Hello everyone! To those fans who are wondering "Why the heck isn't she working on Reactions!" I am! Don't worry! But I watched Sense and Sensibility last night with Alan Rickman (do you know how weird it is to see Snape suddenly be a good guy?) and this story just wanted to come out. So, here it is!
Summary: Colonel Brandon's thoughts from first seeing Marianne to their marriage.
Disclaimer: I am not Jane Austen. I am not Emma Thompson. I am a fifteen year-old American girl with a curious mind.
Colonel Christopher Brandon dismounted gracefully from his black horse and walked into the house of his friend, Sir John Middleton, pulling off his gloves as he did so. As he crossed the threshold, song flowed towards him. Rolling arpeggios and a clear, lilting voice drifted towards him. He slowly walked towards the source of the music, hardly knowing that he did so, for the music had wrapped itself around him and was gently reeling him in.
Upon entering the room, the Colonel stopped cold in the doorway for he saw one of, if not the most, beautiful women he had ever seen. Her eyes were closed as she sang the song, her voice caressing it. She had thrown her whole soul into the song, and it flowed through the air. It made its way over to the doorway where Brandon was still standing, transfixed. Gently, it reached down into his breast and captured his heart for its own.
Colonel Brandon was ever attentive to Marianne Dashwood on their outings. When they were cutting reeds, he offered her his knife instead of tearing uselessly and damaging her hands. But tongues wag freely when a gentleman pays attention to a lady, no matter how courtly and indifferent he appears. Sir John was the first to confront his friend, mentioning that word was, he had "developed a taste for certain company." Of course, Brandon would never reveal his heart in this sort of manner. Marianne didn't deserve the silent, older man he was. She deserved someone younger and more vivacious. And he told Sir John as much, as much as Sir John protested that he was being too hard on himself.
A few days later, Mrs. Jennings interfered. Apparently, she had felt he needed a boost even though it was the last thing he wished. He, Marianne, Margaret, and Mrs. Dashwood had been playing on the lawn before coming up to the table area. Everything had been fine: they had laughed and talked together as they rolled the balls down the grass towards the pins. But as he and Marianne finished their game and walked towards Elinor and Mrs. Jennings, the older woman mentioned that he was a fine pianoforte player himself. Seeing where this was going, Brandon tried to defer by mentioning Marianne was better. But Mrs. Jennings had persisted and had said that they should play a duet, for it would be nice to see them "side-by-side."
Of course, the Colonel understood this hint perfectly and one glance at the lady beside him confirmed that she understood it as well. He wished the ground would simply swallow him up or he would drop dead on the spot, he was so mortified. However, he felt that Marianne took it rather well and was relieved when she said she didn't know any duets. Not that he wouldn't wish to be able to play with her, but it allowed him an opportunity to escape the situation.
When he heard that Miss Marianne had injured herself, he went straight over the next day to visit and wish her well. But she barely looked at him during the time and the reason soon became clear when Margaret burst into the room to announce John Willoughby was coming. He had known all along that he didn't really stand a chance with Marianne Dashwood and that, eventually, someone younger and more suited to her tastes would come along. Still, it hurt him to finally realize the competition had arrived. And it was even worse when it became apparent that the entire family quite approved of Willoughby.
It was obvious that the two of them were besotted with one another and the Colonel watched their courtship with an ache in his chest that he couldn't quite describe. It felt as though his heart was crumbling in two and he could do nothing except stand by and watch his love be taken by another man.
No longer would Marianne even glance at him or speak him. She did not try to hide her preference for the younger Willoughby, shunning Brandon entirely. On the day that he came to invite them to his picnic, it was clear that she wouldn't even speak to him or consent to come unless he included his competition in his plans. Only when he mentioned Willoughby's name did she truly look at him and even smiled before mentioning that she would be glad to come.
It was with an ever-breaking heart that he watched the two of them drive away that day, and his eyes teared, although he mentally tried to account that for the dust that was blown about. Instead, he hid his pain and thought, If Marianne is happy, then I too must be happy.
While staying in London, he heard that the Misses Dashwoods had arrived. Soon, rumors flew that Marianne Dashwood and John Willoughby had an understanding between them. Knowing full well what had happened to his foster daughter because of Willoughby, and wishing to know if there was any hope, even the slimmest, left for him, he went to call upon the Dashwoods.
When Marianne saw who it was, she quickly left the room, causing his heart to sink even further than it had already sunken. With a hesitant voice, he inquired if everything was "finally resolved" between Willoughby and Marianne. As Elinor Dashwood gave her reply, he felt the rest of his heart, the parts that had not already broken off in pain, crumble and die.
