Title: The Strip Poker Scandal
Spoilers: Some manga spoilers concerning Gaara, but other than that not much.Rating: T (PG-13) for drinking and uhhhhh stripping. (look at the title people)
Summary: Strip poker and other forms of inappropriate behavior. In which Genma and Sakura get tipsy and sarcastic, Kakashi giggles like a little girl, Ibiki chokes on a peanut and Shizune cleans everyone out.
Disclaimer: Don't own it, wish I did
.Authors Notes: Yes, still alive and back with more dialogue driven stories. Part 1 of 2. Inspired by Telia, who unlike me understands many different types of poker. Taste the rainbow.
Feedback: Well, duh…..
"You're stalling," Sakura said.
"I am not," Genma said, doing his best to sound affronted.
It didn't work.
"Either you've got it or you don't," Kakashi said from behind his own hand of cards.
"You should just stop playing poker all together," Shikamaru put in, "You're always the first to run out of money."
"I am not!" Genma protested. Even though he knew that he always was.
"So, then you have something to call with?" Sakura asked.
Genma racked his brain, trying to remember if he still had some money hidden in one of his sandals. He crossed one leg over the other to let his right foot rest on his left knee and yanked down the top part of his foot wear.
"You bet that already," Ibiki's dry voice cut into Genma's thoughts.
Genma frowned, "I did?"
"Yes, you did," Anko said, "And lucky me, I won that hand. Including your smelly money."
"If you want, I'll be happy to take it back," Genma said.
"Nice try, but I lost it to him," Anko replied and jerked her thumb to the head of Torture and Interrogation next to her.
"Remind me to get you for that later," Ibiki said to her, doing his best to give her a disapproving look and failing miserably. Anko had always had an uncanny way of disarming the intimating man with her cocky grin.
"If you say so," she said.
"Anyway," Shizune interjected, drawing attention to her and away from Ibiki and Anko before they could start bickering again, "do you fold?"
"No!" Genma exclaimed, "Hang on, just one second." He unsnapped one of the pockets on his vest and took out a package of senbon needles and tossed them onto the table. "That should cover it."
"They haven't all been in your mouth have they?" Sakura asked. "Because if so, ewww."
Genma opened his mouth to snap back at her but Shizune cut him off, "I have to agree."
"Then hope you don't win," Genma settled on that for his reply instead.
"In case you haven't noticed," Sakura said setting her drink down a little heavily, "It's been Shizune or I winning for most of the night."
"Hey Kakashi, can't you get a wrangle on your student?" Genma asked, annoyed that she was right.
"Not my student anymore," Kakashi said.
"And it was pretty hard to keep a reign on Sakura's mouth even when she was younger," Shikamaru put in.
Sakura didn't respond verbally, but instead threw an apple core at him and managed to score a direct hit to the center of his forehead.
"Serves you right," Kakashi said, "I learned not do that when she was a genin."
Shikamaru just mumbled something about troublesome women.
"Don't make me tell Ino," Sakura warned.
That shut him up.
"Don't tell me that you're scarred of your girlfriend?" Ibiki chuckled amusedly and Anko whacked him on the back of his head.
"It least he has a girlfriend," she said.
Sensing that if someone didn't speak up, they would be off and arguing again Shizune said, "Okay, we'll take the weapons. So everybody call."
One by one the ninjas around the table tossed some money into the pile in the center of the table.
"Anyone else?" Kakashi asked lazily.
When no one else responded, Kakashi laid his cards flat on the table and was greeted by several curses. He sat up out of his slouch and made to sweep the winnings towards him win Shizune's thin arm shot out to stop his own.
"Again?" Genma asked in exasperation, "What is it with you women tonight?"
"Hey!" Sakura said loudly, "It's not our fault that you suck at cards."
"Actually, I think it's that the two of you," Anko said gesturing to Sakura and Shizune, "are just uncommonly good at cards."
Sakura gave the rest of them a 'who me?' look and started dealing out the cards to the rest of the table.
"It's a requirement when you spend so much time around Tsunade," Shizune said.
"Then how come you're no good at them?" Ibiki asked Shikamaru.
