Prince of Tennis or whatever is © to… someone… yeah… just not me...
For those of you who read the Atobe and shampoo thing, this is almost the same, only with Eiji and toothpaste. Personally, I like the shampoo one better because this weaves in more with Fuji and his… troubles. What can I say? Atobe was easier to write about, surprisingly.
Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste
If you were to ever ask Eiji what his most terrifying experience would be, he would most likely reply like this: "That I would go brush my teeth and find that there was none of my Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste left, and that one of my brother or sister used up all of the toothpaste, and so I didn't have anymore toothpaste to use at ALL, and…" and we'll just leave it at that as Eiji rambles on and on. The point and the very serious issue we're about to witness is this:
"NYA! No way! Wh-what do you mean there's no more toothpaste!" Eiji gasped, horrified. His sister could only shrug and apologize.
"Sorry, Eiji! I thought you had already brushed your teeth, so I went ahead and used the rest. I'll get you some first thing tomorrow, ok?" Eiji's sister told him as she gave him a pat on the head. Eiji wasn't listening as he was currently way to busy crying his eyes out mumbling no way a lot.
"B-b-b-but… How am I going to brush my teeth?" Eiji exclaimed.
"It's alright, one night of not brushing won't kill you, or your teeth," Eiji's sister pointed out. Eiji still wasn't listening.
"Wah! My poor Mega Sparkly Extra white Bishounen Toothpaste!" Eiji sobbed as his sister sort of just cringed. She decided it was best not to interrupt his lamenting over his deceased toothpaste (if the toothpaste was ever alive…), so she hastily leaving the room.
Eiji sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. After thirty seconds of sobbing, he gasped as a wonderfully intelligent plan hit him! He was sure that someone he knew would have Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste, so all he'd have to do is go ask and borrow some! Ingenious! I mean, after all, it was Eiji's idea, so how can it not be? (And of course that makes no sense whatsoever…)
So we follow the happy-go-lucky Eiji as he sets out on an exciting journey to get… (insert dramatic effects here) TOOTHPASTE! His first stop would naturally be none other than Oishi, of course.
"Eiji? It's ten o' clock at night, what are you doing? Did something happen?" Oishi exclaimed as Eiji solemnly nodded. Oishi gasped. "What is it, Eiji, tell me! Did someone die!"
"Yes, Oishi," Eiji choked as he reached into his pocket and dramatically presented Oishi with an empty tube of Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste. "It's my poor toothpaste, Oishi! It's gone! Gone I tell you! Wah!"
"Uh…" was all Oishi managed to get out. He wasn't quite expecting Eiji to say his toothpaste died. Actually, he didn't even think toothpaste were alive to begin with, but it was Eiji after all… And here he was thinking that he would soon be attending the funeral of one of Eiji's siblings or parents.
"Please, Oishi! Let me borrow some Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste!" Eiji wailed.
"Uh, sorry, Eiji, I don't use that brand of toothpaste," Oishi said apologetically. "I only ever used Happy-Paste: Guaranteed To Make You Extra Nice! And Happy! (Side effects may include being extra sensitive, overly paranoid, and a pushover by your friends.)"
"Nya! No way!" Eiji screamed as he ran away, ignoring Oishi's sorrys. How could Oishi NOT use Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste! It must be a crime! I mean, after all, if Oishi just change his hairstyle and a bunch of other things, he would be a bishounen too, right? Right?
Anyhow, Eiji sulked off, and for some strange bizarre reason, he found himself knowing on Ryoma's door. Oh well. You never know, I mean, after all, Ryoma did seem a little bishounen-like in Eiji's opinion. He did have his own fan club so to speak.
"…" Ryoma greeted his sempai with silence.
"Hiya, Ochibi! You wouldn't happen to –SLAM- have… any… Ochibi! Open the door!" Eiji wailed as Ryoma reluctantly opened the door to a crack. Even though it was late, Eiji could still clearly see the frown and what seemed to be an eye patch on one eye.
