Disclaimer: We own nothing (of course).
A/N: This most likely is NOT what really goes on at the Jedi Temple. But it's just a STORY. Yes we know everyone is horribly out of character, but that's what makes it fun! Constructive reviews ONLY! Posting a rude and/or nasty review only shows what a moron you truly are. Rude reviews will be ignored, laughed at, and we shall hurl various molding vegetables at them.
Now that all that's said, let's begin. -
Part One: It's Tough Being A Woman
"Okay Master Kaleekay, because you are currently training two padawans we will raise your salary to eighty credits a week." Mace concluded the ongoing issue Jedi Master Ballimoth Kaleekay had been pestering the heck out of them about for the past three months.
"Thank you Master Windu. I knew you would get annoyed eventually." Master Kaleekay bowed and headed out of the council chamber.
"That was a waste of time." Yarael Poof sighed.
"Yes it was." Plo Koon agreed.
"I think we've earned ourselves a coffee break." Mace stood up and stretched.
"No we have not. Took a coffee break fifteen minutes ago we did." Yoda disagreed.
"Aww." All the other council members whined.
"Sit. Discuss Master Jinn's issue we will now." Yoda ordered.
The other council members sighed and sat down. Depa Billaba looked a little worried.
"Something wrong, Depa?" Adi Gallia asked.
"No. It's nothing." Depa looked down. Oh but it was something. Something every woman dreads each month. You all know what it is.
"Okay. We'll call in Master Jinn." Mace said.
"I wonder what his problem is this time." Ki-Adi-Mundi rolled his eyes.
Qui-Gon Jinn entered the council chambers. Eighteen year old Obi-Wan Kenobi followed him. They both bowed to the Jedi Masters.
"What is your problem today, Master Jinn?" Shaak Ti wanted to know.
"The air conditioner in my quarters is not working properly." Qui-Gon explained, "It's hot all day and freezing all night."
The council members could not have done anything to express the amount of disgust and annoyance they felt.
"Have it set to run in the day time and stop at night do you?" Yoda asked.
"Of course I do. How stupid do you think I am!" Qui-Gon demanded.
It took all of Mace's strength not to say anything. Depa shifted in her seat. Adi saw and looked suspicious of her.
"I would like to have the air conditioner repaired as soon as possible." Qui-Gon said.
"Oh sure Master Jinn, it's our top priority." Plo snorted.
"Thank you. That will be all." Qui-Gon turned to exit the chamber but Obi-Wan didn't follow, "Obi-Wan are you coming?"
"No. I have an appointment to speak with the council." Obi-Wan replied.
"Whatever about?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Personal problems." Obi-Wan answered, "Now leave."
"Oh. Alright if you don't want me here." Qui-Gon said.
"Well I don't. So leave." Obi-Wan ordered.
Qui-Gon left.
"Personal problems." Depa thought, "I'm having one right now. But hopefully it's not the same as Obi-Wan's."
"Obi-Wan, what do you wish to speak about?" Mace asked.
Depa couldn't wait anymore, "Master Windu can I…"
"NO!" Mace said, and stared at her wide-eyed, "No."
"You didn't even let her finish asking." Adi argued.
"Sh." Mace held a finger to his lips, "It's quiet time."
Adi sighed. She was catching on to Depa's problem.
"Well, I like Master Jinn and all." Obi-Wan started, "But he's really a pest. He's really picky. I just can't do anything right."
"And what do want us to do about it?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.
"I was wondering if I could trade in my old Master for a new one." Obi-Wan requested.
"What?" Yoda asked, "After training with Master Qui-Gon for five years?"
"Five years? That's all it's been? Feels like decades. Ages. Lifetimes." Obi-Wan said.
"Who would you rather have as a Master?" Shaak asked.
"Anyone. Preferably Master Hazza. He let his old padawan stay up late and eat junk food. And visit bars." Obi-Wan told them.
"Question Master Hazza about this later we will." Yoda whispered to Mace.
"Master Windu, could I please…" Depa tried again.
"No! No! And no again. If I hafta sit through this, so do you!" Mace replied.
"Master Qui-Gon is such a stick in the mud. His definition of fun is taking a walk around the temple lobby." Obi-Wan said, "For six hours a day."
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, you cannot trade masters. All sales are final." Mace said, "Now leave so I can have some coffee."
"Thank goodness." Depa thought and stood up.
"Now wait a minute, Master Windu, Obi-Wan has a point." Yarael spoke up.
"Darn you Poof." Depa thought and sat back down.
"Master Jinn is a perfectionist. Perhaps he is pushing Obi-Wan too hard." Yarael added.
"Shut up." Depa yelled in her head, "Shut up all of you and let me go to the freaking bathroom!"
"Yeah." Obi-Wan got a pathetic look on his face.
"Alright. We'll see if any masters are currently shopping around for eighteen year old padawans." Mace said, "Now get out of here."
"How are you going to do that?" Obi-Wan wanted to know.
"Who cares." Depa thought, "Just shut up and get out of here you handsome little twerp."
"We'll put an ad in the newspaper." Mace replied, "Now leave."
"Yes." Depa's mind agreed, "Leave."
"But I want a new master today. I cannot take another minute of Master Jinn." Obi-Wan begged.
"Well you're gonna have to." Mace said, "Now go find your master and leave."
"Find my Master?" Obi-Wan asked, "I don't have to find my Master. I know where he is. He's on the other side of that door listening intently. Because he wants to know why I'm talking to you because he can't take criticism."
Depa's rage was becoming apparent. Her face was bright red and her eyes were looking to kill. Yoda sighed and used the force to open the chamber door. Sure enough there stood Qui-Gon, his ear pressed where the door had been.
"Good afternoon. Just seeing if Obi-Wan was almost ready to leave." Qui-Gon said.
"Sure you were." Obi-Wan sneered.
"Why don't you two get back to your blazing hot quarters and wait for the air conditioner repairman." Plo suggested.
"Yes we will do that." Qui-Gon said, "Come along Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon left.
"Help me." Obi-Wan whispered one last time and followed Qui-Gon out.
"Now for that coffee break." Mace stood up and ran out of the chamber before Yoda had time to object.
The other council members followed. Adi met up with Depa outside of the ladies' room.
"So Depa, are you alright?" Adi asked.
"Yeah. A minute longer and I wouldn't have been." Depa sighed.
"Yeah. Those guys just don't understand." Adi glanced over to where the other members of the Jedi council were fighting for a place in line at the Pepsi vending machine.
"Yeah. It's tough being a woman." Depa agreed, "Especially when you're on the Jedi Council."
Tune in next week for
Part Two: A Special Kitty