Sacrifice, a harry potter fanfic

Title: Sacrifice
Author: bookworm835
Rating: T for language and such, and blood later... -evil laugh-
Category: Angst/Horror (but not 'til later)
Summary: Sometimes the only way to escape danger is to become dangerous. Remus Lupin understands this... but still, he'll chose death. Ch. 1; At the Burrow, Tonks discovers that someone is missing. (spoilers for HBP)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Plain 'n simple.
A/N: For some reason, I find Harry Potter fanfics the hardest to write. Believe it or not, I like Harry Potter more than Lost, even though I have a gazillion Lost fics (okay, not nearly a gazillion but oh well). But... yeaaaah. You get the point. Me plus Harry Potter equals lots of random ideas but nothing serious... yeahhhhh. But Remus Lupin is my absolute FAVORITE character EVER, therefore I MUST write more fanfics about him. SO THERE! XD Oh, and for those of you who haven't finished the Half-Blood Prince, or even the Order of the Phoenix, there are spoilers throughout almost all the books. ALL. I think... maybe not the first two. So I guess that's not all but oh well, I'm boring you! One last question, though... what does 'wotcher' mean!

Sacrifice.

When heard, many would immediately think of an offering to a "higher being", or a deity of sorts. Though in ancient times savages would kill another human to give up, the offerings were often beasts, slain and sometimes burned on a pyre.

Remus Lupin was not human or beast. He was both. He was a werewolf.

But when he heard the word, he did not think of killing. Not right away, at least. The first thing that flew into his mind was a greater good. Something that was worth sacrificing for. Remus Lupin had known many things in his life that were worth a sacrifice or two on his behalf -- yes, always his; he would never give away his friends -- not even his enemies. He would always sacrifice his own things, and he would suffer, but he would never let anyone see. A faint smile gracing his stoic face was all he needed to satisfy those around him. Even though he secretly yearned for companionship, love, maybe even a bit of sympathy, he convinced himself otherwise.

You can't lose what you don't have.

And if he didn't have a heart, then it couldn't be broken.

But this was a hard thing to learn. Hard, at least, to Remus, because there was nothing in the world he liked more than being liked. Remus Lupin would sacrifice anything and everything if only to be normal. Because, if he was normal, then he could be loved.

If need be, he'd give his life. Just to be loved...

Sacrifice.

Amber eyes sparkled in the firelight, flickering this way and that, mezmerized by the dancing flames. Crimson mixed with gold, licking at the charred logs, burning them white-hot. Crackling and snapping and swaying.

Remus didn't know why he had suddenly gotten an obsessive fascination with fire. Maybe he was remembering the times when Sirius would Floo his head to Hogwarts just to see Harry and then re-emerge with a slightly sooty face, grinning widely.

"Just like James, that one is," Sirius would say, barking a laugh. Remus would agree.

Now Sirius was gone, and Remus would never again see him smile, or hear him jest. Sirius Black had only been free of Azkaban for two years. He had only been with Remus for one of those years.

Remus wondered if he'd ever see him again.

But what was bothering Remus more was this: did he really want to see him? What if he lost Sirius again? What if Sirius didn't want to see Remus? What if he decided that where he was was better than where he had been? What if he... he decided that he'd rather not have a monster for a friend...?

And now Albus Dumbledore? Aside from his muggle mother and wizard father, Dumbledore had been the first to accept him for what he was.

It was ridiculous, but Remus had always thought of Dumbledore as being invincible. But to have someone immortal fall so easily? Then what would happen to all the weaker people, people like Remus? Or worse, what would happen to Remus' friends?

And who was next? Mad-Eye Moody? Molly Weasley? Nymphadora Tonks? His heart gave a little flip-flop when he thought of her. Or what if it was Harry Potter that died? Harry was their last hope. But how could someone as hopeless as Harry give them faith?

