Kakashi strolled purposefully from the Memorial towards the Hokage Momument. From two dead friends to a dead sensei and a dead mentor. Hayate's death wasn't his fault, so why did it feel so much as if it was. If Hayate hadn't been sick… if he hadn't insisted on carrying on a full load of duties regardless… None of this was his fault, but at the same time he felt that there had to be something, some other choice he could have made somewhere… As he should have, and didn't, for Obito.

He quickened his pace a little, the service would be starting soon and for once he didn't want to be late.

He wasn't. It was a somber and moving sight, everyone paying resects. Everyone in the village had lost a father figure. Konohamaru had lost his whole family. The bereft little boy was sobbing uncontrollably, cradled against Iruka, who stood out in the ranks of black like a beacon of compassion. Kakashi watched as Iruka pulled the little boy's face against his chest, rounding one shoulder over him protectively, whilst he used the other hand to rub his back in slow soothing circles. He envied the poor kid.

Naruto was there too, still beaten and bruised from his recent battles. So the boy could be subdued, he sincerely hoped he'd never see him like this again. Teacher and former student were deep in conversation, so he edged away, not wanting to intrude. But Iruka turned sharply towards him and raised his voice a little. Obviously this was intended for him too.

"…it isn't a complex idea, anyone with these bonds would be like this, because they cherish it."

Naruto frowned, any idea was complex for him. But to give him credit, he forged bonds faster and firmer than anyone he'd ever known. "Mm… I think I understand what you're trying to say." Then he turned to face him, so he'd sensed his jounin-sensei's presence in the large crowd. The kid was improving. "But death really is a painful thing."

Now Kakashi wished he had eavesdropped on them, he'd have to be very careful what he said. "Sandaime didn't die for nothing, He left us some very important things indeed. One day you'll understand." He hoped Iruka hadn't been too specific in his talk about bonds.

But Naruto seemed satisfied at least. His face brightened to something closer to his normal grin.

"I know, even if I don't really understand. But I feel the same way."

There was a pause, a still moment between the man and the boy, as everyone started to disperse. Kakashi took the opportunity to flee to where Sakura and Sasuke were waiting. Had Iruka mentioned people who broke their bonds? He knew he'd made the right decision when he'd left him, so just why did it feel so horribly bad?

Naruto yelled his goodbye to the teacher and hurried over to join them. He ruffled the boy's hair and, against his better judgement, looked back towards Iruka. The teacher was standing alone now, looking so brave, so resolute and so terribly terribly sad. Kakashi sighed, he just couldn't run away from him, not now, not like this. So he told the kids to go home for the rest of the day then slowly, very slowly, walked back.

They stood, side by side, looking up at the four great men looking down. His former lover didn't acknowledge him with so much as a glance, he didn't need to. They'd been close enough, long enough, to understand.

Eventually he heard Iruka speak, sounding raw and husky. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

Kakashi's voice was shaky too. "No."

Of course they'd been in the same room after the second chuunin test was complete, but he'd taken care to keep his distance, to stay with the other jounins. Conversing with Gai, as much as such a thing was possible, had allowed him to avoid any eye contact. It really didn't count.

Suddenly Iruka rounded on him, catching him off guard with the intensity of his grief and anger. "That's it? No! That's all you've got to say to me. We have one disagreement, ok an ugly public one, and you were right by the way the kids were ready, and so you just vanish on me. And… and now you think you can just say 'no' and disappear again?"

Kakashi had been ready for this much at least. His chest tightened into a hard lump inside as he spoke the prepared words. "I can't stay with you Iruka, you'll only end up hurt, worse than you're hurting now. I can't live with making you unhappy."

Bright sparks flashed in the teacher's eyes, or maybe it was just tears catching the low angled light of the afternoon sun. "You understand less than Naruto. Ha! The great Sharigan Hatake, I would never have taken you to be such a damn coward."

Kakashi calmly regarded the man standing in front of him. He would have liked to uncover his eye to try to decipher the overwhelming emotions that he could sense sweeping through Iruka's chakra. But he couldn't help feeling that the sheer strength of the other man's passions might melt it.

"A coward?"

Iruka lowered his voice to a whisper, a dangerously low, controlled whisper.

