The Gorillaz:
"Mama Hobbs"
Fan fiction by Vilsy...
The Gorillaz characters and related situations thereof are copyrighted property of Jamie Hewlett and the Gorillaz Partnership. Just thought everyone would like to know that.
Sorry lads and lasses, I've been out of my house for almost 2 weeks now. Been hard to keep up on my writing. But I've got the next installment of Mama Hobbs right here. Hehe.
I don't normally approve of putting in made up characters into fan fiction, but I tried to give Russel an appropriate "grandmother". This is, of course, no account of his "real grandmother" since I don't know a damn thing about his "real grandmother." Also, please take no offense to anything that comes out of her mouth that may seem innapropriately.. um... nonpoliticallycorrectracistbigotness? Because it is only intended in context and no harm is meant.
Anyway, enough author's noting. Enjoy chapter 2.
4-Feet of Hell
Despite his "kind" words, some time later Murdoc found himself situated in the driver's seat of the Geep, with 2-D at his side, Noodle and Russel in the back as per norm. He grumbled audibly as they drove along the highway towards the international airport. 2-D was bobbing his head back and forth to the music in his mind, while Noodle played a dating simulator on her handheld video game system, giggling cheerily from time to time. All Russel could do was bite his fingernails nervously, looking up to the sky every now and then in hopes of seeing an airplane spontaneously burst into flames. No such luck.
Murdoc drove like a bat out of hell as he usually did, so that put them at the airport nearly a half hour earlier than they needed to be. He illegally parked after causing a bit of collateral damage in the car park, and the foursome hopped out of their (relatively) trusty vehicle and made their way toward the terminal.
2-D stared in awe at all the "sparkly television screens", amused despite the fact that there was only one channel and all it showed was words and numbers. Noodle waddled over and tilted her head at him, tugging on his sleeve. "Ne, 2D-sama. We are looking for international flight 227 from United States. Do you see it?"
The vocalist was fingering a blue and white pill, already having popped about four of them during the drive, and he blinked blankly at the monitors. "Hmm, I dunno Noodle. I don't fink I seen a listing fer that programme. Oh wait, 'ere it is! Oh, but it don't come on until 5:30."
Noodle shook her head and let out a giggle and a sigh, then skipped over to Russel who was staring at a McDonald's advertisement poster on one of the walls. "Russel-san! Come, I show you!" She grabbed onto his large hand and pried him away from the giant image of a Big Mac and toward the arrivals monitors. "The flight, it comes at 5:30."
Before Russel could comment, Murdoc strutted by with a cigarette between his teeth and his hands tucked firmly into his pockets, a "no-smoking" sign making the scene even more appropriate. "Well that gives us time for a drink, don't it? See you kiddies at the bar." Just as quickly as he appeared, he slipped off towards a pub that sat just outside the entrance to the arrival gates.
Russel sighed heavily, his arms dropping limply to his sides in frustration. "Damn…" was all he could say.
Noodle pursed her lips and held onto Russel's heavily built arm. "Come, Russel-san. We will have a seat and wait. Come 2D-sama."
As if acting as the two grown men's mother, Noodle attached herself to 2-D's arm and pulled him along after Murdoc as well.
Without much more trouble, she got them into the pub and let go of 2-D, convinced that he could take care of himself from then on, but she pushed Russel along to a table since he did not seem capable of walking on his own power. "Here, sit!" she commanded with a grunt, squeezing him into the small booth with much difficulty. Finally, the robust drummer was situated at the table, his white eyes staring ahead of him blankly. Noodle blinked, then slid onto the bench on the opposite side of the table, waving her hand in front of Russel's face. "Ne, Russel-san? Are you here with me? Russel?"
At last, the drummer shook his head, his NY baseball cap tilting over his face a bit. Lifting a thumb up to the brim, he readjusted it so it sat properly over his brow. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry Noodle, guess airports make me nervous or somethin'."
"Bull," came a scratchy voice, and subsequently a cloud of smoke. Murdoc marched over to the table from the bar, a glass of vodka clutched in one hand, his cigarette hanging limply from the fingers of his other hand. "You're bothered about the old bat…" He took a swig of his drink, a long one, then tilted his head back down with a satisfied "ahhh." His eyes shifted out the tall glass windows that lined the pub, watching some people walk by. "Whoever she is."
