Sonic Team's Vacation Chapter 1, a sonic the hedgehog fanfic

Some of the Sonic characters were bored, so they decided to go with me to a random field. This story is about the total insanity that ensued!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Sonic characters. They belong to Sega and Sonic Team. Satoshi Tajiri owns the random Pokemon mentioned, along with the Pokedex and Team Rocket. Also, I do own Marie the hedgecat, my ancient (now completely abandoned) character Umber the hedgehog, and the random chao in this story. Princess Lady Subaru owns Subaru the pheonucat. If you're still reading this, I'm kind of surprised.

Warning: If you don't like random humor or you just like to flame, leave now! Seriously, this thing makes absolutely no sense! Yay for random humour!

Chapter one: The Randomness begins!

"Dude, why'd we come to a meadow?" Shadow asked. "And why is Marie randomly glomping me?!"

"Because you're so cool, and sweet, and nice, and loyal, and trustworthy, and I love you, and..." Marie started. Before she could finish, Shadow shoved her off of himself. "Oh my gosh! Shadow shoved me! I'll never wash this arm again! Thank you, god, thank you!"

Shadow stepped back in pure terror of his deranged, part cat, part hedgehog fangirl, who was, admittedly, acting a little out of character. Maybe she hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. Perhaps she was sugar high. Either way, Shadow suddenly looked up and saw a bright, bright light near a tree. "Hey, what's that light?" he asked, pointing to where he looked.

Everyone else looked to where Shadow was pointing and (some of them) knew the light right away. It was Tikal in orb form. Yes, due to a plot hole filled with one percent dirt and ninety nine percent pure deranged confusion, Tikal was back. Tikal then went into her normal non-orb form.

"Hello Knuckles," Tikal greeted kindly. "Chaos wanted me to let you know that he's protecting the Master Emerald for you."

Meanwhile, with Chaos 0...

Chaos 0 was half lying, half sitting on a couch, watching Sonic X in Japanese. And yes, he was in Knuckles' -now trashed- house.

A random white chao that had large koala ears ran in quickly. "Hey Chaos, aren't you supposed to be protecting the Master Emerald for Knuckles?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah... in a minute... Right now, I must watch TV!" Chaos explained as he almost fell out of the couch. How he was suddenly able to talk we will never know.

"Why must you watch TV?" the young chao asked, curious about her protector's habits. She was a very curious chao.

"For...uh... Reasons, Snow. For reasons," Chaos explained, honestly having no other reason than the fact that he was feeling very lazy on this particular day.

"Whatever..." Snow (the white chao) sighed. She then joined a chao with bunny ears in a game of run-after-the-ball-and-kick-it.

Back to the main plot...

"Doesn't Chaos protect, oh, I don't know... chao?" Knuckles asked.

"Knuckles, he used to protect the Master Emerald along with the chao." Tikal explained. "So I've come to hang out with all of you today!"

"Okay, let's all glomp Sonic!" Amy exclaimed hyperly. She then glomped Sonic. (No, she gave him a cherry pie... of course she glomped him, silly!)

"Amy...can't...breathe...need...air..." Sonic gasped. "Let...go..."

Now it was Tails' turn to spot something. "Hey, what's that?" Tails asked, pointing to where he was looking. Everyone except for the obsessed Amy looked and saw a random Eevee running towards them.

"Oh my gosh, an Eevee!" Marie squealed happily. She ran to pick it up. "It's so cute!"

"What is it?" Sonic asked, poking the Eevee's head, while thinking; "It's fun to poke. Poke...poke...poke...poke... The voice in my head echoes... Poke...poke..."

Marie randomly grabbed a Pokedex from out of nowhere. "This is a Pokemon called Eevee." Marie explained. "It can become Vaporeon, Flareon, Jolteon, Espeon, or Umbreon." Marie then used the Pokedex to show Eevee's evolved forms to everyone else.

"Do you carry that thing with you everywhere?" Knuckles asked, surprised that any silvery-white hedgecat with brown ears and a brown tail would ever carry a Pokedex with them. " I thought that you didn't like Pokemon."

