Hawk: I do not own Stargate, though that's neither here nor there…
"COLONEL O'NEILL GET AWAY FROM THOSE BUTTONS!!!!!" Walter yelled in dismay. A fully grown, sheepish looking Colonel O'Neill looked down grinding his foot in the floor, "Sorry Mister." he said, "They looked cool." he looked up again and saw Hammond. He instantly gave a sloppy salute.
"Colonel Jack O'Neill reporting for duty sir!" he said. He watched as Major Carter and Doctor Jackson did the same.
"I can't believe he's actually the leader." Major Carter muttered under her breath to Doctor Jackson. The Doctor giggled softly. Colonel O'Neill jumped at her words quickly turning around.
"Hey, hey, hey! That's insubordination, and besides, I'm WAAAAY older than you now!" O'Neill said smugly crossing his arms and sticking out his tongue.
"Yeah, you're an old coot!" the Major replied sticking out her own tongue.
"AHHHHHCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… cad I go see Dogdor Frasier?" Doctor Jackson mumbled wiping his nose with his sleeve.
"Ewww, Danny that's gross, you need to stop doing that." O'Neill said to the Doctor handing him a tissue.
"Sorry Jag."
"Could someone PLEASE inform me what the heck is going on?" Hammond demanded looking at a bemused Teal'c.
"It seems that they grew to their natural bodies, but they still have most of the memories of children General Hammond." He replied.
"T-man! Great to see you again buddy!" Jack said running over to Teal'c, "High five?" he asked holding out his hand. Teal'c just raised his eyebrow.
"Don't leave me hanging—GAK!!" Major Carter grabbed on to the back of his shirt and dragged him back to where she and Doctor Jackson were standing. While that was going on, Fraiser entered the room handing Daniel some antihistamines.
"Thag you." Daniel said quickly taking them then blowing his nose.
"Ah yes." Jack said looking down at Fraiser, "The Vampire." Frasier gave him one of her patented, 'don't mess with the doctor, she owns many big sharps pointy things she gets paid to stick into you,' looks, Jack instantly backed off.
"Well, what are we going to do?" General Hammond asked, "We can't send them off world like this!"
"Oh, that's what Mr. Jordan's here for." O'Neill said.
"Mr. Jordan?" Hammond asked.
"Yeah." Major Carter nodded rapidly. Hammond suddenly noticed her hair was still in pigtails sticking out on either side of her head.
"Uh huh." Doctor Jackson agreed, "He's an alien!" Daniel gestured wildly to emphasize his point, "He said he'd help us, but you took him away." Jackson frowned. Hammond was on the urge of having a heart attack. What if this Jordan fellow had been taking advantage of their mental states and used them to find the truth? What if he was NID.
"Sir, Colonel Simmons is on the line." Someone said. It's always nice to know that the day could become that much brighter. He quickly took the phone.
"Hello?" Hammond growled.
"Hello General, I'm dropping by to pick up the kids." Simmons smug voice was like a wet squeaky shoe on linoleum.
"Is that right?" the General asked, "And how did you get that clearance. These are our people."
"I got clearance."
"If you don't drop this idiocy now Simmons you'll have a charge of kidnapping on your hands." It was a bluff and it seems Simmons knew that.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, they ARE there aren't they?" Simmons asked innocently.
"They're here." the General admitted, "But we've solved the problem, they're no longer children."
There was a long pause; Hammond thought he had him.
"Then you won't mind me interviewing them to make perfectly sure." Hammond gritted his teeth. He had lost.
"Good-bye General."
Hammond slammed down the phone, "Damn it." he cursed.
"Mom says you're not s'posed to say that word Mr. General sir." Jack said. Hammond sighed looking back at the no longer mini SG1.
"She's right, but in this case, it suits the situation." Hammond said.
"What did Colonel Simmons want?" Teal'c asked in disgust at having to speak the vile name.
"He wants to take them to area 51, let's go see this Mr. Jordan of yours." Hammond said. It was their only hope now.