"Mama Hobbs," was Russel's prompt response, his voice half shaking, half stern.
2-D ambled over, scratching his long fingers through his messy blue hair. "Hey Russ, why ya seem so 'fraid of ya mum anyway?"
Russel lifted his elbows onto the table and let out a hefty sigh, resting his head in his palms. "She's not my 'mum'. She's my grandmum. Er… my grandmom. She's my grandmamma. But we always just called her Mama Hobbs."
Noodle tilted her head and mimicked Russel slightly, placing her elbows on the table and resting her cheeks in her hands. "Russel-san? Tell us about your obachan. What is your grandmother like, and why are you so frightened?"
The drummer looked up from his hands, as if the thought of recounting his experiences with his elderly relative terrified his very soul. "She's old… damn old.. She must be 80 or somethin'. She's my dad's mom, obviously… from down south in Georgia. She's… very old fashion…"
"Fascinating. I'll be at the bar." Murdoc turned to walk off when he felt a hand grab at his arm.
"Muds! She's very religious…"
"…. So am I."
Russel's eyes narrowed and he shook his head, pulling the Satanist back towards the table. "Lissen… I know it'll cramp ya style, but would you just do me this favor? Turn your cross right side up or somethin'."
"…. It is right side up."
"…. Well turn it upside down then! C'mon, man! She'll take one look at that thing and raise hell."
"Good. Let her."
"Muds…."
"Shall I chisel off my tattoo while I'm at it? Perhaps just tear it off n' flip it around?"
The tension and the sarcasm was heavy, and 2-D and Noodle merely looked at one another. Noodle decided to be the mediator again. "Ano… tell us more about her, Russel-san."
Russel wavered a bit, then reluctantly let go of Murdoc's arm, but gave him a look that suggested the conflict was not yet over. Sighing again, he went back into his rather blank state of recounting his memories. "Moms and Pops use'ta send me down to visit her in the summertime. She lives in the backwoods of Georgia… in the middle of nowhere. She's country. Damn is she country. Lives on a pig farm… I guess that's when I first started likin' hogs."
Murdoc was incredulously gnawing on the butt of his cigarette while Noodle and 2-D gazed at Russel in awe. Noodle finally spoke up. "Hm, but Russel-san. That does not sound so terrible. Why is it you are so nervous for her arrival?"
Russel pulled his NY baseball cap off of his head completely, wringing it in his hands as if to further demonstrate how unnerved he was. "S'not so much that… she's jus' a handful to deal with, see? A damn handful. That and.. Well… She thinks I'm a doctor."
"HA!" came another one of Murdoc's abrupt and scoffing outbursts as he flicked his cigarette butt onto the floor and stubbed it out with his Cuban heels. "That's rich!"
"A doctor? Russel, I didn't know ya were a doctor."
"… I'm not, D."
"…. Oh. Well that 'xplains a lot then, don't it?"
"………."
Noodle watched as Russel sighed again heavily, shaking his head at 2-D. "But why does she think that, Russel?"
"Because I told her I was. Told her I was a pediatrician."
"HA!"
"…. Years ago, when Muds 'recruited' me… got a letter from Mama Hobbs an' she wanted to know what I was doin' with my life. I couldn't tell her I was in a band… she doesn't approve of that kinda thing. Wanted me to make something of myself.. Be something important…"
"Like some bloody quack that sticks thermometers up children's arses? Brilliant, Russ."
"Yo shut up, Muds. You just don't understand. Mama Hobbs--"
"Will be here very soon. Come, we must go to the gate, it is 5:35!" Noodle announced, scooting out of the booth and hopping past 2-D and Murdoc so she could coax Russel out of his seat. Russel seemed to be inconsolable and also immobile, until Murdoc decided to help Noodle pull him to his feet.
"Come on, doc. Let's get this over with. Bleeding hell."
-------------------
Russel was like a zombie as they made the long trek down the windowed corridor that led to the arriving gates. 2-D was more lively than the drummer, fascinated by the airplanes that were visible through the glass, even though he'd been on airplanes countless times. Noodle still led him along by the hand like a little boy and his mother, while Murdoc took up the rear just in case Russel suddenly made a break for it.
"What gate are we looking for, love?" Murdoc inquired, rummaging around in his pocket for another cigarette.
"2-D."
"Yes?"