"Well... I'm still obsessed with Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Growlithe, Arcanine, Ivysaur, Wartortle, Togepi, Houndour, Hoppip, Raikou, Pikachu, Sneasel, Absol, Zubat, Ditto, Quilava, Meganium and a few others that I can't remember right now," Marie explained, a smile on her face. She then snapped back into reality. "Why are you all asleep? Don't you want to know about Eevee's evolved forms? Sonic, Vaporeon is blue..."

Sonic then jolted awake and listened to everything that Marie had to say about Vaporeon. This repeated with Tails and Jolteon, Knuckles and Flareon, Amy and Espeon, and Shadow and Umbreon. Tikal woke up to be polite.

"So, isn't Eevee an interesting pokemon?" Marie asked. "And I convieniently have all of its evolution stones right here in my backpack... Well, who wants strawberries?"

"Marie, can I have the Thunder Stone?" Tails asked slyly.

"Hey, this Eevee should choose what she becomes!" Marie objected. "She has five choices, give her time!"

"How do you know it's a girl?" Sonic asked.

"I can understand all things Eevee!" Marie exclaimed, sounding a little deranged. "That and she told me."

"Umbreon sounds cool..." Shadow stated coolly. "Give me the Moon Stone... It must become Umbreon..."

For the only time in world history, Marie backed away from Shadow. "Uh... She deserves to make her own..." Marie started. Everyone else suddenly had chain ropes due to an unexplainable plot hole. " Uhm... What are the chain ropes for?"

"Tie her up!" Amy exclaimed as everyone exept for Tikal and Eevee tied Marie up. "Take the Sun Stone!"

Amy grabbed the Sun Stone. Shadow grabbed the Moon Stone. Knuckles grabbed the Fire Stone. Tails grabbed the Thunder Stone. And Sonic grabbed the Leaf Stone. He then realized his mistake and grabbed the Water Stone. Tikal held the now terrified Eevee.

"Tikal, hand over the Eevee..." Amy demanded, her voice next to demonic. " I must make it become Espeon... It must be cute and psychic..."

"Why not Flareon?" Knuckles asked. "Fire represents power! Power to protect the master emerald!"

"But I need Jolteon!" Tails complained. "It could help provide power for my machines!"

"No, it must be Umbreon!" Shadow disagreed. "Umbreon is dark and mysterious... Mysterious is good!"

"I want Vaporeon!" Sonic argued. " Who cares if it's basically moving water? At least it's blue like me!"

"Guys, Marie was right!" Tikal explained. "This Eevee deserves to make her own decisions!"

"Must... glomp... Shadow..." Marie thought. "Must... become... Espeon... no... Umbreon... no... Espeon... no... Umbreon..."

Meanwhile, with Chaos...

Chaos was still inside, watching TV. He was completely oblivious to the world around him. He didn't even notice the fat, egg-shaped man trying to steal the Master Emerald. Nor did he notice the chao epically defending the emerald with random Pokemon attacks, in which I am to lazy to list all seventeen of them. But afterwords, Eggman was sent "Blasting off again!". Because, you know, he's totally a secret Team Rocket member.

Back to the main plot...

Everyone was still eyeing the little, terrified Eevee, wanting to evolve her into the Pokemon of his or her choosing. Tikal was still defending her and Marie was now glomping Shadow.

"How'd you get out of the chain ropes?" Shadow asked.

"Well, I heard the words 'Let the plot holes be with you...' and then I was free!" Marie explained. "So now I'm free to glomp you for no reason in particular!"

"Marie, let go," Shadow demanded. "I must get to Umbreon... I mean Eevee..." Shadow struggled from Marie's obsessed death glomp and walked back to everyone... With Marie still clinging to his ankle.

Amy pulled out her Piko Piko hammer."Tikal, had over the Eevee..." Amy demanded, her voice still demonic. "I must make her become Espeon!"

A random human walked up to everybody. "Excuse me, but I believe you have my Eevee," she explained politely.

"How do you know it's yours?" Sonic asked.

"Cherry! Come here please!" the human called sweetly. The Eevee jumped into her arms. "That's a good girl!"

"Aww... It already belonged to someone... I wanted to keep her..." Marie sighed sadly.

"Hey, uh... Are you going to evolve that Eevee?" Sonic asked.

"Oh yeah! I forgot! I was going to make her become a Flareon!" the human answered as she held a Fire Stone to Eevee, causing her to become Flareon. "Thanks for reminding me!"