Jordan explained to the General and everyone else in the room what he was and how he could help them, "I just need to get back there with them and pour this into the water." He said holding up a small vial.
"So can we go?! Can we can we can we?" Sammy asked bouncing on her heels, her pigtails bobbing up and down. It would have been amusing if it weren't a full-grown astrophysicist with the greatest knowledge of the Stargate on base. Hammond would have never expected Major Carter to be so… bubbly as a child.
"Please?" Daniel added softly partly hiding behind Jack. This was so much different than the Daniel Jackson that spoke out for his and everyone's rights.
"Yeah, we got stuff to do General!" And Jack… well there wasn't that much of a difference…
"You have a g—"
"General, I'm here," Simmons, "You weren't thinking of sending off the kids were you?"
"SG1, why don't you go to Doctor Jackson's lab while I talk to … Colonel Simmons." he said the name as if he was speaking of a rotten banana peel.
"Right! Will do sir!" Jack said grabbing Sammy and Daniel's shoulders and pulling them out of the room. Jordan quickly followed behind along with Teal'c bringing up the rear.
Teal'c quickly showed the rest of SG1 where Daniel's Lab was.
"Wow, this is my lab?" Daniel asked looking around curiously still not entirely used to being tall enough to see things.
"Indeed DanielJackson." Teal said with a small upward curve of his lips. Daniel quickly took out a coffee crisp bar, "Looks like we won't have to pay me back." He said happily chewing on the chocolate, "Do'ya want one Teal'c?"
"No thank you DanielJackson."
Jack sighed. He picked up one of the little statues and started throwing it from one hand to the other, "But that Jerkwad Bozo is back and he sure as heck won't let us go through that Stargate thingy.
"Uh, Jack, I don't think you should be playing with that." Daniel said a small frown on his face.
"It's fine Danny." Jack said continuing to throw it back and forth.
"But maybe we can pass his adult test thingy." Sammy pointed out leaning on the desk, "I mean, how hard can it be to be an adult?" Jordan sighed.
"He could also ask questions about your past. Memories you guys haven't got back." He explained. The children—SG1 frowned.
"Well that puts a damper on that…" Jack sighed.
"Jack, stop it." Daniel said, annoyed.
"Stop what?"
"Throwing the artefact!"
"I'm not gonna break it."
"Are too."
"Are not."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Cause I'm NOT Danny!"
"It's mine."
"So what?"
"It's old and probably expensive."
"Fine fine…" He put it down, "Hey you talk a lot better; you can pronounce all those big words now."
"I'm talking exactly the same as before."
"Are not."
"Are too."
"Are not—"
"BOYS!" Jordan shouted. The alien shook his head and looked over at Teal'c, "Man, you must not be able to wait until their adults and act normal again."
"Actually, this is the most normal I have seen the two of them in quite some time." Teal'c said with a small smile his eyes shining playfully. Jack and Daniel looked at each other raised eyebrows.
"Oookay," Jack muttered, "So if we can't pass the test, what CAN we do? We can't just bust out of here…"
"Uh, Jack." Sammy said, "We do that all the time…" Jack looked over at her.
"Oh yeaaaaah. Heh, okay then." He grinned, "All we need is a clever plan to bust through, start that Stargate thingy, and then take Mr. Jordan through!" He crossed his arms with a satisfied look, "Easy as pie."
"Pie as in apple? Or Pi as in 3.141—"
"Apple, apple pie." Jack said cutting Sammy off with a glare.
"Either way, both are easy." She grinned cheekily. Jack stuck out his tongue.
"So what are we gonna do Jack?" Daniel cut in before Jack and Sammy could get into yet another argument. Jack smirked.
"Okay guys, here's the plan." He said gesturing for a huddle. He paused, "You too Teal'c we need you too!"
"Of course O'Neill."
"Okay, now we're gonna take the test."
"What?!?" The other two gasped.
"Just hear me out. Get ready for operation--"
"Jerkwad Bozo, so we meet again." Jack said crossing his arms. Daniel elbowed him in the ribs.
