Frist Love Lost

Chapter 1:Prolog

Authors Note:Heya' this is my second fic. my other one is called "Bad Memories" Check it out if your into really really dark versions of Raven's past, but be mindful of the Warning at the begining of chapter 1. Well now that the shamless self permoting is out of the way, this is a yuri fic. It's between Raven and Terra, if you don't like that pairing, or don't like yuri's in general, then do us all a favour and don't read, if I get a flame for this being a yuri or a Terra/Raven pairing I will post the offending user's name on the next chapter and we can all point and laugh at the people, who if nothing else were to stupid to read or listen to my warning, and are also guilty of close-midedness. Anyway I hope

you like it:)

Story Note:Just a little change from the TV show (The first of many most likely) We'll say Terra stayed with the Titans for like a month or so befor her betrayal.

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It was a quiet day in titans tower, like most days since Terra was turned to stone.

Before then at this time of morning Raven would be on the roof, basking in the twilight for her meditation, Starfire would be shouting happy thing about...well just about everything to any one who would listen...and even some who weren't, Robin would be in the gym training or on the couch watching TV. But what always made the morning such a lively time was Cyborg and Beastboy, locking horns in the age old struggle between meat and tofu...Though since she was turned to stone a month and a half ago thing had changed...first off remember this is a month and a half to a group of teenages, which ment to them it felt more like six months. But the mornings were much quieter, Cyborg was making a nice harty breakfast, he had no opposition from Beastboy who now trained for three hours every morning in the gym to keep his mind off Terra and would just pick around the meat in the breakfast Cyborg made. Cyborg was yelling about some new upgrades he put on his car out into the livingroom to Robin, who since Beastboy now occupied the gym all morning was forced to watch the rather weak early morning line up on TV. The gym was big enough for all the titans to work out at the same time, but when Beastboy worked out...well let's just say he had made it clear this was his 'alone time'. Starfire still got up as early as the sun, but she now spent her mornings outside, the other titans got the impression that Star, while still unbelevible happy and child like in nature, had grown a great deal of maturity since then and she had started to value her 'alone time' too, she had explained to the titans that she still liked more then anything to spend time with them, but some times she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, she was so overjoyed when they said they understood, she had given each one of them a bone crushing hug, none walked right for days. Raven was the one who changed the least, sure she was staying in her room 'till noon most days, but she did that every once and a while before Terra, and her personality hadn't changed one bit, this had caused a fight a week and a half after Terra was turned to stone, Beastboy flipped out ...

"What the hell is wrong with you?"Beastboy shouted suddenly at Raven, this gained all the titans attention, Beastboy had just broken a few tower rules, he had swore, a big no-no, he raised his voice in an offencive manner to a fellow titan, and he had done something that may have pissed Raven off, because of how fagile her emotional state was when the titans were first formed, there were several rules basicly saying 'Don't try to get an emotion out of Raven'

"There is nothing wrong with me... though you seem to be having trouble controling your temper..."Raven had replied in her usual monotone.

"How can you just stand there like that!"Beastboy spat, the other titans were trying to decide if they should intervine "Terra, a good friend of ours is dead!"

"She's encased in stone, not dead, there is a big difference"Raven wavered ever so slightly in this sentence, Robin was sure he was the only one to catch it, he was the nearest to her and Beastboy, and Beastboy obviously didn't here it, or didn't care.

"What difference!"Beastboy said holding his arms up like he was holding some invisible box "Do you see her here!Do you see Terra doing all the stuff she should!Like playing game's, fighting crime and spending time with m--"Beastboy cut himslf short, everone knew he and Terra were close, but Beastboy had never got the chance to go on a real 'date' with her, so he was reluctant to say anything 'Boyfriendish'

Raven had turned and was at the doorway when she replied in a softer voice then anyone, especially Beastboy, was expecting, without turning around she said "When someone dies, there gone, there soul leaves there body and the body returns to the earth, all you have left of them are memories of the special times you spent with them, there is no hope of them coming back, there is no hope of being resurected from the grave...but Terra isn't in a grave, she's in a statue in the lava cave's, she's not dead...just sleeping...waiting, waiting for some one to come to her with a cure and wake her up and return her to this world...and you Beastboy are the only one of us not to search for the cure..."Her voice now returned to her usual monotone"If you really care for her so much then try to bring her back instead of lying around feeling sorry for yourself..."And with that she left

That had finally got Beastboy out of bed and into the training room, so Robin didn't bring up the fact that Raven had failed to help search for the cure as well.