"Whatever you're about to ask, Eiji-sempai, the answer is no," Ryoma said dully as Eiji pouted.
"Ochibi! I only wanted to borrow some Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste!" Eiji stated. For some reason, Ryoma paled at the name of the toothpaste.
"No, I don't, and I will never, ever, ever, ever, use that stuff," Ryoma said bitterly.
"Oh, but you don't know what you're missing!" Eiji exclaimed, horrified that Ryoma would never ever, ever, ever use Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste. "Why?"
Ryoma gestured to his eye patch. "Fuji-sempai used some yesterday and showed up to practice. It was too shiny, and he ended up blinding everyone within his 'Fuji-zone' as he called it. Everyone lost to him because they couldn't see and he ended up having to pay for everyone's hospital bill."
"Eh! Are you okay, Ochibi?"
"You're lucky that you and Oishi-sempai weren't there. I wasn't really near him when he decided to dominate the whole court in light, but Tezuka-buchou got it really bad because he was playing Fuji-sempai…" Ryoma answered darkly as Eiji nodded in understanding. At least now he knew someone had his wonderful toothpaste!
"Oh… Well! I'll just go ask Fuji for some toothpaste now!"
"Fuji-sempai doesn't have anymore because Kaidoh-sempai and Inui-sempai broke into his house and confiscated it so none of us will have to possibly have to get eye transplants in the future," Ryoma muttered. And with that, Ryoma slammed the door once more and headed off to find Karupin. Eiji sighed and went to his next stop.
"Eh… what are you doing here?" Kamio yawned as Eiji smiled sheepishly at his doorway.
"Um, you wouldn't by any chance have any Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste, would you?" Eiji asked. Kamio shook his head.
"Nope. I use Mega Quick Extra Fast Speed Toothpaste," Kamio began, "because it only takes me three seconds to brush using that."
Eiji gaped at Kamio's closed door. He was terrified that some people would only take three seconds to brush their teeth. The horror, I tell you, the horror! I mean, it just wasn't right not to spend a thirty-seven minutes brushing like Eiji did, right?
So Eiji walked on until he suddenly found a rather large house towards the more rural part of town. Deciding that he didn't have anything better to do, Eiji ran the doorbell.
"…Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Who are you? I asked first."
"Nya! That doesn't matter! Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"A guy that's very annoyed because some kid goes knocking on my door late at night demanding to know who I am."
"Who are- oh… Sorry, I was –SLAM- Aww! Why are people so mean?" Eiji sighed as he strode off, trying to push that kid with the cap out of his mind. (Uchimura)
So Eiji walked around aimlessly for a while before stumbling into a different part of town.
"Wow! What a huge mansion!" Eiji gasped as his eyes traveled down to the mailboxes. "Eh? This is Atobe's house? Nya! Let's give it a try!"
After 'patiently' waiting for a half a minute, someone finally came out of the front door.
"Uh… is Atobe Keigo here?" Eiji inquired the servant.
"I am very sorry, the young master Keigo is currently recovering from severe eye damage due to an excessive amount of light focused on him," the servant explained. "It seems as though a young tennis player suddenly came to Hyoutei and challenged the young master Keigo to a match and… I'm sorry, I shouldn't say anymore, goodbye. If you leave your name, I'll gladly tell the young master you visited.
"Eh, that's fine, really!" Eiji nervously laughed as he walked away. Atobe's story sounded an awful lot like the one Ryoma mentioned earlier…
So on Eiji went on his quest for toothpaste. Eventually, he ended up once again ringing another random person's doorbell.
"…You! What do you want?" Gakuto screeched as he quickly hid behind the door to prevent Eiji from seeing his bunny patterned pajamas. It does make sense if you think about it, really… Gakuto… bunnies… jump… get it? Of course not, because that was the lamest joke ever.
"Nya! You wouldn't happen to have any Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste, would you?" Eiji pleaded. Gakuto scowled.