But no matter what, Remus remained faithful. He supported Harry as best as he could, even if he had to do it indirectly, like he had been doing for the past few months. He worked underground with other monsters like him -- werewolves. But now he couldn't play spy, now that Fenrir Greyback had seen him fighting on Dumbledore's orders. Greyback had never actually attacked Remus that night, but the glint in his bloodshot eyes was enough to send shivers up Remus' spine, sparking up old memories. Memories of cold, dark nights, jet-black forests, screams and sobs of children, and splashes of deep crimson...

Now Remus was useless. His best friend and his leader were dead, and he was now little use to the Order of the Phoenix. He couldn't go undercover and pass as a follower of Voldemort, nor could he serve guard duty at Hogwarts if it closed. He... he was useless.

No. He wouldn't let that happen.

He did have friends. And he wasn't about to lose them.

Harry Potter, after passing his Apparition test (along with Ron Weasley, who had to retake the test anyway) immediately Disapparated the Dursley's and was staying at the Burrow. He was quiet and seemed to be in a state of shock. He hardly spoke to anyone. Instead, he remained locked up in his room, sometimes allowing Ron and Hermione Granger in. He came down to eat at mealtimes, and would join the rest of the group (including newlywed Bill and Fleur) around the fire to tell stories or give warnings of the Dark Lord, who was steadily and secretly gaining power.

One cold night, Harry lay curled in his bed, hugging the thick comforter blanket around his shoulders. Unfortunately, wizards and witches scarcely knew what an air conditioner was. When Harry asked if they had one installed in their home, Molly began fussing over Harry, complaining about how Harry might catch a cold, and immediately went on knitting an extra-heavy sweater for him. Arthur was rather fascinated by the muggle contraption.

"How does it work, Harry?" he asked excitedly, his eyes huge, his face inches from Harry's. "Honestly, how muggles get on without magic...? Amazing!"

Harry sidled off while Arthur was rambling on and Molly was knitting away.

Gently, Harry slid his hand into his pillowcase and pulled out a crumpled, battered photograph that he had found in Sirius' old things. Seventeen-year-old James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin all yawned simultaneously, blinking in the semidarkness. Harry had ripped the photo slightly so that Peter Pettigrew had no room, and Pettigrew had run away in fright. James elbowed Sirius for room, waving violently, nearly hitting Sirius in the face with each wave. Sirius shoved back at James and they tumbled about in the small picture, laughing silently. Remus Lupin smiled vaguely, his expression unreadable. Sirius then pulled both Remus and a grumpy, bruised James into a crushing hug. Harry allowed himself to grin, and James brightened at this. Then --

"Harry."

Harry leapt out of his bed, drawing his wand instinctively, stuffing the photo back into his pillowcase. But when his door creaked open it was only Remus Lupin himself, looking very worn but smiling nonetheless.

"P-Professor? What're you --?"

"Quiet," he whispered urgently. "We don't want to wake anyone else up, do we?"

Harry pocketed his wand and slumped back down on the mattress, rubbing his eyes. He said as quietly as he could, "What're you doing? It's" -- he checked his watch -- "nearly two in the morning."

Remus was dressed in one of Molly's jumpers -- his was black with a grey stag Patronus on the front -- and a pair of brown trousers. A long brown trenchcoat was wrapped around his narrow shoulders and a black-and-grey knitted scarf that Molly must've also made was draped around his neck.

"Are you going somewhere?" Harry asked skeptically.

Remus sighed deeply, looking distracted. "Listen, Harry, I'm sorry for waking you so early, but I just need to give you something."

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "What? Like... like a gift, or something?"

"Or something," Remus replied anxiously. He hesitated, then unclasped a pendant from the back of his neck, lifting it out of his shirt. He took Harry's hand and very delicately placed it in his palm, then curled Harry's fingers around it.

Harry was itching to see what it was, but Remus kept his gaze, his eerie gold eyes almost glowing in the moonlight. Even though Harry trusted his former professor wholly and truly, he could still a bit unnerving. He was still werewolf, whether he was a good werewolf or not.

