SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1Title: Lack of Feeling

Author: Lune Nightingale

Warnings: I've not seen the anime, and thus this takes place during the manga. Also, this could be considered really like Elricest... But it could also be completely ignored as well.

Author's Note: This is done through Ed's point of view.I don't know if it's quite right, but I was curious to see what it would be like from his point of view. Though, you could just read Al's and not even read this. sweatdrops

It had been hard, but sleep had finally claimed his overly exhausted body. Unfortunately, his mind never was fair when it came to letting him rest. Or was it his soul that seemed to cry out in anguish whenever the defenses lowered in sleep? Sometimes something cried deep inside when there was nothing but silence and darkness. Yet, even in sleep, he denied that it was his own heart that was crying. Stubborn. Edward Elric was a name that would be listed in the definition of that word. Or was it just resolve? Regardless, after the day's events, that resolve had been shaken to a point that it nearly crumbled beneath his feet. No, he wouldn't admit it. He would admit that his heart had broken with a sickening feeling in his chest as Alphonse accused him of creating him and 'programming' him to be his little brother.

Return him… He's my little brother…

How could he ask such a thing? And yet, how could Ed have the right to be hurt? It was his fault. Al couldn't breathe, smile, cry, or feel... In all essence of the word, Al wasn't alive. But he refused to believe it. He absolutely refused to let his brother go.

Whether it's my legs or both my arms…I can even give you my heart!

It was such pure selfishness. Transmuting Al's soul to that armor had been an act of selfishness that only a child would do. But Alphonse was all he had left. If there was anyone he loved more than his mother, it was his little brother. Now he missed that smile and the expressive eyes of bronze. But at the least, Al was still there. Cringing on the inside at his own conceited desires, he barely made out the sound of metal scraping at his bedside. Al... There were many nights that his younger brother sat at his bedside and watched him sleep. The sound of the armor's movements had been a comfort to him at those times. It was the reminder that Al was still there with him. He believed that with all his heart and soul.

Ed rolled onto his side shivering just a bit from the feel of his cold arm coming to rest on the curve of his side, but still he remained in the hold of troubled thoughts and dreams. Something like a touch slipped through his awareness, but soon disappeared in the well of his unconsciousness only to disappear in the sleep of the mind. It actually surprised him, as he wasn't a shallow sleeper. Al seemed restless in his movements tonight...

The sound erupted again, louder this time drawing him from his troubled sleep causing him to roll in it's direction only to huff as he felt the sheets tangle themselves in his legs and about his torso. Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked attempting to focus his vision on his younger brother. As the image came into view, his heart pounded in his chest. If he hadn't known better, Ed would have believed that Al was indeed crying. Fighting the urge to drift off, he gently called his brother's name. "Al?" Watching the other lift his head, he sighed on a breath as the metal features turned to face him. "Something bothering you?"

So please… Return him to me! He's my only brother!

"Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep." Ed kept his eyes open by sheer willpower alone. Not that his sight was going to really help him in this matter. Al couldn't express himself in any other way that his voice. And by the sound of it, he was deeply troubled.

"Don wanna..." Stifling a yawn, he reasoned he was better off awake now anyway. If he drifted back to sleep, he would only have to hear the accusations and face the nightmares that were waiting for him. "S'matter?"

Watching the way the moonlight reflected off the metal almost appreciatively, the alchemist barely realized that Al was now taking care of him again. He put up no resistance as the large hands tugged the sheet away and then gently recovered him. Nor did he complain as the warmth of the blanket was returned to his body. It was welcomed. It was the main draw back from having automail. It made one extremely susceptible to temperature, and right then, he was cold. "I'm just thinking. It's ok. But you should be sleeping. I know you want out of here."

"Hm..." Ed could only purr as the warmth was slowly being returned to his skin. Not that he really liked Al's answer; it was just really hard for him to stay awake. Especially now that he was sinking into the warmth of the linens unknowingly. Nuzzling the blanket he felt the slow slide of hair as it fell into his face. It tickled, but the lead feeling in his limbs kept him from doing anything about it. Why was he so tired? It was probably due to the blood loss. "'m sorry."

"Don't be." Frowning a bit at the sound of that voice, Ed's heart began to hurt again. How could Al say that? This was his fault after all. At the feel of the large fingers brushing his hair away, he felt a shiver run up his spine. Soon he let a smile touch his lips even though he was still worried about the younger Elric. "You worry more than you should as it is."

