The Super Smash Brothers' Dating Show!

Formerly known as, well, the same thing, I have decided to revamp the old chapters (once again) and repost! Again! How lucky of you! The sun shines upon you this day, my friends. I am, however, expecting any type of feedback from this story. Questions, comments, concerns, etc. Flames will be accepted, too. I don't care.

And now for the ever-so-popular disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, or any of its characters, no matter how big or small. Or lame. (Just kidding on that last part) But, I do own these strange ideas that become stories, with the characters in them. Heh.

Enough of my useless rambling!

On to the show, folks!

…!:…

One fine day at the SSBM Broadcasting Building, the birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, and all of those other out-of-the-fairytale book cliché's. But inside, however, the chaos had just begun . . .

"Look, Link, I'm sorry! It's just that she's the last person at this time that'd be willing to do the show!" Zelda, obviously irked, was trying her hardest to make the Hylian hero accept her proposition. Without the 'lucky lady,' the oncoming show would be a bust. Zelda knew this, Link knew this, the studio staff knew this; hell, it wouldn't matter if the entire world knew it, too. Another thing Zelda knew was that if she didn't get a female contestant, she was in for it, deep.

Grimacing, Link shuddered slightly for the umpteenth time. "I just don't see why it has to be her-"

"Because," the princess started, rolling her eyes, "Like I told you, she is the only one that would want to do something like this last-minute. Besides, I called at least seven other girls, all of which I thought would agree. But, obviously, they're not that pathetically idiotic. And I'm telling you, this girl has got those two words written all over her."

Captain Falcon, a 'mystery man' for the show, overheard the conversation. But honestly, who couldn't with all the shouting? Grinning, he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Zelda. "Did you say all over her . . .?" Being quite the lecher, he quickly smacked the poor girl's behind. And enjoyed it, too, before running away, howling with laughter.

"Pervert," she started, twitching slightly from the unwanted physical contact. "So Link, please? I promise it'll-"

"You promise it'll be alright," he cut in, knowingly. "Fine. Whatever. Just don't come crying to me when the show completely bombs tonight." He grinned, letting Zelda have her way.

"Now, Linky, where in the name of all things chocolate is my cell phone?"

oO0Oo

While Link went on an epic quest to find the princess's cell, the rest of the studio was in complete pandemonium. Young Link and Ness were happily breaking filming equipment, while Mewtwo, the supposedly 'all-powerful,' lay in a ball on the floor. Trying to calm down, he started chanting a line from his favorite movie; secretly his favorite, of course. "Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place . . ."

Just then, Linky-Poo came rushing into the main room, Zelda's phone in hand. Rushing up to her, he carefully handed her the phone. "S-sorry," he panted out, "I took so l-long, (huff) but I grabbed it (wheeze) from Bowser b-before (cough) he almost used it as toilet paper a-again . . ." The poor young man doubled over, hands on his knees, clearly exhausted from his little escapade; or from the horrid stench he had to endure to retrieve the phone. Either or, Link was tuckered out.

"Umm, Link, you did remember to spray it down with some Lysol, didn't you?" Zelda made a sick face, holding the phone away from her body.

Looking up, he nodded, whipping out the can. "Right h-here, Zel. (wheeze) I thought it was, err, necessary-"

"Well, how in hell was I supposed to know it wasn't toilet paper?" Bowser called out, walking into the room with a line of the substance stuck to the underside of his foot.

"Uh, you must have some interesting toilet paper back in the Mushroom Kingdom," Zelda choked out, relieved that her precious cell was back in good hands. Well, more like her hands, but whatever.

Nodding excitedly, Bowser piped up. "Yea, we do! We have all different kinds of shapes and shi-"

"That's . . . alright, Bowser. I don't need to know." Zelda brushed back her golden hair, hurriedly dialing a number. "I don't have time for this," she mumbled before pressing the 'send' button. "EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Screeching like a banshee, she glared at every surrounding person. The others in the room fell silent, aside from a few coughs or whispers. "Alright. Thanks, guys. I'm calling her now." Hesitantly, she put her finger upon the small button that would forever change the night.

The small device started to ring, and Zelda brought it up to her ear. Please answer, please answer me . . . After the 4th ring, the line was picked up.

"Hola! This is el-Peacho! The big cheese! With her big sombrero¿Para qué puedo hacerle?"

Relieved, Zelda spoke calmly back into her phone. Well, sort of. "Um, Peach? I don't speak Spanish. And I didn't know you did either."

"It means what can I do you for, silly! And let me guess! I'm speaking to Zellie! How are ya, girlie!"

"Um, yes, it's Zelda," answered the Hylian Princess, getting quickly to the point. "And I have a small favor to ask of you. How would you like to be on T.V.?"

A small gasp emerged from the other line, followed by a giggle. "I'd love to, Zellie, but what ever are you getting at?"

Grinning, Zelda knew her words of being 'pathetically idiotic' matched the princess perfectly. "Well, sweetie, I wanted you to be on my show tonight!"

"R-really? Oh my goodness! You're kidding!"

"No, I'm not! You just have to be down here by 7:00-ish or so. The SSBM Broadcasting Building, you know, downtown?"

Squeals were heard, very loud at that, causing Zelda to flinch. "OhmygoodnessOhmygoshthisissoexcitingIcan'tbelieveit-"

"Believe it Peach. So do you want to do it, or not?"

"OH MY, WHY OF COURSE I DO! YESYESYESYESYES! I'll be there! WEEE!"

"Thanks, doll. See you at seven. The broadcast building. Don't be late."

Enthusiastic laughter and babbling were still heard on Zelda's phone, and she hastened to close it. Turning to the bewildered staff, she smirked. Looking directly at Link, she spoke. "Blondie's in. Get the set ready, people."

Not really surprised, Link followed after Zelda into the hall. "Well, 'Zellie,' how do you feel?" He asked her, smiling.

"To be honest, Linky-Poo," she laughed, words dripping with sarcasm, "I feel like complete and utter shit." And with that, she started down the hall to clear her mind.

"At least we have a contestant, Zel!" Link called after her, eyes staring at her diminishing form. Shaking his head in amusement, he twisted back to the studio to help set up, that is, before he stepped on a nail 'accidentally dropped' by the little terrors, Young Link and Ness.

"Bloody hell! LINK! NESS! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE! I'M GONNA GRIND YOU BOTH INTO PULPS!"

Giggles erupted from around the corner, followed by footsteps running in the opposite direction. Link inspected the puncture, noting it was nothing serious. Softer steps came from behind him, hands resting on his shoulders, followed by an amused feminine voice.

"Well, Linky-sweetie, at least you still have your foot . . ."

…!:…

Well, whataya think? I know, I know, it starts off kind of slow and stupid, but what can you do? Oh wait, I know! Review, and wait for the next chapter! Because if you don't review, my friends, then I'm coming out for you!

Heheheh!

Or I'll just have Zellie zap you, one or the other. In fact, you can choose! Shweet!

Until next time, people! It should be fairly soon!

Signing off, captain!