"Ah.. No no. The gate is 2-D."
"I'm th' gate?" 2-D seemed rather panicked as his empty mind tried to wrap around this concept.
"No no no, 2D-sama! Russel's grandmother is coming through the 2-D gate."
2-D began walking backwards, lifting an eyebrow at the younger Japanese girl. "I 'ave a gate? I didn't--OOF!" He suddenly stumbled forward as he ran into something small and blunt, and Noodle had to hold her hands up to steady him.
Murdoc slid a new cigarette between his teeth, narrowing his eyes at the blue-haired singer. "Ya clumsy bastard. You ought to look where you're going. You've run into a rubbish can or… oh damn. That's not a rubbish can."
"Lord have mercy! Somebodeh help meh! Sweet Jesus! I've plum fallen ovah! God in heaven!"
"…. Mama Hobbs?"
Flailing before them on the floor like a turtle on its back lay a very short old woman with huge coke-bottle glasses, her salt-and-pepper hair (what was left of it) tied up in beehive/bun/afro. Regardless, it was a sad sight. Russel hastily ran to her aid.
"Mama Hobbs? Are you ok?"
"Oh god, I've killed Russel's grandmum!"
Murdoc took a few steps forward and slapped 2-D across the back of the head.
"Ow!"
"Don't be so damned melodramatic."
"Mama Hobbs!" Russel was frantic as he tried to pull his grandmother up to a standing position. Unfortunately, she was wielding a cane and her glasses didn't seem to be working.
"Git offa me you fresh scoundrel! I'll scream! I swear it! Take that!" Continuing her verbal assault, she began a whacking assault, and Russel tried his best to dodge her wild swings.
"Mama-- ouch! Hobbs! It's me-- Ow! Russel!"
The other three stood by idly, watching in sheer amazement. Russel had to practically yell out his own name for the wily old woman to finally understand that he was the reason she was in this airport at all. "Russel? Russel, is that you baby? Oh, give Mama Hobbs a big ol' hug, baby. My you've grown! Let me getta look atcha."
Russel stood up straight, one eye closed as he rubbed a particularly sore spot that she'd thwacked with her cane. "Yes Mama Hobbs.. It's me. I'm glad to see you."
As he moved in to give the tiny old lady a hug, Murdoc grinned a bit, lighting the cigarette finally as 2-D rubbed his head sheepishly. "I'll give Russ one thing. He's a good liar."
"How was your flight, Mama Hobbs?"
"Oh, not too bad, baby. They got these color T.V.s on the flying plane. Color! Can you believe that? They ain't even got color T.V.s on the ground!"
Everyone cast one another a sideways glance.
"But I ain't like none of that stuff they was showin'. Some crazy foo's always stickin' stuff in they rear ends and talkin' somethin' about Spam."
Mama Hobbs obviously didn't appreciate the finer points of British humor. Russel rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, feigning a smile. "Yeah, well Mama Hobbs, I'd like to introduce you to my friends."
"You have friends, Russel? Praise the lord! I always knew when that horrible acne cleared up that ya'd make some."
Russel, despite his dark skin, began turning red. Biting his lip, he turned his attention to the three others who seemed almost frightened at this point. "Um… well this is D. Er.. 2-D."
Little Mama Hobbs followed Russel's hand gesture with her huge round glasses, squinting at the blue-haired one. 2-D stood there rather silently, then smiled and waved cheerfully at the stout old granny. An awkward moment passed, then the little old lady waddled over to 2-D. "Hoooo lordy, now if that ain't one handsome cracka. If'n he ain't a handsome cracka Hoo wee, you'se a handsome cracka."
2-D's cheerful expression dropped to one of utter confusion. "Uh… wha?" Before he could ponder more, Mama Hobbs got on her tippy toes and grabbed the poor sod's cheek, pulling on it roughly to bring him down to her height, smiling pleasantly. "Ow! Ooh! Hey!"
"Just precious. Sweet lord, child! What's wrong wit you eyes?"
Russel was beginning to panic in the background as he watched Mama Hobbs manhandle 2-D, who tried his very hardest to be polite despite the excrutiating pain the corner of his mouth was in. "Gah… Well… uh… It's hard t' remember but.. Somebuddy ran over me head wiff a--"
He was interrupted by someone clearing his throat very audibly. That someone being Murdoc of course. 2-D and Mama Hobbs' attention was draw to the side, where the middle aged man stood with his arms crossed and his patience dwindling.