He sighed heavily, "I just do her grunt work and handle all the paper pushing. Those two are her apprentices. She actually likes them," Shikamaru said with a long suffering air.
"She likes you just fine," Shizune said as she tossed down a few of her cards for new ones.
"Yeah, she lets you scold her," Sakura agreed.
Shikamaru just grumbled and threw down two cards for new ones. When he picked them up he sighed, "I've got nothing. I'm going to get another drink, anyone else need one?"
Greeted with a chorus of yeses he remarked on how troublesome they all were and left for the bar.
"Okay, who's in this time?" Sakura asked.
Everyone, save Genma, tossed a small amount of cash into the center of the table.
By the time that Shikamaru had managed to make his to the bar, wait in line and return to thesmall alcove where the poker game was taking place it was clear that the tide of the game had turned dramatically. Small personal items were now dominant instead of money in the center of the table.
He turned towards the Hokage's apprentices and raised an eyebrow at them, "That didn't take long."
Shizune just shrugged and Sakura began to giggle.
"It's not that funny," Genma said.
"I'm missing something aren't I?" Shikamaru asked.
"They were bluffing," Ibiki sounded most ruffled. It wasn't often that someone put one over on the head of T&I.
"And now were all in the same boat as Genma there," Anko said as Genma flipped her off.
"And now they've got a good deal of our weapons as well," Kakashi said.
"You could've gambled one of those books you keep hidden in your pockets," Sakura said.
How Kakashi could manage to look insulted with only one eye visible was something Sakura could never figure out, but he managed to pull it off.
"I'd sooner bet my clothing," he said.
"Good idea!" Sakura sounded excited.
"How much have you had to drink?" Genma asked.
"No more than you," she replied.
"And how is it you're not falling over drunk?" Anko asked, looking vaguely impressed.
"Lots of practice," Sakura replied, "Don't forget who I've spent the majority of my time with."
Ibiki thought for a moment, "Kakashi, Tsunade, Jiraiya…"
"To name a few," she said.
"No wonder you know how to handle your liquor," Genma said.
She shrugged nonchalantly, "It's a gift, now ante up."
One by one the occupants of the small room each pulled off an article of clothing and tossed it in the middle of the circular table. But before Shikamaru could join his collages one of the assistants from the Hokage's office stuck his head into the small room and waved a summons at the young jounin.
"What does she need now?" Shikamaru asked.
"I don't know," the younger ninja said, "she just told me to find you."
"Looks like I'm out," Shikamaru said casting a look around at the others now using clothing and other personal positions as currency in the poker game. "Pity." And then he left.
"You know, that much sarcasm in one so young can't be healthy," Anko said.
"You're one to talk," Ibiki said, "If I recall, it was your biting wit that enabled you to catch the attention of a sannin."
Anko tilted her head to one side on quirked one side of her mouth at him, "Jealous?"
"Yes, I've always wanted to know how to strangle my enemy with my own tongue," Ibiki shot back.
The other side of her mouth completed the smile, "You'd be surprised at the different uses I've found for that particular technique."
Ibiki gave her a challenging look, "I'm sure," he said patronizingly.
Shizune leaned over to Kakashi, "This isn't going to end well is it?"
"Are you kidding?" He responded, "They're just getting warmed up. It'll go on all night."
"Then this is normal?" She asked.
"I forgot that this is your first game. Don't worry, you'll get used to it in time," Kakashi answered.
"Is it always this bad?" Shizune asked.
"No," Kakashi said and she looked relieved, "Normally it's worse. But Asuma and Kurenai aren't here to egg them on so it's pretty tame tonight."
"Yeah, there's actually a betting pool to as to when something finally happen," Sakura had joined in the hushed conversation as she continued to watch Ibiki and Anko snip at each other.
"Should we stop it?" Shizune asked.
"Nah," Genma said from Sakura's other side, "Anko's got that look in her eye. This round will be over in a few seconds."
"Just sit back and watch," Kakashi put in.
