DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA. THE ROMAJI AND TRANSLATION WAS TAKEN FROM animelyrics(.)tv
Author's note: Waaah!!! It's been over a year since I've updated!!! x.X... You can all strangle me now... Btw, I just realized I should scrutinize my chappies more... I make several grammatical mistakes that I tend to miss... urgh. It's a shame, my carelessness. x.X... I'll edit the other chappies later.
I was worried that the tone and mood that I employed in writing this fic would change since it's been a long time but after carefully reading chap1, I suddenly had the urge to post a chappie... I hope I update some more...
Damn. I wrote this while listening to Arashi's song, "Tomadoinagara." Damn, I only discovered it the other day. It's so addictive! x.X
Nyweyz, hope you enjoy this chappie. I decided to update coz' the flow of fics seem to really slow down; no one's updating anymore! (That includes me... xX… look who's talking) T,T
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Chapter V: Don't be Afraid to Cry
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Koware souni naite ita anata ga
Itsumo no youni waratte iru no o
Tatta miteru yo
/You, who could weep when scared,
Smiled all the time,
For show only./
-Dakishimetai/I Want Us to Hug/ (Super GALS! ED) sung by Jungle Smile
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Tanaka-sensei sat at the faculty room in front of her desk, shuffling papers here and there. Her desk was cluttered with several music sheets for both the choir and her music classes. She was on her way to class but she couldn't find the particular piece they were going to tackle in the midst of the paper chaos upon her desk. She tacked a mental reminder in her mind to organize her things after school that day.
She opened the first drawer on her right and after some more shuffling, finally found the elusive music sheet.
"Tanaka-sensei?" a soft voice called to her. She looked up to see Kikyou standing on her left, bag in hand. "Ohayou gozaimasu."
"Ah, Kikyou. Ohayou," Tanaka-sensei turned her swivel chair to face Kikyou. "What a surprise. What made you come see me so early in the morning? We'll be meeting later on in practice, anyway."
"Uhm... about that... You see..." Kikyou's hand held out a folder in front of Tanaka-sensei, all the while looking down, her bangs veiling her eyes and the sorrow within them. Tanaka-sesei looked confused as she took the offered folder in front of her.
"What's this?" It was the music sheet of "Yasashisa no Tane," the song she was going to perform.
"I have to back out."
Tanaka-sensei's eyes widened and the last minute change of heart was beginning to stir panic within her. "But the competition... It's only two days from now! You're quitting just when it's so close?"
Kikyou refused to look up and meet the teacher's confused gaze. "I... I just..." Her hands clutched the handle of the bag in front of her. "I'm sorry, Sensei. I just can't go through with it. I sincerely apologize for causing you inconvenience." She bowed before exiting the faculty room in haste.
Tanaka-sensei sat there dumbfounded and stuck to her chair, not knowing how to react or what to do. She heaved a sigh as she dejectedly gathered her things. As much as she wanted to talk more about this matter with Kikyou, she had classes for the day. And as far as she could discern, Kikyou wasn't the type to open up easily.
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Sesshoumaru stared out the window in a pondering manner, his fist supporting his cheek as he gazed at the scenery outside. Something was wrong with Kikyou lately. She seemed off and distracted during practice and he could see the troubled look within her hazel eyes. He was not one to pry so he never mentioned anything to hint his suspicions. He dismissed his paranoia and attributed her strange behavior to nervousness, as the contest was drawing near.
But he knew better. It wasn't that she was nervous; she could easily win the singing contest with her beautiful voice. He knew there was something more, something that went deeper. But he wasn't one to corner a person and force a confession out of them.
"Class dismissed." The teacher said as the lunch bell rang. The students got up eagerly and filed for the door while Sesshoumaru lagged behind to fix his things and waited to avoid the crowd pooling at the door.
"Tsukishiro!" a voice called to his Sesshoumaru's side as he stepped out of the classroom. He stopped and turned to acknowledge the approaching figure.
"Tanaka-sensei."
"It's a good thing I ran into you here."
"Do you need anything from me, Sensei?" He asked as she stopped in front of him.
"No, no. I just came to inform you that you don't need to come to practice after your classes today."
"But the contest is just the day after tomorrow."
Tanaka-sensei sighed sadly. "Well, as a matter of fact, the school won't be participating anymore."
Sesshoumaru frowned. "I don't understand, Sensei."
