Hello all! This is just a short one-shot I wrote last night while I was high off biology revision. It's the first humour fic I've written in a while, so it might not be the best of all time, but hey, give it a whirl and see what you think!
"I'm not wearing that." Said Rei flatly, shaking his head. "No way. Fine, I lost the game, but-"
"Come on Rei, get it on!" Called Tyson. Rei turned and glared at his now former friend. "You lost the game, so you have to dress up as a girl!" Rei flushed bright red. They were sitting in Tyson's living room, playing card games with the Demolition Boys minus Ian, who'd gone to see his girlfriend, and the White Tigers minus Kevin and Gary, who were out looking for unsuspecting people to annoy. All the people present had agreed on playing cards, and whoever lost had to do a forfeit. However, much to Rei's misfortune, he found that he was absolutely rubbish at cards. Meaning, he ended up on the loosing end of the forfeits.
So far he'd been made to wear his hair in bunches, put on nail varnish, drink soapy washing up water, do karaoke to 'sex bomb' and allow Max and Tyson to maypole dance using his hair. And now... "Mariah, where did you dig THIS up from? It isn't a skirt, it's a belt!"
"Stop whining and put it on!"
Rei sighed and stomped into the kitchen. He came back out five minutes later, and everyone stared. He looked so...so...
He was wearing a tiny denim mini-skirt, leaving just about all of his long, shapely legs bare, and that would have been enough to make them stare. On top of that, he was wearing a pink t-shirt. A -tight- pink t-shirt. Somehow, he'd managed to stuff his feet into a pair of high heels that were far too small for him. His backside wiggled alluringly as he walked back to his seat, flushed and self-conscious. "Stop staring at me!" He snapped, bunches swinging forth in rage. Everyone looked away quickly as the cards were dealt again. Blackjack. Great. Another thing Rei always seemed to lose at.
Five minutes later, Rei was ready to swing for Tyson. "I am NOT going to pole-dance! NO! NO WAY!" He yelled, so loudly that Mariah and Kai, who were sitting beside him, winced. "The clothes are bad enough but no way am I dancing! Do you know how hard it it to just WALK without falling over in these things? And I'm not going to gyrate on that table for your twisted pleasure! I quit! I'm not playing another game! The REST of you can play and get forfeits! NO-ONE else has done any yet but me!"
He sat, fuming, as Bryan dealt the cards again, then walked out into the kitchen, turning at the door and watching everyone look away quickly. "Don't think I can't see you all!" He hissed, storming through the door and grabbing the handle of the fridge, tearing it open and getting out a carton of milk. He poured some into a glass and stormed back out again. Mariah quirked an eyebrow at his drink. "What were you doing out there then, Rei-Rei?"
Rei looked puzzled for a second, then growled. "You're sick! It's milk!" He slammed the glass down on the coffee table and fumed silently, waiting for one of them to lose so he could finally be the one to point and laugh. He didn't have to wait long; Bryan went bust, meaning-
"Ha! Forfeit!" Yelled Tala. "You have to...sit with Mariah on your shoulders for the next four games!"
"I have to what?" Asked Bryan, incredulous. Lee frowned.
"Tala-"
"Aww, lighten up, Lee, Bryan. It'll be funny! Anyway, it's Mariah's choice, isn't it!" The White Tiger in question beamed and said that no, she didn't mind, hopping up nimbly and settling herself on Bryan's shoulders, legs trailing down to his thighs, a position which the poor Russian seemed to be rather uncomfortable with...
So that left Rei and Kai alone on the sofa...
"No."
"Kai, you lost the game, that means you have to do what we say. And we say, you have to kiss Tyson!"
"I'm not going to."
"Why not? I don't have diseases or anything!" Protested Tyson, hurt. Max giggled beside him and pretended to choke to death, earning him a slap round the head from a hurt Tyson. Kai blinked. "Fine then, come here." Tyson bounced over and jumped onto Kai's lap. Kai kissed him quickly, then turned his face away. "There. I kissed you. Now stop sitting on me." Tyson slid off Kai's knee, hurt, and Rei felt a small smile creep onto his face. Now the rest of them could feel how embarrassing it was to be the one who got the forfeits!
After a while, he dozed off, a shallow, peaceful snooze. He was aroused from his slumber by someone shoving him. "Hm?"
"Rei, wake up! I swear, I'm not kissing someone who's asleep..."
"What? Hey, get off me!" He cried, trying to push Tala away, as the redhead was currently seated on his lap, and rather comfortably at that.
"I lost. We're playing poker now, and I suck at poker. I already had to strip to the star wars theme..."
"What are you talking about?"
"I lost again, didn't I? So I have to kiss you!"
"What? No!" Tala cocked his head to one side, pouting.
"Pwease? They'll make me kiss Lee if I don't kiss you and he'll bite me..."
"I hope he does."
Rei pushed Tala back but the Russian persisted and simply leaned forwards, forcing his lips onto Rei's. Rei gave a muffled 'mmph' and shoved Tala off his knees, onto the floor. Unfortunately, by sitting on him, Tala had made his already hideously short skirt ride up, showing even more of his tanned skin. He growled angrily and stood up. "When do I get to take this off, anyway?" He asked, pointing, as there wasn't enough skirt to grab while protecting his already tattered modesty. Tala smirked.
"You have to wear it for the rest of the night, Rei...until, say...midnight?" Rei looked at the clock and felt his fists ball.
"That's three hours away..."
"Yup." Tala's eyes gleamed wickedly, and he stood up, slapping Rei's backside before mooching back to his seat. Rei ground his teeth and walked into the kitchen again, an evil idea forming in his head.
"Cake?"
"Well I was bored. And if I stay in here you all just stare at me. I mean, come on, doesn't my arse look big in this or something?"