"Yes!" Knuckles cheered. "It became what I wanted it to be!"

"But we don't get to keep her," Tails explained.

"...Dang it!" Knuckles yelled.

The human left with Flareon and muttered something about defeating Team Rocket...

Meanwhile, with Chaos...

Chaos was still watching TV. "Wow... This is so much better than that crap in English..." he lazily muttered to himself.

A totally normal child chao ran into the room quickly. "Chaos, you idiot!" the chao yelled, standing in front of the TV to get Chaos' attention. "You're supposed to be protecting the Master Emerald for Knuckles, not sitting around watching TV all day!"

"Ashiki, nothing ever happens to the Master Emerald," Chaos explained sleepily. "Oh sure Rouge comes, but she can't lug that heavy rock around. And Eggman wants the chaos emeralds. So it's perfectly safe..."

A young red chao then walked in. "Dude, Eggman almost... Just stole the Master Emerald!" he exclaimed in shock. "Knuckles will be so ticked!"

"See? As I said... Wait... What?!" Chaos asked. " I have to find the Master Emerald right..." He then saw a show about chao come on."... After this show!"

"Chaos, I'm now totaly ashamed to know you..." the red chao sighed.

"Yeah... Saphie, let's just tell the others that we should go without him..." Ashiki explained.

Back to the main plot...

"Well... that was a bust..." Knuckles complained. "I waned to keep Flareon!"

"Don't worry, we'll find wild Eevee soon enough!" Marie explained cheerfully. "Because, you know, it totally works like that... And then... I can become the Eevee master!"

Everyone looked to their deranged friend and backed away. "Uhm... Yeah, but we've been searching forever!" Sonic complained. "I mean, it's already been, like, seven hours!"

"Sonic, it's only been fifteen minutes," Tails corrected as he looked to his dark orange watch.

"We shouldn't take these poor, innocent Eevee from their home" Tikal explained. "It wasn't fair to the chao and it's not fair to the Eevee."

"Tikal, that was over three thousand years ago." Marie explained. "And it's not like we're going to kill the Eevee and take their home. We're trying to befriend them."

Sonic blinked in confusion. "Befriend?" he asked. "I do not know the meaning of this... befriend... of which you speak. I just want Vaporeon because it's blue like me! That makes it cool!"

"Yeah, as cool as fire..." Shadow muttered under his breath. "Besides, I'll befriend my Umbreon... Just like I befriended Maria..." He got very quiet all of a sudden, thinking about his tragic past.

"Why are we looking for Pokemon?" Knuckles asked. "Isn't this a Sonic fic?"

"Yeah, a Sonic-slightly-crossed-over-with-Pokemon fic," Marie explained. "Besides, I'm the one who wrote this, so I command your fates..."

"You're going to pair me and Amy up again, aren't you?" Shadow asked.

"No way, you're mine!" Marie exclaimed as she glomped Shadow like the hopeless fangirl that she is. Even though that makes absolutely no sense, as she only thinks of people as friends and nothing more, but whatever. She gets that way when she has too much sugar sometimes. "Besides, Sonic is a good second choice for her, isn't that right Amy?"

Amy was seen honoring her Shadow shrine which came due to an unexplainable plot hole. "I love you Shadow..." Amy said as though she was chanting. "And now for the sacrifice!" Amy then pulled a Sonic plushie out of her pocket and crushed it with her Piko Piko hammer. "Die Sonic!" (Wow, she is totally not ever so slightly out of character right now!)

"Amy, I'll pay you fifty dollars, after I buy Shadow the Hedgehog, if you pretend to love Sonic for the rest of the fanfic," Marie bribed. She was not aware of how horrible the aforementioned game really was. What a waste of money.

"... I love you Money! ... I mean... Sonic!" Amy squealed fangirl-style. Amy then glomped Sonic around the throat so that he couldn't breathe. " You could say that I love you to death..."

"Amy, don't kill him!" Marie yelled.

"Yeah... Not without me!" Shadow added as he ran in to beat the crap out of Sonic.

"It's so pathetic that they're using violence," Tails sighed as he, Marie, Knuckles, and Tikal stepped back.

