Chapter 2 – Meet the Partents

Ranma walked up to Tofu's Clinic to start his first day, hoping against hope that none of the girls would be able to find the place – he gave it two hours, max…

And didn't even get one second as it appeared Ami had beaten him there. He started sweating nervously as she smiled at him from behind the desk.

"Good morning, Mamoru."

"Ah… hello, Ami." He pulled nervously at his collar.

Dr. Tofu wandered into the room, all smiles. "Ranma. You're here. Good. Come on into the back with me."

Ranma nodded, grateful, and followed the good doctor back. "You didn't mention Ami would be here, doc."

"Hmm?" Dr. Tofu looked up from his notes and looked at him. "I wasn't aware it would be… oh. The engagement passed to Ami, then?"

Ranma grumbled. "And eight others to her friends."

His eyes widened. "They all know each other? Friends, even?"

Ranma shrugged. "Maybe not anymore. Ami's a nice girl… but… well, I thought you should be aware."

Tofu nodded. "I'll triple the insurance coverage immediately."

"Good plan, doc."

---

By the end of the day, Ranma was very much on edge by the fact that nothing had happened. Nothing. Fate was not that kind to him on a regular basis. Even Ami hadn't been a problem. She'd been polite and professional if a little friendly.

Subsequently, he was looking all around him and backtracking frequently buried deep in the Umisenken to throw off any pursuit to his place of residence.

That's when he heard it.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW!"

Ranma stopped and dropped the Umisenken, instantly shifting gears, and back into old patterns. He ran for the voice, grinning when he saw a familiar umbrella being waved around. "Hey, Pigboy!"

The response too was typical. "DIE, RANMA!"

Ryoga leapt in the direction he'd heard Ranma's voice in. Well, the direction he'd thought he'd heard it in; in any case, he actually leapt off to the right. Then he paused. "Ranma?"

"Yeah, P-Chan?"

Ryoga, probably in his mid-thirties, but looking like his early twenties, took in his old adversary. Then the 'P-Chan' comment hit him, and he swung the umbrella forward. "DIE, R-urk!"

Ranma was well out of the umbrella's path, but he needn't have bothered. A spatula smashed into the back of his old rival's head. Ukyo stood behind Ryoga's now crumpled form, and looked incredulously. "Ranchan!"

Ranma chuckled and scratched the back of his head nervously. "Been a while, eh?"

---

Michuru stared across the open lot at Shampoo, Haruka observing from the sidelines, who held her customary bonbori in a low crouch. The weapons had changed over the years, the heads about a third again larger, and solid metal now.

Michuru was sweating inside, wishing she could become Sailor Neptune for this, but knowing that that was a big no-no. They couldn't let anyone know about it, but it would have been comforting to know she could have that kind of firepower at her beck and call while facing the obviously formidable woman in front of her. That, and her water abilities turning the woman into a cat would have been a huge help.

With a spirited yell, Shampoo attacked, the bonbori lightning fast despite their weight. Michuru wasn't exactly sloppy in the hand arts, though hardly up to Shampoo's caliber, and she barely managed to dive out of the way. She rolled to her feet and took a stance. Shampoo nodded slightly, seemingly to herself, before flipping the bonbori into weapons space and taking her own stance.

Not waiting, Michuru charged in this time, laying out a rough series of stinging blows. Shampoo flowed around them like water, then snaked a single palm through her defenses. The seemingly light palm strike to Michuru's chest sent her flying backwards. Shampoo followed up, managing to run faster than Michuru flew, getting beside and a bit ahead of her, before flipping and delivering a crushing axe kick to Michuru's chest.

"Hey!"

Shampoo took her eyes off Michuru for a moment. "Haruka no interfere. Shampoo test girl. See if she worthy." Her eyes turned towards the sea-green haired girl gasping for breath. "She no worthy… well…"

Michuru rolled painfully to her feet. "You won't separate us. You can't."

