Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing

Idiot

My name is Heero Yuy, and I am an idiot.

Not with computers, certainly not. I can hack into any computer at any time. I could hack into government computers in my sleep. I know complex codes that would make the average hacker's head burst.

Not with anything related to fighting, either – I know at least the basics of every martial arts, I can hold my own with a street fighter, and I know everything about every gun ever created. I can pilot any mobile suit, even one half broken, so well it would seem as though a computer was doing it.

In the matter of people, I am an idiot.

Let me explain.

I am in love. He is a beautiful boy, with gorgeous violet eyes and silky brown hair. His name is Duo Maxwell, and he is a God.

I say boy, but really, he is a man – much more of a man than I would ever be. His technical knowledge and fighting prowess is not as good as mine, but it is close. And he is able to interact with people. He is able to read people and understand the subtle signs they give off, whereas I am oblivious to even the most obvious signals.

Duo Maxwell is a God.

He claims the God of Death, but I disagree with him. He is so full of life that to call him the God of Death would be an insult. To whom, I'm not quite sure. He's always ready with a smile and a joke, and it's obvious that inside him is a person just as happy as the person he reveals.

He also smells like cinnamon. Funny, the things you remember.

I am digressing. I am in love with Duo Maxwell. I have been, since the day he rescued me from OZ. And has only been recently that I have realized this.

It is too late, now. It's too late. I was unable to see the signs, even the obvious signs, until it was too late.

In retrospect, Duo was around me more than anybody else. I never realized all the little rationalizations he made to be around me, but there were a lot of them. I never realized all the little times he brushed against me, or smiled one of his flirty smiles at me. I never realized any of it.

All I realized was that, after some time, inexplicably, I missed him. Despite the fact that he lived in the same house I did, I realized I began to miss him, and I wasn't sure why. So, with all other feelings, I pushed it away. I had important Preventer work I had to do – computers to hack, places to go, people to bug. I couldn't let a weird emotion I had no time to analyze (and no way to – you couldn't analyze emotions with a computer program) bother me. It was probably some fluke, anyway.

That's what I thought. But that was the time that Duo gave up. That was when Duo decided that I was never going to love him back. And he gave up.

He was wrong.

It had been several years and it was too hard and painful for him to keep loving me. Even though I wish he never gave up, he did. I understand, and I don't hate him for it – I hate myself.

And so, he gave up. And I never realized why I missed him, until the day he announced that he and Miliardo Peacecraft were dating.

And somehow, even though I didn't know I had one, I heard my heart breaking.

I never did realize why I felt like sniping Miliardo until a week of introspection. And now I know, and now I will suffer alone. It was nice, to tell my story. It didn't accomplish anything other than reopen old wounds, but it was still nice. Thank you for listening before I pull the trigger.