It didn't take long; not noticing that the interrogator had popped a peanut into his mouth she leaned over slightly, and whispered something low into his ear. No one else could hear what she had said to the other jounin but it caused his eyes to bug out slightly and inhale quickly. It normally would have been a clear win in Anko's favor, but due to the fact that Ibiki began to choke on the snack food it lessened the victory.
"Shit!" Anko leapt out of her chair and began to pound on Ibiki's back. After a few seconds he was able to breathe again and looking decidedly relieved Anko sank back into her seat.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Ibiki demanded.
Anko looked affronted, "If I was trying to kill you, I'd use my hands."
Ibiki smirked at that, "True. But you owe me."
"Fine," she sighed and picked up her cards again.
"They're all insane," Shizune thought.
"That everyone?" Sakura asked.
"Eagar aren't we?" Genma quipped.
"You'd better believe it. I'm on a good winning streak here," Sakura responded and pushed some cash into the pile of clothing and weapons. She was the only one besides Shizune to actually still have money on them to play with.
"That anxious to see us naked?" Genma suggested.
She gave him her best exasperated look, "You wish."
"Still trying to see under the mask?" Ibiki asked.
"That's much more plausible," Sakura said.
"I'd sooner walk out of here naked," Kakashi said stripping off one of his gloves to add to the ante pile.
"That'd be a sight," Anko quipped, "I'm sure that there are several people who'd love to see that."
"If things keep going this way, they just may get a chance to," Genma said as Shizune won another hand.
"Please tell me that this time you had more than a pair of threes," Anko said as the older of Tsunade's apprentices piled several items of clothing by her.
"Fives," she said.
Seeing as she was one of the two people left who was still in possession of money, Sakura decided to get another round of drinks, "I'm heading to the bar, any requests?"
She was hit with a barrage of requests for different drinks, "Okay then, sake for everyone it is."
"Not really a big sake fan," Ibiki said after Sakura had slipped out of the small alcove.
"Don't complain about a free drink," Kakashi drawled.
"Free drink my ass," Ibiki replied, "It's most likely our money that's paying for those drinks."
"Her money now," Shizune said.
"Tell me something," Genma said leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table, "How on earth did you and Haruno get so good at cards with the 'legendary sucker' as the one to teach you?"
"Tsunade never taught me poker," Shizune said, "I picked it up from just following her around all the time. And she had a tendency to play with the best, even if she didn't give them any real competition."
"What about Sakura?" Anko asked, "She never got to follow Tsunade around the way you did."
"That's simple," Shizune said, "I taught her."
"So you're to blame for her cleaning out all of her friends," Kakashi said.
"She's been playing poker with her friends?" Shizune asked, "They don't stand a chance."
"Tell me about it. Every last one of them owes her money," Kakashi said.
"And I'm very nice about it too. They're all allowed to pay in installments," Sakura said as she returned with her hands full of drinks.
"How much to they owe you?" Shizune asked the younger girl.
"Let's put it this way, Naruto owes me ramen when ever I want from now until his wedding day," Sakura said.
"I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend," Anko said.
"He doesn't," Kakashi said.
"I thought I told you not to hustle your friends?" Shizune asked.
"I didn't hustle them," Sakura argued.
Shizune just gave her a look.
"I didn't!" Sakura insisted.
"If you say so," Genma said and pushed the deck of cards to her, "Deal and give the rest of us a chance to win some of our money back."
"What about your clothing?" Sakura asked cheekily.
"Shut up and deal," Genma snapped and took a long drink from his sake. If he wasn't going to win, he could it least dull the loss with booze.
"Touchy, touchy," Shizune said as she picked up her cards and began to rearrange them in her hand.
"She has a point," Ibiki said as they continued to trade in cards and to toss down small knives and other such things as the betting continued.
"Not going to happen this hand," Shizune said, "I win again."
She was greeted with collective groaning and more than one hand of cards thrown at her.
"I can always take my winnings and go now if you wish," she said as she began to rise from the table.
This time she was met with sounds of protest.
"Don't worry about it," Kakashi said, "It's nice to have someone other than Sakura win."
"Think of it as payback for all those times you made me buy those hideous books for you," Sakura said and shuffled the deck of cards.