Shampoo grinned. "Shampoo can. Can make you forget each other. Never recognize each other again." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless you can stop Shampoo now…"

Tears streaming down her face, Michuru charged. Shampoo waited calmly, then proceeded to beat Michuru into the ground.

Haruka fumed. Michuru was out there being creamed, and she knew that Shampoo could and would make good on her threats if Michuru failed, or she interfered. She struggled for something she could do to make this right.

On the field, Shampoo smirked as Michuru struggled to rise. "Still fight? Silly Japan girl stop struggling. Shampoo only have to hurt worse then."

Michuru growled. She would not lay down without a fight. She'd given up too much for Haruka and their love to be stopped now. She slowly staggered to her feet, and hissed out a sentence. "You'd have to kill me first."

Shampoo shrugged, and flipped her bonbori back out of weapons space. "Okay."

---

Ami walked into her house smiling brightly. She'd noted a trend in Mamoru's story about his life as Ranma, and that was that all of those girls had forced themselves on him, or been outright abusive to him. By being friendly, being someone he could talk to, he could start seeing her as more.

Her mother burst into the room, and Ami was startled by her mother being home for once, and wondered a great deal about just how she had changed from a psychotic engine of destruction to the dedicated doctor she was now.

"Ami! Quick! Run!"

"What?"

Her grandfather burst into the room just behind her mother and grabbed onto her, bawling. "WAAAH! The schools will finally be joined!"

Ami looked horrified at the man clinging to the front of her, and looked questioningly at her mother. Akane sighed. "He broke out of the nursing home when he heard… well, I don't quite know how to put this…"

Ami groaned, but Akane assumed it was at the sixty-year-old man currently drenching her in tears. She would have been half right. Akane finished. "Well, you've just been engaged to someone." Akane continued under her breath. "Stupid pervert."

Ami nodded slightly, knowing that it couldn't have been kept from her mother forever, but wishing her grandfather could have been kept out of it. She fought an urge to curse, surprising her with how difficult it was. Whatever points she'd gain from being nice would likely be more than countered by her elders being who they were.

She could only hope that the others were having similar problems, or she was sunk.

---

Makoto looked up from the stove at the sound of the knocking on her apartment door. As she walked over, she heard the sounds of a brief scuffle, abruptly ended by the sound of twanging metal.

Opening her door cautiously, she saw a brown haired woman holding a… spatula, glaring at two men, one of which she knew to be Mamoru, and the other holding a bright red umbrella.

Wait… a spatula, and an umbrella… Mom and Dad!

She squealed and threw herself out the door, latching onto her mother. The woman squealed back. "My baby!"

Behind her, Ryoga stood up and smoothed his clothing slightly, giving occasional glares to Ranma, before going over to join his family.

After a bit of awkwardness, Makoto finally took stalk of the other person in the hall. "Mamoru. Thanks for bringing my family back to me."

Ranma nodded, feeling strangely like an unneeded fourth wheel on a tricycle. Makoto turned back to her parents and blushed. "Mom, Dad? You probably already knew this, but... I'd like you to meet my fiancé, Mamoru Chiba."

Ranma knew that was his cue to leave, and quickly. Ryoga charged after him a moment later. "DIE SAOTOME!"

Makoto frowned. "I thought Dad would be happy. Mamoru said they were friends."

Ukyo sweat dropped. "Uh… maybe he didn't cover all of the details."

---

Shampoo charged in again, this time with her bonbori leading the way. Michuru knew she couldn't block or dodge, she could only hope to survive trying to get one last hit in. She would not let her love for Haruka die without a fight.

Michuru went low, knowing that no matter how easily she handled them, the bonbori made her top heavy. Shampoo flipped backwards, kicking Michuru away. The girl bounced once, twice, and a third time, before falling heavily to the earth.

Putting one bonbori away, she stalked forward, resting the other easily against a shoulder. When she got to where Michuru lay, conscious, but too tired and sore to move, she raised it above her head with both hands. Michuru glared and gave a feeble kick in her direction.

