Hellooo! After a few tweaks here and there, here is the first chapter of Jealousy, the sequal to Nothing is Ever Certain. I suppose it could probably stand as a fic in its own right, but it'll make more sense if you read the first one. It's set two years after what happened in Nothing is Ever Certain, and Lee and Rei are living together. Cue chapter!
It was raining. Rei watched it out of the kitchen window, looking depressed as the clouds churned up above in the sky. It was the tenth of December, the day before... He sighed heavily, looking up at the dark heavens. Almost two years since Kai had committed suicide. In many respects, it felt like it happened just yesterday, and in others it seemed like a million years ago. After they'd moved to Canada to marry, Rei and Lee had considered for a long time adopting, but never quite got round to actually doing it.
Then of course Lee had been offered a job in England, where the law had, very recently, been changed, so that Lee and Rei could still enjoy all the benefits of a legally recognized married couple. And with Lee away all day, Rei had decided to get in contact with the local orphanage.
That was how they'd come to look after Denver. Twelve years old, tall, blonde, and uncontrollable. As Rei sighed again, Denver walked into the kitchen. "I'm going out."
"Okay." Denver paused.
"You don't mind?"
"Should I?"
"You shouldn't answer a question with a question." Replied Denver with his usual smugness. Rei just waved his hand in dismissal. He didn't want to be bothered with Denver, not right then. He had too much on his mind to get upset over a stupid tweenager. "What's wrong with you? You've been like this all week..." Denver's voice was harsh, and it didn't sound like he was really bothered by whatever Rei was upset about.
"It doesn't make any difference to you."
"Yeah it does. You don't care what I do any more."
"You don't want me to care anyway, so why does it make any ends to you?" He turned and looked out of the window again.
"Is it about Lee?"
"No." Rei was glad it wasn't, because Denver famously didn't get on with Lee. Lee was too heavy-handed, too strict...too much of a good parent. Rei had never considered the fact that he was useless at being someone's carer. He could never say no, and he never had it in him to discipline Denver when he did wrong. "Besides, what difference would it make if it was?"
"Dunno. I hear you two shouting. If he's...beating you up or something...then..." Rei laughed softly.
"No. No, he isn't beating me up. Lee just has a bit of an issue at the moment with our finances."
"Are you in trouble with a bank or something?" Another soft laugh.
"No. To be honest I think money's the last thing I need to worry about now. Weren't you going out?"
Denver snorted and walked out, leaving Rei still staring out of the window. As he watched Denver walk down the path, hair soaked by the rain, a tear slid down his cheek. "Oh Kai..."
When Lee came in to find Denver not in the house, he frowned. Rei just sat there on the sofa, looking at him. "Couldn't you have stopped him going?" Rei shook his head.
"I can't...control him like you do. And I..." He sighed. "I couldn't...you know what time of year it is, Lee. I can't help but think of...him." Lee looked offended at that, standing up.
"I should have known. You're always thinking about him! When are you going to just forget about him?"
"Lee...I-"
"What're you yelling at him for?" Denver suddenly appeared in the doorway. Rei silently wished him away, knowing that when he was angry Lee had a tendency to lash out with his temper. "It is none of your business, Denver. Go to your room!"
"Lee...don't...he hasn't done anything..." Lee rounded on Rei, practically growling.
"Only you could say that! I don't know why you agreed to adopt him, seeing as you obviously have no control over what he does!" Rei stood, tears springing into his eyes.
"Don't say that, Lee! -We- agreed, you and me together!"
"Bah!" Lee spat, turning and stalking out of the room. Rei sat back down, bursting into tears. After a couple of seconds, a hand closed over his shoulder. "He doesn't want me here, does he?" Rei looked up into Denver's face, and shook his head.
"He does want you, Denver...he's just angry..."
"Why? What have I done this time?"
"No...it's not to do with you. It's me. But he always said he understood..."
"Understood what?" Denver sat down beside him, frowning. "Has he done something?"
"No. It's just...a while ago...something happened. Someone died. And I...I can't help but remember them around this time of year. Lee doesn't like me to spend my time thinking about that person...but I can't help it...I can't...I can't help it..." Rei sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I should go and start making dinner."