Genma shot Kakashi a lopsided grin, "You actually made her do that?"
"You're kidding right?" Sakura asked, "To him having three students was equivalent to having three flunkies to run his errands."
Kakashi grinned sheepishly while Ibiki looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should become an instructor," he mused, "Someone to finally take care of all that paper work."
"Oh yes, I see the Hokage letting you have three young and impressionable minds," Anko said.
"Someone gave Gai a team," Ibiki said.
"And Kakashi," Genma supplied, ignoring the glare that the copy ninja sent his way.
"Aren't you going to defend your sensei?" Kakashi asked Sakura with mock indignation.
"I don't see Tsunade anywhere," she countered and instead dealt out the next hand.
Meanwhile at the Hokage's office:
Shikamaru sat slumped in one chairs in front of the Hokage's desk listening to her ramble on about some important dignitaries that were coming to Konoha. Using Hidden Leaf village as neutral ground.
Basically, lots of paperwork and a thousand little jobs needing to be done to make everything go smoothly. And lucky him, Shikamaru got the job of overseeing everything while Tsunade dealt with the visitors themselves.
"- and not to mention that the Kazekage will be coming as well," the Hokage was saying.
"Gaara's coming?" Shikamaru interrupted. He had grown to like the young Kage over the years, it helped that the sand trio hand saved his team on their first mission. That and the fact that Gaara was much much saner these days.
"Yes, he decided to personally oversee these talks, hoping that the presence of the Kazekage will make things between the feuding villages go more smoothly." Tsunade said.
"Is he bringing his siblings too?" Shikamaru asked, trying to maintain the appearance of passing interest.
Tsunade wasn't fooled, "I believe so."
The young jounin sighed and wondered how he was going to keep Temari and Ino from running into each other, "Is there anything else?"
"Yeah, have you seen my wayward apprentices? I'm going to assign both of them to help you until the delegation leaves," she replied.
"You mean I'm not going to do all this by myself?" He sounded stunned.
"I'm not that cruel you know," Tsunade said.
Shikamaru just raised an eyebrow at the Hokage and decided that it would be wise not to comment.
"But, I still need to find them. I have a few things at the hospital that I want them to take care of before the start preparing for the conference," she continued.
"Can't someone else do that? We only have a week before people start arriving. What about Hinata?"
Tsunade shook her head, "The Hyuuga Heiress is six months into a pregnancy that's giving her some trouble. You want to walk into that compound and request that she return to a working environment that will keep her on her feet all day? Shizune and Sakura will get it done faster."
"Is she okay?" He asked
"She'll be fine. Baby Hyuuga is just getting a bit big for his or her rather small home," the Hokage assured the younger ninja.
Shikamaru nodded and decided to her Ino to go visit Hinata tomorrow to check up on the expecting mother. Ino could fuss over her friend and he'd get a full report.
"So, are you going to tell me where I can find Sakura and Shizune?" The Hokage pressed.
"I'll have them report here first thing in the morning," he said.
"I need them at the hospital first thing. Just tell me where they are so I can go find them," said Tsunade.
"I'll bring them to you," Shikamaru said, not wanting the village leader finding the poker game. If she did, there was no telling how long it would take to get her back to her office.
"No, I'll go. I could use a break from these four walls," the sannin said, wanting a reprieve from the duties of the Hokage for a short time.
"It's really not necessary-"
"If you don't let me out of this office, you find yourself with your very own genin team come graduation."
Shikamaru was smart enough to know when he was beaten, and academy graduation was in only five weeks. Just enough time to force him though instructor training and have him saddled with a team of pre-teens.
"I'll take you to them," he said sighing.
"Where are they?" She asked.
"Poker game."
When Tsunade's eyes lit up Shikamaru knew he was in for a long night.
-end part 1
a/n: Sorry it took so long to get something out. Life just sucker punched me. More to come, but probably not until after otakon. I'll be there, if you're curious I'll be the girl with braces dressed up as Kimimaro. And my badge will say bittersweet mika. Again, really sorry that it took so long to get something out.