Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of the characters/storyline within it. The plot of this fan fiction is my own and thieves will be prosecuted to the furthest extent of my Taekwondo abilities. Which is pretty far. And painful.

When You Can't Let Go

Chapter 1: Introductions

Kaoru could not feel her pain. Everything was numb, and her world had fallen to pieces-leaving her with nothing. Her azure eyes no longer sparkled, they were dull and lackluster betraying the emptiness she held within her shattered heart. Kenshin had left her. He had finally returned to his blasted life of endless wandering...resulting in the endless pain plaguing her now.

A slight slide of the shoji door revealed a young boy, about 13 years old. Yahiko bent and placed the tray he was holding on the inside of Kaoru's room. Sighing, he slowly stood and backed out of the room, closing the door as he exited silently. She hasn't eaten for three whole days...She is stubborn, but how long can she hold out? Busu no baka. Kenshin is nothing, he proved that when he left us.

…

I keep seeing his face...his smiling face...'Kaoru-dono'...I was his Kaoru-dono, what happened to that? Why did he have to leave when I need him so much? A voice in the back of Kaoru's mind reminded her that she didn't really need Kenshin like she believed she did. You survived 17 years without him. You're young, you need to move on. Keep the dojo, train your students-they need you. Com'n Kamiya, you're stronger than this!

After three consecutive days of living in her misery, Kaoru stood and made her way to the food Yahiko had left for her. She felt dizzy and light-headed from lack of sleep and food. With shaky steps she carried the tray back to her futon and sat with the tray on her lap. The miso soup was warm, and the fish was a little over-cooked but the rice was good and the whole meal filled her aching stomach.

Finishing her meal, she felt content and decided to take a nap to fulfill her sleeping quota which she had denied the past 72 hours.

…..

The sun's rays awakened the sleeping kendo instructor with a gentle warmth that brightened her face and highlighted the ebony locks trailing along her collarbone. Her sapphire eyes fluttered open and she sat up quickly. "Kenshin..." Her voice trailed off leaving her with nothing but the faint sounds of breakfast being prepared in the kitchen. Rising from her futon, Kaoru swept her hair out of her face and into a knot at the base of her neck until she could find her ribbon. "But Kenshin took my ribbon..." She murmured aloud.

Shaking her head of thoughts pertaining to a certain redheaded wanderer, Kaoru gathered supplies and a change of clothes for her bath. She knew she had neglected hygiene far too much in the last few days.

…

Yahiko was surprised that Kaoru had eaten and left the empty tray out in the hallway. He heard her moving around in her room and saw her pass out to the bathhouse. With a renewed energy he turned to the rooster helping him in the kitchen and said, "Do you hear her? She's finally up rooster-head!" Sano suddenly perked up from his stupor and said, "Jou-chan's up? Where? When? How is she?"

"Calm down, she'll come to eat when she's ready, she went out to the bathhouse." The young samurai replied. Inside, both of her friends were elated and trying hard not to show it too much, it would be embarrassing-they were men, after all.

…..

Kaoru stepped out of the bathhouse with a slight spring in her step. Lightly she shook her head, freeing the raven strands of excess water then swiftly compiled the hair into a dampened ponytail which fell to her middle back. "The day is wonderful, and I will make the best of it...without Kenshin." she whispered to the sakura trees that were in full bloom. It's almost as if he's been gone an eternity...yet a part of me still clings to the hope he'll return...will he?

Kaoru continued to think to herself about all the holes that would be in her life now that the ex-hitokiri had left. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, friendliness...Shaking her head vigorously she made her way to the mainhouse for breakfast.

There she found Sano and Yahiko setting bowls with reheated fish and leftover rice and chopsticks on the table. Kneeling, she took the spot where she usually sat...before Kenshin left.

Breakfast passed quickly and was surrounded in a semi-comfortable atmosphere. Yahiko asked her when she would begin teaching her classes again so he could train himself. Actually he didn't phrase it quite that way..."Busu, are you going to be teaching? Because if you don't...I can still help out."