"Yes, you heard me. A damn coward. You think that love is all hot heavy sex and rainbows and sunshine and never saying you're sorry like it is in those damn books of yours? Well it isn't. When you open your heart to someone like… like I did to you, and like I thought you did to me, you've got to expect to get it wounded once in a while. I'm only human and I'm going to argue and misunderstand, and sometimes even hate you for a while, and it's going to hurt like hell. But you can't just cut and run. Love is hard work, you have to stay and work it out and in the end that's what makes love stronger and… and what makes lovers closer"

He looked up at him suddenly, fixing him with a stare steadier than the sharigan. "Maybe you just never wanted to be that close."

Now that was unfair, unjust. Kakashi knew everything about his emotions. He had been analysing and examining them since he was a child. They were like jewels that a miser kept in a box and took out to look at everyday until he knew every facet and sparkle and glimmer. He knew exactly what he wanted, exactly what he'd given up.

"You know how much I love you Iruka."

Finally Iruka looked away. Staring at the ground as if his sandalled feet were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. Kakashi saw a tear leak out of his left eye. The teacher's hand shot up to wipe it away instantly, as if it was a traitor, a deserter that had to be eliminated.

When he looked back his eyes were softer, pleading. "Yes I do. That's what makes it all so damn hard."

Then Kakashi felt Iruka's rage flare up again. He was almost knocked back by the sudden explosion.

"But go away if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm manipulating you."

Iruka was close to loosing it. Kakashi couldn't let that happen, not here. Where could he take him that was safe and private? There must be a place where the other man would feel free to curse and scream at him as he obviously needed to. He wrapped his arms around him, tingling at the embrace despite the wretchedness of the circumstances, and transported him into his empty classroom.

Once they were in Iruka's territory he felt him relax, like a rebellious two year old when the fight goes out of him.

"I'm sorry Iruka, I just don't want to hurt you any more. I thought you'd be over me by now."

A vibration buzzed through the teacher's body as he chuckled softly, sadly. "For a genius you can be really slow. Don't you understand? I'll never be over you. I know it sounds goddam corny but you really are the love of my life."

The love of his life?

Of course. He'd miscalculated badly. Underestimated the monster's strength. And its cunning. He'd known that he'd love Iruka until the day he died, the first time he'd held him. Why would he assume the teacher would feel differently?

They were soulmates. So different yet so perfectly matched. Reason against passion, thinking against feeling, shadow against sunshine. They complimented and completed each other. Iruka had everything he lacked and so badly needed, and even more desperately wanted. And the place they came together was called love, the belly of the beast. Maybe it wasn't too late, the beast might still let him back in. If Iruka still wanted him.

So Sandaime had brought the two of them back together. He was still taking care of his own, even in death.

"Yes, I think I do understand. Now. I just needed someone smarter than me to explain it, that's all."

He looked around at the familiar four walls with its hard benches and ancient scratched desktops. The air forever tainted with the lingering scent of adolescence. This was the place where he'd spent so many hours watching Iruka grade papers, prepare lessons, anything. Just to be with him.

Iruka was the love of his life. He might be Konoha's most deadly assassin but love was something even he hadn't been able to kill.

Iruka looked up at him, dark eyes still reddened by unshed tears. "No you just needed the right teacher."

Tan fingers pulled down his mask and he felt soft lips against his. He pressed into them, grinding their bodies together as Iruka hooked his arms behind his ribs, pressing the palms of his hands against the back of his shoulders to draw them closer together, urging him on with his obvious unspoken need. Kakashi's heart was pounding too, as he struggled to control his perfectly trained body. Every cell glorying in being back within the other's aura, screaming its need for him.

Then Iruka smiled, that wonderful sweet smile that never failed to bring sunshine into his life on even so dark a day as this. "Well I suppose there's something I should ask."

Kakashi looked at him solemnly, barefaced. He'd answer anything, however painful. The kind of honesty required between true lovers wouldn't be easy for him to master, but he was determined. And he might as well get started now.

"Go ahead."

"So… do you want to fuck?"

Thank God. The other man had asked first, he might have been afraid to, after all this time. In truth he was desperate. He had known since he was far too young that it was the way men like them grieved best, reaffirmed life in the midst of death. Because he'd spent far too much of his life dealing with grief.

"Hell yes! Your place of mine?"

"Mine's closer, but didn't we once talk about combining the two?"

Combining the two, sharing their lives just as they shared their bodies. A natural progression for true love to take. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea after all. Then if I'm ever such a fool again you'll be able to punish me properly."