"No." Came Tala's frank reply. "Your arse looks...squeezable."
"Well you'd know, wouldn't you? Have some cake, shut your face for a few seconds..."
Tala smirked. "Nah, I'm not one for cake. Besides, I know what you put in it..." He said, whispering the last bit. Rei blinked, and shared out the cake between the others, sure he'd imagined Tala saying that.
"Gragh! My mouth! So hot! Burning!" Yelled Tyson, getting up and sprinting for the kitchen. The others followed him one by one, until only Tala and Rei were left. "Curry powder. I knew you put something like that in!" Tala laughed, sprawling out on the sofa. Rei sniffed, folding his arms, and crossing his legs. Tala smirked. "Lovely view of your underwear there, Rei...red suits you..." Rei uncrossed his legs hurriedly. "Nice legs, for a cake poisoner..."
"Well I wish you'd eaten the lion's share of it!"
"Shouldn't that be the wolf's share?"
"Bah! This was YOUR idea! Look at me, I'm wearing a skirt that's barely even there!"
"Mm, it suits you. I've never seen your legs before, I like them." He winked, stretching over lithely and touching Rei's thigh. Rei blushed heavily and shifted away.
"Stop doing that!"
"What?"
"Touching me! It's bad enough being dressed like a girl around you, I won't let you treat me like one!"
"If I was treating you like a girl, I wouldn't be touching you at all."
"Huh?"
"I'm gay, you moron."
"W-What?"
Tala laughed and prowled over, flumping down beside Rei and laying a hand over his chest. "See? No breasts. Just the way I like it." Rei blushed harder, mouth opening slightly. Tala pushed his chin back up with a delicate finger, smiling. "You're not objecting much, are you? Isn't this an insult to your manly pride or something?"
"N-wha?" Rei gasped as Tala moved closer, pulling Rei onto his lap and laying his hands on Rei's hips, slipping then up under the t-shirt.
"You don't mind this, do you?" Rei gawped, but Tala seemed to require an answer, so he nodded. "What, the nod for you minding or not minding? Or have I embarrassed you too much for you to be able to speak?"
"Oh Jesus...m-my mouth...it feels like it's burning!" Tyson exclaimed wafting at the abused article in question. Before he knew what was happening, someone had grabbed him and kissed him, and their mouth was...oh, so cold, so good... Whoever it was, they were Tyson's new best friend. He kissed back desperately, seeking more of that delicious coolness, grabbing firm shoulders and yanking them closer, impacting with a hard chest and giving a low moan. He pulled away slowly, realising that if he didn't he was going to suffocate.
He looked up, right into a set of eyes. Crimson eyes. Crimson eyes that looked strangely amused. "K-Kai!"
"You didn't make that much of an effort earlier. But then, I suppose the ice cube made all the difference..." He crunched his teeth down, and Tyson finally realised why it had been so cold...
"Um...I...well I..."
"Do I need another ice cube or are you going to kiss me again willingly?"
"What?"
"Tyson, are you completely brain-dead? I want to kiss you. You only seem to want to kiss me when I have an ice cube in my mouth. Therefore, are you going to kiss me now regardless, or do I have to procure another ice cube from the rest of your ravening guests?"
"You talk a load of crap, you know that, Kai?" Tyson said admiringly. "You mean you want me, don't you?"
"Yes."
"So why did you have to flower it up like that? Stupid clever person..."
"That's how I talk, in case you hadn't noticed."
"Ah, whatever."
"I see. Lee?" The neko-jin turned, enquiring, and Kai smiled. "Can I have another ice cube?" Lee obliged, and Kai turned back to Tyson. Before he could get the ice cube to his lips, something else hit them. Something warm, something that parted...lips, begging for a tongue to slip between them. Kai was only too ready to oblige, and wind his arms around Tyson's waist, squeezing the younger boy against himself tightly.
Tyson was just starting to slip a hand up Kai's shirt when the Russian pulled away, wincing. "The ice cube!" He gasped. "Jesus Christ it's stuck to my fingers!" He dived for the tap and wrenched it on, shoving his hand under it. The water washed away the ice cube, letting it hit the bottom of the sink with a chinking nose. Kai massaged his abused fingers, then found his frozen hand closed between two others. "Like I said, you're a stupid clever person. You're a good kisser though."
Kai looked over his shoulder at Tyson, smirking. "Will you be saying the same thing when I make you run laps on Monday?"
"Well, if you kiss me while I'm running, damn right I will!" Kai laughed softly, and Tyson smiled, liking the sound of it. "You don't really laugh much, do you, Kai?"
"No. I've never really had anything to laugh about."
"I've got something you might want to laugh about."
"Oh? What?"
"Rei's kissing Tala and his skirt's ridden all the way up over his backside. Mariah gave him women's underwear as well!" Kai pulled Tyson back out from the kitchen into the living room, where Tala was lying over Rei, in between his legs, kissing him passionately. His skirt had moved up, revealing silky red underwear, which Tala was currently slipping a hand inside. Rei's hand slammed down, grabbing Tala's and dragging it away. "They've all seen enough. Either we go somewhere else or you keep your hands away from there!" He whispered. Tala sat up and then dragged himself and Rei into a standing position, pulling Rei towards the door. From Spencer's lap, Lee frowned at Mariah, who was currently settled up against Bryan. "Mariah, what are you doing with that kind of underwear?"
"What? Hey, they aren't mine!"
"Then..." Lee chuckled suddenly. "I thought he was walking too well in those heels..."
Fin
I know Rei-Rei probably isn't really a cross-dresser, but the idea just popped into my mind and wouldn't go away, so I had to write it so I could concentrate on the stupid carbon cycle... Man, I had Biology today and it sucked...it was all about nitrates and I know NOTHING about them!
Anyway, R&R please!