Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.

This takes place before the appearance of the 13th Angel.

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Operation Prankster

Mission: 00

Operation Kraut Control

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The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge.

Edgar Allan Poe

The Cask of Amontillado

The life of Shinji Rokubungi Ikari wasn't a pleasant one.

He was already 14 years old with a lot of psychological problems and his father (whom he hadn't had contact with for a long time) decided it was time that he became the pilot of something big and purple with a large horn on its snout called an Evangelion.

A lot of mecha-fanatics would probably envy him for being the pilot of Eva 01. Shinji deemed these mecha-fans as utter morons who should get a life. It was true that the boy/girl piloting a giant mecha and saving the world had become a cliché in anime and mangas in Japan. How he would have loved to barge into an office of a guy scripting mecha stories and tell that he couldn't possibly understand how psychologically stressing the pressure of responsibility being placed in the hands of a young boy is. And how suicidal it really is to place said boy in a giant mecha without having any experience of how to pilot and having no combat experience whatsoever. A lot of times when he had fought some of the Angels he had experienced severe shellshocks which he had a hard time recovering from.

Deciding that he didn't exactly want to do chores after school in Misato's apartment and handling Asuka Sohryu Langley at the same time, he went to empty-looking alley (after being finished with school and avoiding Asuka) and found a Section Two Agent who was busy reading a newspaper and lazing off on his job.

Shinji had asked for permission to venture to someplace in the outskirts of Tokyo 3 under Section Two supervision in case of emergencies. And after confirmation from NERV headquarters, he was allowed to go out accompanied by two Section Two personnel.

He was back at the place where he had met Kensuke Aida after running away. Kensuke had been camping and playing around as some sort of soldier, even dressed in teenager-sized camo and wearing a helmet to boot.

Being outside, away from his responsibilities soothed him a little and made his soul feel a little at peace. He enjoyed the almost quiet tranquillity of nature, hearing but the sounds of various animals and the chirping of crickets and other insects.

"Don't think about running away again, kid," One of the agents warned him jokingly, "or else we'll find you, beat you up, tie you so tight that you'll have trouble moving and ship you back."

"I won't." was the almost quiet answer coming from the Third Child. He knew that two men behind him were only doing what they were paid to do and didn't harbour any malice towards them for that.

Just like him they were but the small cogs in a large machine, controlled and maintained by his father. Like him they had to be subservient to him and follow any command given.

"Do you even know how hard it was to find you at all that time?" the other agent added.

"No?" was Shinji's answer.

"To be blunt - it was very hard and straining to find you."

"Oh?"

"But it didn't surprise me at all that you ran away. Captain Katsuragi sure is a beer-guzzling slob, isn't she?"

"You have no idea," Shinji sighed, "and me of all people have to live with her (and not to mention clean and cook to boot)."

"I feel sorry for you. And on top of that you have to deal with that Eurasian Nazi bitch from hell on a daily basis even when you're at home."

"Eurasian?" Shinji said, feeling a little confused.

"It's a term for people of both European and Asian descent," the agent explained.

"Oh." Was all Shinji said. He knew that Asuka on the surface looked more Caucasian than Asian, having red hair and blue eyes, but if he looked closer he could see some of her Asian facial traits. It was a little strange that Asuka had a Japanese name even though she was born and raised in Germany and even stranger that she had closer ties with her German roots than her Japanese ones, despite having a Japanese name.

Normally he just went under his normal name Shinji Ikari, but ironically since his father's surname had been Rokubungi before marrying his mother, he found out later at Nerv that he was registered as Shinji "Rokubungi" Ikari in some of the sub-archives. And that had really been one hell of a big shock to him when he found out about it.

"It's funny that Nerv doesn't seem to have any psychiatric clinics." Was the ironic comment coming from one of the agents.

"Maybe the budget was too tight?" the other one joked.

Shinji turned around, looking at them meekly. "Let's just go back now."

"Fine with me, kid."

XoX

The car ride back had been quiet. None of the three occupants inside the black Volvo spoke a word to one another during the entire ride.

The two agents dropped Shinji by Misato's apartment and drove away.

"Why in the world did you buy a Volvo?" the agent frowned at the one driving.

"Because it's a solid and dependable Swedish car," the other one said nonchalantly without turning his head.

"Oh?" the other one replied, "Okay then."

They drove on.

XoX

"Warum muss ich immer auf dieser blödmann warten!" Asuka ranted in German, her Berlin dialect clear to most people knowing German. She was hungry and wanted Shinji to cook dinner for them.

Misato just shrugged as Asuka began swearing in German. After all she had lived in Germany for a while. (Die Deutschen spinnen.) she thought in German and continued reading one of the worn German translated Asterix comics she had bought in her youth in Germany while sipping her beer. She chuckled when she saw Obelix Having the time of his life whacking the poor Roman legions that got in his way.

"I'm home!" a timid voice called out as the apartment door slid open and Shinji stepped in. (Another day of slave labour as usual.) Shinji thought, feeling very sorry for himself. While he had managed to handle the fact that he had to do almost all the chores every day in the week and clean up after Misato (as usual), it became increasingly worse with Asuka and her usual tantrums and behaviour when she as well moved in with the drunkard Major who had been promoted a while ago.

"There you are!" Asuka shouted at him, making him cringe and twitch slightly in fear. "Where have you been?" she demanded.

"J-just outside Tokyo 3 a-a-a l-lit-ttle." Shinji managed to blurt out hoping that she wouldn't dish out any physical punishment upon him.

