Summary: There are a lot of changes in store when Jack becomes a father again. To Teal'c, Daniel, and Sam.
Category: Action/Adventure/Humor
Season: Seven, minor spoilers for many episodes entire series.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Minor language
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

A/N: Ok, so I finally went and did it. For the longest time, I kept tossing about how I wanted to write one of those "SG-1 gets turned into children fics," but, well, I'd say, there's just so many out there… But finally SG1-Fanfic convinced me that the Stargate universe was big enough for yet another SG-1 kids fic, and an idea came to me, and I started writing, a scene that actually won't appear for quite a few more chapters. And SG1-Fanfic got roped into being my beta, and then I started wondering just what teeth would be missing out of the kids mouths, and other questions, and I remembered that Janissima was a 2nd grade teacher, and the next thing she knew, she was beta testing this story too, so special thanks to Ms. J and SG1-Fanfic, without whom this thing would probably still be sitting on my hard drive or in the deep dark recesses of my mind. So thanks! I hope you'll enjoy this story.

Growing Pains by iamdragonrider

"So, Carter, any idea what this thing does yet?" Colonel Jack O'Neill slipped off his sunglasses as he stepped into the room, surveying the work his two scientists were doing on or near the rather impressive looking device in the center of the cathedral like room. And cathedral was truly the word to describe the room, with its cavernous ceilings, stone arches, and openings that might once have held stained glass at one point in time. Tiles formed ancient and faded mosaics, long ago exposed to the hand of time. Jack sent a nod to Teal'c as he entered, who had taken up a position near the door, while Jack had gone to check on the perimeter again for lack of anything else to do.

"No sir," Major Samantha Carter answered the question, not even bothering to look up from what she was doing. This wasn't the first time her CO had asked her that question, starting with the original replay of MALP telemetry, which had given them their first look at the unusual artifact and all but guaranteed a trip to the planet. It had been a given that SG-1 would be the ones going.

"These writings seem to suggest this place holds the key to eternal life," Dr. Daniel Jackson, the team's archeologist, linguist and anthropologist speculated, pushing his glasses up on his nose, and he squinted his blue eyes at the wall he was working near as if somehow squinting would make the translations make sense.

"Eternal life?" Jack repeated, head cocked to the side, his hands lightly on his weapon in a pose of casual indifference.

"Well, whatever it holds the secret to sir, this thing is still holding a power source." Sam's voice was slightly muffled, only the top of her blond head visible from where the Colonel stood on the other side of the device. Jack frowned, and exchanged a look with their fourth team member, the large, tall, dark alien Jaffa Teal'c, and walked around to where he could keep an eye on his occasionally overenthusiastic 2IC, as if to make sure she wasn't going to turn the thing on. Still…

"Carter, you aren't actually planning to start this thing up are you?" He couldn't keep the smirk off his face as his unexpected nearness made her jump, nearly whacking her head on the underside of the alien gizmo that she had just maneuvered herself partially under. She'd been so absorbed in her studies that she hadn't noticed his approach.

She straightened up and blinked, then looked at him, before she glanced back at her precious doohickey, as if wishing she could take it home. Sadly, it was just a mite to large to fit through the Stargate, at least whole. Of course, never let that stop a determined Carter, who had dismantled a rocket and sent it piece by piece through the Stargate. "Uh, no sir. At least not intentionally." She turned her attention back to the device, annoying CO already forgotten.

Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "Well that's reassuring." He frowned as she realized she wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to him anymore. "Uh, Carter?"

"Sir?" She blinked at him, clearly distracted. She'd thought the conversation was over.

"Don't," he said with a slight pause, "By any means," He made sure he had her undivided attention. "Turn that thing on. Got it Major? I so do not want to spend eternal life with a bum knee."

Her brow furrowed, and he could see her trying to decide if he was kidding or not. She must have decided not to push it, because she finally just nodded. "Yes sir, don't turn it on. Wouldn't want to spend all eternity with a grumpy Colonel with a trick knee. No, sir." She turned back to her work, and Jack nodded with satisfaction, and then her words hit him.

"Hey! I never said grumpy! Carter!" he grumbled, but she was under the thing now, making a sound that sounded suspiciously like humming. There was a snicker behind him, and Jack whirled around. "I didn't ask you!" he told the archeologist.

Daniel just looked innocent, and indicated his notebook. Jack glared, and was about to say something else when there was a curse from the direction of the alien device. All joking instantly forgotten, Jack went on alert. "Carter, you ok?"