Attempting to hide his heart, he wished Marianne all imaginable happiness before retreating quickly. He wasn't sure anymore of his reaction; the announcement he had just heard had shattered his world. Brandon had tried to kill his love or to hide it, but it had grown stronger than he had known. Now, it was crushed, although a small flame still burned. It would never die.
The news of John Willoughby's impending marriage to a Miss Grey shocked Colonel Brandon tremendously. His heart ached for Marianne, whom he knew would be crushed by the news. Her world had been built around the scoundrel and now it had been shattered, much as his own had. A letter from Elinor gave him the perfect excuse to come and visit.
He entered the room in a hurried manner, his heart pleading to know how Marianne was. The formalities seemed excruciatingly long and the words burst from his lips as soon as he had finished his bow. The fact that Miss Dashwood did not directly say how her sister was worried him, but he was pleased to hear that Marianne would be going home. When told that they could only go as far as Cleveland (not the one by me... darn), he jumped at the opportunity to watch over Marianne and her sister.
In an attempt to make both the Dashwoods feel better, he cautiously brought up the reason for his hasty departure and the role Willoughby had played in it. This also accounted for the reasons he had left and was now acting indifferent towards Marianne. Although he wished only for Marianne to hate Willoughby, the Colonel turned as he left and admitted that a proposal was forthcoming on the day of Willoughby's departure. Then, pained by what he had heard as well as what he had said, he left.
The ride to Cleveland was tedious and it pained Brandon to see his love so pale and so distressed. He watched her carefully as he helped her depart from the carriage at Cleveland and her lusterless eyes and ghost white face stuck a barb in his soul. But he could do nothing for her.
Fear struck a chord in his heart when it was discovered that Marianne was gone. He immediately offered to go look for her, not caring a whit for the weather. All that mattered was that he find the lost girl and get her out of the rain; it didn't matter if he got a little wet.
The Colonel had a sneaking suspicion of where Marianne might have gone, but he pushed it down and quickly checked the areas around the house. His suspicion rose again when she was not to be found anywhere in the vicinity of the house. Without bothering to call for his horse, fearing that it would take too much precious time, he set out for Combe Magna, running at a steady pace which brought him to the site quickly.
His hypothesis was confirmed when he found the barely conscious, huddled form on the hillside. Although tired, for he had run 5 and one half miles, he quickly lifted her up and as if she weighed nothing and began the trek back to the Palmer's house. The irony of the situation struck him as he walked, for this was exactly how Marianne had been carried home by Willoughby. Both times she was unable to walk on her own and had been carried through the pouring rain.
A weary Brandon walked into the house and set his burden down on the floor as the Palmers and Elinor rushed towards Marianne. He did not wish to let go of the precious form, and wanted nothing more than to follow as she was attended to, but the exhaustion in his bones that he had been holding off all during his search and rescue took over and it was all he could do to remain on his feet.
Upon awakening the next morning, he was informed that a doctor had been sent for during the night. His heart clenching within his breast, he paced the house aimlessly waiting for news. None of the comforting words the Palmers spoke could ease his worry and he was the first to the doctor as the man entered the room. Pain ran through his body as he heard the analysis and he prayed for her quick recovery.
Day and night, the Colonel paced as Marianne Dashwood lay struck by her fever. He had been in this situation before, when he had lost Eliza and it was all he could do not to scream to the heavens, "Why? Why must you torment me like this? Am I to lose another?" Waiting was painful and he wandered the house like a ghost, unable to rest while his love was in danger.
Finally, he asked Elinor what he could do. Although she tried to dissuade him, he was adamant. He knew that if he could not be productive he would either go mad or die from the suspense. Being able to fetch Mrs. Dashwood gave him purpose and he mentally berated himself for not thinking of it before.
The morning he left, he looked up towards the window where the invalid lay. In his heart, he uttered a fervent prayer to God that she would live. Fight Marianne, his heart whispered. Wait for my return. Do not leave your mother and your sisters. Do not leave me. With that last request, he galloped away down the path towards Barton.
The ride back to Cleveland was painful. Both the occupants of the carriage were lost in their own thoughts, hoping that Marianne was still alive and contemplating what they would do should she die. There was comfort in knowing that the other loved the girl, but fear was thick in the air of the carriage as they dashed towards the place where Marianne lay so gravely ill.
Colonel Brandon was first into the house, bursting the doors open so Marianne's frantic mother could enter. Elinor met them in a very excited state, and quickly imparted the news that Marianne was indeed out of danger. The Colonel's heart lifted at this, grateful to God for sparing his love and he felt almost weak from his relief.