"Hey, that's what he is." Jack said nonchalantly glaring Daniel.
"Colonel O'Neill," Simmons said with a glare.
"That's me, once again large and in charge, now whaddaya want?" Jack asked. Simmons pointed to three chairs.
"Please, take a seat." he offered, "I'm just here to make sure that you're… perfectly normal."
"Normal. What if we aren't perfectly normal?" Sam asked coldly.
"Well then, I'd be forced to bring you back to area 51 for… study…" Simmons smiled. Daniel's eyebrows scrunched together.
"Forced, suuuure."
"Now, now Doctor Jackson, don't be… childish." Simmons said. Daniel rolled his eyes.
"Funny." Daniel said, "Do you believe this guy? What a slime ball" Simmons stared at him.
"Doctor Jackson, you are aware that I do speak Spanish." Daniel grinned, "Actually I am quite aware." he answered sweetly, "Just showing you that I don't have the mind of a six year old."
"I see." Simmons said deadpan, "But even as a seven year old you didn't have the mind of a six year old I'm guessing."
"Aww shucks, you're making me blush." Daniel replied sarcastically.
"Okay, okay, enough with the pleasantries," Jack cut in, though he gave a little grin at Daniel, "What do you want to ask Simmons?"
"Right, let's get on with this." Simmons smiled, "Colonel O'Neill, why don't we start with you?"
"Alright." Jack smiled nastily, "Give me your best shot."
Simmons looked down at the papers he was holding, "On P7X159, what happened to you Colonel?"
"P7X what?" Jack blinked. Simmons grinned.
"I take it you don't know." He said gloatingly.
"No, no, I just can't remember which planet that was… P7X… jeez… Carter which planet was that?"
"Uh… what planet was it again?" Sam asked.
"P7X159." Simmons repeated grinning in triumph.
"Oh. Argos sir." Carter prompted.
"OHHHHHH" Jack said nodding, "Right, right, right, okay, that's when I became an old man, heh heh, what an funny question Simmons, really, you crack me up. Well, anyways, continue." Simmons looked confused but dutifully went on with his questions.
"Major Carter, which Goa'uld symbiote took over your body for a brief time."
"Goa'uld…What's ar--?" Sam began to ask. She paused for a long moment, "OH!!! Uh, I think you mean Tok'ra… sir." She added after a long moment, "It was Jolinar." Simmons gritted his teeth.
"Correct." he said. Sam smiled brightly. He turned to Daniel.
"Alright Doctor Jackson, where is the location of your Grandfather Nicolas Ballard?"
"Belize." Daniel answered at once. Then frowned, "—The… ah… Planet of the giant alien—also called Belize; don't you love those culture coincidences?" He said quickly.
"That's the name of the planet?" Simmons gave him a long look.
"Um, yeah." Daniel said with a nervous smile, "Ummm you know there's an Abydos on Earth don't you? Well there's a planet called Belize… in… space." He said quickly nodding gesturing upwards.
"I see… very well then," he grumbled giving Daniel and long suspicious look, "Colonel O'Neill, "
"Yep?"
"What was the name of the Alien that took over Doctor Jackson's body on PX4943? That, might I add, could have advanced our knowledge of how to fight against the Goa'uld so much better?"
"Ummmm… Michelangelo?" Jack said after a long moment. Daniel winced. Sam slapped her forehead.
"Michello… sir."
"M something o…" Jack shrugged, "Stop asking such obscure questions, I'm not going to remember the name of every single alien I meet. Yeesh."
"Which Goa'uld did you make the treaty with between the Asguard, Goa'uld and Earth Colonel O'Neill."
"Oh, that's easy." Jack replied, "It was Nirti, Cronus and Me—wait a minute." Sam and Daniel looked at Jack in confusion.
"I didn't represent the Goa'uld…" Jack muttered to himself, "It was Nirti, yeah… Cronus… got that one… IT WAS NOT ME!!! --- No it wasn't! I think I would at LEAST know that much!! Even if I had been a Goa'uld at the time, why would I represent the Goa'uld and Earth? … … … so it WASN'T me?… then who was it?" Jack twitched after a moment, "You, you, you. It wasn't me! Was it?"