"No, I wouldn't ever think of buying it after it nearly lead me into early retirement. Besides, I'm perfectly happy with my Springy Spring Toothpaste. It makes me light and jumpy," hissed the boy as once again, the door slammed in poor Eiji's face.
But no fear! For Eiji shall never abandon his quest for toothpaste! And that's what lead him to the house of…
"What do you want?" hissed a very agitated Akutsu snapped at a rather stunned Eiji. Note to self: don't go knocking on random people's doors anymore, nya!
"Uh, you wouldn't have any Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste, would you" Eiji asked. Akutsu snorted.
"I wish! Then I could send all my opponents to the hospital like that Fuji kid did to Sengoku, tch," Akutsu sighed. Eiji twitched once he heard 'Fuji'. "Besides, I only use Toothpaste For The Scary Guy: Guaranteed to Make You Scary." (For those of you who read the Atobe and shampoo one, you'd know that Akutsu also uses this type of shampoo.)
Next stop? Well, let's just say Eiji forgot all about his no more knocking on random people's doors, and ended up having another toggle with a Yamabuki kid who claimed to be the team's captain. Of course, Eiji already knew that, but…
"Sorry, I don't brush my teeth."
Silence…
"N-nya! N-no way!" Eiji stuttered, horrified. Oh, what's this world coming to! First there was the guy who only brushed for three seconds, and then there's this guy who didn't brush at ALL! Eiji ran off as fast as he could.
"Wow. I was only kidding…"
And so on Eiji went, braving many rivers (AKA puddles) climbing many mountains (AKA tiny bumps on the sidewalk) until he finally arrived at…!
"HELLO KIKUMARU! I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE IN THIS PART OF TOWN!"
"Eh, that's nice… could you be a little more quieter?" Eiji totally forgot about how loud Aoi Kentarou could be when he knocked on his door. Well, at least now his memory was thoroughly refreshed.
"AM I TOO LOUD FOR YOU, KIKUMARU? I AM SORRY! I HOPE I DON'T WAKE UP THE ENTIRE TOWN!" Kentarou apologized.
"Yeah… I don't think you can wake up the entire town because you already woke them up…" Eiji mumbled, looking around at the lights that suddenly erupted in chain reaction throughout the neighborhood He wondered why those people still hadn't moved yet.
"SO! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TO MY HOUSE? COULD IT BE THAT YOU WANT A MATCH?" Kentarou asked hopefully. Eiji shook his head.
"No, I was wondering if you had any Super Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste," Eiji told him. Kentarou dramatically gasped.
"I AM SORRY! I DON'T HAVE ANY! I USE REGULAR TOOTHPASTE AND LOUDWASH!" Kentarou told him. "BESIDES! I DON'T WANT TO GO AROUND BLINDING ALL OF MY TEAMATES LIKE SAEKI'S FRIEND DID!"
Eiji hastily apologized before moving on. Seriously though, the regular toothpaste part was unappealing, but 'loud' wash? (AKA mouthwash that made you loud) That was just completely retarded! But it did explain a lot of things about Kentarou, that Eiji had to admit.
After wandering around some more, Eiji came up to the doorstep of Itsuki Marehiko. Now, of course, Eiji hated to ask him for anything, because he'd just ask why, why, why, why, why… You get the point. But Eiji was desperate, really desperate. So…
"Why? Why do you need toothpaste? Why are you here? Why do people need to brush their teeth? Why do you want the same brand of toothpaste that blinded Sae-san? Why? Why?"
"Nya! Forget it!" Eiji hissed as he stomped off.
"Why? Why should I forget it? Why?"
"NYA!"
So Eiji continued his quest. After getting on a train and aimlessly wandering around, Eiji found himself ringing the doorbell of yet another random person's door. Eiji just doesn't get it, does he? Nope!
"You're… Kikumaru," the guy who answered the door observed. Kikumaru nodded his head. He didn't even know this guy, but who cares!
