Not really no, you can't," Tracey said cheerfully. "He's a partner now, and they're three of us, and now we need all the help we can get since the Ministry put in that big order."

Hermione grimaced. Their business did need some legitimate work that earned them money. The auction had brought in a steady stream of well-wishers, admirers, hecklers, and delusional wizards who had asked them both on dates, and even tried to get Katie on a date with them vicariously. But it had not brought in a lot of actual jobs or money.

Anthony grimaced as well. "Do we really want to make a line of mental health potions?" he asked, "isn't that a risky endeavor?"

"It seemed to work on Flint," Tracey pointed out.

"I thought he'd tried to hang himself in his cell twice now," Anthony said.

"Yes, because Hermione's potion worked and now he has a conscience," Tracey said. "Isn't it better if we get out a potion that helps people without consciences who haven't yet committed a crime? Or one that helps a severely depressed person, like Lisa?"

"Lisa can't be helped and you know it," Anthony said grimly.

"She can be," Hermione corrected, "she could agree to get it Obliviated out of her. She'd have some gaps, but she'd be better, and then she could—"

"Do you want to get it Obliviated out of you, what happened to us?" Tracey demanded, her eyebrows lowered thunderously.

"No," Anthony said immediately, but he didn't sound particularly convincing.

"No," Hermione echoed, but she was lying as well.

She had considered it many times over her seventh year at Hogwarts, to beg Snape or Dumbledore to remove what she'd done from her head, to remove her weird twisted relationship from Nott so it wouldn't torment her anymore.

She had gone so far as to knock on Snape's office door before it had occurred to her that if she forgot Nott was sure to try to win her over again at some point and she wouldn't remember why she should resist him, and she wouldn't be able to not once she knew him. He wasn't bad looking, not really, and he was funny in a quiet way and most importantly he was smart. So it would have been inevitable, if she had forgotten why she was supposed to hate him. Not like it mattered, because Hermione had not been able to resist him anyway.

"So why should Lisa?" Tracey asked forcefully. "She doesn't want to forget what she did, and that's her choice. It shouldn't be—"

"Okay, okay," Anthony said, raising his hands placatingly.

"As I was saying," Tracey said, biting each word off, "we could do a lot of good with this. No one has ever cared about helping people's minds before. And we know it works."

"We could," Hermione said firmly.

She had only agreed to make the potion for Katie in the first place because she was her friend. She felt guilty about what had happened to Katie more than almost anyone. Had she not encouraged Katie to sleep with Montague? Had that not led to Montague dying, and Katie being taken by Flint? But it had worked and her mind had exploded with all of the possibilities for good that the three of them could do, the wrongs Hermione could right. And maybe, if she could convince Kingsley, they could market some of these for Muggle consumption…

"I'm on board," Anthony said, "I've already started writing out some ideas for a potion for people with post traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh, have you?" Tracey said with interest, and Hermione knew that she was thinking about Lisa again.

"Yes, the key ingredient is Daisy oil," Anthony said, "Infused with—"

The shop's door jangled loudly and in walked Theodore Nott. Hermione dearly hoped that no one else noticed that he was limping, just a little. Her face heated.

"Aha," Anthony said, looking between him and Hermione, "that's who it was."

"That's who what was?" Nott asked, and he smiled at all three of them, largely at Tracey, a little hesitant at Anthony, and rather shyly at Hermione, which she tried to find not adorable. After all, Nott had spent a great deal of time face down in her various intimate parts the day and night before. There was no reason to be shy. But alas, she instead found it unbearably cute and she felt herself smiling back against her will.

"That's who Granger was banging all night," Tracey said, brutally honest as always, "and yes, Goldstein you're right, it was Nott. And god, look at him! What did you do Granger, he can barely walk!"

Nott turned bright pink and dammit, that shouldn't be appealing either, but it was. Enormously.

"I can walk fine, Tracey," he said stiffly, but when he turned to her to say it, underneath his expensive robe's collar they could all see that there was a series of red and purple marks on his neck.

Anthony started giggling.

"I see Granger left her own collar on you, Nott," Tracey said, amused, and Hermione was irritated to find that Tracey really did understand her far better then she should, as that was what she had been doing when she had Nott on his back and at her mercy. It only helped that he hadn't complained in the slightest and seemed to be enjoying it immensely.

Nott flushed so darkly the marks almost disappeared.

"You could've charmed them away, for god's sake Nott," Tracey laughed.