"I know," Knuckles agreed. "I mean, who uses a hammer and chaos energy to beat someone up? Fists are the way to go!" And with that, Knuckles ran in to beat Sonic up.

"They are all pathetic, right Marie?" Tails asked.

"Oh my gosh, an Absol!" Marie exclaimed with happiness. "I'm so happy!" Marie then captured Absol in a friend ball. "Hey, look! A bird! And look over there! A grass blade!"

"Tails... does she seem a little... bizarre... to you?" Tikal asked, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Tikal, this is Marie on a normal, albeit slightly out of character day," Tails explained. "You haven't seen her when she's hyper."

"Hey, look! They're beating up Sonic!" Marie finally realized. "Can I have some popcorn?"

"Marie... you're strange..." Tails muttered quietly.

Around six hours later...

"I can't believe it took them six hours to calm down..." Tails sighed.

"What's wrong with the world today?" Tikal asked sadly, shaking her head.

"Humans kill and pollute everything," Marie explained. "That's what's wrong with... Hey look! A butterfly!"

"So basically, you're saying Eggman's evil?" Shadow asked.

"Hunh? Oh, yeah!" Marie confirmed. "...Ooh, a bumble bee! Hi there little bumble bee! My name is Marie! Hee hee, that rhymes!"

Suddenly, Sally the demon chipmunk walked up to everyone. (Archie comic Sally, not the wonderfully amazing SatAM Sally.) Marie glared at the slutty chipmunk and was surrounded in a red aura. She then randomly became a brown hedgehog with gray streaks in her quills. She had become the hedgehog known as Umber. Well, maybe not known seeing as she's merely a scrapped fan character, but you get the point. Because all of this totally makes sense.

Behind the scenes...

"Wait, pause!" Knuckles yelled, watching this fanfic like a DVD.

"What is it Knuckles?" Marie asked, tilting her ears in curiosity. She was now slightly more in character, curled up on a bean bag chair, sipping on a cup of tea.

"Marie and Umber are from two different stories," Knuckles explained. "And you scrapped Umber before even using her. So how could Marie possibly become Umber?"

"Knuckles, this is a totally senseless fanfic filled with plot holes," Marie explained. "Anything is possible. If I wanted, it could rain cupcakes, the sky would be black and gray, and flowers would use chaos control."

"...Wait...What?" Knuckles asked.

Back to the story...

"Hi Sonic!" Sally greeted in her sweet as lemons voice. God, I hate her.

"How'd it find me?!" Sonic asked in terror, dropping to his knees dramatically. "Why did this have to happen to me?!"

"Chaos Raze!" Umber shouted, using a very generic, Mary-Sue sounding "attack". Sally was suddenly surrounded in a black smoke and an explosion was heard. When the smoke cleared, Sally was gone. No one has seen or heard from her since. Thank goodness.

Umber was surrounded in a blue aura and became... the queen of England! Just kidding, she became Marie again! "Hey guys, what's up?" Marie asked in her usual hyper voice.

Everyone stared at Marie as though she was insane. "Uh... What the hell just happened?" Sonic asked.

"Marie, do you have a split personality, by any chance?" Tails asked in fear. "A really "Jekyll and Hyde"-esque split personality?"

Marie looked inocently to the ground. "Possibly..." she muttered quietly. "Eh... heh heh heh..."

"Wait, you didn't know?" Shadow asked. "She gets like that every time she sees a stupid, psychotic, or Mary-Sue creating fangirl. Or if she sees someone she hates, 'cause, you know, Marie totally hates people. She did that to Chris last week."

Behind the scenes...

"How... inaccurate... is that..." Sonic commented.

"What?" Marie asked. "What do you mean?"

"Marie and Umber are two different people!" Tails butted in.

"But this is my story!" Marie complained. "I control everyone's fates. I could make the forests be made of... of... Macaroni!"

"...Macaroni?" Tails and Sonic asked in unison.

"Yes. Macaroni," Marie confirmed.

Back to the main plot...

"Hey, let's get chilie dogs to celebrate Chris' awesome death!" Sonic suggested, pleased at the loss of his creepy stalker fanboy. God, that kid creeps me out. Marie's red aura appeared again. "What'd I say?"