"Um… eh…"
"Shinjou Reiji," the boy supplied.
"Yeah! You're that guy who played Ochibi, and lost!" Eiji remembered. The boy scowled and shot Eiji a glare. Eiji got right to the point then before the Shinjou decided to slam the door on him like all of the previous people. "Do you happen to have any Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste?"
"No, and I wouldn't dream of it after it sent our captain and one of our players to the hospital," Shinjou growled, recalling the scene. "And if I remember right, it was one of your teammates."
"Uh… -SLAM- Awww! What's wrong with these people?" Eiji wailed as he trotted off. Everyone was being so unkind to him, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Fuji was one of the main factors. I mean, it was just so obvious it was, right? And since it was coming from Eiji, it HAD to be right, right? Right? Hmm…
Anyhow, our favorite little redhead strolled around until…
"Why are…" the pink-headed boy began.
"…you in front of…" the blue-haired boy picked up.
"Our door?" the two finished, both blinking at Eiji, at the exact same time.
"Um, would you guys happen to have any, um… well, Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste?" Eiji asked, poking together his two index fingers. He was praying to all the gods he knew in existence, hoping they would say yes. But if only there was a toothpaste god! Eiji just knew that if one existed, he's have a better chance of getting his toothpaste praying to that one god instead of all the others combined. Eiji just knew.
The twins shook their heads in perfect unison.
"Oh, you guys use a twin toothpaste?" Eiji wildly guessed.
"No…" Kouhei began.
"…we use…" Youhei picked up.
"We LUV Being Bluette and Redette TWINZ," the two chorused. Eiji sighed. What the two said made absolutely no sense, all Eiji heard was: "Blah, blah, blah… retarded." Of course, the retarded part was all in Eiji's mind, AKA, his opinion of the twin's words. However, they weren't finished yet.
"Besides…" Kouhei started again.
"…we would never dream of using…" Youhei picked up.
"Something that fatally damaged our captain's and Wakato's eyes," the two finished again, shaking their heads in perfect timing against each other. Eiji wasn't listening, of course, because he was too busy being stunned on how the twins seemed to have one mind, doing everything in unison, even flicking a piece of stray hair from their faces.
"Goodnight," the two finished as they politely closed the door on Eiji. Well, at least they didn't slam, right?
"Okay so I've been nearly everywhere, and still no toothpaste!" Eiji moaned as he got on the bus again. This time, after getting off, he found himself knocking on the door of…
"'Ewwo! Waa aww nuu 'oing 'ere?" the boy asked, face stuffed with pastries. It took a second or two for Eiji to interpretate this into: "Hello, what are you doing here?"
"'ope!" the boy answered, swallowing. "I use GLUCOSE POWER!" the boy exclaimed, doing a dramatic jump and punching the air, dropping a few cakes which he quickly picked up. Eiji looked at him like he was crazy. Really though, who brushes their teeth with a toothpaste that ruins it more? And besides, GLUCOSE POWER! was even more stupid than that twin toothpaste thing.
"Oh, I see…" Eiji mumbled.
"And anyhow, that teammate of yours said he used that, and ended up knocking out Sanada and Kirihara with his sparkly-ness," Marui explained. Eiji was now really starting to wonder what Fuji was doing, sending everyone to the hospital like that.
"Eh, sorry?" Eiji apologized as Marui shrugged, closing the door and continued munching on cakes and such.
And off Eiji went, still knocking on random people's door, having still not learn his lesson, even after a very grouchy old man eventually dumped water over his head and a very grumpy old lady threaten to call the police. However…
"Ah, yes, Kikumaru. There was a seventy-three percent chance that you would be knocking on my door asking for toothpaste today," Yanagi said. Eiji had absolutely no idea that how he knew that, seeing not even himself knew that until Yanagi opened the door.
"Well, do you?" Eiji asked.