"Oh, anotha one. Not nearly as handsome as issun though."
Murdoc's eye twitched quite visibly, then they both shifted over to Russel who looked like he was about to hang himself if he only had some rope and a chair. "She's charming, Russ."
"Good lord, child!"
Murdoc blinked as the tiny old lady was suddenly right in front of him, tugging on his necklace. "This cross you wearin's upside down! Jesus!"
Murdoc blinked some more, then pulled the chain away from her fat little hands, enclosing the cross in his fist. "Right.. Well. The reason for that would be…" His black and red eye caught a glimpse of Russel in the distance before he finished his sentence. Normally Russel knew how to put Murdoc in his place, but now, the rare sight of the drummer clasping his hands together in a most pleading manner could be seen. Murdoc almost felt sick to his stomach. "… the chain broke and well, the sod down at the jeweler's fastened it on arse backwards and… that's why."
Mama Hobbs and the other three stared hard and long at Murdoc, who knew that was probably one of the lamest excuses he could have come up with on the fly. However, much to Russel's relief, his grandma seemed to buy it. She moved back and nodded heavily. "Mm mm mmm… child ya can't trust nobody wit yo valuables. Why them hoodlums down the road a piece is always stealin' mah pigs." No one lived within 20 miles of Mama Hobbs' property, and if pigs ever did turn up missing from her farm, it was because they stole their own freedom. Animal Farm all over again. But Murdoc didn't know that, so he painfully forced a grin and nodded.
Mama Hobbs' attention was slowly turning towards Noodle. Russel almost threw himself in between the two as if to shield the teenaged girl from a stray bullet. But it was too late. Mama Hobbs had Noodle in her sights.
"Russel! Ooh child! Who is this adorable lil angel? Russel! You ain't tell me you had a girlfriend! Sweet Jesus, mah baby's growin' up!"
Russel stumbled and nearly fell into a heap on the floor in front of Noodle, who stood there with her arms behind her back, blinking curiously. 2-D gallantly came to Russel's aid. Actually, he just got in the way and unwillingly broke the drummer's fall. Using every last bit of strength he had, the blue-haired twenty-something bore himself against Russel to set him straight again. Russel seemed dumbfounded for a moment, then waved his thick arms frantically.
"M-Mama Hobbs! N-Noodle ain't my girlfriend!"
Noodle covered her mouth with her palm to capture a giggle between her fingers as Russel did a strange kind of dance in front of her. Mama Hobbs seemed to be ignoring him, as she skittered around the large and imposing man and skid to a stop in front of Noodle.
"Heavens, I knew ya liked ya girls young, Russel, but hoo wee. No matter, she's precious, just precious. What's your name, love child?"
"My name is Noodle, Mama Hobbs-san."
"Her name's Noodle, and she ain't my girlfriend!" Russel had whirled around and was attempting to squeeze himself between his grandmother and his band mate again. "She's just my band… er… I mean she's um… a nurse… who works at my practice."
Noodle got a perplexed look on her face, then remembered the whole Dr. Russel façade. She was about to quickly confirm this when thick little fingers grasped at her cheeks and pulled liberally at them.
"Oh Russel baby, ya can't fool ya old gramma. Ain't she precious. Ya better put on a lil weight though, after y'all get married. We want all them babies to be strong n' healthy." And with that she patted Noodle's abdomen. The girl merely blinked at the older woman.
Murdoc looked as though he was about to piss himself with laughter, but amazingly he managed to keep it all in. Plus the thought of Noodle in a nursing uniform had been occupying his mind for a bit. 2-D was recovering from nearly being crushed by Russel, again. Russel was about to faint. So, the middle-aged man thought it best to bring everyone back to semi-sanity.
"All right, all right. We've been standing in this ruddy airport for long enough, don't you think? Why don't we get the hell out of here? Come along then, 'mum'." Having said that, he strode over to Mama Hobbs and ushered her away from Noodle, hoping that she or 2-D would see to Russel's well being.
Mama Hobbs looked confused, then somewhat enamored as she clung to Murdoc's arm. "Sweet lord, what a gentleman. Are ya a doctor too?"
"No ma'am. I just drive the ambulance."