Lee glared at Denver across the dining table. For the first time in all the six months they'd been with him, he was actually showing concern for them. Well, for Rei, anyway. This consequently meant that Denver was against him, for shouting at Rei and making him cry. When Denver looked away, Lee sighed. He'd tried so hard to understand, to be there when Rei needed him...but Rei was never thinking of him in return. Always Kai, always that stupid Russian, who despite screwing up his own life in the extreme was still occupying all of Rei's time and attention. Even dead, he got more of Rei's time than Lee did.
Lee had never brought it up, but once, when they were together, it was Kai's name Rei called. And that hurt. He had always suspected that Rei had feelings for Kai, but Rei had been sensible enough to realise that Kai wouldn't have bothered with him unless it was for a casual fling, and Rei needed more than that. And he, Lee, had been so willing, so eager...he could be everything Rei wanted...if Rei could forget Kai. And that seemed impossible.
The silence around the table was unbearable, until Rei stood up and walked out, tears brimming in his eyes. Denver scowled. "You were horrible to him, before. It's not his fault if he wants to remember someone who died."
"Don't talk about what you don't understand." Lee growled. Denver just snorted.
"Sounds like you don't understand either if you're being so horrible." And then Denver got up and walked out as well, leaving Lee alone.
"You want to go back to work?" Asked Lee incredulously. Rei looked away, sighing.
"I just think...if I go back to working part time...well...I-I want to work..."
"Well your precious Kai gave you all that money so you wouldn't have to work! If you'd just invest some of it-"
"Well I don't want to! Stop trying to make me because I won't!"
It was the day after they'd rowed in front of Denver, and Lee was still furious. He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving Rei standing there, upset. He sat down on the bed and sighed, then opened the drawer of his bedside table and drew out a photograph. It was old. Very old. A picture of Kai and Rei back when they'd been into beyblading. Almost ten years old; the picture had been taken when they were fifteen, and Rei was twenty-four now. Two years. Two years since Kai had... But no. It didn't do to think of it like that.
Still, it left an indelible imprint on his mind. The Kai Hiwatari he had known, had even loved, perhaps...the Kai that had been his team-mate for so long, who he had seen everything through with...who he had shared so much with...who he had seen, lying in a coffin, pale and still and...gone. No matter how much Lee wanted him to forget, he couldn't. He dreamed of Kai, had nightmares about him dying, blood flowing from his slashed wrists.
He traced the picture with his fingers. Kai was scowling- he'd never liked being photographed- and Rei was laughing, holding Kai in the path of the camera. It was unfair of Lee to expect Rei to stop thinking about him. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Lee come back in. "He said he understood..." Rei whispered to the photograph.
"I understand that you're obsessed with someone who's -dead-!" Lee growled, snatching away the photo and tearing it in two. Rei watched the halves of the picture fall to the floor, incredulous. He blinked a few times, then his cheeks flushed with rage. "What did you do that for? You keep telling me you understand but you obviously don't!" He yelled. "You can't see past your own jealous nose! Kai was never anything more than a brief fling, Lee! He was my -friend-! That's why I remember him so much! Because I was sorry! Sorry about the way he died! Because it -scared- me, Lee! Because I keep thinking it was my fault!"
Lee was too angry to listen properly. He bared his teeth and spat at the torn photo. Rei gasped, then before Lee could say anything else he found Rei's hand hurtling towards his face, slapping him as hard as possible. The sound of it echoed in their ears as they stood on either side of the ripped image of Kai, panting. "How dare you? How dare you disrespect his memory like that?"
"Oh, of course, I mustn't disrespect your precious, dead Kai! Your poor little 'friend' who slept with everyone he could until he got AIDS! How can you think it was your fault? He deserved what he-" Another resounding slap, and Lee's cheek flushed red.
"He didn't deserve it. He didn't. Don't ever, EVER say that again!" Rei shouted. "He was a good friend to me and the only wrong he ever did you was sleeping with me! Once! And for loving me even when he knew he couldn't have me! Because I wanted you! I chose you over him!" He drew in his breath, letting it all out in one last, spiteful remark. "Maybe I made the wrong choice!"
Lee took a step backwards, as if Rei had hit him again. "Maybe you did." He whispered. "Maybe...you did." And with that he walked out, not even bothering to slam the door. A few seconds after he left, A blonde head poked itself around the door. "Rei?"
"Oh...Denver...um...did you want something?" Rei asked brightly, trying to cover up his raging emotions.
"He's got no right to shout at you." Rei sighed.