But Beastboy did have a point, Raven had not spent anytime consoling Beastboy or even mourning Terra herself, this had surprised the titans, sure Raven had to keep her emotions in check, but the only thing that changed in her was that she spent more time in her room, of caurse she was the level headed one, thats why this surprised the titans so much...

It was time to eat breakast, the titans were meeting in the dining room, Cyborg was dishing up four plates, only four because Raven, even if she came into the main room never joined them for breakfast anymore. Starfire had come in, she had a walk it the park right on the other side of the water, Beastboy was coming in from his after workout shower. Robin was just hopping the couch to join them, when the door from the hallway opened, this surprised the titans only a bit, Raven usualy woke up at a reasonable time at least once a week, but to say all the titans were caught off gaurd as Raven walked into the main room could reach a very high spot on the most understated things ever.

First off, she was crying...no that doesn't do it justice, hysterically sobbing is closer.

That surprised the titans because, well first off in the almost two years since the titans were started, no one had ever, ever seen Raven cry, she had gotten close a few times but she never did. Second, she had always made it seem that if she showed any emotion she would end up hurting someone, yet here she was...

The second thing everybody noticed caught them even more off gaurd, if that was possible, and had them go into an almost panicked state. Raven, had a gun.

But more important then the fact that she had a gun was where she was aiming it.

She had it in her right hand, and she had the barrel dug into her right temple.

Robin instantly went in to detective mode, he took in everything.

She was on the verge of colapsing, her legs were wobbly. Her face was twisted, she was obviously trying hard not to cry. By the way the hand holding the gun was flexing she was trying to pull the trigger, 'Thank god' Robin thought 'Something is holding her back, if I can find out what that is I might be able to talk her down...'

By now the shock had worn off the other titans and they were responding.

"Raven...?"Beastboy asked in disbelief "What are doing?"He kept his voice soft and understanding, Raven's hand flexed again and the titans all tensed intill they saw her relax her hand, though she still looked determined to kill herself.

"We can talk about this girl"Cyborg said his voice to was uncharacteristicly soft "Why don't you just put down the gun, then we can help, ok?"Cyborg ended with a light smile to try to enforce that she should, Raven just ferrowed her brow as more sobbs came out of her as she shook her head 'no'.

"Friend I do not understand..."Starfire said on the verge of tears"What is wrong? I'm sure we can help what ever it is, we are your friends after all..."Starfire finally broke down and fell to her knees crying as she said "I want to help you...Please don't kill yourself, please!"Starfire ended on a begging note her voice was so full of pleading that it actually seemed to reach Raven.

"You can't..."Raven said between sobs, the gun never left her head."She-she's-"

Raven never finished as a flood of tears and sobs over took her.

"Who's what Raven?"Robin asked in a calm but strong voice'This has to be the reason..'

"She's go-gone"Raven choked out"I didn't sob want to sob beleave it, but"Another flurry of pain went through her face, Robin watched in horror as Raven's hand flexed again, this time the hammer on the 9mm actually went back about a quarter of the way, before lowering again.

"Who's gone Raven?"Robin asked, his voice was shaky'That was to close, if I don't get the gun out of Raven's hand soon...it's not going to end well' Robin was shook out of his train of though by Starfire walking slowly toward Raven. Starfire looked almost as bad as Raven, and if it weren't for the fact that grabbing Starfire wouldn't work, and would probaly push Raven over the edge, he would have.

"Friend..."Starfire said only a little louder then a whisper as she held out her hands.

"Wh-who is go-gone?"She managed to choke out as she reached Raven, and put a hand on her waist and the other on the wrist of the hand that held the gun.

"My love.."Raven said almost hystericly

'Damn' Robin thought'She's not making any sence, one minute she's talking about some girl being lost, the next, something about her love...'

Raven dropped the gun and fell into Starfire's arms, as the two crying girls fell to the floor Raven finaly answered the question everyone had been asking, she cried out as she hit the floor, in the most saddened voice ever heard in the tower "Terra!"

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Authors Note:First of Please Review, even if it's just "Nice fic, I liked it, Update" Just so I don't get discouraged and stop writing, remember this fic is competing for my few hours of writing time with another fic, I'll work on which ever one get's the more reviews. And I know that the titans would have figured out it was Terra she was talking about as soon as she said "She's gone" but I'm taking some artistic leeway here:) Review.