"No he couldn't have," Hermione said firmly, crossing her arms, "not if he knows what's good for him."

"I never know what's good for me," Nott said to her, his flush receding slightly, his eyes locked on her like no one else was there.

"Truer words never spoken," Tracey snarked, but the sting was taken out when she threw her arms around him and hugged him. "And may I be the first to say, thank Merlin's saggy balls that the two of you have stopped this ridiculous dance and have started shagging like rabbits, like you've always been meant to do."

"And I'll be the second to say it," Anthony said, also walking over to Nott and shaking his hand. "It's good to see you, Theodore."

"And you, Anthony," Nott smiled at him, an Hermione felt her heart leap and drop and leap in rapid succession. It just wasn't fair. One person's smile shouldn't make them so handsome. How was she supposed to resist that? How? "But you're not the first or second to say it," Nott said, "I just ran into Potter and Weasley."

Hermione's mouth fell open. She had fully been intending to tell Ron and Harry with Ginny as the buffer of course, that she'd taken up the habit of shagging Nott for fun, but perhaps when they were all drunk. So drunk that the odds of them forgetting the conversation had happened were high.

"They seemed to be going to lunch," Nott added, "In Muggle London. Weasley kept saying weird stuff about ordinary Muggle things and Potter was shushing him."

"Like father like son," Hermione mumbled, but, it had to be said, fondly.

"Anyway, they saw me and I expected another kick to the balls," Nott said, "but they came right over and Weasley gave me some book—"

"Oh no," Hermione moaned, and she knew it was coming, but when Nott drew out a copy of her handwritten manual on how to understand girls she still began plotting Ronald Weasley's death.

Nott glanced away from Anthony and Tracey's amused faces and half smiled at Hermione in a way that made her wish that she was back in his bed in his little flat with him, and she bit her lip and looked away before Nott knew that. She had to maintain the tiniest shred of dignity.

"Some good stuff in here from what I've skimmed so far, you should really consider marketing this Granger," Nott said to her, his little sideways smile doing rather obscene things to Hermione's insides. "Every bloke in the wizarding world will pay ten galleons at least for it."

"Did they say something to you about exercising?" Hermione asked wearily.

"They did have a weird argument where Weasley kept saying exercising, and Potter kept saying 'no Ron, exercising!'"

"Exorcising," Hermione said under her breath.

"—but then they looked closer at me and Potter said, 'wait, looks like they're already taken care of that.'"

"I refuse to believe Potter was that observant about anything," Tracey said.

"It's the manual," Hermione said, resigned. "It's my fault."

"Then they threatened to hex my balls off if I hurt you and-what?" Nott said, frowning, when Tracey and Anthony burst into laughter.

"You look like you lost a fight with a blast ended skrewt and they're worried about you hurting Hermione?" Anthony chortled.

"They're very protective," Hermione said stiffly.

"As delightful as this all is, if you're here to continue banging Granger we were actually in the middle of company business," Tracey said, "so, maybe, later tonight—"

Nott looked at her, and the open vulnerability in his face made Hermione's chest tighten, and she made a decision.

"He is here on business," she said, sounding too loud to her own ears, and Nott grinned so wide her heart stopped, just for an instant.

He reached inside his robes and pulled out the help wanted sign that Hermione had left for him by his bed, and slapped it down on the workbench in front of Tracey, never taking his eyes off Hermione.

"I hear you have a position open."

Nott, if you really meant it about wanting to do some good in the world, we've still got a part time position open at Davis, Goldstein, and Granger. We're developing a line of potions for something that could save and improved hundreds, thousands, even millions of lives, and we could use someone with a functional brain and access to books of questionable magic to help us.

-Granger

p.s. I might also have an opening for a boyfriend, if you're interested in further auditions.

The End

A/N: I didn't want to post this last chapter because I didn't want this story to be over. I've had so much fun writing it, and I've been blown away by your support. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter and the story overall. I have some ideas for further one-shot stories in this universe that will fill in some holes, such as a George/Hermione, Adrian/Hermione, a crackfic about Hermione's date with Malfoy and Baddock, a Marcus standalone, etc. I also have an idea for a Katie/Montague, a Hermione/Sirius timetravel, and a Hermione/Nott that takes place in their 8th year. Let me know your vote, or any other requests!

(Yes that scene with HG/TN, after I wrote it, strongly reminded me of a sex scene in Game of Thrones. Oops.)