Out of Time Chapter 27½: Out of the Frying Pan…

18-something-or-other

Leaning slightly on his katana to support his aching legs, Saito carefully pulled himself to his feet. His lunge at the Battousai had taken more out of him then he would have liked to admit. Speaking of which, Saito could have sworn he'd heard Battousai's cheer squad right before he'd skewered the young hitokiri. But when he glanced up in the direction Battousai had turned, all he saw was an empty alleyway. How odd. None the less, he had bigger fish to fry (or if he was feeling malicious: a small fry to fish out...).

Walking over to the river, he carefully moved down to the riverbank, half sliding, half limping. If he hadn't been carrying a blood-stained sword, anyone watching him would have probably burst out laughing.

Eventually, he managed to safely make his way down, and fished around inside the water. After a moment of searching, he pulled the sopping wet redhead from the freezing water, and hauled him onto the bank.

He was frozen, wet, and largely unconscious, but Saito could still recognise the older Himura Kenshin. He'd done it—without even a working knowledge of temporal mechanics, he'd sent the teenage Battousai back to the past. Something lesser men would have needed a botched-up Delorean for (not that he knew what a Delorean was).

Instead of assisting the ex-hitokiri in his fight for consciousness, Saito decided to have a quick smoke before the peace and quiet was inevitably broken.

Looking around, it suddenly occurred to Saito that something wasn't quite right. The city looked somewhat... dilapidated. The buildings weren't quite as well kept as he remembered. He didn't get to ponder this for very long as the rurouni beside him began waking up in a loud bout of coughing and vomiting up river water. Saito chose to stand well away lest his pants get any more ruined.

Tokio would have his head as it was...

When he had managed to work out how to breathe once again, Kenshin looked up at the wolf with a cautious look. "Saito?" he asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Battousai," Saito responded with an indifferent nod of his head.

"Meiji Saito?"

"If I wasn't, would you still be alive?"

"Good point, de gozaru. I can't believe I'm finally back, de gozaru yo," Kenshin sighed, collapsing back onto the muddy bank, content to be breathing and less dead than he had originally assumed.

"Yes, well, I wouldn't want to deprive my past self the opportunity to kill you when you were still at your best," Saito countered, unwilling to let his nemesis think he'd actually wanted to help him.

"Oro! None the less, thank you for your help, Saito."

"I'd really rather you didn't mentio..."

Saito never got to finish his sentence as a tall man in a blue gi and grey hakama appeared at the top of the river bank, daisho at his waist.

"Battousai? I've taken care of the Bakufu anti-assassin and..."

Shishio Makoto stared in disbelief at the half-dead ex-hitokiri, and what appeared to be the leader of the third unit of the Shinsengumi wearing some absurd getup, sitting on a riverbank having a casual chat. The two of them looked as if they'd just been caught in some compromising position by their parents (and/or wives). This was obviously not happening. He was hallucinating; yes, that was it. He'd had a bit too much sake, and he would feel much better after he went and found a kitten to stomp on, or something.

So the Ishin-shishi hitokiri wobbled off, not entirely convinced of his own sanity, leaving Kenshin and Saito to wonder how things could possibly get any worse. Then Kenshin remembered that not only did this mean his past self was in the Meiji, but so was Saito's...

"Kuso, de gozaru."

On the off chance you can't tell, this short bout of insanity is a parody of SiriusFan13's excellent work Out of Time. If you didn't get why this is as funny as I desperately hope it is, go check out the original story. You can find it on FFNet under story ID 2149801.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this, and don't worry: I'm sure Sirius won't be quite as cruel in the real chapter 28...

–賜狼審神

27th August, 2005