"Um… Jack?" Daniel said after a long moment.
"What?" Jack growled, "No it was not me!" he whispered furiously to himself.
"I think… the Goa'uld's name is You…"
"You? Y-O-U?" Jack asked. His face suddenly froze, "Oh… Y-U… Imagine that…" He glanced up at Simmons, "Oh well." He shrugged. He frowned suddenly tapping his ear, "Damn it… ear's acting up again…"
"Glitch sir?" Sam asked. O'Neill shrugged, "Yup, shame, I wanted to give the kids a bit more time, oh well, we know the answer to at least one question, don't we kids?"
"Yup." Sam smirked.
"What?" Simmons muttered. Until that moment he had been trying to see the microphone O'Neill must have had in his ear. They DIDN'T have their memories back!
"Oh, you know," O'Neill shrugged, "Those Robot doubles that died while defeating Cronus…"
"They survived." Daniel finished with a smile.
"Yeah, pretty much." Jack said looking over at Daniel.
"Got put back together as it were." Sam added.
"Harlen had grown rather attached to us…" Jack nodded.
"Yeah, I had a major headache while he fixed us though." Daniel said to them.
"You didn't have a head Daniel." She pointed out.
"Oh yes, that's right…"
"Neck ache then?" Jack asked.
"No, no, my brain circuits definitely still felt some pain, and I didn't have a body to move around in, it was like being tied up, and the entire time I had to stare at Jack's butt."
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with my rear end." Jack disputed.
"You didn't have to stare at it for three days Jack." Daniel pointed out.
"I have a nice butt."
"I've seen much better…"
"Can we stop talking about Jack's butt?" Sam groused.
"Ah yes, ladies present… and by ladies I do mean Simmons and Daniel." Jack admonished.
"So you're calling me a girl." Daniel said bluntly.
"Well you never cut you're hippy hair until today…"
"I LIKED my hair!"
"I liked my hair brown."
"Stop talking about yourselves." Sam muttered, "Oh well, at least Teal'c was happy when we killed Cronus."
"Teal'c was rather giddy wasn't he?" Jack said thoughtfully.
"I don't think you're allowed to call Teal'c giddy and live Jack." Sam laughed.
"You're probably right Sam." Jack sighed.
"What are you talking about!??!?!" Simmons yelled growing red faced.
"Com-traya!" Daniel smiled said wiggling his fingers in a mocking wave. Simmons jumped up pointing to them, "You… you're the robots!"
"Oh he's good." Daniel said.
"Better explain to him how we're not user friendly though Sam." Jack shrugged.
"It was in the manual, he'll be fine." She answered. The three stood up.
"WHERE'S THE REAL SG1?!?!? I'LL HAVE YOU---"
"Court marshalled … umm… hate to burst your bubble…" Jack said with false sense of regret, "But… we're not really under your jurisdiction… kinda visiting diplomats as it were. I was wonder why he was asking all those loony questions."
"Yeah," the others agreed with twin smirks on their faces.
"But… but you," Simmons said pointing at Daniel, "You said your Grandfather was in Belieze!"
"That's where he was when I was created." Daniel shrugged.
"You called me Jerkwad bozo." Simmons said in outrage. Jack took on an innocent look, "That's what you are…"
"You said you were "once again large and in charge!!" Simmons shouted.
"Large and in charge." He looked at his teammates, "That's an expression isn't it? I mean we've been gone for awhile but…"
"No, I believe large and in charge is still a saying Jack." Daniel answered.
"You… you said you didn't have the mind of a six year old." Simmons said weakly.
"And I don't…" Daniel pointed out, "I'm smarter than the original me." He paused, "Though I think the other me is better at Chinese…oh well."
"This does explain why he was wondering if we were perfectly normal." Sam said.
"Yeah, but the area 51 thing threw me off." Daniel pouted.
