Author: Zarah
Pairing: Lily Evans/James Potter
Rating: PG-13
Thanks to: Loony Moony, for betaing this little thing despite her misgivings concerning the pairing.
Note: This isn't my first fanfiction story, not by a long shot, but it's the first James/Lily I've written in ages. It's probably not a wise move to post it so close to the release of the sixth book, but if the Half-Blood Prince includes startling new revelations concerning the relationship of Harry's parents, I'll just label this story slightly AU, or some such.
Summary: It's not as if asking Lily out has ever proven successful, right? So James might as well give up. Give up asking her out, that is. And thus begins a tale that really doesn't pretend to be more than a cute little love story. Well, possibly not all that cute. Or little, for that matter. So, a love story. (Lily/James)
Disclaimer: Many of the following characters are borrowed from the marvellous Joanne Keane Rowling, but for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from this story. All characters shall be returned unscathed, except for Sirius who'll be locked in a tower so as to keep him far away from all things that even remotely resemble a curtain.
Squaring the Circle
I. Sunday, September 1st, 1977
squaring the circle: 1. one of the three classical problems
in Greek mathematics which
were extremely influential on the development of geometry;
2. figuratively: to attempt the impossible.
It had taken him three years, and if that was an embarrassingly long time, so be it. James had never quite understood the need of some girls to analyse their self-esteem to death. Besides, it had become something of a tradition, as Sirius never tired of pointing out.
Sharing his newly acquired knowledge with his friends, however, didn't seem to have quite the effect James had been aiming for.
"Quick learner, aren't you?" was Remus' less-than-satisfying response. The sarcasm was impossible to miss, but where Sirius would insert a healthy dose of mockery, Remus still managed to sound fondly exasperated.
"Oh," Peter said, and then, "yes, well. You're probably right." His face was searching for an appropriate expression, and failed.
"But it's tradition!" Sirius protested, predictably.
"Yes," James said. "And it's obviously not working. So, I'm dropping it."
"Just like that?" Remus asked.
"After three years?" Peter asked
"It's tradition," Sirius repeated sadly.
Peter's chocolate frog was winning. James' had exploded against the train window two compartments down; Sirius' had reached the ground, but managed to stay in the air for only two seconds compared to Peter's four. Remus hadn't joined the competition, instead opting to dissect his own frog slowly and carefully while James, Sirius and Peter crowded around the window.
It was, James supposed, a wink of fate that Lily chose to push the door to their compartment open just as James was about to release his second frog. Shame he'd dropped Divination and thus didn't know what fate was trying to tell him.
He tried to hide the frog behind his back, but his hair was wind-blown, and he knew, he just knew he wore the expression that belonged to childhood memories of being caught with one hand in the cookie jar. His mum had always seen right through the innocent front, and while James had managed to perfect his part-guilty, part-charming smile since then, Lily never fell for any of his smiles. Which, of course, was part of the problem.
Lily glanced at the hand hidden behind James' back, glanced at James' face and raised an eyebrow. "Ah. So my guess was correct."
"Your guess?" James intensified the force of his smile and threw a quick glare in the general direction of his friends: Sirius had his chin propped on the palm of his hand, looking just like he did when waiting for a Quidditch game to start, while Peter was looking from Lily to James to Lily. Even Remus had abandoned his analysis of the remaining frog leg for the time being.
Lily's expression didn't change. "The chocolate frog that just splattered against our window. Jen said it was Black's, Alice said Amos Diggory."
"Diggory?" Sirius put in, sounding scandalized at the comparison.
"He drops stuff all the time," Lily said. She turned back to look at James, and the Head Girl badge that was pinned to the front of her robe caught a ray of sunlight. "You just won me a butterbeer from the girls, so thanks."
"Uh, yeah. You're welcome." James shifted and was proud that he didn't offer to pay for another one. He'd never live it down if his resolve lasted a whole twenty minutes. His credibility was on the line, so… So.
Lily looked surprised for a blink of an eye, her eyes narrowing in thought. Then she nodded and turned to leave, pausing just before sliding the door closed. "Oh, and Potter?"
"Yes?" James asked. It came out a bit too quickly, a bit too eagerly.