Fortunately this time Asuka didn't hit him, but the bad news was that she decided to verbally abuse him as usual. Luckily he didn't understand the German sentences she hurled at him with the aggressiveness of a woman brutally trying to lovingly kill her husband with a dull kitchen knife while simultaneously trying to drown him in the kitchen sink.

Minutes later Shinji found himself in front of the kitchen counter, wearing an apron over his school uniform, preparing dinner for Asuka, Misato and himself.

Shinji was really considering if he should put arsenic in the food which he served Asuka if she ever took her superiority complex to such extremes that even most of the technicians in Nerv couldn't stand her.

His thoughts about Asuka waned as he continued cutting the vegetables with the kitchen knife after having washed them with the kitchen sink faucet. As hard as he tried he could not get himself to forget the horrible incident that happened when he was captured by the Twelfth Angel when he for the first time had built up enough self-confidence as an Evangelion pilot - and how that same self-confidence almost cost him his life when he made that rash move to open fire on the orb-like entity with the giant handgun Nerv had issued him for this battle instead of the Pallet Rifle he had trained with all those weeks. Then came the shock and horror as he was slowly engulfed by darkness, feeling that he was being swallowed up by the very earth itself as he struggled against it. In the end it proved as futile as trying to withstand a raging whirlpool slowly drawing him to his death as he struggled with all his might. The fear that engulfed him when communication with Nerv broke off and finding himself stranded in a vast space empty of life.

He didn't want to remember any of it. How he almost died all alone in that empty space as the Evangelion slowly ran out of energy before going berserk and tearing the Angel asunder from the inside in a desperate attempt to break free.

He sighed sadly as he continued preparing the meal. He then heard that Asuka was talking the Hikari the class representative in his school class. He also heard that Asuka was mentioning him, and all that she said wasn't exactly flattering.

XoX

Asuka sighed in content as she turned on the shower and let the warm water soak her body. She then picked up her personal bottle of shampoo from where it lay and poured its content upon her red hair. As she began to scrub her hair she let her fingers glide over her red tresses in satisfaction. For what seemed to be an eternity she let her hands rest on the top of her head onto her hair. But when she finally decided to remove said hands she found herself incapable of doing so since her hands were for some reason stuck to her hair.

She began growling in German as she struggled to remove her hands, feeling twinges of pain as parts of her hair was brutally torn off when she aggressively moved her hands.

"Was zum Teufel ist hier los?" she exclaimed angrily and crashed down on the floor as she tried to leave the bathtub, tearing down the shower curtain as well.

"Aua!"

XoX

"Do you know what's happening?" Misato asked Shinji as she sipped her opened Yebisu beer can while sitting on her chair while her legs lay on the dinner table.

"No." Shinji lied while feeling a sense of satisfaction of avenging the wrong committed by Asuka.

The only advantage of being the one forced to clean the apartment most of the time was that he learned a thing or two about the favourite shampoo labels Misato and Asuka preferred and their taste in clothes.

Watching the pre-Second Impact Police Academy films had been inspiring in a strange way. And the quick-drying glue-in-the-shampoo-bottle-gag had actually worked in real life.

"I think you've got to go over to Asuka and see what's the matter with her," Shinji advised his inept guardian as she let out her trademark Misato scream/shriek™ after guzzling the contents of her beer can.

Shinji retreated into the small space that was his room. Ironically on the moment Asuka had arrived in Misato's apartment, she had occupied his old room and had carelessly thrown out his stuff in a cardboard box. He hadn't any emotional attachments to his old room, but the thought of being thrown out without any warning and being forced to live in very cramped space now while being burdened with numerous chores every day and sudden synchronization tests when he was supposed to prepare for a test at school was getting very, very stressing.

He dressed himself in some pyjamas and placed the earphones of his walkman into his ear and afterwards pressed the play button as he lay himself down, pulling the covers over his torso.

I am...I'm me... He heard Twisted Sister play on the old cassette.

"Mission accomplished." He mumbled sleepily as he closed his eyelids. Minutes later a snoring sound was heard from him.

XoX

"Do something!" Asuka practically cried out to Misato as she entered the bathroom.

To the former captain now promoted major it was actually a little amusing to find Asuka in the bathroom with her hands seemingly stuck on top of her head.

"Whatever is the matter?" she asked the red-haired German.

"What does it look like! Verdammt noch mal!" Asuka roared. "My hands are stuck to my hair."

"And?"

"Do something!"

Misato reviewed the situation and then said: "I think we have to amputate it."

Asuka had a horrified look on her face. "No! You'll ruin my hair!"

"It's either that or dunking your hands and hair into boiling water, Asuka." Misato gave her a grave, drunken look as she grabbed a pair of scissors.

A terrified scream echoed throughout the entire building, startling everyone but the sleeping Shinji.

XoX

Asuka whimpered as she and Shinji walked to school. Since Misato cut off all her hair and then dunked her hands into hot water to remove the hair stuck on her hands, thereby scalding them a bit. She was now forced to wear a wig that was an exact replica of her own hair.

"I'm sorry to hear that Misato had to remove all your hair, Asuka." Shinji said sympathetically to her.

"Shut up, Dummkopf!" Asuka grumbled back at him.

(I wonder what Touji and Kensuke will say when I tell them about it.) Shinji thought as they continued towards school.

XoX

Next:

Mission 01

Operation Beer Buster

Where we see Shinji depleting Misato's home of all beverage….

XoX

Heh! Asuka's exclamation was inspired by the quote by Rottingham in the Curse of Monkey Island, where you tricked Haggis into cutting all his hair off.

Thanks for helping me with the first chapter Grey Wolf4!