He worried too much? No, Ed would never believe it was enough much less too much. Taking a deep breath, he merely pushed it aside knowing that if he argued, he'd only hurt the younger more. "S'what big brother's for."

"Yes, that's true. Now... go to sleep."

Edward would have either fumed or laughed had he been more awake. Because the way his brother said that, he'd swear that he was the younger brother rather than the elder. "Mm... k." Forcing out the response, he felt the haze of his mind grow thicker. It wasn't that he was agreeing, it was just getting harder to argue with his own body. Besides, Al wasn't being open enough as it was... Slipping deeper into the bed, he barely noticed that it was hard and uncomfortable like most hospital beds were. Instead his mind wandered back to the quality of his brother's voice. It had seemed so forced.

The National Alchemist was quite aware of the fact that Al couldn't sleep. In that body, he wasn't capable of it. That only made Ed hurt more. The boy curled in on himself a bit as he furrowed his brow. He couldn't imagine the loneliness of spending the long hours of the night wide awake with no release or rest for a troubled mind. Guilt ate at his heart as he slowly came closer to being awake. Suddenly he regretted all the nights he slept so soundly and Al was left in the solitude of silence. But what could he do? With all his being he wanted to get Al's body back. He would get it back. Even if he never restored his own, he would give it all to get Al back to what he was. Opening his eyes slowly, he watched sadly as his brother lowered his head.

He didn't hold the day's events against the younger. Rather he felt that he deserved it. Not once had Alphonse spoken up on the unfairness of his situation. Sometimes he swore that his brother wasn't afraid of anything. Sometimes people thought the same of him. But no one knew that the one thing they feared the most other than their master was losing each other. That strong resolve that so many rolled their eyes at was there for Al and Al alone. No matter what, he would make his mistakes right. He would see that smile and those eyes that he missed so much. But it was enough for now, just to have Al there. He was there at his bedside and even though they'd fought, they'd come to a resolution. Why he still had that beautiful person next to him still he'd never know. Was it trust? Was it because Al loved him? Or was it both?

Frowning deeply, he slowly slid up onto his arms and leaned in his younger brother's direction feeling the mess of golden hair slide over his shoulders. "Al..." Ed didn't want his brother to be alone anymore. As the younger turned to face him, the boy leaned forward in order to slide into his brother's lap. It was an awkward movement in his sleep drunken state, but he was resolute in his actions. As the cool metal hit the warm skin, he instantly shivered from the cold, but he relaxed and forced himself to ignore it. "S'ok... jus cause I don't say anything, doesn't mean I'm not here." To him, Al was his brother. It didn't matter if he was in his original body, or in the hollow shell of armor that now held his soul.

As Al placed a hand to his back, Ed reflexively leaned into it groggily realizing that Al was finally speaking. "Ed..." The voice was almost heartbreaking to the young alchemist as it filled his ears. "You don't need to do this. You're going to get cold." Without being told, the blonde knew what Al was planning to do. Lifting his head, he opened his eyes and sent the younger the most defiant gaze he could muster. Sadly, it probably wasn't all that effective as his head swirled in the fog of exhaustion.

"No." Biting out the word in a tone that gave no room for arguing, he had no will to defend his decision further. And so, to show the finality he allowed the heavy lids to fall closed. Why did Al have to always worry so much about him anyway? He was the one suffering at the moment; couldn't he let him at least try to help? Yet, at the sound of Al's groan, a small smile curved his lips as he gloated the small victory in his mind. This ended though as the warmth of the blanket was returned to his body. But no matter how he wanted to cling to the material, he didn't release the younger from his hold. Shifting to get more comfortable, he continued to smile to himself.

It was so bittersweet. Ed could feel the armor warm beneath him, but he knew that Al wouldn't feel it. He could feel his arms looped securely about Al's neck, but the younger could only tell by sight alone. But it was all that he could give the one reason he pushed on everyday. After all was said and done, he was only a child. Genius as he was, this was all he could do to comfort this person. As small of an act as it was, it had to be enough for now. A night's discomfort was nothing compared to what Al went through every night. He would trade places with him in an instant if he could. Because even though Alphonse couldn't feel him there, he was there. And maybe... just maybe, Al would be able to see, even feel the most important thing. That he, Edward Elric... loved him.