"Introductory meeting with the Prefects in ten minutes. Don't be late." Her eyes slid over him. "And I suggest you change into your uniform." A soft click accompanied the closing of the door, and James tried to remember just why he wanted her. Because he was a masochist, possibly.
"So, James." Remus was smirking at the frog leg. "Do tell. That sudden decision not to ask Lily out again, after three years of being shot down. Did you make it before or after you knew you'd have quite a number of meetings with her this year, even without having to ask?"
"Should have known she'd be the girl to your Head Boy. Did I tell you yet how disappointed I am in you?" Sirius asked.
"Once or twice." James' uniform smelled faintly of apples and lavender. He sighed and got his wand out to undo his mother's work, briefly looking up at Sirius. "Once or twice every two minutes, that is."
"Good." Sirius' lips twisted into a satisfied smile. "Is it too late for you to decline?"
"No."
"What are you waiting for, then?"
"For it to be too late."
"Traitor. Didn't I give you anything you ever asked for?" Sirius' expression changed into one of hurt. "All the pranks you suggested, all those trips to the kitchen, our very first firewhiskey…"
Oh, yes. That. They'd woken up with aching heads on the bed in the Shrieking Shack, the one Remus used after his transformations. A note in Remus' cramped writing had been placed on the pillow, laughing obnoxiously when James picked it up. Told you half a glass would have been enough, it said. Somehow, they'd never quite gotten around to killing Remus, as they'd planned when the pain-inducing laughter wouldn't stop even after they'd torn up the note.
James smiled at the memory, rooting through his bag for the badge. It was hidden beneath the current issue of Balls and Brooms, and he pulled it out with a flourish. Sirius watched him, the hurt expression still very much in effect. He leaned forward to clutch James' hand. "I can change, James! I can! More rule-breaking, less detentions, just say the word!"
"Fat chance," Remus muttered, while James reached out to pat Sirius' hair.
"It's not you, Sirius. It's me."
"Oh, well." This seemed to satisfy Sirius. He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and batting his lashes. "You're not going to deduct any points from me, though, are you?"
"Only when you deserve it." James grinned as he buttoned up his robe. "Which is pretty much all the time."
"Aw, c'mon, James," Sirius cajoled. "A healthy dose of pranks against Snape hasn't hurt–" He cut himself off abruptly, followed by a guilty glance in Remus' direction, and just like that, the light mood twisted and tripped over itself. Remus, for his part, sighed and watched the landscape that flew by outside the window.
It had been like this ever since he'd finally accepted Sirius' apology over the summer; Sirius treating Remus with uncharacteristic caution and Remus reacting with silence. James was almost glad to leave for the Prefects meeting.
Strands of hair had escaped Lily's hair tie, and James looked away. He didn't think she'd take well to him reaching out and brushing it out of her face. Neither would McGonagall, for that matter. Her efficient strides were eating up the distance to her office as she explained the duties that came with their new positions. There were far too many, for James' liking. Even Lily started to look slightly apprehensive.
"…rounds, of course. You'll have to work out schedules for the Prefects to work in teams of two. Especially these days, we don't want any children out at night, wandering the castle alone." Face shadowed, McGonagall pushed the door to her office open. James had never seen looking as close to scared as in that brief moment just before her hand closed around the door handle. "Nothing has happened at Hogwarts yet," she said, and her voice had regained its usual sternness, "and we want to keep it that way."
"We will," James said. Lily glanced at him, and he wondered if she'd caught the fear, too.
"Yes." She sounded determined, meeting James' gaze for less than a second before she turned her attention back to McGonagall. The dim light inside the office made her eyes seem nearly black.
"Well, we can only hope you're right." McGonagall frowned at the neat stack of parchment scrolls on her desk. With a flick of her wand, she called two scrolls into her hand and passed them on to James, who handed one to Lily. "This is the list of your obligations, as I just explained them to you. I trust you to honour your position and set an example for the rest of the student body." At this, her eyes seemed to linger on James. "This is my first time as Head of Gryffindor House to have two of my students in this position. Don't prove Johnson right by not doing your job as well as you can. He's been entirely too smug about the many Slytherin Head Boys and Girls in recent years."