Sensing his worry, she hastened to assure him. "Sorry sir, I'm fine. I just forgot my EM scanner, and it was a little awkward getting in under here." Her voice was a little sheepish, and somewhat disembodied, since it was coming from under the device and he couldn't see her head, just her legs. Jack couldn't help but grin; amazed she'd managed to squirm in under there so quickly.

"Relax Carter, I'll get it, where did you leave it?" He walked over to the case that held her gear.

"Uh, should be in the box, it's got a yellow case, with a meter…" Carter went on to describe the device, and Jack scanned the tool chest.

"Carter, I don't see it in here," he said finally. Jack had checked twice. Teal'c came up and looked too, shaking his head. "Teal'c doesn't see it either, Carter."

"What? It should be right there." There was a wiggle and some grunting and scuffling noises, and Carter slipped out, her hair standing up or sticking out in a few places, but she didn't seem to notice as she came to stand by the others, looking into her tool collection. "Oh, wait, drat. It's outside, by the FRED. I must have left it with the other supplies when I took the initial energy scans outside." She sighed and shook her head. "Sir, I just have to go out and get it, I'll be right back in a few minutes."

"Belay that Carter, I'll get it, I'm sure you have other things you can be running on this," he motioned vaguely, "whatever it is. And sooner you get done, sooner we can be done here."

Her face was indecisive for a moment, but then gratitude won over. "Yes sir, actually, there is another scan I can run, thank you sir." She smiled, one of her rare Carter smiles, and Jack grinned back.

"You owe me one Carter!" he called, as he headed for the door.

"Yes sir!"

Teal'c caught Jack's arm before he'd gone more than a step or two. "O'Neill, if you wish, I could go retrieve the item for Major Carter. There would be no need for her to incur a debt."

Jack blinked, confused a moment before he realized. "Ah, no, I'm good Teal'c, we were just kidding about the owe me thing. You stay here, and keep the kids out of trouble and I'll be back in a flash."

An eyebrow raised, Teal'c nodded slowly and returned to keeping watch over their teammates as Jack headed for the door. Jack just grinned in response, whistling a bit off-key as he stepped outside the temple. So far, the mission had been quiet, and more than a bit dull for him and Teal'c, but that was ok. Their last mission had been harrowing enough, ending with them literally diving through the gate as energy blasts fired over their heads. Black singe marks on the sleeve of Carter's jacket told how close one blast had gotten, too close in Jack's opinion, but no one had been hurt, and that was all that mattered.

The temple was only about twenty minutes from the gate, built into a hillside, they'd had to leave the FRED parked partway down, even its all terrain treads having trouble dealing with the steep incline and stairways carved into the hill. Ten minutes later Jack had the doohickey that Carter wanted and was walking back up the path when he noticed a little opening in the path he hadn't noticed on the first trip.

Looking closer, he noticed an unusual shape concealed by thick foliage in what seemed to be a small, very overgrown clearing. Curiosity piqued, Jack pushed through the thick growth and pulled at the heavy vines and leaves. "Oh, look, a rock!" he muttered sarcastically, as his find was revealed. Whatever it was, it was square-ish, about three feet tall, and covered in the same raised squiggly markings that had practically sent Daniel into paroxysms of joy in the temple when he'd seen them all over the walls there. Jack scowled at the rock, realizing he'd have to tell Daniel about this thing too. He sighed, resolving to do so. After dinner.

Probably some sort of roadside marker he decided. Temple of Mystery this way. Answer to the Secret of the Universe found here. He snorted at his own joke. Letting the vines drop back onto the rock, his fingers lightly brushed the surface of the stone, feeling it dip. Had it moved? Puzzled, Jack lifted the vines again, and pressed on it. Nah. He shook his head, rolling his eyes, dropping the vines a second time. Solid as a… well, a rock.

Whistling, Jack started back up the pathway, jauntily tossing the scanner he carried lightly in the air from hand to hand a few times, before he thought about how much the thing probably cost. Abruptly, he stopped, casting a sheepish look around him before he remembered he was alone and Carter was inside, probably so absorbed in her doohickey she wouldn't even notice if he gave her a different tool until she tried to use it. Briefly he thought about trying that trick out. Grinning, Jack thought of different ways to bug Carter as he continued up the twisting path and was very nearly back to the temple when the screaming inside started.