"Kikyou backed out at the last minute," Tanaka-sensei explained as she slipped her hands into her coat pocket. "I talked to her again to try to change her mind but she says she just can't sing in it and it's too late to train a replacement."
Sesshoumaru looked down on the floor, wondering about this current change of situation. "I'm sorry to hear that, Tanaka-sensei."
Tanaka-sensei patted him at the side of his arm. "Well, I should be the one apologizing to you. I was the one who requested your participation in this." She sighed yet again. "As disappointed as I am at this, I'm more worried about Kikyou. Did she say anything to you that might indicate why she would quit?"
"No, Sensei."
Another sigh from Tanaka-sensei. "Well, I shouldn't keep you from your lunch break. Thanks anyway for helping us."
"It was no problem, Sensei." Sesshoumaru said before she walked away. As Sesshoumaru walked down the hall, he was determined to find out the reason behind this sudden turn of events.
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Kikyou inwardly sighed. Classes had ended and students piled at the door, eager to exit the classroom and continue on with their after school plans. Kikyou just waited until everyone had cleared out of the room before standing up and walking out slowly. She had gotten used to the routine of having practice afterwards and heading to the music room. She was sure it would be empty by this time. Only she and Sesshoumaru occupied that room these days because of the preparation for the singing competition. However, since she backed out at the last minute, no one would be there for now. Maybe she could spend some time there before going home.
She quickened her pace as her thoughts turned to Sesshoumaru. Kikyou was sure Tanaka-sensei had already informed the senior of the change of her decision. It saddened her to think that she would never get to spend any more time with him. She had come to appreciate his presence and company for all the time they spent in the music room.
She stopped in front of the door and slid it open. Kikyou found herself rooted to her current position and unable to take a step inside, staring at the lone figure within the room.
Inside the room, standing in front of the piano, was Sesshoumaru. He had turned his head to the door once he heard it being opened. Though he didn't appear to be shocked, he was slightly surprised (but relieved) to see Kikyou. He had not been expecting her, but he secretly hoped he would come across her that day, but so far, he had no luck in chancing upon her. The music room was the one place he did not expect to meet her again.
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A soft thud of wood resounded as Sesshoumaru lifted the wooden cover of the piano to reveal the black and white keys. He turned to Kikyou, still standing by the closed door. She didn't move, her eyes wide with curiosity.
"What are you still doing here? You don't have to come here anymore, you know. Didn't Tanaka-sensei inform you?"
"I know." He pushed a random key.
"Then… what brought you here?" She finally dared to take a step inside and looked around casually, as if avoiding looking at him.
"I guess…" A long, slender finger trailed down a black key. "To see you."
Mi-do-re.
His response made her look at him in surprise before she turned her head away with a slight pink in her cheeks. He wanted to… see her? She didn't know whether to be relieved or wary.
Wordlessly, he finally took a seat in front of the piano and once again positioned his adept fingers upon the ivory key, testing a few random keys for warm-up.
"Well then…" She uttered to disperse the lack of words spoken. "It's... a good thing I… stopped by." She made no move to leave nor approach him, just staying at a distance.
He glanced up to her, his hands never swaying from the simple melody he was playing. "Well?" His eyebrows were raised in question. "Why are you just standing there?"
His statement encouraged her to walk forward and occupy the space next to him on the piano bench, the space he had left for her from the beginning.
He then retracted his right hand, leaving his left hand to play that familiar, merry duet piece called "Blue Moon."
"Do you know this?" he asked. She nodded and struck the starting note of the accompanying melody with her right hand. For a while they just sat there, continuously playing together, the jovial music filling the gap in between them and surrounding their silence. And it was strange for Kikyou to be so content in this place and time, just the two of them alone in the music room. Sitting beside him, even with everything unspoken, she didn't feel like an unwanted stranger.
For the first time in days, her lips formed a smile. He averted his gaze from the keys to her face. At the same time, she glanced at him before erupting into a small giggle, which made the corner of his lips slightly curve in amusement. Her small giggles joined in the cascade of notes, not one of them missing a beat.
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"My mother and I used to play it all the time on the piano," Kikyou recalled with a nostalgic smile. They had just finished playing and they were just sitting there, not moving from the seat in front of the piano.
Kikyou had a faraway look in her eyes and Sesshoumaru remained silent, just looking at her, giving her his whole attention.