James privately thought that any chance to irritate Johnson, Defence Against the Dark Arts professor as well as Head of Slytherin, was quite an incentive. McGonagall was either trying to manipulate him, or she held the same dislike for the white-haired man who took points from Gryffindor with an enthusiasm he otherwise only showed when talking about vampires and Slytherin wins of the House cup.
"Not if I can help it." James gave her his best charming smile. Next to him, Lily snorted, but nodded all the same.
McGonagall returned the smile, and it made her look her actual age instead of the usual sixty-something years. "All right, then. In that case, off with you to your common room. I expect your report by the end of next week."
"Certainly, Professor," James said cheerfully, mostly because he knew how much it would unsettle Lily.
As soon as they were out of earshot, she rounded on him. "Don't think I'm going to do that report by myself, Potter. You better have some input, and good input, at that."
"Certainly, Evans." James bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning. It was just too easy. Now all he needed was to find out the buttons to improve her mood.
Lily studied him for a silent moment. "Stop smirking at me," she ordered then.
"Certainly, Evans," James repeated, turning his head to grin at the portrait of Joshua the Jovial instead. Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw her grimace, but thought that maybe, just maybe there was something close to a smile underneath.
"If you don't do your bit," she said, "I'll try out some of the hexes I learned this summer."
"Magic over the holidays?" James raised both eyebrows. "Evans, you surprise me." And while baiting her might not be the best course of action, at least it made talking to her easier. When he asked her out, she rarely graced him with more than half a minute of her time.
"I only studied the theory." Her grin was vaguely frightening. "Which is why I look forward to testing them."
"Uh, right." Maybe baiting really wasn't the best course of action. James cast around for a topic that was, well, less likely to get him hexed, in all honesty. Lily was rumoured not to react too well to provocation. James should know; he was one of the main characters in a good number of the stories. Some of them were true, even. "So, how was your summer, then? Apart from studying, I mean."
Apparently, that hadn't been a good choice of question. Her face clouded. "Depends."
"On what?" Together, they stepped onto the staircase that led from the statue of Humphrey the Hunchback on the second floor up to the Charms classroom on the third. A moment too late, James remembered that this was not such a good idea: The combination of Sunday, after nine in the evening and two people meant that…
Yes, exactly. Meant that the staircase would rearrange itself to lead down to the Potions classroom in the dungeons instead.
Lily muttered a word James hadn't thought she knew, much less used. "What?" she asked, tone exasperated, once she'd noticed him staring.
"Nothing." He faced forward again and shook his head in amusement. "Absolutely nothing. You were telling me about your summer?"
She looked at him suspiciously, then shrugged and set off down the corridor. Torches flickered as they passed, swayed by the breeze. "Actually, I was distinctly not telling you about my summer."
"Come on, Evans." James used much the same tone Sirius had used on him earlier, when he'd tried to charm James into a friendly no-points-taking deal. "It's a long way up, so entertain me with tales of your amazing life!"
Her expression was sceptical. "Why do you even want to know?" And this, James supposed, was the perfect opportunity to get in her good graces. Show her he cared, show her he was interested, was…
His mind came up with a glorious blank as to what to say.
"Thought so." Lily sounded both smug and… disappointed? Annoyed? "And if you're that desperate for entertainment, we can always go over your duties as Head Boy. Just so you don't forget anything."
James tried to imagine kissing Sharon Knowles; Jessica Sherbany; Alissa Jingston. Any of them would be much more open to his advances than Lily had ever been. And yet… "No, I'm fine," James said, releasing a frustrated breath. "Thanks, but no thanks."
"Suit yourself. You're welcome to tell me about your summer, though." She shrugged and turned the corner into the corridor leading to the closest staircase; it didn't sound as if she cared one way or another. James decided to see it as encouragement regardless.
"It was good, mostly. Sirius has his own place now, but he still came over for dinner most of the time because he doesn't know how to cook. We charmed the neighbour's roses to sing the Song of the Drunken Dragon Breeder. Turned out she quite liked the effect."
"Magic over the holidays?" Lily looked unimpressed as she quoted his words back at him. "You don't surprise me, Potter."