"It's really funny, he's so stunned he hasn't realized the fleshies are probably gone by now." Jack said in a stage whisper. Daniel gave him a look, "Must you call them 'fleshies?' Jack"
"… … … yes."
Simmons leaped out of his seat and out the door, the only sound they could hear were his wingtips rapidly clicking.
"That went well." Sam said.
"Oh yes." Jack nodded.
"I can't believe I had to cut my hair."
"Don't whine Daniel."
ONE HOUR AGO…
"Jack it'll never work." Daniel said with a small frown. Jack crossed his arms and pouted, "Well why not?"
"We don't have and robots that look like us." Sammy pointed out, "It's kinda a big part of your plan."
"We meet random aliens through a poor excuse for a washing machine and we don't have robot doubles… I'm sure there's robot doubles!" Jack said slamming his fist into his hand, "Sammy… Make us some Robot Doubles."
"I can't do it in less than thirty minutes Jack." She muttered rubbing her forehead, "Actually, I don't think I could do it at all. This sounds way too advanced for me."
"But you can fix space ships!" Jack pointed out. She just shrugged in reply.
"There are no Robot doubles kid." Jordan sighed; he had actually thought the kid would have a plan…
"That is incorrect MisterJordan." Teal'c put in. All of them looked over at Teal'c in surprise.
"We do have robot doubles?" Daniel muttered.
"COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMIGOD OHMIGOD THAT'S SO COOL HOW DO THEY WORK CAN I SEE CAN I SEE?!?!?" Sammy squealed in delight temporarily forgetting that Jack was actually right. Teal'c frowned.
"I do not know if they would be able to help us. The last time that we saw them they were horribly damaged" the Jaffa explained.
"HAH! I KNEW there were Robot Doubles of us! Someone owes someone an apology!" Jack gloated. Daniel glared.
"I am not apologizing."
"Why not!"
"Cause."
"Cause why!"
"You're being a poor winner, and sides, you never apologise to Sammy when SHE'S right and YOU doubted her."
"That's different, Sammy's a girl, you can't let 'em know what's what. They'll stomp all over ya Danny."
"JACK!!!!!!!"
"See what I mean?"
"We only have a short amount of time O'Neill." Teal'c pointed out.
"Right then, um… how do we contact these guys?" Jack asked.
"Leave that to me O'Neill." Teal'c said.
"Okay Teal'c you make sure Robot us keeps Simmons busy for awhile," Jack whispered. He looked at the zat in his hand. He frowned.
"What is it Jack?" Sammy asked.
"It's just… so weird, my hand being so big and all." Jack shrugged, "Anyways, we just shoot once, no more than that or the people are dead?" Teal'c nodded gravely. Daniel bit his lip.
"What if we make a mistake?" he said quietly.
"You won't Daniel." Sam said putting a hand on Daniel's shoulders, "They're all expecting us so they won't be moving and they'll only be three of em."
"Okay then." He nodded.
"Alright then! Hands in the middle guys!" Jack said putting his hand in front of the others. Daniel put his on Jack's and Sammy put her hand on Daniels, then Jordan and then Teal'c.
"Let operation Jerkwad Bozo Begin!" Jack said. Teal'c went off to the right and the rest went towards the gate room.
Hawk: Wow it's bee so long, I'm sorry, I could decide if I wanted to use the robots or not. The robots use a microphone built into their ear that Teal'c is speaking through giving them the answers, hence Jack arguing with him about YOU and YU (I know I know it's been done to death but it worked so well there). The reason they needed to cheat with the microphone this, is because they were created in season one before a lot of stuff, such as the crystal skull and Jolinar happened, there's the answer to that (not that it matters since the timeline is so messed up in this story muaha). Also, though it's obvious the Robots know about the kids and their plan (since that's what they're their for) they're also mocking Simmons by the same time playing dumb and saying they were just visiting and they thought he knew. It'll be explained more later I think, anyways.
Yay I'm almost done two, three chapters at the most left (I'm throwing down the gauntlet to myself…) Thanks for reading, read and review!