Kaoru's eyes squeezed shut and Yahiko thought his instructor was going to cry again. But instead when she opened them, it seemed a fire had been ignited within the young girl's whole body. Suddenly a bokken appeared from behind the young girl and she began to chase the little boy in circles and screeched, "500 swings Yahiko-chan! Then you will go get me some tofu!"

…

His smiled. It's all he ever did. His katana hung from his waist as he walked gracefully and silently through the crowded streets of Tokyo. Wandering, it was his fate to seek redemption from this eternal searching for answers. Was Himura-san right? Or was Shishio-sama? Three years had revealed nothing to the young boy. I long to settle down, but I need to find the answers and unveil the truth...All the blood soaked in the ground during the revolution-I contributed to it...I shortened thousands of lives for a cause I'm not sure of, even now I am haunted by those people. Are there stronger people made to protect the weak, or are the weak meant to die for being unable to protect themselves?

A noise startled the young man out of his revere. His attention was brought to a fight beginning in front of him. Two burly men were scuffling over invasion of personal space, it seemed. Well, I'll just have to take care of this quickly. It will be nothing.

Swiftly weaving through the crowd, the enigma with a sword at his side was suddenly in the middle of the fight. There was a young boy being viciously punched in the center of the mass of bodies. The boy suddenly pulled a shinai from his side and began to hit his attackers savagely over the head with powerful, calculating, yet wild strikes. I can see he's desperate, he has training but is too worked up now and unfocused to apply the methods and techniques required to win over the brute force...

…..

Yahiko was doomed. Kaoru had told him to bring back tofu, and here he was...fighting. Fighting against very large men who were determined to take him somewhere. I love how everyone is enjoying this little show, but I hate how nobody is lifting a finger to help me. Oh well, I can take them! Grabbing his shinai he furiously swung with all his might and took down two of his attackers. Unfortunately more and more closed in to fill the emptying ranks and his arms were beginning to ache from the force of his blows.

Suddenly, the assailants were falling faster than they could get back up. Yahiko saw a small boy in a blue gi moving rapidly between the men. The flash of a katana was clearly visible, but the blood could be found on neither the ground nor blade.

Then, as quickly as the attacks had begun against the thugs, it had ended and a small man with flashing blue eyes stood in the midst of the unconscious men. "You should be more careful, that you should." said the mysterious savior. Yahiko gaped at the sword which had been resheathed and closed his mouth under the scrutiny of the swordsman. "Ari-arigatou...-"

"-Soujiro. Seta Soujiro. And you are, young samurai?"

"Myojin Yahiko. Seta-san...would you like to come have tea? I mean, to repay you for your kindness and all that..." Yahiko's gruff voice betrayed his admiration. Inside, his heart and brain were churning and taking in how this Soujiro had spoken like Kenshin and how he had not killed his attackers when it was clear he could have. He was just like Kenshin on the outside, but on the inside, Yahiko was hoping that they would be a little different. Maybe Busu could get a date and forget about Kenshin.

"I would appreciate tea, Yahiko-san, that I would." Soujiro didn't see a problem with being out of the elements for a while, and Yahiko seemed fine enough.

Yes! He didn't call me "chan"...Finally, I'm getting the respect a great warrior like myself deserves!

…..

Kaoru had instructed the beginner class with as much energy as ever. I will not let my situation affect my students...I'm stronger than that...

"Okay, now I want everyone to stretch well! I won't have any pulled muscles!"

As the last of the class left, Kaoru saw Yahiko walking through the gate. In tow was a black haired boy-no-man. Wow, that guy is really young looking, but it's clear that he's older-the way he walks...He's a swordsman! Kaoru saw his sword and attire, and he heart jumped into her throat. What if it was one of Kenshin's old enemies? But that feeling Kaoru had in the pit of her stomach...Were they...butterflies?

…..

Soujiro took in his surroundings, the place was clean albeit a bit lacking in refinement but the comforting feeling he had when he saw the dojo and wide yard compensated for any missing grandness. His gaze caught a young woman, a very beautiful one, ushering children from the dojo door. Holding a bokken with a firm grip in one had and was patting children on the head with the other she was the perfect picture of a goddess.

Her eyes trailed after the young students with a slight look of longing. Soujiro wondered what she was thinking...her smile continued to sparkle as she turned her head towards the young boy who was still leading him through the courtyard closer to this woman.