"That was the only piece she knew because she and her younger twin sister would play it on the piano when they were young." Kikyou remained silent, looking afar.
"I didn't know you played the piano before."
Kikyou shook her head, still with that reminiscent gaze, as if not really seeing the present. "I just know the basics. I had lessons when I was very little but I had to stop because my mother couldn't afford it." She lowered her gaze as she ran her hand through some keys.
"As a single parent, my mother was struggling with expenses and raising a child alone. But even then, I was happy just being with her. She did the best she could, in high spirits. And I…" Kikyou paused as she bit her lip. She hadn't talked about her mother in such a long time. "…I acted so ungratefully."
This was something she had never dared to voice out, even if her mind was plagued with thoughts of it. And she had never talked about it to anyone, not even with her grandmother. So why was she saying it aloud now, when she knew the pain it would cause her? But she couldn't stop her voice, the voice locked within her to close off the unwanted thoughts at the depths of her mind.
"I said things that hurt her all because my recital dress didn't seem properly ironed. I let out my anger at her even though she had nothing to do with it." Sesshoumaru could hear the regret in her voice.
"I wish, she just had just gotten angry at me. Maybe if she did, she wouldn't have tried to come to my recital and she wouldn't have been in that accident." Kikyou felt her eyes sting from the bitterness of the memory.
She turned her face to him with her sad, remorseful smile. "Sometimes, I think that's the reason why she got into that accident." Kikyou once again looked down to her hands, clenched tightly on her lap, unable to gaze at Sesshoumaru with her tearful eyes. "And even if I wasn't the one driving the truck that hit her, I feel like it's my fault."
"I… I…" Kikyou's eyesight blurred and tears pooled. She bit her lower lip and her hands shakily covered her mouth to stifle the gasps, trying to hold back the onslaught of tears. "I'm responsible. I killed her. And the most painful part is that she died believing I was angry at her!" She raised her hands, covering her face and catching the trickling tears. She wept, because she could no longer control the overflowing sadness of her regret, because her only family was gone, leaving her alone and unwanted in the world.
Kikyou squeezed her eyes shut and firmly pressed her hands upon her mouth in an effort to control her hitches of breath and control the overwhelming grief she had hidden for so long, emerging like a wave to engulf her in misery.
And that was when she felt a warm arm wrap around her shoulders and a hand firmly and gently push her head to rest on a shoulder.
The crook of Seshoumaru's neck cradled Kikyou's head as she tightly grasped the front of his shirt. He leaned his cheek on the top of her head and while he caressed her hair in a comforting manner.
He didn't say anything, but his actions, being held by him, was reassurance enough. And somehow, being with him eased the desolation in her heart since her mother's death.
Holding on to the tears of grief for all this time for the sake of trying to be strong enough to continue in this life, Kikyou didn't understand why she couldn't control the flow of tears that seemed to never end. For a long time, she didn't cry, because she believed that she had to hold on to the remaining strength she had. Because if she gave in to the tears, she might never recover from it.
But at that moment, even as she cried out her sorrow, she couldn't understand why her heart felt relieved from the anguish of the tragedies of her life.
It is alright to be weak sometimes, because it is harder to be strong. Being strong is tiring too.
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Neh,
Minna onaji dake kodoku de
Onaji youni obieteru nara
Nanimo kowagaru kotonain dane
Watashi, anata, dakishimeru yo...
/Hey,
Everyone can feel like they're alone.
That's why we get scared.
There's nothing to be afraid of, though.
I will be there to hug you tight...//
-Dakishimetai/I Want Us to Hug/ (Super GALS! ED) sung by Jungle Smile
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Chapter VI: Second Best
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A/n: Again, I would like to apologize for my neglect in updating. Our PC was once again reformatted due to an fucking virus and all my precious jpop vids were deleted along with the drafts of my other fics!!! T.T If anyone out there is a master computer person and knows how to retrieve deleted files from the hard drive (coz it's been said that comp files are never deleted; I don't know if it applies to reformat), please HELP ME!!! T.T
Nyweyz, a li'l spoiler: the next chappie features two other people who shall be leading the high school dilemma of Sess&Kik... Guess who…
Hehehe… finished in the wee hours of the morn… Finally! I updated coz' no one was updating their fics and I kinda got my interest back in reading SessKik. I'm yearning for reading more SessKik fics…