"No, I do not," Yanagi answered simply. "I use a special homemade brand containing tomatoes, beetle shells, hundred-year-old eggs, lettuce that has holes bitten through it by a worm, some seaweed, hot sauce, some lemons, a pinch of pepper, some fried ants, and many other things, including my classified 'Secret Ingredient'. I call it Yanagi-Paste, want some?" Yanagi asked with an evil smirk. Yanagi's recipe immediately reminded Eiji of Inui's Inui Juice, and Eiji certainly didn't want to be thinking about that. Trying to calm himself not to throw up, Eiji ran away as quick as he could.
"Hmm… oh well," Yanagi sighed as h went into the bathroom to brush his teeth with his Yanagi-Paste. After a couple of seconds of brushing, Yanagi fainted, obviously.
"Nya! What's wrong with people?" Eiji sighed as he got on the train. "Everyone uses weird toothpastes! Nya!
After some time, Eiji got off the train, and found himself in front of St. Rudolph.
"Hey! It's the school Fuji's little brother goes to!" Eiji happily realized. Maybe someone would have some toothpaste here? Hmmm… However, Eiji didn't have long to ponder when he suddenly spotted.
"Fuji! What are you doing here!" Eiji gasped. Fuji, however, didn't seem to hear as he weaved around the hallways until he came to a certain door with a plate that plainly said Mizuki Hajime.
"Fuji!" Eiji called again. This time, his teammate seemed to hear
"Eiji? What are you doing here?" Fuji asked in amazement. All of it was spoken though a hand clasped onto his mouth.
"Fuji, I should be asking you the same thing!" Eiji noted. Fuji just sighed, his hand still on his mouth.
"You'll see…" Fuji told him. "And no, I don't have any Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste."
"Aww!" Eiji was about to protest some more, but Fuji had already barged through the door. Deciding it was better not to look, seeing how everyone sort of became blinded after they did. Eiji closed his eyes and turned around, depending on his ears to catch what happens. It went like this:
"Eh? Fuji! What are you-"
"Hello! Nice night isn't it? Isn't it?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY EYES! MY EYES!"
Eiji heard some evil snickering and decided it was safe to open his own eyes. Turning around, Eiji was not really too keen on the scene before him.
"And the poor stray animal here makes victim number eight. What a nice number. Nine would have been better though…"
"F-Fuji! What did you- why did you- Fuji!" Eiji stuttered as Fuji smirked. Eiji started seeing stars.
"Hehehe! Victim number nine, perfect!" Since when did Fuji get that evil, I have no idea… Oh well…
BEEP! BEEP!
"Nya… Fuji… No…"
BEEP! BEEP!
"I see stars…"
BEEP! BEEP!
"Mmm… toothpaste…
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
"Nya?"
Eiji woke with a start, and in his rush banged his head against his bed post much to his misfortune. Yawning, Eiji extended a hand and shut off his alarm clock.
"Nya… What a weird dream…" Eiji mused as he stumbled into the bathroom to find his Mega Sparkly Extra White Bishounen Toothpaste still available. Eiji sighed in relief, realizing that a dream's only a dream, and that there was no way it could actually come true. Well, that's what he thought until practice that is…
"Nya! Doesn't it look like Fuji's not even trying to beat Tezuka?" Eiji asked Oishi.
"Yeah, it doesn't seem like Fuji at all…" Oishi noted. They continued watching Fuji miserably loose until it finally came to match point. Fuji then started giggling.
"Ne, Tezuka, want to see my new move?" Fuji inquired, covering his giggles politely with a hand.
"Just play seriously," Tezuka mumbled in deadpan as he served the ball.
"I call it…" Fuji began, removing his hand. "Fuji-zone!"
And everyone answered, "MY EYES! ACK! MY EYES!"
So now we know that Eiji can be just a good a psychic as Fuji's sister, and that Fuji and toothpaste (or shampoo for that matter) do not mix. I repeat, DO NOT MIX, and just for good riddance, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MIX, EVER. (But if it's any comfort I'm sure Fuji will cover your hospital bills.)