His reward was immediate as Iruka's cheeks glowed pink and he lowered his long dark lashes.

He was allowed to have Iruka after all. Allowed to be happy. Love was a monster that couldn't be tamed, but maybe it could be trained. If he was patient enough, and cunning enough, he could find a way to guide it to tear open a new path forward into the future. A path that was wide enough for two but too narrow for one.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sandaime's funeral was the saddest possible end to the saddest part of Iruka's adult life. And just a few months ago he'd been so damned happy. It seemed like a distant dream. Now the man who'd saved him from the depths of despair as a child had left him, as the other man had. He hugged little Konohamaru closer as Sandaime's grandson sobbed into his chest. He needed the contact as much as the boy did. Konohamaru was crying for both of them. But as he did he remembered how Sandaime had made him strong, shown him that his strength came from the whole village, not just one man, no matter how strong that man might be.

As if on cue he felt Kakashi slide into position in the crowd behind him. Was he watching him, or Naruto? Or was he consumed with his own grief like everyone else? Naruto, usually an irrepressible ball of sunshine was as wretched as anyone. It was hardly surprising, Sandaime was one of the very few who'd accepted the kyuubi boy as one of the village's own.

Naruto turned to him, his blue eyes sad, so sad. "Why people sacrifice their own lives for others?"

A hard question, and for a ninja not just an academic one. It deserved the most honest answer he had.

"When a person dies they lose everything. The past, present life, the future, all will be lost… a lot of peole die in battle, or while on a mission. And they might also die of a simple reason… Hayate was one of those people. Among all those who are dead there are some who have dreams, goals…but everyone has something that is most important to them… Parents, siblings, friends, lovers, people of the village, these are very important people… We trust each other, help each other, we come in contact with these bonds from the day we're born. As we grow these bonds also grow, and become stronger."

He became acutely aware of Kakashi's presence. Was he listening or lost in his own thoughts? He raised his voice, he wanted him to hear, "…it isn't a complex idea, anyone with these bonds would be like this, because they cherish it."

He could feel Kakashi moving closer as the boy answered. At least he was willing to accept that Naruto needed him now. "Mm… I think I understand what you're trying to say. But death really is a painful thing."

Kakashi's response was careful, measured, just like every damn thing the man did. "Sandaime didn't die for nothing, He left us some very important things indeed. One day you'll understand."

Thank goodness Naruto didn't have the sophistication to be put off by his damn slickness.

"I know, even if I don't really understand. But I feel the same way."

And Kakashi was gone, without exchanging a single word.

Naruto said goodbye then ran over to join the rest of his team. He was happier now. There was hope for the future. Iruka looked up at the image carved into the cliff face. Somehow it seemed as if the old man himself was watching. Sandaime, the spirit of fire you speak of, it seems it has been passed down to the Konoha ninjas. The small fires in Konoha will become big fires, and one day will become the next generation Hokage.

His job was to tend those small fires and help them grow. He just wished he didn't have to do it quite so alone. He knew his bonds to the village were strong, but the bond he wanted most right now was the one that had been completely shattered.

He was interrupted from his musing by a familiar presence beside him. Kakashi had come back. Iruka knew he'd be the one to break the silence.

"I haven't seen you in a long time."

"No."

He felt rage building inside him, swallowing his grief with hotter and more immediate pain.

"That's it? No! That's all you've got to say to me. We have one disagreement, ok an ugly public one, and you were right by the way, the kids were ready, and so you just vanish on me. And… and now you think you can just say 'no' and disappear again?"

"I can't hurt you Iruka, I can't live with making you unhappy."

Not make him unhappy! Did he think ditching him without a word would make him glad?

"You understand less than Naruto. Ha! The great Sharigan Hatake, I would never have taken you to be such a damn coward."

"A coward?"

"Yes, you heard me. A Damn coward." Iruka was whispering now, a dangerously low controlled whisper, completely at odds with the wild scream he could feel inside him.

"You think that love is all hot heavy sex and rainbows and sunshine and never saying you're sorry like it is in those damn books of yours? Well it isn't. When you open your heart to someone like… like I did to you, and like I thought you did to me, you've got to expect to get it wounded once in a while. I'm only human and I'm going to argue and misunderstand, and sometimes even hate you for a while, and it's going to hurt like hell. But you can't just cut and run. Love is hard work, you have to stay and work it out and in the end that's what makes love stronger and… and what makes lovers closer."