"Harry," Remus said sternly, "I don't want you to tell anyone about this. Don't show anyone this necklace. Not even Ron or Hermione," he added, watching Harry intently. "And don't lose this. Keep it somewhere safe. Wear it if you must. But if... if anything goes wrong, just use this."

"But --"

Even though Remus didn't interupt verbally, the gleam in his eyes cut Harry off.

"Okay," was all he could bring himself to say.

Remus smiled. "Okay," he agreed. He shook Harry's hand then swiftly turned and strode to the door. "Be safe, Harry." And he was gone.

Harry blinked, still staring at the closed door, then glanced up at his window. Through the dust and caked dirt, a crescent moon glistened. Harry's emerald eyes settled back down on his clenched fist, slowly uncurling his fingers.

The necklace was delicate and lightweight, dangling on a gold chain. The pendant itself was made of glass, and incased inside was a small moon-shaped piece of silver, glistening in the moonlight.

Nymphadora Tonks had been surprisingly cheerful the last few days, considering that Dumbledore had died less than a month ago. Her hair was a vivid, bubblegum pink, her eyes flashing a purplish-blue. However, Molly Weasley often caught her staring avidly into the mirror, carefully transforming her hair to a soft, grey-streaked chocolatey-brown, making her nose slightly larger, eyes a mysterious goldenrod. Then she'd sigh dreamily, see Molly's reflection snickering behind her, and immediately be herself again, scowling.

"Don't sneak up on me like that, Molly," she scoffed, blushing furiously. She lied, "I thought you were a Death Eater! Next time I'll make sure to hex you properly."

"And I might hex you," Molly shot back, hardly suppressing a smirk. "Seeing Remus' head with your body -- a, err, woman's body -- was a bit... alarming, to say the very least."

Tonks glared, her face redder still, and there was a moment of tense silence before both women burst out in hysterical laughter. Finally, Molly straightened up, wiping a tear from her eye and sighing cheerfully.

Tonks morphed her hair long and gold. "Do you think Remus likes blondes?" she asked wistfully.

Molly chuckled, patting Tonks on the shoulder. "I think Remus likes you, dear," she assured her, smiling warmly. Molly padded over to the stove in her pink slippers, drawing her wand from her apron. "Speaking of Remus, Nymphadora, could you call him? Breakfast will be ready soon."

Carefully spiking her now-purple hair, each tuft sharp and prescise, Tonks crept up the creaky stairs. She couldn't help but add a beauty mark below her sparkling-indigo eye. Smoothing her robes and straightening her old Weird Sisters tee, she knocked softly on Remus' door. While she waited for him, she had to make her skin paler and paler as she continued to blush furiously. After a few moments, Tonks rapped again, a bit harder.

"Ermm, Rem? Molly says breakfast. I think she's making something with bacon... I bet if you ask nice she'll keep yours and Bill's rare, eh?"

There was a crash from inside.

"Remus? You okay?" Tonks called. Tentatively she opened the heavy door, peering inside. The Weasley's ghoul, gray and smoky in appearance, screeched at her. Tonks whipped out her wand. "What are you doing in Remus' things?" she roared, leaping forward and pointing her wand. "Get out, get out! You're supposed to stay in the attic, you prat! Shoo!"

The ghoul screeched again, bashing over an old, dusty vase. "Gone, gone!" it shrieked. "The wolf's left!" It cackled, then vanished through the ceiling with a soft whooshing sound.

"What do you mean, left?" Tonks yelled. "And don't you dare call him 'wolf' again!" She plopped down on Remus' bed, glancing around. She called his name, wringing the sheets between her hands.