"Please...don't, Denver. I don't want to talk about it." He stooped to pick up the torn photo. Half of Kai glared out from one bit. Half of him glared out of the other. And he, Rei, who had been in the background...had disappeared. Biting his lip, he put the pieces back in the drawer and shut it.
"Are you okay?"
"No. Not really." Rei sighed, sitting down on the bed. Denver joined him, letting the neko-jin rest his head on his shoulder. "Lee can't understand that I don't think about my friend because I love him. It's because..." Rei sighed. "Because what happened to him was so horrible...he was lonely...he...he didn't...I suppose you heard what Lee said about him getting AIDS?" Denver nodded, and Rei started to cry. "Maybe if I...if I'd tried a little harder...he'd have stopped sleeping with people like he did...I was one of the only people he ever listened to, and...what if...what if it was my fault? Maybe I didn't say the right things, do the right things..."
"You know, Rei...I'm starting to wonder why you bother with me at all...when you'll tell him things you've never told me...sometimes I wonder...if you're really the Rei I married..." Rei stood up, turning to find Lee standing in the doorway, looking hurt.
"I talk to him because he listens, Lee! No matter how many times I tell you I love you you don't believe me! How are we supposed to work when you don't even believe that any more? He died two years ago today, Lee! Today! Why shouldn't I remember? Why? No-one else will! And he didn't...he didn't want to be forgotten...you read what he wrote! Why can't you understand?" Rei screamed. "And why can't you understand that I stayed with you because I wanted you more than I wanted him?"
Lee shook his head. "You stayed with me because you knew he wouldn't." He looked away, a bitter look on his face. "I'm going out. Don't wait up."
"Lee-"
"Don't, Rei. Don't just...lie to me. I can't stand it. You loved him. You've never stopped loving him...I was just second best. Even two years after he died...you love him."
"Not like I love you!"
"Then why am I never on your mind, Rei? Why is it never my photo you look at? Am I that ugly? That repulsive to think of? So repulsive you'll call anyone's name but mine at night? You never loved me like you loved him."
"Lee...he never wanted this...he never wanted us to split up because of him..."
"So I shouldn't worry because -he- told you to stay with me?"
"Lee...it's not like that!"
"Isn't it? You know...sometimes I wonder what I'd have to do to get you to think of me the way you think of him...and then I realise...that there isn't a way for you to feel for me what you feel for him." Lee pressed his lips together, as if fighting not to cry. "Look at your second best, Rei. Second fiddle. Second place. To a dead man who was never there when you had bad dreams at night, who never drove you to hospital when you broke your wrist, who never held your hand as we walked into the orphanage, who never adopted -him-!" Lee pointed at Denver for a second, then let his arm fall. "But I did! Because that was what you wanted! What -you- wanted! WE didn't adopt him! You did! But I wanted you to be happy...if you wanted a family, then a family we'd have...but it wasn't enough, was it? It'll never be enough!"
"Lee..."
"I'm going out." Lee repeated, turning and walking away. Rei followed him down the stairs, watching as he turned the corner of the street. After a few moments of staring in horror at the empty pathway, Rei slammed the door shut and ran into the living room, throwing himself down onto the sofa and bursting into tears. Why could he never do anything right? Why was he so stupid that he couldn't recognize how Lee felt? And how could he even apologise for his cruelty when Lee wasn't there?
He buried his face in a cushion, ignoring Denver's attempts to comfort him. He just couldn't listen any more. All he could hear was his own cold remark, echoing in his brain.
'Maybe I made the wrong choice!'
Maybe he'd made too many wrong choices...
Lee came back much later that night, after Rei had defied him and waited up. He staggered in the door, drunk, took one look at Rei, and burst into tears. Rei ran over to him and wrapped his arms around Lee's waist, starting to cry himself. "Lee...I'm sorry..."
"Rei...little Rei..." Lee slurred. "I know. I know 'bout ever'thing. But I'll...I'll do somethin'!" His voice rose to a shout. "Not...can't do it..."
"Can't do what, Lee?" Asked Rei desperately. By the time he'd gotten the question out, Lee was asleep. Sighing heavily, Rei dragged him over to the sofa and laid him down, making sure he was on his side in case he was sick. Then he went back upstairs.
Next Chapter: Lee gets drunk again, and Rei panics. But not at the same time.
R&R please!