He followed the two women up the stairs towards the room where Marianne still lay, but waited in the doorway as mother was reunited with daughter. As Marianne called for Elinor, he slowly backed out of the room to leave the family in peace. But Marianne's voice called him back, so faint, yet resonating in his heart. At first, he couldn't believe his ears and pushed the door open hesitantly, unsure of how to respond. He watched the pale form on the bed closely as she struggled to speak. Finally, two words emerged from her lips.
"Thank you."
His heart leaped within his breast as these word penetrated his consciousness and wetness dampened his eyes. Slowly, he made his exit from the room in a quiet manner, although there was loud happiness within his soul.
He visited her daily as she became better and escorted her home when she was well enough to be moved. There, he continued calling upon her and read her favorite sonnets aloud as she rested in the outdoors. He could see that his reading gave her pleasure in the way that she asked if they would continue the next day. Usually, he replied in the affirmative, but one day he was forced to reply in the negative as he had to leave.
If his eyes did not deceive him, her face became more anxious and he voice was worried as she asked where he was going. She smiled slightly when he replied he could not tell, but her face remained troubled. Again, she turned towards him and asked if he would not stay away long.
The Colonel's heart jumped again at this. Was it possible? Did she have some sort of feelings towards him? He gave a soft smile as he shook his head, although his heart spoke, I could never stay away from you for long.
His secret mission was to find a pianoforte for Marianne to play, for he knew that music could cheer her up. Finally, he found one the size that he needed and ordered it to be sent at once, along with some music he had found. Hopefully, she would catch part of his meaning in the song. As the deal was concluded, Brandon ran his hand over the sleek surface of the instrument. Closing his eyes, he could imagine her seated with her hands flowing over the keys as her voice raised itself in song as it had all those months ago when he had first seen her. He hoped she would learn the music and it would be waiting for him as he rode up to the house upon his return.
The Colonel was not disappointed as he followed the instrument a few days later. He was a day or two later than his note had promised, but the music was indeed flowing from the instrument as he rode up to the door. Everyone was inside, so no one noticed his approach. Bidding the servant to be quiet, he made his way into the parlor and watched from the doorway, just as he had the first time he had laid eyes upon his love. Her complexion had filled out since her illness and she was as beautiful, if not more so, than she ever was.
Upon the conclusion of the song, he clapped with everyone else and Marianne was the first to notice as she turned around from the music to face her audience.
"Colonel!" she exclaimed, walking towards him with her hands outstretched. "I-We were worried something had happened since you were late." She blushed slightly as she realized her slip and that she was being forward, but what was done was done. The person she was addressing noticed the slip, but made no comment, choosing to simply bow and kiss the outstretched hand. But he observed her as he did so.
"I am sorry, but other business delayed me," he spoke quietly. He could feel the weight of the box in his pocket, which had been his other business. "But I am glad to hear you learned the song."
"Oh, yes, it is beautiful!" Marianne said. "And the instrument is wonderful, thank you so much. How can we ever repay you?"
"Simply by enjoying it and playing it often," was his only response, although he desired to ask something else.
Marianne blushed again and turned towards her family, who came towards him and shared the news of Elinor's engagement. Colonel Brandon was very happy for her and expressed only the warmest wishes for happiness, but he watched Marianne carefully as the evening went on.
Weeks later, the question he had hidden inside his heart came into the open. Marianne accepted him immediately and confessed that she had indeed grown to love him, despite the age difference and the manner she had treated him in before this. His happiness then was great as he folded his fiancée into his arms, finally able to do what he had longed for ever since he had first seen her.
That day's happiness was only eclipsed by his happiness on the day that he walked out of the church with his wife, Marianne Brandon neé Dashwood, on his arm. He felt years younger as he strode into the sunlight and could not help the grin that widely split his face. Marianne had looked at him with such trust and admiration in her eyes as they made their vows and had proclaimed her "I do!" with such certainty and love that his heart melted again. The kiss they shared wasn't their first, but it was tender and trusting. It conveyed their love to each other and sealed the vows they had juts made in the presence of everyone.
The two of them smiled at each other as they walked into the waiting joyful crowd and Brandon gently lifted his wife into the carriage that would bear them both home. After he finished obliging the children by throwing the coins, he sat down across from his wife and smiled at her as they drove away. When they had finished waving to the well-wishers, she turned and smiled at him as she patted the empty seat beside her. Her husband was only too glad to obey; he crossed over and Mrs. Brandon leaned her head against her husband's shoulder. He kissed her hair tenderly before putting his head atop hers.
And so they went into their married life together.
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I remain your humble servant,
Percyismine