"Well, dad works for the Ministry, so there are protections 'round our house." James watched Lily's fingers slide over the bars of the banister, her nails creating a soft, rhythmic clicking sound.
She looked thoughtful. "How come Black has his own place?"
"A difference of opinion with his family." James wasn't sure how much to reveal about this – although Lily couldn't have missed that Sirius wasn't overly fond of Bellatrix and Regulus, both of them proud Slytherins – one past, one present.
"Why?" Lily asked.
Because they're bloody bastards who wouldn't hesitate to sell their own son to the highest bidder, if Voldemort told them to. "Differences," James repeated. Why was it that the one time Lily seemed interested in something he had to say, friendship forbade him to reveal too much? "In short, they think wizards should treat Muggles as an inferior form of life, and Sirius doesn't."
"Oh." She was quiet for the time it took them to reach the second floor, apparently mulling this over. "You wouldn't think it, looking at him," she said eventually. "That he has any cares in the world, I mean. It can't have been easy."
"Well, just because he enjoys a good prank doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings," James said with slightly more force than he'd intended to. Once the words were out, he wasn't sure if he was still talking about Sirius.
Slowly, Lily shook her head. "Maybe not." A pause. "It's still what you see if you don't know him better, though."
"I guess," James admitted. The quiet sound of shuffling feet caught his attention, just around the corner to their left. He exchanged a glance with Lily: No student was allowed outside the common room this late. Damn, James thought with faint amusement, someone sure was trying to start this year's rule-breaking bright and early.
He'd expected to see one of the older kids; Connelly maybe, or the oldest Weasley, possibly even Sirius, although they'd made it a deal that Sirius would do at least half of the things that could cost him points out of James' sight. Instead, James found his gaze lowering, and lowering, and lowering, until it finally settled on a boy James vaguely remembered from the Sorting. Ravenclaw? Hufflepuff?
Their arrival seemed to startle him out of some trance, and he stopped staring fearfully at the moving staircases to stare fearfully at them instead. He looked lost, and probably was.
"Hello," Lily said gently. James deemed it highly unfair that all this boy had to do was stand there and look scared, and Lily would treat him with a kindness she'd never shown James. Highly, highly unfair. Something was obviously wrong with the world, or maybe just with Lily.
"Are you lost?" Lily asked, and the boy nodded while James crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What's your name?"
"Colin Dowry," was the quiet reply, and Colin's eyes seemed to lose some of their fear.
"I'm Lily, and this is James. We're the Heads this year." She smiled. Unfair, James' brain chanted, while he also listened to the way his first name fell off Lily's lips. She should say it more often. "What House did the Hat choose for you?" Lily asked.
Colin looked at her with something akin to awe. "Hufflepuff," he said, and James barely managed to suppress a snort. Figured, that.
"Hmm." With a thoughtful expression, she twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "I have to admit that I don't know where your common room is." Sudden turn. "James?"
"Yes?" James asked stupidly.
Lily raised a brow, but – presumable because of the company – didn't say anything. "Do you know where the Hufflepuff common room is?"
"Sure." He shrugged, then smiled first at Lily, then at Colin. After all, he owed the boy two pronouncements of his first name, and his mother had taught him not to be ungrateful. Her hexes were fairly effective.
"Why am I not surprised?" Lily muttered, but a small smile stole itself across her face regardless. To Colin, she said, "All right. Then James will take you to your common room, okay? And next time, make sure you don't lose the others."
Smirking, James placed a friendly arm around her shoulders, certain that she wouldn't resort to physical violence in front of Colin. Well, mostly certain. "You're not going to leave me alone, Lily, are you? Don't you remember what McGonagall said? No one should wander the castle alone at night."
"Oh, please. As if you even listened," she told him under her breath, too quietly for Colin to hear.
"I did," James said with as much dignity as he could muster.
"Right." Lily's voice held the sarcastic edge she seemed to reserve for James. Ducking out from under his arm, she gave Colin another smile. "Okay, Colin, we'll both accompany you to your common room."
"This way," James said, and it wasn't easy to stop his grin from showing. He didn't often win an argument with Lily.
Second chapter: Friday, September 6th, 1977. Written, but not edited.