He wanted an explanation, perhaps even an apology, and at the same time he wanted to hurt Kakashi the way he'd been hurt. "Maybe you just never wanted to be that close."

"You know how much I love you Iruka."

Yes he did, he always had. He could hear it in his voice and see it in his eye, feel it in the sad flickers in the man's aura as he stood next to him. He knew Kakashi loved him, and he knew now that he had left him because he loved him. And it was killing him to be loved that much and yet deprived of love because of it. Pain cut through him like a knife and a tear forced its way free and trickled down a hot red cheek. He scrubbed it away angrily with the back of his hand.

"Yes I do. That's what makes it all so damn hard."

He felt the world closing in, dark red, suffocating. It was all too much. Loosing Kakashi and loosing Sandaime and Konohamaru's snot still shining on the front of his clothes, and so many dead and injured friends and comrades and Sasuke almost stolen away by the foul creature Orochimaru. And now Kakashi telling him that he still loved him but being too damn… something to stay and be his lover when he needed him the way he'd never needed anyone before.

"But go away if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm manipulating you."

He felt himself folded into Kakashi's arms and he was in a quiet familiar place. His classroom.

Kakashi's voice rumbled through him like the purr of a tiger. "I'm sorry, I just don't want to hurt you any more. I thought you'd be over me by now."

Then Iruka was laughing, almost sobbing. Over him? How could Kakashi possibly think that he would ever be over him? "For a genius you can be really slow. Don't you understand? I'll never be over you. I know it sounds goddam corny but you really are the love of my life."

Kakashi continued to hold him as if he was a fragile treasure that he was shielding from a rioting crowd. Iruka would have felt offended by his smothering if only it hadn't felt so good.

It was a moment before he answered. "Yes, I think I do understand. Now. I just needed someone smarter than me to explain it, that's all."

Light was starting to come back into Iruka's world. "No you just needed the right teacher."

He reached up to slide down the mask and brush his lips against the other man's. He was met with an immediate bruising response. Kakashi's chakra shimmered in waves as he released the day's grief and sorrow and much much more. This was where they had first kissed, where they had first both realised that there was more between them than simple lust or chemistry. They were lovers in the truest sense of the word. Whether they accepted it or not, they had belonged to each other their whole lives and would belong to each other for as long as they lived.

Iruka took in a long ragged breath, it was going to be ok. Sandaime was gone but Kakashi had come back to him. His most precious people were safe. But right now was a time for finding comfort in each other for their mutual grief. He hugged Kakashi closer so that he could feel the stress in the other man's body, like a tightly coiled spring. It's strength and flexibility an inseparable part of the tension, for all his apparent laziness. A shiver ran through him as he started to feel a familiar heat and a familiar need.

Then Kakashi rolled his pelvis against his. Hard. The unexpected friction made him choke out the air in a sudden gasp, accompanied by a flash of coloured sparks behind his eyes. Fireworks, Kakashi's firworks. He'd missed them too. He was feeling molten inside, liquid heat flowing into his groin and adding to its rapidly swelling hardness.

"Well I suppose there's something I should ask."

Kakashi looked at him seriously, solemnly, without the slightest hint of his usual offhandedness. "Go ahead."

"So… do you want to fuck?"

Kakashi's pale skin coloured pink. This blushing must be contagious. "Hell yes! Your place of mine?"

"Mine's closer, but didn't we once talk about combining the two?"

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea after all." He watched his lover's face light up, all his features curving upwards into his wonderful, beautiful smile. "Then if I'm ever such a fool again you'll be able to punish me properly."

Iruka blushed. Only Kakashi could make a dirty joke out of a situation like this. And he loved him for it. Just as he loved him for everything that was Kakashi.

It was strange feeling so much grief and so much joy at the same time, but not unnatural. It seemed somehow right to acknowledge the passing of a loved one by acknowledging life and love in such a basic way. And while Iruka knew from experience that the sting of grief would diminish with time, the bond of love could only grow. They were Konoha ninjas and the spirit of fire burned bright within them both.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A.N. 'Spose it's a bit late to add this in, as everyone has probably already finished. But thanks to all for reading and sharing your opinions. I will sneakily admit at this point that part of me would have liked to leave this at the end of chap 8. But the bad karma from my inbox would have laid me up for a week. Anyhows, thanks again. I didn't really intend this to be more than the first little spapshot, but I'm gratified by the response.