Abby stared at John intently, tears brimming her eyes, threatening to overflow. She couldn't - and wouldn't - believe him. How could this happen? After all she'd done, all she'd sacrificed for that damn hospital. And damn Kerry Weaver - the coward, she didn't have the balls to tell Abby herself.

Abby snapped back to reality - or lack thereof, she thought. Just then, the tears won out and she covered her face with her hands. "Why? How? How could they do this to me, John?" Abby looked up as John came over to her and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

"I don't know, sweetheart," John said, lightly kissing the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, Abby. I know it won't be much consolation, but Kerry offered to find you a position in a different department."

"What? The psych ward?" she asked bitterly.

John ignored her comment. "There are plenty of things you could do, especially with your medical knowledge," he said. "Secretarial positions... assistants... aides... You don't necessarily have to look at this as an ending, Abby."

"Yes, plenty of things I can do with my medical knowledge," she repeated, looking up at him. "Except practice medicine."

John took Abby's hand in his, massaging it with his thumb. "Abby, if there were any other way..." he trailed off as he looked at her, knowing that she understood what he wanted to say. After a pause, he added, "Kerry said she'd keep you on the schedule for another two weeks, y'know, until you can find something else."

Abby let out a laugh; hopping off the stool she'd been sitting on in their kitchen. "What? So, I've been told I can't work there anymore, basically so I don't kill anyone... and now they're telling me I can work for another two weeks? What, is every patient coming through the ER in the next two weeks gonna have a death wish?"

The next two weeks were a blur for both Abby and Carter. She managed to stay on her meds and was excused from traumas and procedures when needed, with no questions asked.

Abby's job search was rather uneventful. Kerry offered her a receptionist position up in the OR and after much thought, she declined. She decided working at County, in any position in any department, would not be a good idea. She wanted to start fresh, find something new. Abby discussed this issue with Carter near the end of her two weeks.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"Where would you go? Northwestern? Mercy?" he asked, a sinking feeling coming over him.

"Uh... I don't know," she said, smiling at him. "I haven't gotten that far yet."

"But you're staying in Chicago... right?"

Abby shrugged. "I'm definitely gonna try. I mean, I'll have to explore my options further, but most likely."

John sighed with relief. He couldn't imagine her not being there. Not being in his life. He shuddered at the very thought.

Abby's last shift was bittersweet. Over the past two weeks, she had grown on the idea of starting over, but there was no question that she would miss her coworkers, many of whom had become her friends.

"Hey," Susan said, stepping into the lounge.

"Hi," Abby said, turning toward her friend with a knowing smile.

"Sooo..." Susan said, giving Abby a sad smile as she sat next to her. "How're things going?"

"Okay... I guess," she said, crossing her arms and leaning her elbows on the table. "It's a little... weird and... sad. But then again, it's kinda..."

"Exhilarating?" Susan finished for her with a laugh.

Abby smiled the first real smile Susan had seen for quite some time. "Yeah, that's one word for it. It almost feels like I'm getting out of prison when I thought I had a life sentence."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Susan smiled. "I thought the same thing when I left for Phoenix... and look where I am now. Although, I still remember the sense of... adventure I had when I turned in my ID and headed for the train station." Susan sipped her coffee and smiled at the memory.

Just then, Susan's pager went off. "Well, that's me," she said, rising from her seat. "I'll see you later. And don't you dare leave without saying good-bye!" Susan called over her shoulder as she left the lounge.

The good-byes and well wishes had been tough, but Abby managed to survive. John had gone home with her that day and they spent the rest of the night quietly, each lost in their own thoughts.

The next day dawned bright and sunny. John had a shift at 9 and decided to let Abby sleep. She'd mentioned the night before that she was going to stay home and search the classifieds.

John returned home that evening, completely exhausted. He unlocked the door to the apartment and found it dark and empty. He figured she'd gone out shopping, something else she'd mentioned doing the night before, until he caught sight of the letter on the kitchen counter.

Dear John,

I don't know what to say. You've been the greatest thing in my life. Not one of the greatest, not the greatest so far. The greatest. Period. So in saying that, writing this letter is extremely difficult.

I sat home today, going through the Classifieds in the Trib. and thinking over something Susan said to me yesterday. We were talking in the lounge and she mentioned how excited she felt when she first left County and Chicago all those years ago. I thought about it and I realized she was right. I don't just need to leave County. I need to get out of Chicago. I called my Mom and Eric and we played the 'Kiss and Make Up' game, so by the time you read this, I'll be on my way to Minnesota to be with them. I'm not sure what will happen after that, but I will let you know. If you decide to leave it all behind (or just visit), there is a white envelope in the bottom drawer of my dresser. The money in it will be more than enough for a round-trip ticket (or one-way) to Minnesota.

I know you're probably angry, and you have every right to be. I didn't do this because I don't love you, or didn't want to say good-bye; I did it because if I'd have waited any longer, the opportunity would have passed me by. If you decide to stay in Chicago and at County, I hope whatever decisions and sacrifices you make for either one are worth it. Make sure every decision you make in your life is totally worth it, John.

I know one decision that was worth everything - and that was finding and falling in love with you. Thank you for everything you've ever given me, John. Like all decisions, I hope it was worth it. I'm come to realize that life is a power struggle. Don't fight too hard, but never surrender. I will always love you. Don't think for a second that I haven't or don't. Please come... to stay, visit, or at least call. I'll try to be in touch as soon as I can.

Always and Forever Yours,
Abby