Shampoo smirked and swung the bonbori down at Michuru's head. Michuru glared at her and tried feebly to move, but to no avail. At no time, though, did she stop glaring at Shampoo.

-Thump.-

Shampoo arched an eyebrow as she watched the head of the bonbori fly off, before looking at Haruka, in full Sailor Uranus regalia, holding the space sword. "No."

Shampoo looked her 'cousin' up and down before smirking. "No what? No bring in new sister to tribe?"

Haruka blinked. "What?"

Shampoo, looking oddly at the uniform once more, turned to Michuru and started pressing a few pressure points. "Not about beating Shampoo. Shampoo be very surprised if that happen." She glanced up at the blonde girl. "About never giving in. Even in face of death. Not about being stronger than Shampoo, that can be trained. About being strong in mind. In soul." She turned to Haruka and beamed, before directing the beaming face to a slowly, very slowly, recovering Michuru. "Be happy. Green-Hair-Girl strong. Will make good sister, yes?"

Haruka nodded slowly, shifting back to her civilian form. Shampoo gathered Michuru into her arms and they began walking out of the lot. She looked at Haruka, back in T-shirt and jeans again. Her eyes narrowed. "Now you tell Shampoo why you dress like first elders, yes?"

Haruka groaned.

---

Two days later, Ranma was almost a nervous wreck. Beyond Soun and his father, nothing had happened with the other girls.

Nothing.

He hadn't even seen them on the street. Ami was the only one he'd seen, and that was only through work. He was concerned about this development, as fate liked to toy with him some before trying to kill him. And this was an awful lot of toying.

"HOLD, FOUL SORCERER!"

Shit.

This was followed by several other highly colorful sayings he'd picked up in America, but the author won't repeat here. Spinning around, there was Tatewake Kuno wearing the remains of a straight jacket and holding a brightly glowing boken. "Uh…"

Kuno charged, bellowing all the while. "Not content with the fierce tigress and the pigtailed girl, are you! Must you now go after the gentle flower that is Akane Tendo's child! Must you now pursue even the fruit of my cousin's loins!"

Twitching, Ranma leveled a palm and shot out a Moko Takabisha.

Whoops.

Ranma had forgotten that he had access to whole new levels of power now. And while the energy blast had felt like a normal percentage of his reserves, he did not get a beach ball sized orb of energy like he would have when he first used the technique. The fast moving wave of sheer power had more in common with one of Ryoga's 'perfect' Shi Shi Hokudans, and more power than most trains going at full speed as it hit Kuno dead on.

So it was understandable that he was taken aback when Kuno seemed to be unharmed when the dust settled. Kuno raised the boken. "That… did not hurt."

Then he toppled forward, completely unconscious as his clothing burnt and frayed instantly. Ranma stood over Kuno for a few moments, trying to figure out just what had happened, before blinking in shock and covering his face with a hand.

Kuno was an idiot, but a powerful idiot. In his warped and delusional mind, he had accidentally created an impressively complicated but not overly useful ki technique. Kuno's warped sense of his own invincibility was such that his ki had adapted, shielded him from the majority of the blast, and actually warped reality not letting the effects of the attack catch up for several seconds.

Shuddering at the thought of Kuno actually learning how to use ki to alter reality for even the briefest of moments consciously, he turned to go, but was halted by a voice behind him.

"Wait!"

Another man, about Kuno's age ran up to him, and bowed deeply. Wondering a bit about the implied respect, Ranma bowed a little himself before fully examining the man. He had straight black hair, neatly cut, and, when he straightened, bright blue eyes much like Ranma's own. But that wasn't the reason he thought the guy looked a little familiar… at least he didn't think so.

"I must thank you," The man stated, "For stopping my idiot cousin."

Ranma fought the urge to recoil in horror, and almost managed, containing it to a light flinch.

