A/N The title for this fic is not mine; it is adopted from "Return of the King by JRR Tolkien. Faramir says it to Eowyn when they are alone in Minas Tirith during the last stand before the Black Gate. It made me cry when I first read the book aged 9 and has since been one of my favourite lines in any book. I was gutted that Peter Jackson didn't use it in the film version and felt it was nice and appropriate for the situation Tonks and Remus are in during HPB.

Spoiler warning for HPB and OotP

As ever I don't own the characters, no harm intended!

Thanks go to my lovely beta Maggie for the help and the plot bunnies!

Set in the hospital between OotP and HBP but gives away stuff mentioned early on in HBP.

Do you not love me or will you not?

by Elistar

"Is it that you don't love me Remus or that you won't?" Sighed Tonks as she tried to get her head around all the things that were changing in her life. She was busy trying to get all these things straight in her head wasn't made any easier by the fact that she was currently laid up in St Mungo's Hospital. Two weeks previously she had lost Sirius, one of the last half decent relatives that she had (scratch that – fully decent) and the man in front of her had to be the one to tell her. Just to make her life more fun she had finally confessed her feelings for Remus and was met with a somewhat confusing response.

He couldn't believe the conversation that they were having. If truth were told he was smitten with her. He had been trying to deny it since she had joined the Order but had been totally unsuccessful. There were too many problems for him to act on his feelings and he had been content to remain her friend and confidant. Her unexpected declaration of her feelings had surprised him. Although he knew that she cared immensely for him he had never expect her to reciprocate his feelings, let alone confront him. His immediate problem was that he knew that the relationship could never happen.

Quite apart from the fact that there was a war on and either (or both) of them could be dead tomorrow, (A point that had been neatly proven with the death of Emmeline Vance only days before) he knew that there were other dangers to consider. His "little furry problem" as James used to call it meant he felt himself unable to enter into a long-term relationship. He knew he was too old, too set in his ways, too poor and too abnormal to blight her life with his presence in a relationship. The problem: how to explain this without losing her friendship or breaking her heart.

He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath before speaking. He needed to weigh his words very carefully and he knew it. "Dora" he began "it doesn't necessarily matter how I feel; anything more than friendship if quite out of the question. I am too poor, too old and too…dangerous for you to commit yourself too." Remus continued despite Tonks looking like she was desperate to interrupt. "You are one of the most important people in my life and it would kill me if I lost you, but I am afraid that friends is all we can be."

Tonks remained still, almost frozen to the spot as a single tear crept down her cheek. For almost the first time in her life she was speechless. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was unimaginable. She had never really cared too much about men before; she had seen them more as an entertaining pass time. Tonks had been in many short-term relationships in the past but she had always done a runner when things looked too close to commitment for comfort. She had really not expected Remus to turn her down, not less avoid answering her question. It was not arrogance on her part; she had genuinely felt something growing between them over the past few months. He had always treated her well and been there to hear her concerns, from work at the ministry, to her concerns for Sirius and all the way to her fear of failing the Order. He had been the one to hold her while she cried after he had told her of the fate that had befallen Sirius at the ministry. He was the one who knew her best.

Tonks was barely aware of the kiss that was planted on the top of her head or the door closing quietly as Remus left the room. She knew that Mad-Eye was outside, playing the role of guard as she was still vulnerable to attack, and she really didn't want him to hear her crying. She couldn't believe that Remus had left her; for the first time he wasn't there when she needed him and bizarrely he was the only one she needed to talk too. This made the feeling worse; he had always been the one that Tonks had turned to when she was feeling upset and now not only was he not there, he was the reason for her pain. Although Tonks knew his reasoning and hadn't been totally surprised that he had concerns, she had expected him to be able to put them to one side.

The sudden knock at the door made Tonks jump. As the Healer open the door she breathed a small sigh of relief that Moody hadn't caught her looking so upset. "I'm pleased to tell you Ms. Tonks, that I am discharging you and you are free to go home. Just make sure you take these, and these, and these, as directed and you should be fine. Come back and see us if you need to".

After he left, Tonks dressed herself slowly and threw the few bits she had into a bag. Trying not to remember that it had been Remus who had brought these from her apartment for her. Moody knocked and came in. "Are you going home?" He asked her quite brusquely, "I'm not sure you should be alone. Especially after…well, with Vance…" he seemed quite at a loss. This worried Tonks more than anything; that her mentor, the wizard who had lived through, so much couldn't talk about his fears.

"Don't worry Moody," Tonks replied, trying to be as reassuring as she could "I think I'm going to the Burrow for a few days and then when I'm 100 I'll pop off home." The idea of visiting Molly had occurred to her. She had never been too close to her mother and Molly had offered her house space to recuperate when she had come to visit the day before. Molly, adopted mother to assorted waifs and strays when they needed a shoulder, she would be the perfect person for Tonks to talk to. Right now, Tonks needed another opinion and she was also in great need of some tea and sympathy. She glanced in the mirror as she was leaving and noticed her hair had changed to reflect her mood; mousy brown, flat and dull. She briefly considered changing it to something more like her and then realised she didn't want to. She hair had reflected her mood in the past and it seemed it would be more fitting to leave it just as it was.