Author Notes

This is entire story was inspired by the Love Below CD by Andre 3000. I don't own Artemis, heck; I don't even own the title…all I own is a bag of Tostitos chips and zesty bean dip…Yay…bean dip…

Jule: Those are mi---

Me: GET YOUR OWN

Jule: Ok…I'll just…go and…call the cops…

It was little more then seven days till Valentines, and Artemis still didn't have a date to the dance. Not that he wanted one. Young Artemis was too…err…more adult then to go to some fritter pink pompous party and watch people slobber all over each other. To him the very idea of putting his own tongue in someone else's mouth was simply vile…exchanging saliva and germs…who could possibly call that affectionate? Only hormone driven idiots, Artemis thought spitefully his fingers a blur on the computer keyboard. He was so engrossed into hacking into the Maxwell Art Studio in Brooklyn, he did not notice a tall, thin man standing on the corner leaning on a cane, dressed in a suave three piece suit. His name was Cupid Valentino, and quite frankly, he was by no means a man. He was a fairy. The love fairy.

Ever since Artemis was twelve, Cupid had set his sights on the young Fowl. You see, during the time which Artemis had captured Holly; Cupid had hoped he was doing it in the act of love. When he came to realize Artemis was out for gold, and not to confess his love in an animalistic manner he was…bothered. Intrigued, moreover. Since then he studied the Fowl boy, gathered facts and theories about his stuck up-ness towards puppy love and such, and one day, finally concluded that Artemis was purely cold hearted, and that teenage romance was his one weakness. It was brilliant for Cupid. There had been rumors in Underground Fairy World of a human boy who could not be stopped, and an endless endorsement of gold to whoever could prove it wrong.

Cupid smiled and stepped out of the shadowy corner, ready to prove.

"Hello, Artemis," he greeted. Artemis swiveled around in his chair, facing Cupid.

"Who are you," he demanded.

"My name is Cupid Valentino, Mr. Fowl," Cupid replied whirling his diamond-topped cane around "and I've come to ask, you something. Why are you so cold, Artemis?"

"I feel perfectly warm," Artemis replied.

The Mack Daddy fairy laughed. "Cold hearted, Arty, cold hearted. I've been observing you, and couldn't help how you treated poor Holly when she was here…so many years ago…"

"I don't know how you no about that, or how even know about Holly…but, that was a long time ago. Holly and I are friends now."

"Yes, yes I know," Cupid, said "but that doesn't change that you're cold hearted to the opposite sex of your age. I mean, look at poor Fiona. Sent her off crying yesterday cause of your lack of interest…or your intimidation of love."

"I'm not intimidated by love," Artemis argued "I just don't want to get involved in a time consuming relationship that ends in less then a month."

"And I assume that's your definition of love," Valentino asked. Artemis said nothing.

"It's quite alright, Artemis," the love fairy said. "A young, busy man can't take time to treat a girl right, I understand. That's why, I'm giving you no choice."

"What," Artemis asked.

Cupid chuckled. "I know you're just trying to protect your feelings, Artemis. But this time, you can't run away. Because when you wake up tomorrow, you won't remember you met me…until you lay eyes on the first girl you see…not counting your mom of course…and you know what happens then?"

Artemis shook his head.

"You'll have midnight on Valentines--- seven days---to kiss the girl you see. And I mean really kiss, son, no little peck on the cheek. And if you don't well…" Cupid shrugged and finished "you'll die."

"I'll what," Artemis said.

"Die. Now nighty night." Before Artemis could react Cupid Valentino pointed his cane at him, and Artemis fell on his bed. A pink glow sank into his body, and Artemis Fowl was out like a light.

Now, Cupid smiled, watching Artemis sleep soundly, letting him enjoy his last few hours as the unstoppable human. For when he woke up tomorrow, and laid eyes on a girl, all Cupid would have to do is watch seven days past. And after those seven days, the love fairy would be one very happy, and rich, fairy.

Uh oh...poor Arty...MUWAH HA HA HA HA!