The man sighed. "I see you are… aquanted with my family."

Ranma was nervously eyeing the man, wondering what exactly his damage would be. "You might say that, yeah."

The man bowed again, but not quite so deeply or formally. "I must apolgise then, it seems. My cousin's line of this family has been… peculiar." He straightened. "But if I may, how exactly do you know my cousin, Mr…?"

Ranma winced, but answered, knowing it was futile. "Mamoru Chiba, or Saotome, depending on who you ask. The whole legal situation is up in the air at the moment. And you are…?"

The man's eyes widened a bit, and Ranma knew he'd made a mistake. "Tetsuo Hino. I believe that you are… aquainted with my daughter?"

Ranma began cursing in his mind with everything he had. "Yes. Yes I am."

Looking at Ranma's expression, the man winced a little, but continued. "I don't suppose we could find somewhere quiet to get to know each other a little better, could we?"

Now, completely resigned to his fate, Ranma conceeded. "Sure – but if I see any sign of a boken, I'm bolting."

Tetsuo nodded serously. Yes, he is very well aqauinted with my cousins.

---

Setsuna smiled evily from her place at the Time Gates. Operation 'Meet the Parents' was in full swing, and there was now nothing at all that anyone could do to stop Ranma from encountering all of the girls parental figures within the next few days. This would fully highlight the other girls disadvantages and maximize her own.

It was now time to move to phase two….

But what the hell. She'd stick around and watch some of the stage one fallout instead.

Ranma hadn't seen anything yet.

---

Tetsuo and Ranma had been talking for a about a half hour, Ranma finally realizing where he knew the man from, politics. Mamoru had followed fairly closely and so knew of him vaugley. And, despite the situation, he found himself liking the man, as he was perhaps the sanest person he'd met in quite a while.

So Ranma was noticably startled when he seemed to duck down under their table at a local coffee shop.

"Uh…"

"Shut up, Mamoru," Tetsuo hissed. "My wife just walked by! If she finds me here… it won't be pretty."

"JEAN CLAUDE!"

"Oh hell."

Ranma nearly had a heart attack as Asusa Shiatori (Or was that Asusa Hino, now?) dragged Tetsuo from under the table and hugged him mercilessly. To stunned to really do anything, He watched as Asusa proceeded to quick change his clothing to a bright pink suit and skip out of the store, pausing only to steal a silver tray in the process.

She got three steps towards the door before two men in black suits burst in and shot her full of tranquilizer darts. Then they dragged her outside, where Ranma could both Asusa and Kuno being loaded into a nondescript white van by men in white coats.

The patrons and employeees of the little bistro were gaping in shock as well, and Tetsuo looked like he might break down and cry. "Enough horse tranquilizer to take down a bull elephant in each one, and they just barely stop her," he muttered, mostly to himself.

Finally Ranma found his voice. It took every bit of manners that he could dredge up from Mamoru to phrase it as politley as he did. "You married her!"

'Her' was not the word he wanted to use.

Tetsuo seemed to snap out of his shock. "Marry? NO! Well, not really. She took me off the street one day and locked me in a roon. A pink room."

Seemed being the operative word.

"Pink. Pink everywhere. For years. Many years. Enough years to be married by common law. Enough years to go crazy and knock her up in an insane attempt to get out."

He seemed to pull himself together a bit here, and Ranma let him ramble on. "When a man goes crazy, he has two options. He gets better or he dies. I got better." He glanced down at the pink suit and did a full body twitch. "Mostly. But you can see why I had to leave Rei with her grandfather, of course."

Ranma nodded dumbly, and signalled for the waitress as Tetsuo started crying again.

Politely ignoring the way she was eyeing him, he cleared his throat and said, "I think I'm going to need something stronger." He glanced at Tetsuo, who was now rocking himself gently. "And I think my friend here will too."

The waitress looked at the victim of Nerima's own 'Pink Clepto' and nodded soberly.