"Sonic, do the words 'She's a vegetarian you idiot!' ever cross through your thick, stupid skull?!" Shadow asked angrily, in fear of Marie becoming Umber again and destroying more people with her generic, Mary-Sue attack. "Hey Marie, why don't we all go out for strawberries and tofu?"

Marie's red aura of evil left and she was all happy again. "Alright! Let's all go now! Or else!" Marie threatened. Marie skipped away happily with everyone following in pure fear. "Ooh... Hey look! A large chunk of the forest is made of candy!"

"Marie, that's redicul... Oh my word..." Tails muttered.

A huge chunk of the forest really was made of candy. The grass was lime jell-o. The clouds were cotton candy. The bushes were mint candy. The trees were candy canes. The flowers were gumdrops. The water was strawberry milk. The hills were all kinds of different icecreams. and lastly, the sky was chocolate milk. How it stayed in the air, nobody knows.

"It's like a candy version of heaven, only better!" Marie cheered happily. "I'm going to eat a tree!"

"Wait! This must be a trap set up by that creep Eggman!" Sonic warned. "It could be extremely dangerous to enter!"

"Not as dangerous as I'll be if you don't shut up, you candy-hating psycho!" Amy threatened as she held her Piko Piko hammer threateningly close to Sonic's head. "Now let's go eat candy!"

Everyone except for the paranoid Sonic ran into the candy forest. And then they saw it... a giant apple. An atop that apple was Subaru the pheonucat, eating a smaller apple. Because, you know, apples are totally candy.

"Mmm... Apples are yummy..." Subaru muttered. "I love apples..."

"Uhm... Who's that?" Knuckles asked.

"Oh, that's my friend Subaru!" Marie exclaimed. "Hi Subaru!"

"My apples!" Subaru yelled evilly as she held her apples closer to herself. "They're all mine!"

Everyone exept for Marie stepped back in fear.

"... Hey, let's all go eat non-apple stuff!" Marie suggested to everyone except Subaru.

And so everyone exept for Subaru and the overly paranoid Sonic went to eat parts of the strange candy forest.

"This is all a trap." Sonic thought, staring at everyone who was eating the candy forest. "My mind voice echoes... hee hee... I like pink fluffy bunnies with a lot of ribbons..."

Everyone stared at Sonic in terror.

"Oh shit, I was thinking out loud!" Sonic realized.

Marie walked up to Subaru. "Hi Subaru!" Marie greeted happily. "Guess what? I had strawberry pop tarts for breakfast! I love strawberries! They are yummy!"

Subaru stared at Marie in fear. Marie was still talking... and talking... and talking... Subaru's eyes felt droopy but she kept them open to protect her apples. "She won't shut up..." Subaru thought. "I have to get out of this... But how?" Her eyes widened in fear of Marie never shutting up. Subaru then grabbed a dog's squeaky toy that was shaped like a strawberry and threw it behind Marie.

Marie looked to the toy, then to Subaru, and then to the toy again. She then jumpped off of the giant apple as though she was a cat and grabbed the toy in her mouth, popping it with her small fangs.

Subaru walked up to Marie. Marie dropped the flattened toy at Subaru's feet. "Strawberry taste bad..." Marie sighed sadly. "Strawberry go pop..."

Everyone stared at Marie as though she was the ultimate psychopath. "And you all thought that I was weird?" Subaru asked. "Pitiful."

"Ni? Hey look! I said a word with no real meaning!" Marie realized. "Hee hee..." Marie stood up and stared at everybody. "I like clouds!"

"Marie, you're crazed," Sonic stated. "You need mental attention. Tails, grab the straight jacket!"

Tails suddenly had a straight jacket in his hands. Marie, being half hyper and half paranoid of restraints, ran away screaming, "The cinnamon has come to eat our heads! I wanna keep my head! Save me, somebody save me!"

"We're going to need a better straight jacket..." Shadow suggested. "We need to make a plan to capture Marie!"

And so everyone except for Marie and Subaru started on a plan to capture Marie. Marie was still spazzing in the background and Subaru was eating her apples in peace.

The End...

Of chapter one...

A/N: Yes, I am aware that Eevee evolves into Espeon and Umbreon based on friendship and the time of day in which it evolves, but using the Sun and Moon Stones worked better for this fic.