…..

I held my breath as the smiling man continued to allow himself to be led by Yahiko. The breeze blew wisps of raven hair into his face and with a sure hand, the stranger smoothed the strands back. This feeling in my stomach…it felt wildly exhilarating. I found myself wondering how well he fought…how his body might glide, guiding the sword by his side with lethal accuracy. Good grief, Kamiya! You don't even know his name and you're thinking about…

…..

The young woman looked pensive and reserved. I turned my head for a moment to observe the boy ahead of me, only to look back to the black-haired beauty and see that she had screwed up her face into the most laughable contortion. Obviously she was upset by something. I wondered what it was.

…..

AH! I met his eyes! I bet he saw me ogling him…

"Ohayo, Yahiko-chan." I gave a bow in the direction of the handsome stranger. "Ohayo…" I led questioningly.

"Soujiro, Seta Soujiro." He replied, his voice soft with a tenor-tinge.

My heart betrayed me, fluttering like a thousand butterfly wings on the wind. I sound like a hopeless romantic. I don't even believe in romance anymore. Humph. I smiled. "Nice to meet you, Seta-san. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, but you can call me plain old Kaoru."

Sou-chan…I mean, Seta-san grinned even wider than usual. "Very well, Kaoru-san. And I would prefer if you called me Soujiro."

I pulled my thoughts away from his face long enough to ask a reasonable question. "So, Yahiko, do you have the tofu?"

Yahiko grunted and handed me a medium sized package of wrapped tofu. "Soujiro here saved me. Some guys were being bakas and tried to start something. They were cheats, otherwise I could've handled them." Yahiko ended his story with a cocky grin.

"Ah, sou ka. Arigato Soujiro, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you helping Yahiko." I formulated my sentence carefully so I wouldn't wound Yahiko's young pride. "Would you like to join us for some tea?"

"I would enjoy that immensely Kaoru-san."

…..

I will call her Kaoru in my head for now. Such a fitting name. My thoughts were interrupted as I thought of how long I might be able to stay with this lady and boy. But Shishio's teachings echoed through my thoughts. The weak would die…were they weak? Was Himura-san correct? Should I protect the weak?

…..

Kenshin walked down an abandoned road which wound through the most desolate and isolated parts of the wood. Aoshi had once shown him this road. The Oniwanbanshuu often used it because it was so unknown.

The wind was blowing and the wandering samurai felt a tug at his heart. He was lonely again. The redhead mused at how he'd been able to avoid this particular emotion for a few years while residing at a bustling dojo headed by a beautiful young woman. Kenshin envisioned her running out from the gates, greeting him…she was always so torn when he left. He hated to leave her, he really did-but he still had an obligation to atone for the horrible sins of his past. The bloody cries of his victims always haunted his dreams, and whenever he allowed himself the luxury of living in the moment with Kaoru the brutalities of his past brushed the edges of his conscious, reminding him of his unworthiness.

Despite his thoughts, Kenshin noticed the old woman ahead of him before she was even in his line of sight.

"Battousai." The elderly woman spoke in a voice full of strength contrasting with her feeble image.

"Who are you?" Kenshin didn't put up the rurouni façade of mindless courtesy. This was a woman who could not be underestimated. Stories of spirits in these woods were not uncommon, and Kenshin wouldn't allow himself to fall prey to something just because he was too obstinate to believe folklore. Anything was possible. Couldn't he move with the speed of a god?

"You wrought havoc on many lives during the Bakumatsu. Now you wander to atone for your sins. But Battousai, look inside yourself. You are at war. Torn between two conflicting and mutually exclusive ideals, what will happen now is destined. The separation of dueling souls, two different people trapped within one host. Who will remain, the Wanderer or the Battousai? Prepare yourself." The seemingly harmless woman shifted into an offensive stance and began muttering in a foreign tongue.

Kenshin barely had time to think about the old woman's words before a great light engulfed his body. A searing pain ripped through his chest and he felt something expel itself from his body into the darkening sky. Holding back an anguished scream Kenshin fell to his knees, forgetting the woman who had already disappeared.

With a quiet yet menacing growl, the redhead sank into a black oblivion.