Disclaimer: I don't own.

Warnings: Talk of rape but nothing very graphic, self mutilation, spoilers, and maybe even gay sex later.

The Price to Pay

'It's not all my fault!' Edward Elric though desperately, trying to calm down.

'Of course it is, Ed. It's your fault your brother's nothing more than a tin can. It's your fault Mrs. Hughes is a widow. So many terrible things, things that you did.' Ed winced, frantically trying to fight back, to not lose like always.

'No, no that wasn't my fault' He was lying, he knew, but he didn't want to admit it.

'You-what? It wasn't your fucking fault. It wasn't your fault that you convinced your brother that trying human transmutation was a good idea. Or better yet, it's not your fault Mr. Hughes got dragged into the secrets of the Philosopher's Stone, it's not your fault that he got in too deep and got killed because of it.' He fell to the floor. It was nice, the cold, hard tile, it kept him from slipping away. It helped remind him he was locked in his bathroom, not in some memory.

'No, that's not true-I never meant to-'

'Oh, you never meant to-I'm sure if you just explain that Al will get body back and Mrs. Hughes will get her husband back.' The tone was dripping with malice and sarcasm. 'Wouldn't that be lovely Ed, if that were true. Then this wouldn't all be your fault.' Ed was curled up in the fetal position, quivering, shaking his head back and forth.

'No, No-'

'Admit it! Admit it's all your fault!'

'No just go away and leave me alone!'

'Why? So that way you don't have to pay for all that you've done!'

'I won't, I won't do it!' Ed was losing himself. Losing like always, he didn't know why he even tried fighting it anymore.

'Oh yes you will Ed, you don't have a choice, not with everything you've done. Not with all the people who have paid the price for your sins. It's your turn to pay.' Ed tried to shut him out, but he couldn't he never could, unless he…

'Nina and Rose you remember them don't you Ed.' His eyes shot wide open in horror, he was shaking all over now.

"No, please, not them." Ed whispered, panicked.

'Oh, you do remember.'

'I'll always remember. You won't let me forget.'

'How could I let you forget, what you've done is unforgivable! Nina, she was a child, just a little girl! Because of you, because you threatened Mr. Tucker's position, he turned Nina into a chimera. Then she got away, again because of you, and ran into Scar, who splattered her all over the walls.'

'Stop, please stop, don't say it, don't talk about Her.'

'Who, oh, Rose?' This was it, he was going to lose and he knew it. However, he was ready, he was ready to pay the price.

'You remember, she was happy Ed, she was happy until you came along. You stole her hope, you brought war to her city. Because of you she was captured, by the very military you work for and-'

'Don't say it, don't I'll do it, just don't say it!' He was hysterically sobbing now.

'No, to late, I'm going to finish this. She was captured beaten and raped, repeatedly, all because of you!'

'I know, I know, it's all my fault.' The dry sobs had stopped. He was shaking still as he slowly got up off the floor.

'That's right Ed, you know what you have to do.'

Ed, finally standing, stepped over to the sink, not daring to look in the mirror. He opened the far right drawer, dug throw the band-aids and q-tips to the very back. Grabbing around, he finally found it. Edward pulled out the small piece of folded cloth and quietly shut the drawer. Setting it on the far too white counter, he carefully unfolded the cloth, to revel his only salvation, the only thing that made it all quiet again. It was so pretty, the way the sharp edge shined in the light. He picked it up, admiring it.

Edward placed it back on the cloth, and then took off his trench coat and over shirt. He looked at his left arm, so many scares, so many evil things he had done that he had to pay for. Grasping the blade in his right hand, he brought the razor blade to his wrist, a place he normally avoided, but not this time, not with all he had done, He pushed the blade hard against the side of his wrist, enjoying the feeling of his own pulse.

'Al, Hughes, Nina, Rose-'

Ed quickly pulled the blade across his wrist.

"I'm sorry."

He looked down at the counter, which was no longer white in most places. Sliding to the floor resting his back against the wall, Edward Elric smiled. Everything was quiet again.

Told you I wasn't doing well. Please review, it would mean a lot to me.