"Remus? Remus, stop hiding! Re --"

She stopped mid-sentence, noticing a rolled up piece of parchment on his desk. Tonks felt like she was in one of those cliched movies and as her father, being a muggle, had had her watch movies, she knew what was coming. Filled with dread, she rose to her feet, the floorboards creaking underneath her feet. She made her way to the desk in the slowest way possible, wondering whether it was a ransom or run-away letter. Either would be equally terrible... If it was a kidnapping, what would their demands be? She'd give anything to get him back -- anything. But what would they ask of her? What if they asked for another of her friends? Who would she chose...?

Otherwise, a run-away... Tonks shook her head, unbelieving. Remus was a bit old to run away. Besides, it wouldn't even technically be running away from home because the Burrow wasn't his home. And, being a grown man, he could've simply said he was leaving instead. Whatever it was... Tonks had to find out.

Carefully she unknotted the twine that was tied so neatly around the note. Unrolling the paper, his neat, slender handwriting was scrawled hastily, blotched in many parts.

To all my kind friends, and Nymphadora in particular --

I am sorry to leave you all without warning so quickly. Believe me, I feel horribly for it. All that I ask is that you trust me. As long as I have your trust, everything should turn out alright. But it it doesn't, just remember that you are all the ones that gave me a happy life and I am extremely grateful. But you see, that is why I'm gone. I am gone because I care so much about all of you.

Now, I will be very angry if any of you think this is your fault. This is no one's fault by my own. As the muggles say: I got myself into this mess, and I'm going to get myself out. I don't want any of you involved.

But no matter the casualties of my follies, you must remember to always sacrifice for the greater good. Now I sacrifice for you all. Remember James and Lily. Remember Sirius. Remember them, Harry Potter, how they sacrificed themselves for the greater good. You would not want to waste their sacrifice so please, do not waste mine.

I know I have been terribly vague, talking myself in circles. I know that no matter what I say, you will worry. So the last thing that I ask of you is forgiveness.

I hope we will all see each other again. If not, it will still be worth it. I promise.

Be careful. Be safe. Watch your backs.

Remus.

Tonks slowly let the letter slip from her fingers, her eyes filled with tears. Then she collapsed.

Remus crept down the dark alleyways, hands deep in pockets, one fist clutching his wand in case he bumped into any unwanted wizard strangers. Cobwebs hung grimly across the moss-covered brick buildings. Most of it was for show so that muggles would never wander down this alleyway. It was just as well that way. He kept his face to the ground but his eyes darted this way and that, ever-wary. He heard a faint rustle from the shadows. His wrist flicked and his wand immediately flew in front of him. He braced his legs and shielded his face with his free arm in one smooth motion. Wrinkling his nose, he smelled the dirty, musky odor of Fenrir Greyback mixed with the blood of others. The blood of children... Innocent children, like Remus himself had used to be...

Stepping forward, Fenrir's cracked lips pulled back to reveal sharp, yellowing teeth caked with old blood in a dark smile. Unlike Remus' eyes, his were red, not gold. His were harsh, not gentle. He was a murderous werewolf. What was Remus? Remus was a killer too...

"Ahh, the traitorous pet of Dumbledore's," Fenrir taunted, his eyes shining in the dim light of a crescent moon. "Yess, Lupin, I 'member the night you were reborn. It was a particularly good hunt that night. The moonlight was sparkling, flowing, leading me directly to you. An' your scream... 'member that? I'll never forget it... it was one of the best I've heard. Invigoratin', even. And ohhh, did you taste fine --"

"Stop." Remus couldn't take hearing all of this. He felt chills running up and down his spine. He waited for the sensation to pass then looked up and met Fenrir's eyes steadily. "Stop," he repeated, his voice hoarse. "You know why I came."

Fenrir licked his lips, his eyes narrowed. "I certainly do."

I honestly thought this chapter would be longer, but hopefully this will still be enough to get a few nice reviews. I'm quite pleased with most of this so hopefully everyone else will be too. If not, please only send constructive criticism, no pointless "Wow you suck"s. Thanks in advance! xD Hope you enjoyed...